my friend, Shandon, took his own life a few weeks ago. he isn’t the first of my friends to choose his own way out, but it hit me harder than the others. he loved dinosaurs and Richard Kadrey. he wanted to write and was making headway. then life hit hard and everything fell apart. i knew he was struggling and i don’t believe i did everything i could to help him. the intent was there, but the aim was off. that is my burden to bear.
life is a difficult thing, one we are forced into with no road map or instructions. the only thing that is certain, is it will one day end. the parts between are filled with unimaginable beauty and unfathomable pain strung together by perception and madness.
i struggle daily with an ever growing weight across my shoulders, seeking slices of that beauty to help mitigate the pain. this taste of madness is my way of trying to actualize the dichotomy.
i wish i had done enough to show you that beauty, my dear lost friend, but the flip side is always louder, more enticing and more real. i love you, Shandon, and you will always live in my heart and words as a skinny Canadian with a big mouth and even bigger heart. i hope you found your peace, or at least a piece of something that is better than the pain that took you away. you were a great friend and in your loss i see you were one of those slices of beauty that came and went too soon.