i ruined my mother’s life when she was just seventeen so what came next was likely not fully my fault even if it sure feels like it every single day

momentarily i miss you so much every single cell screams unanimously in acrimonious agony causing each star to pause. it all stops just your smile carved into my heart the same as my fingernails cut into my palms as i squeeze harderandharder pause. i don’t know when the you you were became the you you […]

the loneliness can sometimes feel so goddamned crippling yet the world outside is so fucking anxiety inducing a whirlwind filled with razorblades constantly slashing i tamp down need turn the music up a whole lot louder to let it drown out dream let them say all the things choking my every single breath it’s cheaper […]

i have taken to wearing a watch in an effort to become less reliant upon constantly checking my phone an interesting side effect is hearing what should be a consistent tick once per second through bipolar senses moments exist where i am stranded between ticks able to navigate the whole of the cosmos surf photons […]

call after call offering benefits i am not old enough to qualify for by robot voices who connect unerringly to adam in an indian call center filled with adams calling to make sure i am fully covered i have to answer the calls i receive anyone could be a customer calling and since i am […]

i have spent all my life chasing aspects which have no true existence outside yellowed philosophy tomes there is nothing but words to make up for a lack of substance no gods or love just another episode spent screaming until only blood comes out so when i say this tired runs six feet deep it’s […]

if an apple a day keeps the doctor away would a quart of holy water keep my demons at bay for a few minutes or is that just more wishful thinking i can’t tell if i am here or if i am dissociating into another realm being antisocial to the media which overly consumes the […]

bombarded by photons i am just an isotope in degradation electron displacement as my shells oscillate in time with nuclear dismay my mitochondria locked in full meltdown inadequate power giogi apparatuses gone dark as pixel perfect deception in denial details a crumbling infrastructure based in destructive distractions

the wind blows my ashes in an apology tour across the globe revisiting hearts which found nothing in the mirage resting in a fool’s delusion i am sorry i wasn’t enough even if i kept banging the drum announcing my myriad of flaws the illusion when the cycles mesh leads to moments of clarity in […]

i don’t belong herethereoranywhere and it is exhausting trying to pretend today i am too fucking tired to even try none of my performative masks seem to fit so pretending is off the docket i think i will hide until this passes or i do god willing and the creek don’t rise an end is […]

the fan mocks me oscillating spinning so very quickly yet never quite spinning out perhaps it is me have i become no more than a motor set with broken gears capable of only stuttering motions going nowhereatall incidental sparks dyingalone it takes moreandmore when all i have is less to give pitted bones from harvesting […]

the rain drops fall in calamaitous drops which slam against the windshield i stare at them calculating chaos as the insipid liquid creates distortions ohscuring the gray the only thought keeping me moving in the deluge of chilly bombardments is it has to fucking end eventually whether i mean the storm, the week or this […]

if failure were a competition i would be undefeated in consistency of defeat a feat unrivaled in the history of all mankind the unkind men are quick to remind i don’t believe in bad luck because without a glimpse of good it feels like another ponzi scheme

my circadian rhythms play like a one man band having a seizure as he falls down a spiral staircase wheezing profanities into the harmonica strapped to my mouth i am a human(ish) dreamcatcher stuck in prismatic decline each new year i begin to fear my best days are now far behind me yet each new […]

surfing high voltage is a tricky endeavor especially when you’re strapped to a lightning bolt simply by waking up it is disconcerting opening your eyes and immediately everything is already too fucking much of everything all at once i sizzle from ground point to ground point seeking to simply go to earth where it is […]

insects buzzing on the corpse of god a cacophony of semi-intelligent bottom feeders pretending to deserve a seat at the feast abdomens swollen on defiled divinity deified by deicide still the undecided deride in dimwitted denials and defiance a dire devolution in dreary disinterest

no matter how i rinse out my mouth the bitter taste of betrayal seems infused in my saliva so i spit despicable curses into the aether the angry fool pensively hunched on a throne of yellowed bone lost in a loop looking for hints which should have warned me the sky flashes with wicked strikes […]

the sparrows call out from the heavy fog a miasma choking the morning sun yet each note carries the faint sound of hope echoing through the hanging mist i saw you again last night while roaming the alleys in the back of my mind i didn’t approach even though i so desperately wished to be […]

i glow not from some inner beauty but pitted bones laced with radiation a human elephant foot making everything within kilometers an irradiated wasteland where dream goes to die these letters gleam menacingly in the darkness odes to roughly two hundred and thirty eight yous leaves a fool in a half life of isotopic decay

i have lost track of who it is i was supposed to be and i dislike the person everyone seems to see instead a literal litany in unlearned lessons leaving lesions leaking a loveless pus a stain vaguely human in low light the loneliness in needing to be left alone because i can’t let anyone […]

uncertain if i am walking on my hands or if my head is upside down once again unsure if the rotation of the earth keeps reversing or if the drugs are catching up to me days without any real sleep navigating torrentially theoretical storm clouds in my dogged pursuit of dreamdander diabolical delusions performing daily […]

life is just a set of schismatic watercolors pastel flurries in chalkdust disharmony a fractured indecent descent into senseless dissent i make it a hobby to scribble outside the lines a semicoherent collection of childhood drawings gone yellowed on the fridge scribbles in the margins doodles in place of any real answers i dream of […]

i am a bolt of lightning the scent of ozone crackles around me as i move at the speed of thought my synapses fire constantly leaving a fool sizzling as the thunderstorms roll in drawn by mania the sky thrums with potential as i spasm in full denial

she sits a plump spider emotionless pretending to be human going through the motions while slowly stitching silken strands to ensnare foolish wanderers she strikes swollen abdomen garish grin spindly legs dripping venom from gnarled fangs injecting lies savoring the final spasms as friend becomes victim a wretched cunt with her chained pet hopping pretending […]

there is an old saying too many chefs in the kitchen for a discombobulation of well meaning inefficient assholes ruining the already tenuous plans hastily enacted due to being reactionary rather than proactive it’s human nature to fuck up best intentions by trying to be helpful when being quiet and letting the supposed experts do […]

a sudden cold front leaves the sparrows in state of confusion an arctic intrusion erases tropical delusion until a fool sits alone beset by illusion my soul howls through the wind chimes a cacophony performed in d spair sharp enough to carve furrows flat enough to smother hope happiness has the same shelf life as […]

i long to be able to forget the ones who so easily abandoned me yet still i awaken with her name upon my lips an aching in my chest it is storming i am sick dreading a nap and the dreams which forever haunt me

either it is preparing for a mighty storm or god is drunkenly moving furniture between the two we probably need any rain we can get and i am pretty sure god skipped out on the lease millennia ago a day of storms as thunder reverberates across the sleeping city i hold yet another one way […]

i feel as if i need to become more malleable the constant stretching in random directions from all these sources seeking something from me i cannot define has me unraveling at a molecular level i yearn to rearrange the stunted strands in double helix despair into something vaguely more human than this homonculus concubine in […]

my heart isn’t a home it’s a derelict shack built on a fault line through no fault of mine this faulty mind shudders and quakes a fluidity in disregarding figurative physics because no one can explain to me how bumblebees fly the dichotomy in the loneliness of pushing people away for their own good i […]

i cannot stand the sight of the idiot staring at me from the mirror a goddamned fool with no self control incapable of seeing what an ass he is i am embarrassed by his actions when all he does is whatever the faulty chemicals whisper slipsliding to and fro a broken child to an significant […]

after the long weekend i find myself even more confused as to who it is i truly am fallingfarther into despair as pieces of myself crumble to dust it is incomprehensible i am anything more than a stain

a consistency in gray malaise draped across the mountains a scrawl of vines choking the green corpse hair clustered leaving lavender in stark contrast a dissociative alien landscape where the rains fall over tired travelers braving a cross country trek from texas to coastal virginia kudzu and wisteria as hawks circle over rolling hills congested […]

six days which swirled into one eighteen hundred miles traveled to spend the weekend surrounded by art a frantic blur smileshugslaughtertears a constant overload of culmination newfacesnewfriends old acquantices amid a sea of excitement phonefreenoscreens to filter through the bombardment now a fool sits alone once more rememberingexistence hoping the store of fresh hugs keeps […]

a crimson penumbra ebbing ominously a lurking malaise slowly overwhelming a fractured fool floating through a room of writers

so many faces warm smiles above cold lizard eyes

i don’t make friends i make family there is no in between with someone who is bipolar borderline and too obtuse the danger lays in not understanding when i am merely a tool when i thought we were family this is why the circle remains quite minuscule despite my wandering heart

big convention in virginia over the weekend got a bag full of psychedelics no sense of self and an entire event to dissociate from the idea of seeing my friends is counterbalanced by the constantcommerce so i will flit among the shadows smiling and pretending i know who anyone is an indistinct blur with unfocused […]

i have discovered some people are miserable no good rottenfetidsacksofshit i have also learned to trust my instincts some people only find joy in making others miserable what sad little nincompoops they truly are in the end all they have is the nothingness they cultivated because once exposed nothing is all they ever were

i never know to regret not getting to know someone but i find myself regretting letting some of these serpents in human disguise know me this is a lesson i need to take to fucking heart

karma isn’t real suffering is infinite while the universe remains apathetic six foot deep lay liars and saints

i haven’t read your work but i hear good things thank you i get that all the time as if there is success by best intent just empty words to make the madman feel better because he refuses to pander or beg

i know why the trapped fly wriggles despite the inherent hopelessness the multifaceted gaze of the indifferent predator feeling the signal thread tremble hypnotically i also understand why a fly would decide to never fly again

the sparrow hutch which was formerly occupied by my stuttering brain is a chaotic swirl where everything moves just too fast to be deciphered so i scribble alone in boand parking lot where the thoughts can seek seeds in the verdant growth over dour gray disinterest

ever have nothing as well as everything to say? so you say nothing while the everything eats you up?

the part of writingwhich appeals mostis after i have longturned to dustthe words live onunsullied by a fooli can be forgottenas anything but scarson the face of beautypockmarks on the whoremouth of creativity i was never really herein the first placean accumulation of scarsdraped over a longing forthings i was never meantto truly experience myself

too much attention increasing the tension in bipolar retention a penchant for remorseful fugues battered by a barrage internally manifested yet no less damaging nor self sufficient manifest destiny in inner distress leaving cracks racing across borderline misnomers

i am sorry i didn’t live up to the lofty expectations i wasn’t aware i was held to being honest did me no favors playing along only encourages erratic behavior in return you heard exactly what you wished despite the actual words which were succinctly spoken i could never let anyone else down with the […]

she isn’t just a serpent lurking venom dripping her reticulated network of lies spreads throughout the tall grass commiting character assassination from her lair of insanity weaving lies among gifts to assert control over victims then lashing out and burning it all because she believes she is above repercussions one day the snake queen will […]

anxiety has taken me hostage no negotiation simple demands end this atrocity masquerading as existence or the stomach lining gets ulcerated

in the heart of sheer chaos a fool sits loupe affixed using tweezers to stack fractals the trade off between a too open heart and a labyrithian mind makes the shifting soulshallows treacherous nigh impossible to navigate without a trustworthy guide i think he drowned somewhere south of the last disaster in phantom pantomime if […]

a consistent compression keeps the hair coil spring in a state of tension unyielding i have always had a fascination with watchmaking the complex gears moving in unison to mark the passage of a man-made convention i chase the high in fixing complex devices because as one of the irrevocably broken it gives a faint […]

one of my many manymanymanymany faults is easily idealizing things letting my brain color outside of the lines even as i see the truth the only time i am truly amazed is at the abject cruelty humans display as confidently as a peacock strutting this says more of me the apathetic fool yawning as the […]

i cannot hold back the torrent of tears i fear this storm will wash a fool away god’s mechanical heart wheezes as divinity is replaced with electrons a holy binary for the bipolar choir i weep endlessly for the transition as i slowly petrify giving my humanity to pacify the avarice in dullwitted deification a […]

i have a special place for all the broken because us misfits didnt choose to be different it isn’t easy not fitting in feeling alone in crowded rooms i was born skinless in this ocean of emotional dissonance where everything is always too fucking much so if you need to sit a spell in the […]

the tourbillon keeping my heart beating in time to the wobble of this desolate rock no longer seems to negate the effects of gravity leaving an oblong deformation to ventricles venting atrial anxieties in visceral vanity yet the purpose of the tourbillon remains an unnecessary accessory the same as the heart of a pedantic poet

the birds sing at seven o’clock a sure sign spring has certainly sprung bluebonnets and pastel colors fill a frantic fool with a lingering longing for more than the nothingness which makes the world feel ever so hollow a series of nesting dolls growing smaller chocolate bunnies and sheer desperation

i can feel when i slip too far the obsessive compulsions begin to wire my day it starts innocently a mantra to calm my head which becomes a repetition which becomes a light burning until i am knotted up trying to perform rituals i know are ineffectual i drive a lot one of the early […]

despite the dreariness hovering heavily the birds sing of better times to come. this is a lie i tell myself as morning dawns and i seek a spark to motivate away from cozy ideation. liquefied in a blanket cocoon yet never emerging as anything except lesser than what i was yesterday even farther from who […]

ambivalence is a disease yet apathy remains the path of least resistance and current, even rapidly oscillating, just yearns to go home. even if we have no fucking idea if home actually truly exists. i would like my ashes blended into eyeglass frames so i can see the world from someone else’s point of view […]

if things are orderly i pick apart the edges until it all falls to pieces. yet i thrive in chaos. if given the time to overthink myself into oblivion i will most certainly obliterate existence. when thrust into roiling chaos i snatch disparate threads to weave into abstract wonder. i feed off of my environment […]

i am mute a mannequin standing in the window staring out at an incomprehensible hellscape of fading color splotches undefined in molecular dismay. lashed to the stern a figurehead carved in constant turmoil straining against the lunacy of the ocean lost in the refractions salt crusted over hazel dissociations.

i would scream but there is no one to hear me so i sit lost reading scribbling accomplishing absolutely nothing. i doubt i truly exist in any meaningful way. i convert oxygen into carbon dioxide likely ineffectively and occupy space away from everyone those i thought were close were merely tropical delusions farther away than […]

it becomes dificult not knowing why you are being used and just sad when whatever use you had ends without any warning as much as i wish to be human i can never quite understand these self centered machinations nothing is really real just footnotes in a discarded journal being scribbled by an autistic god […]

you know the saying, dance as if no one is looking? this is my approach to writing. if i stopped and considered anyone reading my words i would be paralyzed with self doubt. humans prefer to pick scabs expose themselves in a private setting it is why bathrooms have doors. i live life performing the […]

a manic mapmaker with a matchbook setting fire to all the roads leading to lingering agonies a malodorous malady in insipid inquiries with no answers sidting through the ashes of photogenically catastrophic memory lapses the hunchback poet carrying a satchel filled with glass slippers discarded in hasty retreats a disarming prince uncharming lighting fire to […]

lightning flash fries arterial stutters whiteknuckled as the mania grabs ahold launching a fool into an orbit where the pieces of who he wished he could have been float aimlessly around a blue orb so far from home

all we can do is all we can do no matter how much we wish it were different. if i were normal maybe i could find happiness but no one has managed to show me what normal is as of yet. and everyone seems miserable. maybe abnormal is in the eye of the beholden. nobody […]

a miracle wrapped in a stifling miasma a patchwork quilt of stillborn poetry anomenablessingasin the itchy insides of a funeral suit bare buttocks upon silken lining interred six feet from sunlight i am a confusion in half cocked culmination a series of lines left unspoken for an attention defecit disaster spread over the burnt crust […]

bronze horses trapped midgallup as i drive through the overly complicated complex in search of the loading dock to the science museum so i can service the postage machine signs for the rodeo and golden glove boxing flap in the wind while men in orange vests wander on golf carts in another iteration the horses […]

i knew it was you through the dreamhaze when i woke to find the paint blistered around my bed phantom scars burning down my tender flesh and a breathlessness only you could truly inspire spent so long manic all i can do is sleep yet there is no rest when every dream is lacerated by […]

the building gives off vibes of the cold war fabricated concrete beams lined with dour black slits this is the same sort of place franz came to work at when following his father’s advice to be a success the kind of tomb which kills a soul yet i am positive it could withstand the first […]

everywhere i turn there are plastic demons stealing the personalities of real humans being so they can hide how truly empty the hollow cadavers they pilot really are pretending to be smiling happy people when the bitterness of their cyanide truths are exposed they attack applying misdirection confusing the herd unaware how easily the carnage […]

snarling and snapping the bad side of the cycle leaves a taste of batteries pervading my mouth as another sigh escapes to fall flaccid flailing for a sense of hope in a sea of bitter dreamfilth

a tentative drive through pockets of perilous precipitation face awash in brake lights as the mechanical beetles crawl down the highway slipslipslipping into another dimension where leylines linger linearly upon the faults between tectonic trepidations alliterative aspersions cast in dissociative howls echoing apathetically amid weathered wisps and tombstones

the floor is lava the air filled with carcinogenic particulates as a fool sits on a granite throne carved from the tombstones of all those let down by borderline paranoia lost in the shifting sands turned to a glass prison as the floor flows in floes of lackluster magnanimous magma oozing from these open weeping […]

the thunder which shook your bedroom the entire evening was just my heartbeat as i woke from a dream in which you were in my arms where you belong only to find this erroneous iteration of reality where the chasm separating our souls is a tempest threatening to destroy the universe itself

the rain has been relentless the same as the ache from missing her eventually the storm has to pass and i can ache in the sunlight miserable and warm once again it’s all about perspective

a woodpecker has joined the flock and the mockingbirds have made the subtle ratatattatting into a chorus of constant dischordant tapping the sparrows sit staring in at me expecting a fair shake of seed in the face of this incessant chatter i fall into the staccato murmuring odes to hearts gone completely feral

a despondent responder sparking pondering a reticule of ridicule in a semitransient state somewhere between sublimation and shimmery suffocation the park is still the weight of sunlight pressing down upon stagnancies of brown broken bitterly by flashes of nascent verdancy i could have slept another three hours catching glimpses of your smile slashing the miasmal […]

part of me wants nothing more than to get lost in the jungles of tasmania i struggle as the kids become adults with finding anything to tether me here yet i have never been camping so this newest infatuation is just an ideation in circular terms when i say that i don’t feel as if […]

i see the appeal of rollercoasters but faulty receptors compounded with inherited traumas make most everyday a death defying ride on the bipolar express add a few heaping tablespoons of fine borderline pepper and you have yourself the most exciting temporary forever you could imagine until you pull the emergency brake and make a great […]

i never sought a juliet capulet preferring to pen tragedies of my own less shakespearian and more hastily stitched together with safety pins they romanticize sid and nancy as if they were anything more than strung out junkies with an indecent amount of sudden undeserved fame true love is when lux looked at ivy microphone […]

fermenting in the gradual fragmenting where a soul becomes a glimmer of former glory a shadow lurking in the hollows where vermin snapandsnarl at the fetid wind blowing over the open sewer where dream dies tucked in snug as bug in a rug with an itchy funeral shroud two cool coins over my eyes and […]

the sparrows line the balcony ledge trilling softly as the dawn breaks while a fool sits freshly showered a loose ball of yarn slowly unraveling in a state of semi tangibility searching the baby blue penumbra for an easy escape i fall apart swiftly an i love you whispered into the howling gales a paper […]

the discomfort when the madness strikes sudden confusion trying to figure out the where of it all occasionally the when holding it together while racing the cracks as everything splinters trying not to catch stray shrapnel as ancient pains swell bubbles of this toxic miasma floating forming cysts along tarnished sanity along deviant hopes for […]

another night in agony incapable of finding any sort of relief i consider a trip to the hospital where i can stay in a designer straightjacket it is that or take a more permanent type of pain dismissal it is all too fucking much for someone who can’t make himself go outside regularly

life feels detestable and i find myself not having fun everyone is playing some game not chess their feeble minds couldn’t grasp the subtlety inherent though they seem to see everyone as little pawns perhaps these words will gain value once i am no longer spitting them out

the internet has a way of giving certain individuals a sense of importance or superiority they do not deserve by feeding egos unleashing the monsters they always were the difference being now they have a platform for their audacious fuckery whereas before they were forced to act human if the people you surround yourself with […]

neither recused nor excused the culpability in crushing collusion leaving little but windswept shrapnel in the form of a heart embedded in the headboard where swollen dreamcatchers drip pent up bile scorchmarks on the bedpost and another nightmare cast in flesh then loosed upon the frightened villagers i am a pinball rejected reflected desperate to […]

the reemergence of winter thrusting suddenly from the loose soil of a grave she gave no consent to be interred in conjunction with diatribes on the futility of hope as parlayed by half paralyzed pariahs pantomiming perjuring priests leaves a fool tepid perched upon the precipitous pleas in prehensile pandering thereisnolight intheperpetualgray she was a […]

i never knew if it was worse being disappointed or hurt as a child my father would say he wasn’t angry just disappointed and it was infintely worse to me but now after a lifetime of disappointment this latest act just hurts which is definitely worse

so easily disavowed disemboweled by self evident half truths kindleddwindled rekindledspindled thenleftinahaze i have become so lost i am convinced i am exactly where i was supposed to be in a dream a sparrow had for me confounded by insidious illness draped in drugs while raging alone inthehollowedoutcorpse ofthebeautifulestofintentions leftsallowshallowand quitemorose my soulshatter dementias best […]

i am so empty i swallow marbles to listen as they rattle down my mechanical innards watching as i am slowly redacted from those i cherished

spent the last six months ignoring the sparrows as they tap at the glass squatting in the stoop staring at a fool who has nothing to add to the cacophony in curious whistles the insistent clamor the court insistent on being addressed by the mad king curled in a ball with fingers in his ears […]

poetry is my confessional because i cannot imagine anyone reading (my)poetry on purpose at moments like now when i am truly at the end of my rope oscilating poletopole exhaustedbroken with lapses just too short to fall asleep failing to escape even mometarily from this existence as the sun drops from view leaving harsh bruising […]