fear is not
an emotion
i usually face
depression
is an old lover
anxiety
a constant companion
sorrow
paints my day
but fear
can usually be
broken down
into the unessentials
even as this
icy panic
feels less
whatever the fuck
normal means
and more
batten down
the hatches.

certain doors
opened
that i am having
difficulty
closing again
and my dreams
a safe place
have become
something
insidious
lurking behind
vacant eyes
staring sleepily
yet petrified
at the idea
of sleep.

mainlining
caffeine
to hold the past
at bay
the snarling maw
of ancient agonies
pitting the floor
with acidic drool
as the birds
remain preternaturally
silent
even the sparrows
recognize
the axial tilt
has everything
shifted into
a permanent feeling
of darkness
as my guts quiver
in this thick
permafrost.