butterflies

i staple a fresh butterfly to my chest to feel the fluttering wings as nervous pattering overlaying the dessication in simple sublimation while the world evaporates in unhinged chaos deep down i know that if i ever let myself freely express the fullness of me that is magma in my chest i would lose whatever […]

madness

how long did they expect poor hades to sit surrounded by the dead cheated by his brothers that ravaged the skies and seas with wanton lust and greed there is a solemn insanity in the absolutes absolute zero causes atoms to sit at their lowest energy value absolute silence causes a mind to shatter into […]

no cure

in the quiet hours after the world has fallen asleep the whispers fill my head as i desperately drift towards slumber that never fully embraces me back same with the universe itself it only gives limp half attempts at comforting embraces just enough to know it is forced unmeant nonreciprocal incidental brushings against rather than […]

hidden scars

there is always a part of the broken soul that is kept hidden a secret a pain that isn’t shared a shame scratched deep into the soul but she gets it there is something frightening but comfortable in knowing you don’t have to hide or pretend sometimes you aren’t falling apart i could never show […]

daisy

there is a daisy in a dented coffee can on the windowsill over the sink a spadeful of soil with the flaccid flower leaning against the window as if homesick for a home it never knew while i whisper soft secrets in life giving breath only for the dejected plant to wilt even worse perhaps […]

living

i sat at the table listening as he droned on and on and on his this was swollen some number was elevated his this was out his that was in goddamn man give up curl into a ball die die die for fuck sake lean into the inevitable he looked offended at my eruption my […]

still life

a constabulary of carnations, prim balls of pandering pink puffs, swaying in the morbidity, inelegant indulgences like the swollen lips of lust, herself her cheshire grin ignites a charred patch of desire flaring across the cottonwood fluff covered fields, a quick burn leaving naught but ash behind the swell of her breasts, supple rapture in […]

one can hope

the strippers are out of work in a pandemic fully clothed looking for jobs that will pay a couple hundred in cash an evening eventually transitioning to sex workers on the internet for the huddled masses yearning to be touched willingly giving out their crucial credit card info for a moment of connection. i don’t […]

bagged and tagged

i took a hammer to all the hardest parts of myself until there was nothing but bonesand filling the skinsack the incidental invertebrate trying to perfect this imperfection knowing no matter how many swings there will always be the memory of rigid truth in the hand clutching the hammer i sit still against the alley […]

to the sun

i woke with great inspiration to write a poem the coffee is ready the puppy has been petted the sun has begun to rise the sun has begun to rise all other thoughts vanished as the light snuffed for days peeked up over the city now i sit embraced by the warmth some poems are […]

melted the night

she melted the night with eyes of flame pensively pondering prehensile propagate purgatorially penning pedantic prose from my hands shot metal strings that pierced the detached retina that blurred the lines etched across the mortal leer the night oozed tar across her ebon fingers as her smoldering eyes dripped pitch in sharp round tears echoed […]

miles left

sometimes i drive through sections of town where the houses are hidden down private drives with trees lining the street so it seems like in the middle of the city there is nothing for miles i guess it is sort of the truth as there is nothing there for me in the hidden homes with […]

ostrich

i can tell your fingers knocking on the door smell your perfume from two miles away fight or flight ignites in my chest but i know i am flightless an ostrich with my head buried deep in the sand how long did it take to see the truth in you even with all the shit […]

off

the world feels half a step off there is a palpable surrealism dripping to form mirrorpuddles but i know instinctively not to gaze too deeply into the ambiguities they reflect affecting disaffected instances of rejections prior to the actual execution of escapology apologies i haven’t seen the sun in days now i question if i […]

safe

i woke with a poem in my head that i do not feel like sharing with a name on my tongue i have been silently whispering and a craving of which i cannot define some days are like this i clamp down on my secrets because i fear someone may steal them or laugh at […]

fold it up (a collaboration with EC)

The cold follows me into every room and I don’t like the air between your lips and mine (it started small, small enough we could ignore it, a bad day turned into a week, turned into a month, turned into she couldn’t look at me without the side of her mouth, that mouth that had […]

die young

there is an indignity in realizing you are now too old to die young. but there is a measure of comfort in knowing there is still time to leave as much wreckage as possible. what do you say? hold hands while we burn as much of this place to the ground as we can manage […]

hoarfrost queen

when i was a kid my favorite season was winter the heavy snows in illinois would smother the sound laying heavy over everything but my joy was waking before the sun rose in her pallid state to watch the light reflect off the millions of diamond coated tree branches the air was too cold for […]

breaking intimacy (a collaboration with EC)

when i woke this morning, it was easy to misinterpret the heron’s call through the static I stood in the door shadow of the narrow cellar steps immersed in the hallucinogenics of summer and the hard slap of fall the world felt musty, the sky seemed dusty, everything felt slightly askew, as I took wobbling […]

shapes and sounds

i was insane before i found my voice in that voice a myriad of shapes and sounds i fall into them licking every hard consonant trailing fingers over the ivory-keyed vowels i was mad trying to scream in cursive until i learned to uncapitalize inconsequentialities i don’t write words i shape those sounds until the […]

spread thick

there is poetry spread thick across my tongue in my agate gaze the entire world has a hidden cadence i do not recall the last time i had a normal thought lost in seeking the connection between syllables there is poetry thickly spread across your skin my pale pink tongue longs to taste every word […]

nightlight

unaware if i ever slept or if this is just one continuous day of sleep deprived inhibition the sky is dark the ambient light a nightlight pervading the ever growing darkness within manifested externally in a display of black on black on black on lavender fever dreams across the asphalt i see my distorted reflection […]

sunkissed

her kiss sunrise across my parted lips a culmination after a lifetime in the dark her kiss sunset trailing along my cheek a sad farewell before stepping back into night oh, for a thousand noontime kisses to stave off the cold the chill wind of eternal evening across the desolate places hidden deep in a […]

y(our)s

i am delicate barbed wire twisted around lungs a drop of crimson on virgin white my heart is sculpted from plastic explosives my lips ignite the fuse but the countdown begins in earnest when i feel your breath on my thigh i am broken bent out of shape from all the sexual positions practiced and […]

bled in (a collaboration with EC)

I sit every morning on the other side of his coffee cup just waiting to hear him remind me of things, tease me and listen to him laugh, as I hold my legs tightly together so he can’t notice what he does to me. But he always notices, and I see the color of his […]

soulscatter

there is a hole in my heart a steady leak filling my chest with blackened gelatinous bits of the parts of me i long to share but likely never will i am tired of screaming myself hoarse hoping an eagle mistakes my shaved head for a rock to drop a tortoise end both of our […]

puppy

the neighbors with the new puppy have apparently gone back to some semblance of normal the little girl left early with her school supplies her parents slipped into their cars while i sipped coffee and waited for the sun they have locked the puppy up i can tell by the high pitched squeaky yowls every […]

terribly

i am not sure who you are but i miss you terribly today but it feels like you don’t even know who i am that just makes it more bittersweet on my lips

devil

i tried to tell you i was the devil it isn’t my fault my tongue was inside of you at the time as you whispered my name pulling me in closer and closer the invocation was complete

sudoku(seppuku)

trying to weave my way through the minefield in my mind is playing sudoku with the finesse of seppuku the numerics out of sync with the blade in my stomach questioning the honor in quenching the steel in random digits clenching the slick hilt as the crimson stains the squares there is a fragility thick […]

chasm of self

i am a casual insomniac with artistic aspirations i dabble in the lost arts of self-referential self-abuse with the light linework of matisse across incidental pain graphite sketches gradients crosshatched along the obtuse radius resisting radiance radically radial radio broadcasts sent from the edge of the last heartschism sleepwalking through the performance art inherent in […]

docile dismality

the quiet oppressively coats everything except the dishwater an ocean echoing from the kitchen with soothing waves i fall into the rhythm reminded of the womb when the vacant heartbeat was no promise of sundered wounds but carried hope before the understanding that just because it is the first sound i heard doesn’t necessarily make […]

woke

i woke with a longing for you to pour your golden light down my throat as if molten lead to coat my chest in your ethereal magic joy i woke with an urge to use an exactoblade to rearrange my fingerprints so i could adopt a new identity better suited to life i woke with […]

taste

when i tell you i will suck your soul out as we stare into each other’s eyes tasting your breath hovering a millimeter from touching that moment where you give in and it’s mine i mean it i’ll be gentle ish when it comes to you patience is the bonfire filling the sky with magenta […]

lumpy

her collar bone, misshapen like a pomegranate, yet still just as sweet if slightly worse for wear it is the imperfection that highlights the perfection innate to her

summer fades to autumn

autumn has enfolded the world, there is a pleasant cool to the day driving with the window down arm out feeling as the air kisses hades mark as the music plays too loudly but i don’t have my voice today, i cannot talk as the words just sit in the back of my throat, lodged […]

s

sonorous spirit! scintillating spectre! sweet siren, singing serenity scented serenades. sending sultry shivers, seductively shaking soulchills. she, supple serendipity, shearing sanctimonious scrutiny, softly sharing sanctuary.

t-shirts

when i die i want my t-shirts to be divvied up between my loved ones that way they can wear them knowing i am hugging them i love them and i am always just a thought away

a deeper kind

the moon hung in petulant shades of pink with orange splotches like bruises across the pitted face glaring down at me in a mix of disappointed disapproval for forsaking the comfort of bed to traverse the empty roads i am tired but the vacuous embrace found in a queen sized void where the fool curls […]

buried in the roots of the cherry blossom

the best parts of me the hidden bits untarnished by the greasy hands of familial distress are kept in a burlap sack buried beneath the cherry blossom tree on the onyx hill in the center of the necropolis filled with all the interred lovelorn corpses slamming angry fists against the cheap wooden boxes in which […]

fuel

every line is falling in love by the milligram each word a dose infused with unshed tears in a chemical bond with hope a patented blend of vernacular deification bled into the centrifuge to separate the gossamer refrains bound to the crystalized soulglitter shed across the pixelated stardust in her eyes a hand stretches out […]

dead man float

when i was a kid i would bob on the swimming pool waves with my face down in the water watching the shadows dance across the bottom unaware of the self fulfilling prophecy drowning in the sea baptized by poseidon destined to return to the sea foam from which i sprang fully broken to stagger […]

heartsputter(freezing)

there is a chill in my bones, my love, a frigidity that makes my limbs quiver, an uncontrollable shaking, and i am tired, so tired of waking in this bed alone with the the taste of you still strong on my tongue, honeysuckle, orange, spices so tired, i am tired the chill has settled deep […]

mourning morning

as sleep drips from my brain honey to trickle down my nervousness in waves of sweet surrender the remain of dreamgrit in the morning dark that i cannot scrub from the corner of my unfocused eyes i await the sun to burn the sins of yesterday from my tattered soulflag as it hangs at half […]

need

her blood shimmered across my tongue the shadow of a flame impossibly decedent with the weight of sin i am a glutton for her i do not apologize for my need

wrong/right

there are days i’ve lived that i do not think were ever meant for me whole chunks of my existence that seemed predestined for another yet somehow i slipped in by mistake a tragic case of the right body with the wrong soul so if you look at me and see someone else it’s me […]

some mornings

some mornings i feel like a diving spider with a web filled with air slowly knitting together a garish pink barbie funhouse just beneath the surface of the pond some mornings i feel like a mockingbird barking from a tree as the neighbor folds a pillow over their head in an effort to maintain a […]

a proposal

when i paused and fell to one knee she let out a sharp inhalation, a host of emotions that sped through as i realized she might think this was a proposal it was, but not for a lifetime of fairy tale sunsets, there would be no magician, no dragon, no knight, she is a beautiful […]

kiss of winter

i come to you in need with agonized chapped lips from the lingering frost on the lethargic kiss of winter cracked and bleeding i absorb your poetic heart with every painful kiss down the rigidity of the spine of our story that same kiss of winter meant for the heart of summer but always separated […]

thirteen times

in the obviously oblivious obsolescence of oblivion he busks for change a one man band humming elevator versions of unwritten pop songs decomposed in the brains splattered against the mildewed tiles of the last bathroom hidden in the darkness beneath the landing for the orange line train thirteen times the candleflame flickers in the rancid […]

hope

there are leeches fat with the blood that carelessly falls from my eyes to stain my cheeks crimson thunder sounds there are maggots deep in the dreamflesh writhing with sallow misery in which to feast nature howls a housefly walks across the ocular orb’s unseeing surface with spindly legs in the jelly plumes of smoke […]

a wind, a spider, a moth

A wind blew across the foam tipped waves, down through the tangles of trees, across the sun baked plains. Hints of salt, peonies and grass tantalizingly danced in its invisible grace. Down and around the buildings that stretched up into the sky, swirling the trash in the alleyways, and entwining itself among the tubes of […]

an apple perched

i see myself in the wind warped panes of glass that line the buildings. an apple precariously perched on an overcoat filled with baby rabbits a spiderweb whipping in the congestion of angry cars with headless drivers my sighs float like an open sewer through the hazy malaise of summer end she smells of gunpowder […]

wait

they say a watched pot never boils. i say they lack patience. there is a beauty in seeing the bubbles form. some things are worth the wait.

an inch closer

there is a certain time of the day, shifts as the days grow longer and shorter the sun, growing tired of the view, content that a few moments sleep won’t hurt anyone, begins to set i follow her lazy journey, envious as she grows closer and closer to the object of heart’s desire as she […]

hoarse

as the words rang, a clarion call of golden bells, over a field of wildflowers that span the land, from sea to sea, in every shade of your lips, your tongue, your throat, your sometimes the need to press against you, knowing i will want to bite your lip as my traitorous lungs demand oxygen […]

The Fool Ferments update

Look at this beauty. The fermentation is bubbling. A lush foam rises when tamping. This is day four of the process, and after a sample, it is delicious. I’m going to let the magic continue for a day of two longer. love me

a win

i like to go outside and sip coffee while the darkness still sits impatiently over the world it is quiet no planes overhead, no cars on the streets, the apartments are all silent around me in these moments, it is the just the words and the silence, punctuated by strong coffee i heard the door […]

shipwrecks

we are all shipwrecks some of us have yet to find the reef while some of us have already sunk we carry the unmarked graves in our waterlogged bones moss swaying in the cold currents of the past telltale signs of emergency repairs half finished as the rot returns all to sediment where all the […]

four thousand lashes

This is my four thousandth post. I understand how insane that is. I do. Sometimes the magnitude of sharing so much pain is too much. But sometimes the emptiness is so deep, all I can do is sink. When I awaken, I cough half formed thoughts onto the sand. Then I dive back in. I […]

coaldust menagerie

emotionally he was a collapsed mine he was a finch in a cage as the vapors swept from vents in the coaldust menagerie of soft feelings spreading across the tears in his paper maché psychosis he was the last survivor tearing scraps off the lucky bastards that were more eminent in their demise never realizing […]

prayers to the emptiness within

i never imagined having enough words to write four thousand poems never imagined anyone would care on a globe of indifference but as it sits throughout a life lived alone with brief moments of glorious connection i have written thousands of bloody prayers to the emptiness within and my mouth tastes of citrus and i […]

ring of mushrooms

even in the stillness of necessity the ceaseless action rifles through absent damnation the worldsphincter collapses in upon itself to facilitate the progression of error she sat on the bench, mouthing along to the song filling her head, as the jackals crept through the brush it wasn’t a singular event that led to her systemic […]

anxious

anxious anxious fettered brain filled with dandelion dander shallow breaths anxious so many thoughts at the same time. i can see my heartbeat in the leaves of the trees i see my soul in the oil stained pavement i see my reflection in the fun house mirror never knowing the face that stares back i’m […]

and the sky opened

and the sky opened a pearlescent spiral began to jut across the dusky gloam insidious derailment of causation in the duality of remorse and the sky opened trails of virescence leak through the aether of insincere remembrance casting the globe in the humid regression of angular denials and the sky opened derision plummets from the […]

soar

anxiety and depression have always been part of the recipe that created these foolish poetic meanderings now there is a sense of letting go of falling in of acceptance being accepted a burst of colors in my chest a lack of dwelling in the shadows tentative steps into the sun’s embrace without fear of the […]

somnambulist’s sojourn

it is in the silent moments of catching my breath that you slide around my brainstem and squeeze between songs as the backbeat fades only my heartbeat and your voice as the seconds turn to hours there is a feeling of a somnambulist’s sojourn ending as i awake securely bound to your words

her pulse on my hand

she coils gently in my bruises with the sweetest pain i inhale her wildflower dreampollen in waking dream the world is quiet except for her pulse on my hand an orchestra that fills the night with the softest shimmer

comfort

in my head songbirds flit about your head the woodland creatures lay gifts at your feet in honor the clouds always part so a single ray of light shines upon you somehow in reality you are better there is a deep satisfaction in your existence that massages my soul so when i see a songbird […]

johnny appleseed

he was a modern day johnny appleseed casting his soul across the infertile earth with every turgid ode tossed to absently spin in her disengaged sense of entitlement all while blindly spilling his secrets into the wind unaware intent can never be determined by the emptiness when i love you stopped being more than eight […]

poet’s quiver (a collaboration with EC)

I’ve been a little bit of hell (she is heaven) with a tender side but always making mouths bleed (i lick the crimson dripping down her chin). I have collected a quiver of sacred words (her every verse casts divinity), arrows dipped in poets blood, but vengeance isn’t in me so they fly through the […]

40 seconds

40, 39, every forty seconds someone around the world dies from suicide 36, 35, the world is lonely, the world is pain, no one knows what anyone else is feeling 32, 31, broken hearts, broken dreams 27, 26, but there are moments, the first time you told her you loved her, the first time she […]

free

in these moments the urge to write poetry is gone as i sit lost in you the world has become aloft with poetic meanderings as you have become the calm a new inkwell of fascination in which i feel so wondrously free

son(n)et

in your stare, rests the key to a nocturne; a soultorn sonata, born in the night; upon your lips, an inferno does burn; a bonfire that promises pure delight a flare, your image etched into my sight; your sketch of perfection, dripped down my soul; a sense of falling, from perilous height; regaining purpose, by […]

silly dead and their trumpets

how silly are the dead? lined up with trumpets of bone; the wind rattling in their empty skulls bored after so long buried six shallow feet from the sunlight; they lie like lizards on stones to warm their fallow spirits they loiter in stained blouses the harsh florescent glare; trapped in the false walled prison […]

sauerkraut (the fool ferments)

Hey there beautiful people. Let’s do something different. Let’s ferment. We are making sauerkraut. It’s so easy. Two ingredients. Half hour tops. You need a three pound head of cabbage. And a teaspoon and a half of coarse salt Shredded Add the salt. It seems like too small an amount. It is enough. Then squeeze […]

susurrous (a collaboration with EC)

the leaves have changed color, shedding the emerald hue for yellows and reds, the winds have cooled and the world feels slower i couldn’t tell you the day, the date or even the time, it’s daytime, the dancing shadows through the canopy tell me that much I looked up to see the swirling of parchment […]

a thousand sloppy cuts

none slice the hardest as the ones that clench the knife in lovelorn anger for they are the ones that know your secrets using them to temper the blade their hands have touched every soft spot know where to cut to stab to plunge to maximize the impact to share the shattering ache that fills […]

pink sky

and the sky was burnished in an ethereal pink as if the dream infected it with the same flush that sweeps my cheeks as the dreammist of writhing limbs fades into an odd sort of contentment until all that remains is the hint of her satisfied smile

purple

the phosphorescent filament in my mind’s inner recesses ignites with lavender lasciviousness as her lilac heart paints the sky it wasn’t an accident when i tripped over my own dismay to tumble at your feet, more a happy coincidence as i left my heart wrapped in plain brown paper on your stoop as the purple […]