i have never had a bad trip on acid or mushrooms because there is no reason for a bleak mood when i know i can escape being me or a couple of hours free of the oppressive anxieties and selfdoubts i can see and for a few weeks after i remember the lessons in seeing […]

since i was a latchkey kid i have always been watching preparing it isn’t about if the other shoe drops but when and how will i deal with it when it inevitably does and it will left alone to figure out things where mistakes no matter how innocent were punished self reliance became defiance why […]

the variance in vapid velocities devalues every vantage vivisecting visionary’s veeringvalvesin vivaciously vicious violence venting veins in viscous vats of vexing vanities and vacuous validations

i feel lost having spent so long under misconceptions of who my friends were and realizing the bulk weren’t really even acquaintances after months of silence my fault for not seeing business and friendship are not necessarily integrated in action i do better alone especially when i stop believing anyone cares about anything other than […]

i am content in my fleeting life over an eternity in a paradise that doesn’t include all if god made everything for a specific purpose some of us were created just as bad examples no reason to let a little divine cruelty go to waste

at first nihilism feelsimpossible you have to reckon against folklore told in hushed whispers nightmares to be painted on cave walls ingrained perpetuated by primal fear then you have to contend with self if nothing has any meaning can you accept you are an animal dominant theoretically honestly case by case not looking great for […]

hank would drain a bottle of red have a six pack some bourbon and that goddamned redhead driving him every night i don’t have an eighth of his talent but i can out self hate the scarred prick any day of the week my problem has always been of the blonde variety we don’t get […]

in the deepest interminable hollows of my soul there breathes the afterglow of her smile and despite my sinner flesh i bathe in her echoed splendor reminding me how truly bereft one man can be in the fathomless gaze of her eternal despondency

the world is scary it needs serious people and a serious amount of drugs. not sure about option one

if you abandon yourself stripped clean of ego bare electricity suspended in yourowndisbelief what scars could you draw across the face of art if every neuron fired in synch the words dilate until each syl a buhl is ringing with all the agony life has fed you can you find the flashing light in the […]

i bet it was that one line i forgot between traffic lights whentheworld blurred a new burn on the inner arm of a depressed fat kid no one ever loved in a way to stop the voices one of those throwaway lines like walking away as the building explodes a real zinger i bet it […]

the sparrows are talkative this morning calling out the tired sun as the chalk dust sliver of silver lunacy watches in fading disdain i feel untethered hovering over this concrete spectacle tracing asphaltveins to the diseasedheart where hope slowlylayers arterialplaque building up backpressure until the entire organism pops all i want is to go back […]

i learned from a young age how to rely upon myself alone a latchkey kid with chores homework and zero adult supervision we didn’t know any other way generation x was mostly neglected running feral until the street lights came on so it is no wonder they spend the bulk of earnings on childcare we […]

the frozen ache in being a romantic nihilist yearning for those things in which i poison a masochist cutting deeper in order to feel cutting deeper to bleed semipoetically by casting an infinityofugliness from my cancerous soul i don’t recognize my own deflection scowling at me from the mirror just an addict desperate foranother hit

malachite beneath tempestuous skies sleepwalking through another simple complex of complex simplifications seeking solace in solvent solutions as the test tube spins to separate the particlates in painstakingly perilous plurality i spend all day wanting a nap only to sit up all night incapable of finding sleep a discarded bag tangled in the gnarled branches […]

i remember the lakota sang for centuries before the first english words were uttered in north america each day i hear different languages in unique voices which reminds me how joyous our differences make us being the same we all dream shitsleepandfuck driven by biology which is immune to country or god so it needn’t […]

a repetitive cycle of exhaustion longing to sleep with the knowledge it can only bring dreams which then keep me awake yearning for a happiness the universe does not find me worthy of a consistency of feeling punchdrunk as hope drives by middle finger extended out the window i float in a state of vegetative […]

i feel fizzled after finishing the last story the ideas swim around but the words are just out of reach and though i know it is always this way i don’t do well with sitting still now my brain is buzzing racing at the speed of light going nowhere a dog on a chain wearing […]

when i see so many people imitating all the wrong influences i feel better about all those who secretly attempt to mimic my prose while pretending i don’t exist inspiring more shitty poetry is far better than pushing hate exposing narratives is beneficial in a world of lies one day they will develop their own […]

each lessonlearned throughanother’s trialis written ininvisible ink only through one’sown experiencein the collectionof hard won scarsis anything gained but with the easeof escape into adigital worldconsuming opinionreplaces thought the echo chambersonce reserved forhome town harmonieshave gone globaland impossible to escape now talking headswho have done nothingtell loyal viewerswhat to think andhow to feel 24/7 the […]

i saw her in a dream again there’s this moment euphoric before the ache sets in the sunshine in her hair forever in her smile sparrowssinging o accompany her everyperfectstep the cold water rises slowly seaweedtangles around my legs saltwater rushes into my lungs she shimmers then she is gone

i hope whatever it is i die from is cured immediately after especially if it is death but that takes the irony from it slightly it would suck to be the last person who died just too far from being brought back to life almost as much as it would probably suck to live forever

you can have your sky daddy or smiling fat man or trickster coyote even nature herself whatever you desire as your system of belief belief is beautiful i don’t believe in anything it didn’t feel as much like a choice as my logical outcome honestly the idea of an omnipotent omnipresent being always watching terrifies […]

this solitude aches as it slowly hollows me out emptiness and exhausion sharesimilar traits and i worry i will collapse inonmyselfas i sleep there is no escape from the ruins of one’s own mind no running from yourself just these evenings where thereisnothing but loneliness thumping loudly inside your chest and no choice but to […]

a steady stream frozen pixels dead static slowly erasing the scenery until frosted memories fill in frigid vistas the sky is falling iceladen particulates taptaptapping crystal hammers inadrivingstaccato aswirlingblur blanketing day insullensilence blue fingers graspingdesperately for a glimmer of warmth in an absolute desolationofgray of signals distorted magnetic storms afflicting these roguesatellitehearts lost in the […]

electric gray skies crackle with a collection of potential potency an immense weight in projected precipitation a manic fool fidgets the promise of the tempest raging winter’s fury to ensconce the city in an insanity of icy irrelevance midwesternraisedtexassunbraised terminallyunwellinbipolarhell a permanency of insomnia deliriums in hellbasted frames of delicious despair clouds of frozen breath […]

the stillness before the storm feeling the impendingweight of waiting for fresh hell to be unleashed maniclightning no planes circle just the lazy notes jangling of the off key wind chimes the storm just reflects this pressure building inside of my own sullensilence fracturedfantasies of feeling free to write without feeding these starving stalkers dreaming […]

i prefer the scant weeks when night dons her onyx finery allowing the tired sun an early evening short days draped in grayaplomb the flickering candle flame the wind’s howls and a good book happily fucked under a soft warm blanket my seasonal depression only changes flavors as the year wanes and i can make […]

it is difficult balancing the marvels humanity have accomplished with how repugnant a species we are deep down at our core fine turned for destruction through denied evolutions the only thing to rival this chaos is chaos in the form of creation though the circular ar gument of using creati on to create weapons t […]

the cold infiltrated my cocoon when i woke my testicles had icicles and even now the chill has it where i cannot find a clever way to merge the two words when they are alreadymostly the same the polar winds bullied the warm westerly breaking free to swirl with a frigid malevolence over sleepy tejas […]

they replaced fiscal responsibility with fear of missing out tricking the populace into buying things to hold onto knowing they won’t have time to enjoy it but the panic of not being included renders all sense unnecessary it isn’t about the experience it’s about being part of the herd chasing whatever is deemed hot while […]

the most frightening part of death to me is how suddenly it can all stop. one minute you’re miserable over the most absurd thing then you’re dead. the bubble pops. the desperate desire for it all to mean something anything bargaining with imaginary deities who at least in scripture don’t even acknowledge we existed at […]

the ego required to find the energy to constantly be contrarian must be absolutely fucking exhausting finding a way to pull the spotlight onto whichever new(andlikelyimaginary) affront to your flawless era of victimhood is fashionable currently petty ploys at pity parties marginalizing yourself for buys onaloopintoperpetuity barely changing the latest narrative with sloppy antecdotes which […]

a pet peeve of mine is when someone states they thought they were the only one when it comes to not liking something really billions of people and you were the one and the only to come to this opinion did you ask anyone else how they felt or in your deep solipsistic state decided […]

occasionally i question why i continue doing this this . i guess i am frustrated ignored . it isn’t as if i try to be so fucking strange i get bored complicate ideas to keep my always waning interest . it feels like a collosal waste of time. sometimes. most of the time . it’s […]

the miracle of life loses some of its luster when you accept this meat suit doesn’t run off divine purpose just what the various bacteria chemicals and electric impulses dictate daily you woke up craving coffee and perhaps one or two of those muffins which feels mostly as if you dictated each desire when actually […]

the united states government has become domestic terrorists in addition to the wanton terrorism on the global level three shots an innocent woman is dead they want a reason to declare martial law then they can forgo ignoring the constitution because they aren’t going to stop until they are held accountable the pedophile-in-thief filthy would […]

as i get older my obsessive tendencies become worse while my ability to recognize when they come on has gotten a touch better at least allowing me to try and force an exit i balance breaking from mental loops of pervasive thoughts through careful routine picking out healthier options to obsess over usually it is […]

the celebration of birthdays is patently absurd you half of you was the fastest sperm that’s all you grew from tiny parasite into full blown body horror your mother endured one of the singular most traumatic physical events forcing a melon out of a ten centimeter hole then just to add a bit of insult […]

wrote a sonnet last night while feeling nothing except for anxiety followed the scheme scribbling emptiness as an allusion for all my dreams the joy wilted in chasing lightning now i channel naught but whispered odes in the darkness which has come to define me the sheen of absurdity has faded into a sluice where […]

the sparrows burst into a chorus of white noise crackling static in rhythmic loops as the foundation sways drunkenly like dad on a sunday afternoon all i have done is sleep for days waking long enough urinaterehydrate back to chasing spectral images flashing in the shadowy depths a human dreamcatcher lost in exhaustion searching through […]

planes circle a constant rumble i only notice when it stops i lost track of time as a concept when i realized i couldn’t be late to an arbitrary event time doesn’t flow anywhere it doesn’t exist in any form our fragile minds can comprehend expiration dates are merely guesses at how long it will […]

it feels better being stalked from a safe distance than having to deal with the terminally self obsessed rabid monsters consumed with consuming thriving on the misery of others so desperate to be part of something like it is an ozempic sport yet always stuck in the periphery ancillary characters in their own stories spreading […]

i exist optimally in isolation eschewing fulfillment for an empty sort of peace outside of the bubble obsessions ingratiate themselves insinuating innocuously into my brain asymptomatic feeling no effects yet spreading manic disasters ruining through sheer proximity if i can channel these desires into an inferno of words then these obsidian dreamshards can cut a […]

it’s dark and windy outside the world feels like it leaked the last drop of love to swirl down the drain and all we have left are these smoldering embers in the shape of smiles to keep us all keeping on a series of mutilated little disasterpieces bemoaning this incessantconsistency of ingrown desires safely tucked […]

there is little worse feeling than waking on a friday which feels like saturday after a holiday and having to go back to pretending to care while the rest of the sleeping city dreams of long weekends the conflagration of celebrating different mythologies into a tapestry of rituals culminating in the death of the calendar […]

i look at the holidaze like the poor garbage man the week after the festivities are long done tinsel stuck to regrets gone from green to tinder it’s all just a pain in the ass another scam to increase the defecit while appeasing those fucking receptors i guess i’d rather see peace on earth and […]

the promises of tomorrow have been un fortunately postponed until further notice dreamdander will have to suffice for now theanorexic penumbra hazilyobscuring wonder is simple scum corroding hopeintoambiguity

finished a novel only to fall into the next constantly scribbling as i feel my time is running out and no one else can see all of the hidden patterns which whisper incessantly in the too loud silence harnessing all the loneliness to sharpen the monomolecular edge of the quill slicing down to the blackened […]

the worlds sits still this morning as a hushed silence permeates the day no cars or planes or stomping upstairs neighbors not even a sparrow calling for the sun perhaps i was stricken with a stroke as i tossed and turned the night away rendered deaf as the earth wobbled precariously or maybe everyone else […]

the words flit about back and forth singing sad songs from the crevices of their ivory cage whispering tales to a broken old fool shoddy patchwork to fill the silence surrounding this warbling pit where only loneliness carries any true form of consistency this infernal internal strife of being self aware enough to see the […]

it grows more difficult fending off the succubus madly whispering subtle insanities as i grow older easier to fall into obsessive loops to dissociate any action from meaning as i wander fretfully in the increasingly loud silence of dying in solitude the world is filled with an insipid rot a garden of death spreading sporeclouds […]

they dedicated an entire month for awareness on mental health to let sufferers know they are not alone in the fight believe me after a lifetime dealing with bipolarity and borderline hell even those who are aware of the immensity of the constant attack grow tired of the struggle and assume it is simply a […]

i didn’t know what apart meant until i roamed this masoleum of an apartment haunted by your ghost poets and mediums seeking out the spirits to prove we are not just optical delusions fleeting figments of dessicated love

the subtle fire of discontent mars the wonder inherent in our strained existence we are raised with the belief despite all the historical evidence consciousness equals purpose fed tall tales of larger than life heroes born like us guided by the hand of divine providence then we discover this holy mission is to become a […]

tumbling headfirst down a dadaistic dreamburrow slowly shredding any sense of self in a slurry of senselessness embracing absurdity in a pontification on needlessly needling neolithic nonsense liquefied longing in a lingering malaise convulsing erratically as innocence sloughs away missing emotions which didn’t exist in any quantifiable way except as one way streets static explosions […]

there are days where i search for home lobotomies because i just need to eradicate the nagging voice of anxiety to be free of the burden worrying over impossibilities because things are too quiet miswired thriving in chaos while yearning for a peace of mind a piece of my mind will not allow there must […]

carbon copy suburban bliss grass stained shoes haggard smiles and beer bellies which defy gravity the scent of charcoal fluid and overdone meat mingling with dog shit and fresh sod vacant stares in a foreclosure of americana the over medicated followers stand guard around the cult-de-sac where dreams go to kill themselves fertilizer for yellow […]

sometimes the only surprise present received is the understanding just how little your life means in the grand scheme unless someone needs something then the expectation is you’ll come through because now you matter which helps reinforce how you already felt i never ask for anything yet still i am disappointed the story of my […]

an intensity in blustery gales the trees bend a sign to turn around and flee before being swept aside once again selling simple soliloquies in an attempt to remain solvent in turbulent seas singing softly to ward off this incessant sadness singed serenity in sorrowful sighs my solitude is a mile marker rather than a […]

despite our best intentions we are disposable biodegradable husks who only seem to have value when we are needed left in the sun to fester after a lethargic sluice in inanimated suspension of disbelief every time i crawl out of my hole it becomes clear no one has time for my clumsy attempts at a […]

been researching aquatic life obsessively for a book which is beginning to form there is something alluring about the silence at the bottom of the sea a solitude beset by a life of endless night i could have been happy as an octopus no one could see me as i hid in plain sight natural […]

billions of souls seeking some sort of purpose a hint of meaning to salve this condition of consciousness driven by the same instinctual urges as all life yet cursed with just enough understanding to question why careful contradictions denying base desires in a effort to seem self awakened rather than simply self aware searching for […]

thunder sendingsubsonic vibrationsthrough a manic fool thrumming with thesameprimalpower harnessing plasma in pulsating waves of endless anxiety asfrustratedtears stain the day the words fightferociously demanding perfection inpurgatorialprose mylonelinessladen streamofunconsciousness navigating the layers while numb fingers try to keep up lactic acid leaks from untying nots knottedandclotted in sputters and stops aclingingcavalcade in past tensions make […]

the math simply does not add up to the lies spouted by the clemtine colored cunt especially down here at the bottom sixty dollars worth of groceries now costs one hundred the eggs aren’t free and neither is the gas while the moron demolishes history to build a ballroom just like adolph i hope this […]

after months of attempted immolation the angry rays have calmed themselves enough to allow for a rare beautiful day with a hint of rain to finally feel as if summer might just fall into autumn it took me a few days to unknot my insides while working through the last stretch of my newest novel […]

i keep waking up at three in a state of panic one thought unbidden snowballs until i am fully awake making coffee trying to remember how to breathe i need an opportunity to earn a living off the words because the world has me incapable of anything else

row after row of corrugated roofs glinting angrily in the morning light an expanse of fields painted brown and yellow cash crops gone worthless as a senile poor man’s version of putin pouts he rigged a war to continue for months so he could claim credit for peace as he chased after a shiny new […]

the compulsions ease anxieties until my mind finds the next obsession relapserepeatregret i burrow deep a sea worm forming complex tubes deep beneath the silt content to remain submerged except for moments of necessaryconsumption drawn from the dark by beacons of passion swept along the currents until the battering against razor coral causes me to […]

the sheer audacity in the tantrums of a would be tyrannical cunt his unbridled gilded rage weaponizing this parody of justice a slovenly old mentally deficient spray tanned corpse surrounded by vacuous blondes willing to degrade themselves for a seat at thefastfoodladentable a dollar store dominatrix wreaking havoc on innocent communities inciting violence against our […]

the oligarchs rally their troops faceless gestapo in riot gear trying to provoke a response from the people to justify this illegal war on the constitution the laws don’t apply to them because they believe that nepotism has granted them divine providence that ill gotten gains from serial cheating the system they claim is rigged […]

some people have constructed elaborate masks taking performative to all new levels careful to keep who they truly are hidden happy go lucky positive vibes emanate from the paper mache but slowly cracks form unleashing snippets of truth quickly covered andcasuallydenied until one day they go on the attack all understanding washed away in the […]

music has always been life to me i grew up in the car with the classic station the only companion in the cavernous rear bench seat or in those poorly lit bars dinghy neon a small light over a bust of jfk and maybe jesus as well and the flashing lights of the juke box […]

threading the needle between giving up and giving in looking for a life balance where giving isn’t the only option giving up writing time to fix another set of lockers giving in to anxieties as i grow old and have not scarred art in any truly debilitating matter giving in to the constant fear and […]

true diamonds don’t refract light it simply passes through while lab grown stones act as prisms due to slight imperfections in the crystalline structure being artificially altered to mimic nature’s accidental perfection probably something deep buried in that i just found it to be utterly fascinating

inaccessible to everything except the sparrows singing daydreaming in quarter time a proper percolation coffee’s caffeinated caress in conjunction with a lingering haze of phantom kisses dripping daringly from the poisoned edge of my favorite dreamdagger indigo soulshatter fluctuatingsensually wavesofmercurialmania a gentle pealing of silvery bells as angels streak down screaming comets lighting a dour […]

what do you do when the system of checksansbalances refuses to perform its elected duty as the cuntiest clementine curries a societal collapse claiming a surplus while the farmers learn what it means to let them eat cake the speaker of the closet refuses to swear in the deciding vote to expose the pedo-in-chief an […]

do you actually believe the lies spewed to muddy the waters as the tangerine twat and his lackeys speedrunthedeath oftheamericaneconomy as the farmers see thebankruptcyon the crumbling walls fearmongering while the decadent golden whale golfs imagining seventeen trillion dollars no one can find whilecowardlyspeakers gag on the truth butnotthecockof hypocrisydowntheir despicable throats the republican rage […]

aregular reoccurrence ofirregular anxieties inareciprocative ringofrancid selfrealization on a friday mourning a future which willnevercome rubberbanding between rebounds a case of sea legs on the steady shore stumblinghalfblind penningtragedies bestleftunread haven’t written anyfictioninaweek becauserealitycan be so fucking un re al allthetime smotheredjustenough tokillthefirebutnot enoughtokillthepoet aconsistencyin condemnations acalamitouscluster ofpartiallycoagulated soulshatterscattered in groves where heartthistle thorns piercethepenumbra […]

all i ever want is to sleep or more aptly lay in that last moment of slippingconsciousness where everything loses weight the slow tumble intonothingness wherenoneofthis madness exists just fuzz and a pillow held extraclose whatever anyonehopestofind here doesntexist but far be it formetojudge someone else’s delusion my sleep cycle is much the same as […]

i hearthe clicking ofthe geiger counterpicking up onthe radioactivetoxicitythe foul presencea pained staindesperatelycombing throughpoetic refrainsa recombinantmicrobialstrainseeking somesalvationscreamingin solitude the magnetic polesin societalpsychosisare notpositiveandnegativebut oscillating wavesalternating betweenschadenfreude andfreudenschadewhere empathy isweaponziedalligator tearswater thesebarren plotsensuringonlyresentmentcan take root parasiticclustersclinging tothenarcissisticnotionthey deserve anythingbut contempt foractionsperpetratedadrift in delusionsifting similesseekingsecretsignsthelinesareforthemparlaying vanityinvaccuousvictimhoodadejectedregressioninrejectedobsession

after years of sodden trips down 281 now seeing stephenville in the sunlight i prefer the dreary rain over the rundown facade glowering undisguised by roiling gray not like i have any room to judge i am still rather ugly in the dark and the sunlight doesn’t do me any favors at all i cannot […]

blame it on the good drugs racing through my veins or blame it on how my subconscious taking the wheel (reread, evidence aspresentedpreviously of the rip roaring muchneededmentalrefresh psychedelicsurge) says more when the razor finds flesh for cuttingwideopen thesethingsmanicme cannotappreciatein the fucking moment blame it on aninstancebroken whereisaidallthethings screaminginlowercase so small choking me yet i […]

slipslding an incongruence of angles in an absurdity of atomic disarray manglingamalgamations maligingintentions a case of channeling threads of technicolor silk entanglingantiquity in a confounding series of shapes intended to convey basicmimicryinto works of art am i pretty pretty enough can you lick my scars taste the cancerous fucking rot blossoming in putridpinwheels errant sparks […]

the words shiverromantically a jittery highhat as my heart lays the downbeat a driving baseline ofbasicbassline inacceleratedpulse chasing down the lines tinkling ivorybonesintoa discombobulating percolation in manic whimsies the beat slows assimilatingintrospection into a lingering longing as random thoughts splash into a staccato double bass pulling the melody intoacacophonistic interlude to the anarchisticurgings buried in […]

urination rehydration mastication defecation concentration assimilation nosensation deterioration meditation masturbation intoxication sleepdeprivation repetitioninsubmission divisionthroughderision dreams are rancid nests wherewonderwiltsandfesters

i don’t drink anything except water and coffee finally understanding hydration really is the key to not feeling like hammered shit but i miss a variety of flavors so i settled on carbonated water with a hint of flavor to satiate the cravings no more apt metaphor for growing old exists quite the same as […]

another parking lot waiting for a delivery while the world wobbles a mournful dirge missed my calling in life should have forsook words for masonry as i erect emotional walls water tight all around my quixotic wheezing heart the sparrows sing joyously elevator music on the sheer drop straight to hell

i ignore the incessant buzzing of the mosquito flying around my aching head knowing it may be annoying as it tries to draw blood but the sheer desperation in its desire is based on the knowledge it has such a shortshelflife bothersome in the moment yet easily forgotten an arrogant denial born of simple truth

autumn hasfallenyet summerrefuses tounclench herclaws the leaveslong witheredincapable ofthe vibrancyin decay and i feelmuch the same a wizened fruitdesperatelyclinging tothe apatheticbranch knowing thefallwill do farmore thanleave a bruise swaying onthe fetid breezecarrying dieselfumes like notesof perfume just needeverything tostop beingeverything allthe fuckingtime autumn fallsinto summer’s shadowa folly offailing parts

they implanted this nebulous fear an insidious mistrust through misinformation a flurry of fiction obscuring all fact we have to defend ourselves from “them” an ill defined wave of boogeymen who are coming to take what is allegedly ours “they” will rape all of our women as “they” steal our jobs “they” are a threat […]

everyone is screaming while no one bothers to listen at all yelling out the talking points which agree with their personal political stance uncaring if any of it is the truth it doesn’t have to be we have abandoned any semblance to rational now it is about who can yell the loudest until either violence […]