did they tell you how i wept as i held the plastic heart that held what was left of you before we buried it by the sapling

did they mention the ten year breakdown i went through in slow motion as the world stopped turning the day you died

like swimming in quicksilver with an open mouth and no concept of the detrimental affects of mercury poisoning

how the wind carried the grit of your ashes to sting my eyes as the sun burned out and the world was cast in your giant shadow

i prayed the angels would watch over.your wayward spirit as it wandered from the mortal coil to become one with infinity

did they mention that to you as they swept you on feathered wings to whatever lies beyond the veil from the land of the living

or did they ignore you as they ignored me as they are prone to do in their self absorbed golden glow and disinterested eyes

you could be a cantankerous bastard in your best moods but the smile was always genuine and the affection in your gaze real

do they ever whisper that i think of you in the quiet moments and wonder if you would look down and be proud of what i have done

or is this sphere an afterthought like the oily residue of nightmare that clings to the breaking dawn of yet another glorious morning

i doubt it is something they give a second thought to just another message floating in a bottle on the waves of the endless seas

but if it is okay i am going to cling to the idea they do and you see through the struggles to the intention buried deep down

i haven’t missed a single of your birthdays but i constantly miss the smell of old spice and cigarette smoke and miller lite

when i crush the kids in just north of suffocating hugs i add an extra squeeze at the end because that is what you taught me to do

and i never forget to tell the ones i love that i love them because i remember the last time you told me and how you never did again

and i remember how you never did again

because you died

you couldn’t

and i wonder sometimes if that is something i can ever get over

did they tell you that

or did you just know it