today the disconnect between electric squid and eroded spine a dissociative chasm best intent tumbles endoverend into i strain yet never hear it find the bottom a clapperless bell swinging madly from the cathedral of abandoned passions a small boy deafened by his own heartbeat longing for all he knows he does not deserve a […]

maintaining a separation between my cancerous hell and the smiles of the humans shuffling across the ouija board living planchettes causing ripples in the hazy veil summoning spirits haunting hallways connecting the underworld with the sunlit horror of interactions between disparate atoms of desperate electron shuddering insignificance

the birds sing the ceiling shifts as the neighbor sleepily stomps his way to greet the tendrils of sunlight slinking over the horizon my tongue coated in bitterness as the coffee steams a condemnation in shimmering condensation condescendingly leaving a concentricity of rings on the table to remind me just how far i have settled […]

yesterday the entire world was coated in a filth where beauty drowned in fetid gasps today i have flatlined i feel nothing just subtle notes of disappointment glistening like dew in the silken strands of my dreamcatcher soul the technical term is splitting it occurs mostly from childhood trauma where it is conditioned by loved […]

i do not knowwhich side ofthe mirrori find myself on is he crazyor did i get all ofthe lucky disordersdoes he smile morehave loved onesis he contentin the mercurialrealm of reflections is she thereholding his handas they talkwas he enoughnot the failurethis version isone worthy ofreciprocation or is he simplymy fucking reflectionan ugly delusionon either […]

after the callousness of the last discard i cannot allow this weakness built on longing to fill my heart any longer the slivers left of my soultender rest in snowglobes filled with lavender embalming fluid and the last dreams of forever in plastic particulates when the desire to be loved grows i shake the globes […]

no cohesion between the vibrations rattling in atomic dissonance resulting in a separation where panic slices the anxious dissent in contentiously conscientious shiting states of sparkling unconsciousness navigating corridors in an endless barrage of dead end daydreams an absolution in abdicated allusions as assimilated aspersions accentuate anonymity i blow one last kiss as the portcullis […]

the words sing but warbled against the veil of apathy simmering in a pharmacy parking lot with a view of a pollution laden dingy skyline where all i see are souls screaming dissent in concrete tombs i prefer the days where the colors seem slightly too vibrant compared to when it all feels washed out […]

the sun’s halo hesitantly ignites over azure delusion in captured breaths a slight downtick in axial tilt redrawing the hierarchical glares in petulant longing lady summer changes into a dappled gown of crimson and amber despite the rage stabbing photonic daggers maniacally into the manic fool the still beauty of the heron staring unblinking into […]

i can never remember my age but statistically it is an anomaly because for the entirety i have fought the urge to fucking end it not to stop illusions of pain but merely to make the whirlwind finally fucking cease if it isn’t my mood it’s my interpretation of everything outside usually both ganging up […]

dissociation is my power saving mode after another night trapped inside a waking nightmare factory inducing exquisite insanities a simple disconnect as september crashes into october in a haze of dreamembers turning to ash in little craters all around my satellite heart while it churns out aching odes to the ladies who knew after a […]

when giving in to the fluctuations occuring rampantly across both my x and y axes i breathe deep through broken glass filled lungs and remember once sylvia smiled as she watched the bees hank tore up another racing forum in abject disgust joey ramone didn’t want to grow up and lemmy doubled down on the […]

i have been shattered discarded and yet still i reflect your light in an array of dizzying dancing distortions a prism in reverse pulling the filaments of beauty into a bouquet of disappointments. a two dimensional take on transcendental wonder blurred by the mercurial madnesses effortlessly spun from effervescent sorrow clumsily molded into a vaguely […]

i am just an electrical spirit haunting a failing form of decaying meat forcefed stimuli i cannot quite trust while flushed with chemicals in all the wrong doses searching for another damned ghost locked in the same doom with whom to slowly rot together. instead i scream inside the confines of an ivory inlaided tomb […]

i pick through multicolored gravel your soulscatter gleaming voraciously aquarium rocks in illusionary shades of truth as i scrabble to reform the image of stolen moments sequestered in springtime follies beneath the wisteria in the sodden demise of yesterday’s wonder tucking away stones enhanced with heartglimmer laying by the oceanic realm of receding waves overpopulated […]

the air is filled with a stagnancy of pungent reminders in stale reticence as the pale moon fillibusters across the gentle bruising of morning’s fury a chalkdust phantom glaring muddily in hazy cerulean restraint a bitterness washes across the tentative skyline of concrete insignificance clawing desperate for one glorious moment in her unblinking gaze before […]

i may not be sure of what you see exactly when you look down and lock eyes as i feast upon the supple delicacy betwixt your lovely thighs but judging by the way your fingers grip the back of my skull as your body grows rigid as the waves of pleasure erase reality i imagine […]

the half blind poetfrom squinting at thefine print carefullyetched frantically uponanother tear streakedmissive on how it mostcertainly wasn’t me which only reiteratesit was never going to be me i had an epiphanywhilest pondering thepersnickety natureof pervasive chemicalsin another of my cyclicalplunges into the coldsluice of swirling angst there is a conjunction injuxtaposed disorders where exmarks […]

we are naught but pawns on someone else’s board despite our best attempts at being ourselves we have little control over how their perceptions discolor our truth as we become lesser than in their games of obsessive malaise i am no dream just a nightmare as yet unfulfilled ask the long line of former flames […]

she was the heroine of her own faerie tale happily allowing the evil queen to dictate her every move while bemoaning her fate as she ignored the breadcrumb trail leading to all the things she dreamt of i was the toad hoping to have my curse broken as her sweet lips were occupied on the […]

can anyone help i seem to have misplaced myself and i am very lost i am unsure if i ever really was here at all following the footsteps of phantoms fartherandfurther from the faded failings of former fiery phoenixes forever flaiing in flickering flames it’s fine same as it ever was ignore the muffled pleas […]

she smiled and i saw my apocalypse unfold (theskinwasblastedfrommy smilingskullasitriedtosmileback) i fell into her ringed madness so familiar (panickedparalysisaspinpricks ofadrenalineignitesendingflashes oflavenderblossomsbursting) she licked her lips and limerence in a rapturous rupture engulfed the world (thensehwasgoneandiwasleft shakinginapoolofmygreatest failuresdreamingofheraseverything fellapartandiwasntsureifsheeever wastrulythereatall)

i need to hide find myself in this mess of anxiety an understanding why i am incapable of being more than a shadow in the lives of loved ones borderline living means being a perpetual self fulfilling prophecy waiting for the other show to drop preparing for the worst with every cell until it is […]

the day has been a beguiling shade of silvery dementia in strains of autumn by way of summer’s contrite desperation to retain her thrall of fiery disdain in my hermitage the seasons are simply differently colored stains when i peek my head from my burrow leading to an easy disarray in confused dissociation as i […]

spent the night counting raindrops as they tapped against the window a brief nap where she awaited smiling sadly from across a chasm at a fool pondering a running start not considering if i could make it across or trying to be sure the fall was fatal and as i lay there heart hammering against […]

it is better for your heart if mine simply goes away no one should be expected to carry this burden and call it love

this morning the world is still pregnant with anticipation of the storms hovering a hushed staccato of brewing static the haze drapes itself over concrete spires the broken teeth of the smothered city pitted by pollution dehydrated by the fury of summer’s passionate glare

she told me she wanted to be the next page in my journal i asked her what page she thought she would be bettie or bible a smile flashed telling me she planned on being equal parts heaven and hell i smiled back and slowly vanished in front of her disbelieving gaze all that remained […]

the birds hop tentative after red skies washed over the pregnant silence of dawn breaking dream i hope she slept unphased by crimson as the sun’s fangs carved furrows in the onyx blanket casting stars to the lowly earth in summer’s last tantrum before autumn falls her somnambulist stare holding the last tender torn from […]

lost myself in the spiraling of dough and cinnamon floured nose as the kids snore low bass rumbles a tectonic dissonance in dissociative splendor as i roll up the hungering nothingness gently brushing her lips against the back of my neck i sink downdowndown through the cracked linoleum into the crawlspace between states of unbeing […]

there is a benevolence in her administering the poison directly into my aorta with a precision just as the effects of the last dose have sweated out one more hit chasing the disinterest in the chemical deficiencies leaving me vulnerable to wanting the fix as it destroys me

i hope this finds you well you woke fully rested the birds sang as the sun rose to take in your sheer beauty i hope you hit every green light and don’t have to wait on anyone today that everything you desire is within reach i hope your heart is full you are appreciated for […]

in a long languishing period of tarnished lucidity where an obsessional period diving deeply into a metaphorical jungle of jungian lunacy leaves me with a deeper grasp most modern psychology seems to be as baseless as astrology replacing dead celestial forms with a redundancy of blame shifting the unequivocal truth being no two beings see […]

my self imposedsolitudesitting crisscrossapplesauce inthe stagnant siltstale air in thebrass diving bellslowly contortingunder the intensepressure shiftingporous ivory bonesto diamond shatterwanly reflectingthe dying lightin hazel abandonment hank tells me thati shouldn’t trysylvia points acrooked finger tothe escape exitand i am frozen herethe black spotsdance as every cellscreams for the cool aira million miles abovethese sanguinisticsheets of […]

when i am reallyreally strugglingi try to paintthe pain in prettysmears of repulsive coat the suicidalideations in metaphorplace the maskdirectly into the ætherso no one sees me no one wants to seehell in personbrimstone sermonssatiate the curious toleave well enough alone my head and my hearthurt today and i don’tfeel much like paintingalthough i fantasizeof […]

the universe seeks balance little things like two books releasing at number one while you haven’t eaten in a week or so to make sure you stay hmuble there is no reward just a six foot hole and if you’re lucky they spell your name correctly before the constant wind erodes the granite into a […]

this fractured mind of mine is always falling downdowndown falling into love into depression dragged screaming into a manic fit broken fingernails lodged inside my hollowed out skull where i tried to perform another cunning escape from the chemicals forcing me to fall forever at terminal velocity with no hope of ever finally fucking crashing […]

if i could convince myself in limerence ignoring the frozen moment in which our souls recognized exactly what it was we both desired i only wish i could check out as easily as her not be sitting telling the sparrows to carry birthday wishes on the breeze

pretty sure this isnt my first pass through this labyrinth and the trail of red yarn i leave behind has become a carpet as i take every left i am presented now i fear i have been walking in circles farther from where the only exit from this hell my mind constructs as i try […]

please don’t look at me my uneasy intangibility has me feeling far too raw all there is in this foolish partially poetic catastrophic tide is eventual and irrevocable disappointment

she was a limerence a lovely actress playing at perfection who needed to see she was someone who is worthy of love even if she had no emotional investment in any one except for herself i was just the madman with no concept of self she could use to build herself up incapabie of seeing […]

listening to too much alan watts only reinforces my inability to give up this icy vein of nihilistic angst as i have given up on the pursuit of anything whatsoever in my quixotic life an acceptance that the words are all i will ever be able to claim as my own mainlining lightning to ease […]

it isn’tisolationnot exactly it isn’tas if i do nothave peopleto talk toones i knowcare about me it’s memy brain i feel sogoddamnedall aloneall the time can you imaginefeeling ancillaryin your own life as if anyonewho speaks to youhas somethingmore importantthey could be doing so you shrink don’t be a botherif they want to talkthey will […]

hollowa chocolate bunnysculpted intothis formincapableof sustainingthe ignoble weightof semi existencesemisweetsemisentientmelting under theintense scrutinyof self i nappedto rid myself ofthis infernalfucking headacheonly to wakewith her nameon my tongueand this miserynow fluctuatingfrom skull to chest calcified remainsof every i love youfallen soundlessfrom bloodied lipsforms a granite tombaround my chocolatehollowed out heartas cracks run downmy semi crystallinesucrose saturatedinsignificant […]

whisper all your secrets into my desperate ear let me take your sins into my soul so you can float above the filthy floor my charcoal smudged incidental innocence craves every ounce of the things you are so careful to keep locked away

if you could please forget all about my existence scrub the creases of your gray matter until i am no more than an abrasion a blur smearing all of the things i never was into a slurry toxins to be flushed away motes of itchy souldander swirling downdowndown the dingy drain let me be the […]

after spending too much of my life destroying everything i touched and not understanding why, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. my BPDs. i live my life on a rollercoaster. trapped in my head. my view of myself is a collection of scars and ugliness. i take in the entire world, […]