have i grown
jaded
everything reeking
of familiarity
longing
for a first time
again
the first time
i kissed a girl
the world
exploded
into fireworks
racing
down my spine
the first time
i experienced death
holding his hand
as the last breath
rattled
out of his chest
gaunt and weak
the first time
i felt depression
wrap her arms
around me
squeeze my chest
whisper nothing
would ever
be quite right
feel normal
so many firsts
so many lasts
lasting
fleeting
flying
failing
falling
the first time
i saw her
one
of many
hers
the first time
i held my daughter
i held my son
i dried their tears
i hugged them
like
depression
but whispered
it would be
alright
again
one day
the first time
i drove
alone
the music too loud
the road
unfamiliar
the first time
i shoplifted
books
i so desperately
wanted to read
worlds
i needed to explore
the first time
i hit the floor
after
the first time
i was hit
the first time
i got back up
and hit back
the first time
i didn’t give in
give up
now
it is
a series of the same
doldrums
repetitive
inane
come to me
love me
like the first time
make it
the last time
a cycle
we can renew
every day
Mike's Manic Word Depot 
Utterly gorgeous Mike. I was wondering, do you think we love firsts so much because it’s building new pathways in our brains and it’s really that ‘building of networks’ that we are addicted to, not our perceptions of reality but the reality within our brains themselves??
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Always chasing that original high. Never quite reaching that point again? Possibly. Every love has been a first love for me though. A new adventure.
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No. I was thinking, More like every new experience creates its own individually fingerprinted emotion. Not rebuilding upon old foundations but creating new ones.
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Possibly. My brain must look like a carnival mirror with all the hands that have pressed upon it.
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Better that than a smooth featureless landscape.
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some days yes. some days no. been so long since a fresh fingerprint I don’t write recall.
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