it isn’t the state of constant anxiety as much as how wrong everything feels in those rare moments of calm. caught myself daydreaming as i drove put my foot down to end the nonsense and ended up speeding to the next red light as i excise all hope for anything more than this bountiful harvest […]

i was asked nicely to no longer use my camera during meetings because while i have made advances in not calling out bullshit loudly thanks to mute i apparently manage to scream it with each of my facial expressions. i asked to just not be invited. it is a war of attrition. anyone who wants […]

she promised one day this ache would fade and in my foolish hope for a reprieve i neglected to realize that it would likely take forever. after all in our idiocy we did promise eternity in the throes of passion. neither lied not exactly as usually best intentions almost always end this way.

a perfect morning for driving with the windows down the music up too loud as a bank of gray sits sheltering the city the moderately fresh air swirlingthroughthecar as a fool sings loudly along with gibby haynes two human cannonballs sowing a path of carnage among the bristling herd left early to take the long […]

despite effort when faced with an onslaught of absolute idiocy the success rate is assuredly dismal someone much higher up the food chain has an epiphany which despite having no real chance of working out the decision has been cast from the mountain and the peasants must scramble to achieve this most sacred duty the […]

there was a shooting at the apartment complex next to the one i was dilligently working at i didn’t hear the gunshots as i toiled on a good underling to involved in the company’s economic welfare for petty things such as safety i heard the swelling of sirens and low staccato rumbling flock of lowflyinghelicopters […]

morning commute down desolation highway an overabundance of gray drowning the dim light to a sullen spark in sleepy forney a small town set too close to the ravenous beast of the metroplex an infrastructure built for farming now overly congested with angry worker ants lined up in misery to serve their queen a distillation […]

bird song ecstatically calls forth the molten orb of grievous gold to cast aside all aspersions and illuminate a world of need bits of yarn scraps of paper hidden seeds and open air in which to soar high above the petty concerns of humans being i yearn to fly yet nervously pluck my feathers stuck […]

she didn’t set off a flare no alarms rang the oceans didn’t boil the sky refused to split asunder when she stopped loving me it merely felt as if the world ended when she finally told me the truth ever since the world resumed wobbling moronically and i cannot imagine an existence where i truly […]

human barnacles clinging desperately to anything with a hint of momentum dragging the vessel slower and slower in their narcissistic need to find a hint of secondary attention talent means nothing when the ones in charge do nothing to capitalize on anything but themselves starving slowly while you support the business which ignores your work […]

my friend said the texas weather is bipolar as it goes from hot to cold and back again and i realized it reminds me of my mother who has never been diagnosed but i would wager is much the same as the maligned evershiftingweather also explains why it feels as if it is out to […]

the wind through the assortment of construction equipment forms a symphonic catastrophe in industrial wind chimes squealing gears grinding as the chains dance high above hard hat adorned ants in neon vests it took two hours to travel less than forty miles as the plaque buildup in asphalt arteries leads to a congestion starving the […]

i am no hunter relentlessly chasing prey though the instincts worn dull by generations of civility still seek the chase after those with no interest in being caught i don’t pursue not any more no reason to disturb the peace by offending the docile creatures simply trying to survive themselves beauty has become a passing […]

standing inside of the leasing office the gentle fountain bubbled in a lazy spiral down into the name sake bear creek thick woods encircling the entirety of the simple complex geckos sunning on the concrete around the turquoise pool surrounded by vibrant if slightly garish orange cushioned wicker furniture and it almost seemed like a […]

blue jays dart in and out of the bushes as the scorpions and rattlesnakes emerge to a heatwave baking a shell shocked texas to dust at war with iranthemediaourselves cut off from the disgusted world as a tangerine dusted pedophile performs as if no one knows his diaper is full and his mind is riddled […]

i wrote one thousand words of which i deleted nearly all then rewrote three hundred words which said exactly the same in a more concise manner taptaptapping on the hull of the ship listening for slight imperfections only to tear it apart and rebuild a better boat using the same scraps every story is its […]

a stillness drapes the city a supple lack of the frenetic activity in the overcapacityhive where honey is refined from dreampollen spores languishing on thepollutedbreeze a steady amber drip slowly consumes the angry drivers scuttling in and out of paralyzed lanes as the early rays melt the waxen comb into a turgid river filledwithlusciouslies

wrote so much yesterday i am empty today floating in the abyss the gaping abscess pulsatingseductively across the cataract coruptingmythirdeye i dreamt i died onlytowakeuncertain it was a dream at all worse though i couldn’t make myself pretend to care

i have a type. types. the sweet zones scratching those primordial itches. fuzzy guitars. thick bass lines. boom bap. scratches. a brass section. microtonal. distortion. attitude.outlaw. protest. punk. math. backpack. indie. noise. short. punchy. with a depth be it sonic or emotional. for the next two and a half minutes, i need to move. fall […]

when i was a kid just after dinosaurs but well before cell phones and memes i remember pedophilia was as mainstream as it could be possibly be top ten songs and the bands which sang them proclaimed their desire openly as stadiums filled with kids all screamed every word it was en vogue to sexualize […]

i am exhausted right up until my head touches the pillow suddenly stories sing and all i can do is follow them and whatever sticks still in the morning goes onto the whiteboard then i sit in a fugue state as the sparrows hop on the railing eager for another half baked tale so much […]

people don’tunderstand how condescending it is when you write off everything as oh, he is bipolar. give him time it’ll pass. not every instanceofupset is insanity. i know the walls of my prison every crack and crevice i stay silent as i figure out if it is irrational or real before speaking. i am not […]

the sunlight breaks around an iron and glass spire an eruption in soothing warmth misleading feeling almost loving nurturing which makes each of my scars tingle as i remember how quickly a mother’s embrace can go bad the same diffusion of golden life will happily burn the flesh from bone fire only knows the hunger […]

you cannot expect anything from anyone especially those who claim to be your friends yet only make excuses or tell you lies when you break the silence they force you into i pay attention watch contradictions and see the truth then get called the crazy one because it is easier than any of them accepting […]

at times my silence defines me when everything is too fucking everything all at the same time my hand trailing in the lazy wake sensing a change in the undertow conditioned to have a danger sense similar to the sparrows feeling fluctuations in the air pressure ensuring a swift retreat to quiet you learn a […]

the days blur another monday probably in a concrete tomb hiding in my car as the world angrily awakens all around me the time change manages to keep the sun permanently rising as i leave ensuring half sight as i trundle down the asphalt arteries towards the cancerous heart of commerce the city stricken withmononucleosis […]

the sky a spiral of ash within lies molten fury of the sun glaring from the unstable eye of armageddon goldendaggers piercing the arrogantpenumbra of third eye pandering in politicalparlance even blind the image of her burns undisturbed guiding a desolation of dreamdander home

expecting a forty degree temperature drop from this morning to tomorrow as i lay tangled in thornyviralvines flaringandfading as the rigors of mortis tease my anemic frame phantom smells dreamshatter lingering in swollen sinuses of lilacs on the warm breeze a twitching dormouse with a barn owl burnt into his fevered brain mother nature should […]

i wasa ship crashingupon jagged rocksmere milesfrom safe harbor a ricochetbouncing off ofa steel girderstriking aninnocentbystander a deep shadow on a sunny day in acemetery for incontinent dreamers, the gapbetween wheezing breaths where the worldpulsates in time to the warbling spotsgathering in the periphery. i am the cold, gold cross between her sinful, supple breasts. […]

fingers scrape the rancid film separating sunlight into filthy rays dripping malice thisgoddamnedworld keepspunchingdown setting sights on picking fights with anunsettlinglyunwellman the peacock picked a lock and found a hoard of treasure, the lion kept denying even an ounce of pleasure. blood is thicker than water, but gold is far thicker still. trust no one, […]

the view of earth hovering so many miles away i could reach out pluck it up and slip it into my pocket which i imagine would make for one helluva fright as everything was suddenly plunged into darkness i can almost lose myself in this flight of fancy if it weren’t for the incessant beep […]

my soul is an abscess radiating negativity souring sunlight sending reverberations thundering in my wake i cannot find my smile nor fake the incremental musclemovements necessary for anymore than a less petulant sort of frown if typically i find my own presence taxing in this dire mood i long to not share the same four […]

a pigeon stopped by cooing at me as i tried to explain i only speak sparrowese it continued oblivious to my ignorance all i could do was nod and make soothing noises i hoped coincided with whatever tragedy was being told it’s frankly ridiculous to assume someone speaks pigeon just because you saw them converse […]

this sickness whispers incessant doomsday prophecies as it grasps tightly to my cerebellum spiraling downdowndown into my dreams while tendrils of frozen lava run through labored veins i have lost my voice succumbed to silence as i weave in and out of semiconsciousness in a world which hasn’t noticed my absence the friends who seem […]

the constant exhaustion and sudden fevers has been identified as adenovirus at least i wasn’t crazy about being sick the rest is unfortunately still accurate the way it’s clamped down feels like a downswing to a depressive state but with enough physical effects to tell me it could be a combination platter of filth i […]

i woke feverish as thunder rattled the room lightning shattered the dark i knew not if it was dream or a new hell as i wobbled down the hall bladder in midst of panic a brief escape from the montage of nightmares force fed in each gasping breath anendlessonslaught of recycled scars taptaptapping on my […]

a careful conveyance of confidence as they recite a litany of missed markers over the last fiscal year sales slipped so of course they cancelled the service trip because service is the least important artery while being the only consistent source of revenue then they included service as they bragged about the four trips they […]

woke to jackhammers in my skull and razor wire wrapped around my stomach in a state of nauseated exhaustion after an evening filled withfeverdreams might not be an external illness just the fact i am sick of myself manifesting in a need to shut the fuck up and learn when my presence is merely tolerated […]

this arbitrary act of time adjustment is no longer applicable just an artificial actionassuming analog actions inanallconsuming digital age there is no confusion amongstmymany sparrow soldiers just the same happy trilling to greet the dawn ignoring axial tilt or imaginary hands pointing at meaningless numbers i long to sleep when it hits to wake only […]

flashflood warnings sound i have my things gathered on my makeshift raft waiting for the tide to sweep me away fresh water bags of granola a modern day huck finn with a slightly cleaner vocabulary splashing down the swollen rivers which were once major highways pruney fingers grasp the coarse rope keeping my vessel mostly […]

get so manic i cannot stand to be around me as i bouncebouncebounce poetry becomes thehamsterwheel because thesilenceknows i wouldn’t want tobotheranyone with all this theonslaughtofthought should be paralyzing yet i surf along the razor edge where realitybeginstocrumble and still i can pick outindividualpixels wherelifetimescycle inapermanentfeedbackloop of white noise broadcast betweendistortionsin heartthistlesolliloquies there is no […]

i think i find thunderstorms relaxing because they are the truest representation of humanity without the degrading meat shell free of the infernalivory prison set loose to dance free among the seething clouds of consciousness the same as wriggling your toes in the sand orrunningfullsprint across a field of swayingwildflowers as the sun kisses your […]

a comet blazing a fiery line through the irradiated void between pulsating stars reflected off of the shell of the turtle calmly swimming across the cosmos ancient unblinking eyes a silent steadfast wisdom in accepting the universe in its totality as it moves with an unfathomable purpose toward the seething heart of creation i spin […]

being bipolar is basically being a humansized housecat. i get the zoomies and want no demand full affection. and without notice nor provocation need to be immediately left alone. i don’t hiss (i didn’t consider it). i want attention butonlyon my own terms. i love to stare out the window and watch yet as soon […]

the wind chimes have settled the sparrows gone silent only a dog barking breaks the calm and i can feel the pressure building above i have a passion for destruction deconstruction the fury of the tempest on display the chaotic majesty scratchesacertainitch let the rains come thisextendedmanicstretch has run me ragged a nice doomsday gale […]

a hoary hoarde of accumulated cumuli swarm above as i sit waiting for someone in cali to refresh the system which is not nearly as exciting as it sounds unless hurrying up only to wait is your idea of a good time i don’t judge most of my time is spent lost working out the […]

fell asleepon the couchas the lightningdanced in the cloudsto awake tothe sunshining throughthe blindsas if nothinghad occuredthe worldspun off the rainleaving a foolin confused stateover exposedwhile the sparrowshop excitedlytrilling overa brand new day human origamifolding myself upsmallerandsmallerhoping to take ona new formin which to flyaway from my owncrushinginconsequentialities

the lightning bolts of mania have ceased their infernal frequentfirings leavingflashfried systemsfloundering as sleep becomes theonlyimperative broke my own rule on expectations whichmadethemomentary death spiral into a resonation of reticence and regrettable resignations asthecircle continuesto shrink iamexhausted as the gray smothers the city with cancerous pariculates and a chance of rain nappingmyway through another terminaldescent […]

lilac petals in a lavender rain radiate from her perfect smile a heady scent of summer trails her every step as she takes root in a poet’s heart the world does its best to beat selfperceivedflaws deep into our souls and it isn’t until viewed from the correctpointofview the perfection is seen you are seen […]

ever realize you lost something well after it was gone at first you didn’t believe it was truly gone just on time out only to understand it’s been months since anything was more than cordial lost isn’t the correct word withered decayed broke down into dust and blown away? i don’t recommend it. my true […]

i don’t fit into the box i am being exposed to no matter what i do i remain outside and my dreams are starving.

aneverpresenteffervescentsalinitydanceson myhopewitheredsoulallowingnoseedtotake root not enoughtostranglelifetherightamountto make everybreathagasp apersistentachingmyhandsareshakingnegativityrakingthisconsistentfuckingtakingtakingtaking there’s nothingleft nothing sorry the number you’ve dialed is no longer in service. please hang up and try again.

the clattering metallic hiss of the cymbals as the low rumble bassline builds chillscascadingdown myslouchingspine tracing the curvatureofhersmile inelectricpurple illuminating thedustycorners ofinspiration citiesare burning asmissiles fly childrenlay dead all because the president raped children and got in the pockets of equally evil shitstains who are close enough to death the idea of armageddon holds no […]

when i was a kid they taught march can come in like a lion and go out like a lamb although the opposite could be true as well but neither lionsnorlambs behave quite the same as the world wobbles with an adjusted amount of melted ice while wiley winter winds her icy touch a bit […]

they say something about old dogs and new tricks which echoes in my head whenever i step outside my comfort zone i have scant few enough talents as is and those are mediocre at best i am really good at forgetting and trying again which is mostly just an awful character defect in a cornucopia […]

too intense is absurdity when life is so short that is simply fear talking we cannot control our reactions nor should we apologize for the chemicals in our brains so when nothing makes any sense you have to embrace the insanity and wrench back on those short and curlies until it submits to your indomitable […]

crimson flashes flood the room as the neon cross across the street proclaims brashly jesus saves she smiles, teeth red in the sickly glow kneeling in supplication as gunshots rattle off in the not too distance the only souls saved were the ones greedily swallowed fifteen bucks or a fix is the cheapest sort of […]

the app sends celebratory alerts for consecutive days posting a digital carrot to keep traffic flowing it makes me feel more exposed rather than inspired people have tried to control me by reading and then pretending to be there all while misunderstanding metaphors and chasing the wrong scent and while i am not smart i […]

parked on the second floor of a parking garage and it feels like a ship on the sea as the concrete plates shift with the steady stream of rats fleeing this sinking ship a herd of lemmings in automobiles winding down in single file to spill out into the world squinting into the morning sun […]

she asked me for a secret as she placed her head against my chest and rather than the heart which beats me mercilessly she heard the motions of the ocean and realized i was but a shell of who i dreamt i would be the depth an illusion an intrusion of shadows altering perception an […]

an odd confluence of contrasting casualcasualities have me considering a tool belt as i make much needed repairs to my messymental cathedralof careful compartmentalization. the cemetery where my childhood spins endlessly in its shallow grave overrun with carnivorousplants snapsnapsnapping for a hint of blood. the years of consildatedcandlewax stalactites gripping the underside of the ornatelycarvedshrine […]

the traffic was light while the music felt transcendent as a fool daydreamed downtheroad i woke anxious over my insistent andconsistent vulnerability overexposed andundercooked i need to hidefrom allthesilent eyes who never acknowledge me yet follow eachandevery stumbling move there is lessandless to see as i over share everyemotional indiscretion ringing the church bells the […]

i blew lady winter a kiss as she gave in to spring after one more day of frigid cuddles her pensive sigh as the sparrows formed a choir of springtime promise a last chill down my spine as her ever present promise of frozen returns lingers lazily on the perpetual edge of longing

i think i could be a relatively decent lighthouse keeper if the opportunity ever arose i have zero basis for this claim i do however contain an endless amount of misguided romanticism along with a frankly staggering ability to be alone just imagine all the terrible lines written as ships crash into the rocks maybe […]

i dreamt and in that dream i dreamt we lay on the cool grass as the stars twinkled merrily above your head on my chest as you fit perfectly in the crook of my arm absently stroking your hair as we lay in the dream i happily dreamt you looked up at me lips slightly […]

a macabre sense of underlying rot courses throughout sinuousrootsystems interconnecting neurotic neurons misfiringfrantically into the morning haze it’s too quiet no planes circle the birds sit silently watching an induction of atmosphericanxiety inducingtremorsupon ancillarynervousness insidiouslyimpervious toangelicinquiries inantiquatedarrays

as lavender flashes over a world born of pain the ripples exaggerate absurdity into a sovereign state of being i longed to roll over pull her close and sleep through this agonizing aura only to find an emptiness in the shape of her beautiful absence a coercion of crackling pain thunderingthrough the spaces between

standing staring up at the sculpted metal the city alive all around me with the heavy pheromone haze pulsating through expanded arteries a city of spectral lights winking hypnotic as i catch a hint of her at the edge of my periphery unmistakable as my pulse quickens i spin in place the metal girders groan […]

my skeleton feelsalmost mercurial musclesshifting beneath this paperthinflesh rigidrazors ravagingrelentlessly as i shed thetumorsofwho i longed to be: clumsycharlatanscatcalling forchangeinanefforttoshift theattentionfromtheirown constant calamitous crimes of ego. some mornings i fucking hate it here when i see the rampant narcissistic decay infecting art caricatures clamoring for the spotlight playing hidden politics in lieu of actual talent […]

my favorite birthday i got megatron the evil leader of the decepticons and my dad spent the entire evening figuring out how to transform it and applied the decals while i watched happily and snow fell against the window it’s cold in the shadow of your ghost old man happy birthday to the moon and […]

has anyone ever told you the sunshine seems brighter when you smile as if jealous of your glow they should everyday they should strive to be a reason you smile and when the right one finally does i will likely hate them only because i wish it could’ve been me

winter always envious launched a last ditch effort to remindnorthtexas she is watching bitter claws caressing leaving hoarfrostedkisses on goosepimpled flesh i long to spend the entirety of the weekend cuddled up beneath a soft blanket but the madness screams for output i will be dead sooner rather than later and perhaps the chill is […]

if the lingering ache is any indication of your impact on my life who i am as a person no one compares to you dad you would have been sixty-nine if you hadn’t left us twenty-three years ago and still your absence this week is an open abyss in my soul just imagine all the […]

democracy doesn’t die due to the actions of the alzheimer asshole it doesn’t die from the slow strangulation of corporate subsidaries it dies when the people go silent it dies when we stop fighting they will do whatever they can to remain rich influential and in power no matter how many poor people need to […]

i have never had a bad trip on acid or mushrooms because there is no reason for a bleak mood when i know i can escape being me or a couple of hours free of the oppressive anxieties and selfdoubts i can see and for a few weeks after i remember the lessons in seeing […]

since i was a latchkey kid i have always been watching preparing it isn’t about if the other shoe drops but when and how will i deal with it when it inevitably does and it will left alone to figure out things where mistakes no matter how innocent were punished self reliance became defiance why […]

the variance in vapid velocities devalues every vantage vivisecting visionary’s veeringvalvesin vivaciously vicious violence venting veins in viscous vats of vexing vanities and vacuous validations

i feel lost having spent so long under misconceptions of who my friends were and realizing the bulk weren’t really even acquaintances after months of silence my fault for not seeing business and friendship are not necessarily integrated in action i do better alone especially when i stop believing anyone cares about anything other than […]

i am content in my fleeting life over an eternity in a paradise that doesn’t include all if god made everything for a specific purpose some of us were created just as bad examples no reason to let a little divine cruelty go to waste

at first nihilism feelsimpossible you have to reckon against folklore told in hushed whispers nightmares to be painted on cave walls ingrained perpetuated by primal fear then you have to contend with self if nothing has any meaning can you accept you are an animal dominant theoretically honestly case by case not looking great for […]

hank would drain a bottle of red have a six pack some bourbon and that goddamned redhead driving him every night i don’t have an eighth of his talent but i can out self hate the scarred prick any day of the week my problem has always been of the blonde variety we don’t get […]

in the deepest interminable hollows of my soul there breathes the afterglow of her smile and despite my sinner flesh i bathe in her echoed splendor reminding me how truly bereft one man can be in the fathomless gaze of her eternal despondency

the world is scary it needs serious people and a serious amount of drugs. not sure about option one

if you abandon yourself stripped clean of ego bare electricity suspended in yourowndisbelief what scars could you draw across the face of art if every neuron fired in synch the words dilate until each syl a buhl is ringing with all the agony life has fed you can you find the flashing light in the […]

i bet it was that one line i forgot between traffic lights whentheworld blurred a new burn on the inner arm of a depressed fat kid no one ever loved in a way to stop the voices one of those throwaway lines like walking away as the building explodes a real zinger i bet it […]

the sparrows are talkative this morning calling out the tired sun as the chalk dust sliver of silver lunacy watches in fading disdain i feel untethered hovering over this concrete spectacle tracing asphaltveins to the diseasedheart where hope slowlylayers arterialplaque building up backpressure until the entire organism pops all i want is to go back […]

i learned from a young age how to rely upon myself alone a latchkey kid with chores homework and zero adult supervision we didn’t know any other way generation x was mostly neglected running feral until the street lights came on so it is no wonder they spend the bulk of earnings on childcare we […]

the frozen ache in being a romantic nihilist yearning for those things in which i poison a masochist cutting deeper in order to feel cutting deeper to bleed semipoetically by casting an infinityofugliness from my cancerous soul i don’t recognize my own deflection scowling at me from the mirror just an addict desperate foranother hit

malachite beneath tempestuous skies sleepwalking through another simple complex of complex simplifications seeking solace in solvent solutions as the test tube spins to separate the particlates in painstakingly perilous plurality i spend all day wanting a nap only to sit up all night incapable of finding sleep a discarded bag tangled in the gnarled branches […]

i remember the lakota sang for centuries before the first english words were uttered in north america each day i hear different languages in unique voices which reminds me how joyous our differences make us being the same we all dream shitsleepandfuck driven by biology which is immune to country or god so it needn’t […]

a repetitive cycle of exhaustion longing to sleep with the knowledge it can only bring dreams which then keep me awake yearning for a happiness the universe does not find me worthy of a consistency of feeling punchdrunk as hope drives by middle finger extended out the window i float in a state of vegetative […]

i feel fizzled after finishing the last story the ideas swim around but the words are just out of reach and though i know it is always this way i don’t do well with sitting still now my brain is buzzing racing at the speed of light going nowhere a dog on a chain wearing […]

when i see so many people imitating all the wrong influences i feel better about all those who secretly attempt to mimic my prose while pretending i don’t exist inspiring more shitty poetry is far better than pushing hate exposing narratives is beneficial in a world of lies one day they will develop their own […]

each lessonlearned throughanother’s trialis written ininvisible ink only through one’sown experiencein the collectionof hard won scarsis anything gained but with the easeof escape into adigital worldconsuming opinionreplaces thought the echo chambersonce reserved forhome town harmonieshave gone globaland impossible to escape now talking headswho have done nothingtell loyal viewerswhat to think andhow to feel 24/7 the […]

i saw her in a dream again there’s this moment euphoric before the ache sets in the sunshine in her hair forever in her smile sparrowssinging o accompany her everyperfectstep the cold water rises slowly seaweedtangles around my legs saltwater rushes into my lungs she shimmers then she is gone