irradiated dreamstate

my eyes opened too early this morning as the overwhelming desire to run my tongue along your sorrow to let you infuse your beauty so that every taste bud carries a reflection of your magnificence carrying a hint of the storm brewing at the edge of your horizon where the darkness flickers to tinge the […]

{x’s}

every photo is a caricature where the exaggerated dejection burrowed into the furrowed brow is but a reflection of hyper distended incomprehension madness in vacant eyes scars squirm fat coarse cords sewn in haphazard{x’s} by heavy handed[exes] to keep the palemaggotskinnedlips firmly pressed together keeping the declarations (un)spoken the ugly bastard waiting for the seeds […]

want/get

living in images is great for writing poetry but bad for a life lived alone filled with insufferable longing. we get what we get. doesn’t really matter what we want.

dander moon

in my handsi holda manualsolvinglifes petty nuancesyetthe pagesremainblank i carrya self magnifyingglassyetgain no insightfromcrystalline betrayalbaked intosilicateserendipity there aretoo manyquestionsyetthe answerscome as riddleswith nosliver of hopein the solving i sit herealoneon the tip ofthe crescent moonwith roomfor youas the starsfallin the tear shapeddivotsworn throughthe bedrockof who i once thoughti would bebeforethe realities ofsurreptitiousduplicityhidden breadcrumbsin the smoke […]

your name on my lips, your soul on my broken

a sense that something went missing pervades the broken after this latest falling apart as if some of the stardust returned to the cosmos to leave me missing a handful of essential skills i still pine for your lips pressed firmly against my flesh long for the succor of your proximity lay here writhing under […]

lavender kisses

she braided lavender sprigs into the weighted leather so as she flagellated the stain from my unclean flesh the lavender kisses soothe the ache of insufficiency holistically abhorrent leaving my third chakra skewed to point at self actualized ridicule as the heady metallic scent blended with the light purple indifference i was never a dancer […]

international insanity

the building is nice, immaculate, yet there are petrified dog turds everywhere, blending into the beige carpet. her eyes are electric blue but crackle with a madness i hate that i recognize from the mirror. they answer my work related questions with tales of drug stings down the street and men coming to use the […]

garden in lethe

watering the flower garden with this rusty can filled near to overflowing from the slow moving occasional river that snakes through my dreaming mind each bud opens in a fit of forgetful hues to greet the overcast sky the color of old bruises with gentle breaks in nebulous gray letting slivers of golden beams little […]

wintry

today is cloudy heavy with the promise of winter kissing the back of my neck as the winds whip dead leaves like so many what could have beens in a series of messages from the aether to reprogram my deficient selfless understanding as to the complex calculations that seem to leave me on the short […]

it is

i wanted to write something romantic something to curl your toes as you realized just how deep the longing burns inside of me with you as the accelerant instead i sat for fifteen minutes smiling because you make me feel so fucking alive so fucking happy it might not be romantic but it is real […]

vapid vagrant (self portrait)

the mechanical man trundled slowly to the outskirts of town careful to remain in the woods away from accidental eyes away from despising stares black smoke rising from the furnace in his belly driving his steam powered heart the treads on his feet slowly sinking in the soft loam as he watches the happy people […]

pawn shop daydreaming

she found me in a pawn shop standing in front with a note that read free to a good home i did my best puppy dog eyes dreading another night kennelled in the back room that smells like cheap cigars and stale flatulence with a heavy dose of melancholic misplaced affections she gave me a […]

morning rust w/EC

her lips like silk against the smooth skin of my shoulder as her breath danced along sending chills down my spine She always loved the tone of my laugh, it wasn’t just the sound, she’d say, but the tone. She described it as naked, raw and like a cinema of memories, miracles and glittering geodes. […]

wrong side of bed

the only beauty i can find in the world this morning is in sylvia’s words and the wildflowers in your gaze i got up on the wrong side of the bed fell into a mobius loop of constant waking then stumbling into the negative space between thought and action it is cold yet the bitds […]

an overdramatic response

damn the truth!damn the wretched truth! she was a vampyre!she was a nymph,cast in dusky brown!foul succubus! on my kneesi beseech thee,oh lord above!spare me fromthese ignoble slights! cast thisfoulest demonbackback to bottomof the fiery pits!to hell!to tartarus! just allowthis poor foola momentof succorfreefrom the dinof yourmost foul harpy,i implore thee

etchings

some daysi write you poemsthat are etchedinto the insideof my skullcarved carefullyinto the ivory cagethat keeps metrappedin this suit of flesh i may notbe much to look atbut if youcrack me openlike a coconutyou will see beautylost in the shavingsresting on mygelatinous truth some daysi write the mostbeautiful thingsleft inthe silence of selflost inthe white […]

self(ish)

my mental acuityhas hamperedmy emotional growthas a defense mechanismagainstearly hatred shown the words thatdieon my tonguefly freeonly in verse i worrymy mute expressionismthis screamingin silentsolitudewill always denythe infernoof passionthat flaresbehind eyesno one everglances into

best intent

it occurs to me that no matter how deeply dreamt or fervently wished the things that i want aren’t required for me to survive just to live so i exist in the pedantic lines of unread poetry a half alive spectre standing in the snow peering through the large window as the lovers curl up […]

ash w/EC

Sometimes light is layered between shadows of turquoise fauns and raspberry Jell-O shots. Sometimes my sin tastes like the cool edge of indifference and your fingers. I’m just a girl with a head full of garden flowers and imaginary oceans and darkness like you’ve never witnessed before. When I break open the untouched depths of […]

inkblot

one day i will cover all my scars become unvisible just some ink stained walking rorschach test that reminds you of your parents fighting or your father’s penis or that time you walked in on them mid-coitus just a vague unsettling feeling at the edge of perception beaming smoke signals in sultry flashes of sinful […]

me

i can’t remember exactly what it means to be me anymore because me has always ended up being the worst thing about me

missile

today it feelsas if i ama strangerin my own lifea guided missilelaunchedbut unableto do anythingsteeredby invisible hands unableto speakto act a controlledout of controlexperiencethat leadsonly to mytriumphantexplosioninto a showerof nothingin the landof words

tea kettle

she started tocall mea cuckoo clockbecausein our fewdaily interactionsit becamea seriesof repetitive talksas she pulledfather backi hadonly so many chancesto speak but it dawnedon methat i was nevera painted birdin a wooden box i have thisgreat needto sharethe lovethat boilswithin mymetallic framea tea kettleset upon the fireof yourperfectionunable to doanythingbut shoutadoration

gurgling tar

i didn’t wake upthis morningas sleepnever managedto quite workits way aroundto my quiet hell lost in thoughtsthat spunon and onuntil the alarmblared a soundof sullen defeatinto the room i feel exhaustedbut it doesn’t quiteovertake the sorrowthat has bubbledto the surfacegurgling tarin quicksand sleepy

(un)titled image

the cherry blossoms fell beneath the sickly yellow light of the bloated moon as it glares in baleful insolence upon a world swept in a beauty the cold cratered rock could never hope to procure in a fruitful chase of the sun around the vacant eyed globe

quiet

in the quiet moments i get lost in you little daydreams where you sit writing concentrating intensely while i have my headphones in listening to music too loud in the confines of my skull stealing glances my heart swelling at the simple joy of you in my line of sight idling away the time between […]

need(les)

i just need medication to combat this desolation of enforced isolation my mental deviation lends itself to this abbreviation of insular emotional deviation even the birds give me fuck off stares as i pass them, beady eyes staring daggers into my own crooked maw of self destructive ambiguity and i am tired so very tired […]

arson and spiders

prometheuswas the firstarsonistandmy head feelsstuffedwith angry spidersso as far asgood morningaffirmations gotoday isnot the dayif yourmagic eight ballsays differentlyshake ituntil the blue liquidgets sobubblythe message readswhateveryou want itto sayor wait untilthe eaglefinishes offfire boy’s liverchuckthe plastic seerinto the flaming eyeof the gods ownpenancemy brain feelsspideryit is far toocoldwhen i miss youthis much

once II

once while riding across the cobblestone streets of the farmers market, astride a purple dodo with a regal beak despite a rather peculiar aversion to trolleys the ebony tears of the matrimonial dissidents cascade like tar from the pockmarks running along the veins of the last vestige of peace or love a woman in a […]

once

once i rode on an aeroplane a wheezing creaking wooden thing with brass gears wings like a bat that flapped in manic delight as the pilot pedalled furiously a small man, no more than a foot tall, tossed coal into the furnace that belched black smoke as the hot air inflated large sacks sewn from […]

cursively

no matter howbadlythe day is goingit simply takesa few wordsfrom my ladywith wildflowersin her smileto make it allsnap backinto focussomehowshe guidesthe anchoraround my throatto shallow seaswhere i canmanageto keep my headabove water when i tell herthat i love herit means morethan the simplicityof the wordsit meansmy heartbeathas shiftedmy pulsespelling her namein cursivealong every inchof arterial […]

lava

my soul is a tulip bulb buried upside down in the brackish muck of unsolicited tears she baked me a cake with a file in the center, i thought to whittle away the bars, but when i looked closer it said divorce along the rusted belly, my false sense of procured freedom was in her […]

polite like silt (from cuckoo)

the ocean thinks it wins with every rock turned to gravel, every shell turned to sand. but it only gets a belly full of silt for decades worth of abuse. the silt is implacable as always. well mannered. polite. the oceans never stop howling under the yellow light of the moon. pulled by the ebbing […]

she sings, i shave

her voice carries down from upstairs she sings in some strange language as i shave i find myself head cocked feeling the emotion even if the words mean little it isn’t a great voice, more that of an absent minded village girl at the river singing happily as the world slowly moves past reflected in […]

Cerberus is now available on Audible

Cerberus Rising on Audible Cerberus Rising is the product of three close friends; a poet, a master of horror, and a master of suspense. We challenged each other to three prompts, Cabin Fever, Letters, and Chaos. We then each wrote a novelette (~10k) for each prompt. What came out was something incredible. Our individual best […]

lost or listless

i have beenfeelingtoo fucking ugly to writepretty proseso if the poetic outputseems lackingit isa direct reflectionon the foolhimself youare the only beautyin the seaof bitter malaise you have no ideahow gratefuli am you exist because i have beenfeelingawfullyfucking lostas of late

lonesome ball of ambiguous dismay

the cold like pins and needles along my shivering legs even under the blanket in hoodie curled in a lonesome ball of ambiguous dismay somewhat requiring some vapid facsimile of mother’s milk or winsome female camaraderie in which to stoke the fires of heartwood stirring the embers huddled on the couch buried deep down it […]

a bald headed buzzard

sylvia called death a bald headed buzzard yet she gratefully stepped into the ebon winged embrace of the carrion collector i think death must be beautiful an angel casting negative shadows with every displaced breeze caused by multi-hued peacock feathered wings a ring of lavender tinted perfection floating just above hermaphroditus beauty transcends simple earthly […]

learning curve

the steeplearning curveof her bodyleft mequestioningthe conceptsof decencyas the needto taste everyinchleft me unableto gauge the distancebetweenthe cadenceof her heartbeatin my chest

a monster

let me layin the fieldsof wildflowersi am tiredmy soul hurtsi just needto catch my breaththis stitchin my sidefrom choking downthe worldhas turnedinto a spiderwebof cracksalong my contentiousi don’t likewho i have to beto survivethis goddamned jokewhere shehas to be hurtbecause he isn’tenough none of usfeel likewe are enoughbut where does thatstop beinga feelingwhen do we […]

joyous

my heart is still that of a child innocent protected by the mass of scars that cross my psyche it just takes longer for the love to bleed through empty corridors in this way i never forget a feeling so tangled in the web of misdirections my mind casts shadow theatre along the secret tunnels […]

sapience

she struckthe viridescentcardiac carapaceprotectingmy beetle heartsending shimmeringfragments ofhomespun heartcageinto theearly morning airto reflectthe freshly risen suna watercolor dispensaryculminatingin my needfor hersweet sultry sapience

(my)graine

something calls in the fractal spirals that seem to hover just to the side of my vision this kaleidoscopic menagerie filled with delightful half whispers truth in cotton candy wrapped lies tiny pops from the insatiable bee orgy as the penii explode in a symphony of orgasmic dissention i once wrote a poem backwards as […]

violent silhouette w/EC

she wore a shell a diaphonous spiral that draped her like paper mache over the tchotckes in her effervescent heart She came from violence, She bit her lips and swallowed the blood as flesh rearranged itself. She spit her teeth out one by one and washed the charred skin daily to keep wounds fresh. When […]

bad at words, but i need you to know i need you

she smiled her teeth sharp behind her full lips that type of smile does something on a primal level to a man rewrites part of his code triggers a pavlovian response i felt to sudden reactions a tightening of my pants and a sudden desperate need to actualize this desire in a chemical bath of […]

with tongue and teeth and lips

i am no artist yet i dream of painting your flesh with tongue and teeth and lips an endeavor to rival the sistine chapel with a passion so all encompassing it would surely strip michelangelo of his feeble brush and paint with an indignant fury in the face of true artistry on the most perfect […]

lucid

in lucidityi dreamever ableto exerta modicum of controlover thesetidal flowsinthe kingdomof morpheus last nighti closed my eyeswiththe idea offields of tulipsyouin a white sundresswith a band of bluealong the hemthat spunas we laughedstole kissesas the flowersdancedin the lightwarm breeze butthe pinpricks of lightplayed softlyin your eyesunableat the best of timesto tear my gazefrom youthe world […]

collander

i learned to give up the things that didn’t matter to simply walk away but i wonder how much of myself was left on the side of the road as i cleaned house there are things i will never get back that leave small holes in my heart surely i shall bleed to death before […]

sparrows

is anyone else feeling (irritiable uncomfortable rancorous) a little off or is it the sparrows that flit around my head whistling doo dah with no great concern for the people around me as if this irrational rationale b-movie grandiosity this insipid banter the planes float in the air above the airport and as i watch […]

little one room apartments

she stood peering out the window of her little one room apartment into the window of my little one room apartment likely, i was scratching my ass or scowling angrily at the ceiling the glorious life of a poet wasted on fools that swim in words instead of smiling at ladies that peer out the […]

la luna della follia

la luna ticks the boxes that make up the madness bleeding through absentee tear ducts the fountain remains dry as the sad little cherubs blow horns that will never ring clear through yellow light in the gray skies above

veneer (aortic musing)

a thin veneer of glistening frost coats the world outside the filthy windows that do little more than filter out the finer details of another morning in purgatorial musings her fingers gently stroke my aorta as she sleeps sweetly, a stuttering halt to my limbic dissolution gray skies mute the typical symphonic disharmonies of the […]

underwater

she and itended a gardenthat grew deepbeneath the wavesa hidden sanctuarywhere the sunis only a dream we made loveon the currentslit by thebioluminescencecarefullycultivatedalong rows of kelp i didn’t questionour submerged lifewell awarewhereverher smile leadsis the only homenecessary for me

monster

my uglinessis bubbling upto the surfaceagainbarely restrainedby the poorlyformed skullthe fleshdistortedas the imageshownbecomes somethingmore akinto the onereflected backin the quiet momentsof dire depression seven yearsbad luckfor each mirrorshatteredin thisundisguisedself loathingequals a lifetimeencompassedby the truthswhisperedbetween lashesyet i still wantto give my loveto you aloneeven as i fearwho i really am my soulis broken drywallshowing a glimpseinto […]

bell curve

feel as ifi wokethree timesto a progressive scaleof incrementalnone matterance pouring myselfinto multiplecontainmentswondering whythere is never enoughto go around emptied slowlydrainedof any and everypossibilityyet still tryingto give more lost somewhereon the bell curvebetweenunwantedandunnecessary

closest

my mind islostin the black eyesof sharksas i lookfor youin the stormthat seems tobrewjust offto the sidedissipatingwheneveri looktoo hard i should bewritingbut how can itell a storywhen the only thingi canthink about ishowwrapping my armsaround youseems likethe closest to nirvanaas thiscollection of sinswill ever get

jar of fireflies

she kept her heart in a glass jar with fireflies tucked next to the cosmos in her chest to say i was smitten was to ignore the laws of magnetism as suggested by her irresistible pull i likely knew i loved her before i ever knew her name so caught up in the tempest in […]

3xist

i existin that timewherethe sunhas nearly setbutthe street lightshave yetto come to lifethe worldis paintedin dark blueshadowseverythingfeels slightlyout of focusfuzzyaround the edges that’s where ibelongin that spacebetweenday and nightwhere nothingis as it seemswhere the monstersare justshadowswhere truthis as mysteriousas fiction somewherein the liquidpurplewhere sunlighthas alreadyturned to mythas the kingdomof nightsecuresits bordersi existin the hazyrecollectionof kissesbeneaththe […]

once upon a time w/EC

it begins the vacuous space begins to shudder there is a pressure the moment after a deep cut before the blood wells up when everything is sitting on the cusp of either fine or fire Never entirely sure what things signified endings and what represented new beginnings, she winced under the weight of his words. […]

myth direction

an edifice to oedipus a statue to narcissus that has a mirrored sheen sit on this bench allow me to whisper tales of drunken gods having sex in animal form with queens that have more issues than freud at a mothers convention trying to keep his hand out of his pants i have eaten pomegranate […]

mything the point

feeling a little too dionysus lately, a little too ready to let go with wild abandon, unchained, the rigors of the fiery chariot lend to a disconnect from my pursuit of more apollo governed aspects erato has my ear, well aware of where you fit into the complex menagerie and whispering a despair into every […]

smudge

it isn’t that i am tired it is my skeleton has been carved from dwarf stars my heart is a black hole my mind gone supernova so my shoulders are slumped in the most atlas of shrugs without need for overblown theatrics nor antiquated philosophy i feel overwrought by the stillness in being taking no […]

incapable

woke up sad nothing helping workout shop cook nothing just an absent ache an icicle tapping against the cardial sac wishing for empty instead of frozen bobbing for chlorinated apples in the open sewer of my mind i have a headache but my heart feels bruised like a plum from lack of you nestled tight […]

until we disappear w/EC

each day everything breaks a little bit more but each night my petals sashay around my heart whispering your name. my tongue melts poetry through your flesh as moonlight tends our wounded souls she described a sunset, walked me through it in reverse, spinning the globe the direction she chose, utterly regardless to simple physics, […]

something else with feeling

there is an infinite etching of sorrow in a perfectly prepared sunny side up egg sitting on a plate with golden brown hashbrowns and too many slices of bacon; this golden sea congealed futures decided long before the machinery took all hopes of pecking gravel from unformed wings there was a man who did topiary […]

shhhh

i have conversations with ghosts hints of memories rather than bother real people with my rambling thoughts anxieties it bothers me to think i think of this as normal it bothers me more when they agree.

blue crayon

sad like a sickle left to rust in the dusty barn with a view of fields of waving wheat sad like finishing a wonderful book that went to all the places a tale travels to sad like the lonely that only comes when you realize there is something missing a blue crayon rolled under the […]

murderless

a lone raven murderless landed on the hood of the gray car in the empty parking lot staring with a cocked head at the fool staring with a cocked head back as they stare a connection passes between a bond of sorts as the two lonely creatures turn to watch the cardinals and the blue […]

and still eternity whispers

i feel cold bone weary in need of a long quiet rest the world weighs more today than i can manage even with broad shoulders callused hands i feel the urge to curl up ignore the flames crackling as it all turns to ash i feel cold bone weary but today i ignore the call

price (from Cuckoo)

existence can be summed up in the ache of a broken heart. every happy memory serves as fuel for the bonfire of sorrow at the end. it is why sugar rots teeth. everything has a price. and the universe always collects. always.

one woman pantheon

in the infinitesimal bombardment of invisible forces that influence every facet of existence she calls to the chaos before my unbelieving eyes she takes the different flows weaves them into a tapestry she is lachesis she is athena she is aphrodite she is clarity wisdom love a one woman pantheon unaware of her own divinity […]

solecisms

in this cracked eggshell skull floats the solecisms that define the egregious faults precariously stacked to form the repugancy hidden behind tear duct atrophy in my ignoble stare she took a red pen to circle my breaches of social mannerisms highlighting my grammatical mistakes until she realized it would require a tanker of ink to […]

clockwise

time is a construct an artificial delusion used to mark the passing of life a shackle wrapped around the ankles of those rushing inevitably towards the cliff of their own demise the hour hand points at the indiscriminate downfall as the minute hand forces the doomsday clock towards armageddon i mark the passage of time […]

wisp

unsure if this waivering feeling is insubstantiality or insignificance but well aware it is the varnish keeping me as unimportant as inhumanely possible the gray skies do little but increase the permanence in the way my words fall muted upon deaf ears screaming into a vortex of sound yet never saying a thing the errant […]

the desert of dream, the oasis in your smile

fell asleep with your words on my chest as the exhaustion of constant anxiety wore through my sullen the same way a creek carves through the mountains i chased a drifting balloon across the rooftops of a nameless city sitting on the edge of an endless desert facade encircling my photonegative smile losing the reason […]

power

the power in someone putting themselves into the focus of someone else’s words being able to wish for those phrases to highlight the things within themselves they wish to see means one of two things the words hold power or the reader holds their own sense of self too high i have never seen myself […]

a note to an idiot

the bloated never has been with the spun sugar ego craving constant validation even in the face of legitimate criticism trying to make a career proving his superiority with half-baked iterations of classics done to the applause of none a small town would be king a deluded narcissist running naked through the big city streets […]

Song about The Fool

Off With Their Heads – Clear the Air the first time i heard this, I put it on repeat and let the tears flow. sometimes a song can sum up a soul perfectly. this is mine. a beautiful poetic song about falling apart.

moments

the return flight was barely occupied big plane headed back for routine maintenance the crew ready to go home after a long day of standing at six hundred miles per hour in the air crisscrossing the country my headphones were in with music playing as i found myself in a row alone so the twitching […]

longing for the escape of a kennesaw stroll

arrived late woke early half expectated home to feel like a relief but it doesn’t the birds sing the same song the bed is there the smell the conforts the nothingg the silence the anxiety maybe that part of me that knows i deserve lesser than realizes being on the road relaxed the burden of […]

flights of (un)fancy

ryo plays as the plane gently rocks along the currents of ephemeral fluff the stars seem so much livelier in the air over alabama as we approach the mississippi border the moon just a sharp crescent of silver hovering above the wing the fool slowly makes his way back from eastern misery to the comfort […]

marionette no more

this marionette has the demeanor of a dragon dragging his hoarde of empty enticements across the arid desert he is forced to reflect in an effort to deflect the desperate attention seeker seeking to capsize his inflatable cardiac distress pay attention to the way he casually dances in his seat oblivious to the obvious ploys […]