hail hail hail blessed daughters of the moonbeams cascading through wispy clouds as the tenebrae begins to weaken the lost souls seeking closure hollow spirits bereft of warmth watching for a tear to slip into this realm of possibilities the rustling leaves a morose farewell as the land slipslipslips into ever lengthening night a ring […]

i saw you briefly last night just a glimmer between anxious wakings just enough to spend the rest of the night diving into dreamshards hoping against hope to catch one more glimpse of perfection before the world reinserts itself leaving nothing but faded blossoms until next i sleep

it’s cold enough the sliding doors have fogged up as the sky over the city ebbs with a silvery diffusion if i didn’t know any better i would think it could snow it won’t but a man can dissociatively dissapear into the feeling of being home as halloween beckons a child still clinging to birthday […]

these wax wings were never crafted with the intent of escaping this prison of ivory i just hope to fly high enough to tell the universe to go fuck itself from a vantage where it cannot ignore me i am a poppyseed in beauty’s lopsided smile a popcorn husk buried in the perfect veneer drawing […]

i rememberwhen i realizedmy hands couldnever sketchthe images soalive in my headcountless hoursdragging the heelof my palm acrossthe graphite onlyto see disappointmenton the smeared sheet the pursuit of perfectionfrom a skewed perspectiveis the assassin of creativity the madness lieswithin writing as welleach word needs balanceaccording to the melodyonly i can hearbut when the choirgoes silentthe […]

cold rain pummmels the city in an insomnial drowning where the fetid dream spoils beauty while a fool sits in front of the laundromat knowing nothing can erase this stain slowly spreading a shadow tainting the solemn surrender in howling gales as the wipers dance asynchronously with a sputtering heartbeat in sullen dismay

seeking signslost in the ætherbereft of directionunder roiling skiesof petulant gray falling throughdissociated kaleidoscopesoverwhelmed bythe distractionsin ever shifting torments driving downtownon streets made fromself manufactured gristlehoping for a homewhich never existed

sometimes, i cannot tell when big bpd pulls me this wayand little bpd pulls me the otherhow to not let it rip me into two. then i remember her telling me i used my issues as a crutch. how do you ask for help then? when the person you loved says something like that? you […]

i avoid letting anyone see the entirety of hell hidden in my hazel gaze the brimstone stained smile as the flames lick the lips your every cell yearns to taste lead enough damned souls to a purgatory of temporary intoxication while i hold hell within my chest fearful of singeing your delicate soul my heart […]

hansel left a breadcrumb trail unaware the sparrows picked his best intentions clean leaving no way of finding the way out of the forest i leave my own trail of heartaches in semipoetic verse to the cacophony of sparrows already well aware there is no path back into the light she told me there is […]

i need a break from only existing when i have a use if you need me don’t i am not here any longer find someone else to use up and discard i have nothing left to give

there is a miscalcualtion in eternity a cataract of crystalline delusion blinding divinity vaseline smeared on the camera subtly blurring miracles into tragic dismay the wonder lost in an ever expanding universe of stagnant indifference a collusion of decaying photons in a condemnation of childhood dream drifting endlessly on the holy corpse telling ourselves it […]

it’s raining after so long baked under the merciless gaze of summer the accumulated filth runs down the swollen gutters a sluice in shades of forgotten dream i stand in the storm soaked through praying the rains could purify whatever ancient curse rattles through my windswept soul bonedeep sorrows in a flurry of sodden denials […]

it is the cost which effects quality keeping a happy life unattainable necessity falls farther from doable and the exhaustion from constantly chasing moving goals makes living a luxury i no longer have the means to afford

the only place i can see her is on the rare evenings i manage to sleep where once she was tangible and real she became a dream which was something she never intended to be last night it was a stray lock of golden hair my every fiber longed to tuck behind her ear as […]

there is an edge of frustration making my tender excessively brittle chasing dreams which leave my belly empty and head filled with self loathing always being the runner up despite entirely too much effort given freely when you know you gave everything you had and still manage to come up well short of imaginary goalposts […]

the world is spinning slightly slower than normal or i am flying faster than my mania can comprehend no matter which way i tend to travel it is always against stream trying to fall back into dream where she smiles and all my broken heals instead i sputter out exhausted from waging a war with […]

she smiled sweetlyholding the sponge tomy forehead as the coolwater dripped downmy face before the metalring was placed gentlyupon my brow and sheblew a kiss as sheflipped the switchsending the currentssimilar to those whichalways sought to drowna lonely fool insteadflash frying motes ofmy shattered into astained glass refrainilluminating the painingrained in love’s disdain it began […]

i realized while brushing my teeth i have little to nothing to say to myself we have an uneasy agreement an acknowledgement of necessity yet seem to disagree on nearly every pertinent point keeping the peace between heart and mind is simply sorting various aches while never letting the two conspire as one whenever they […]

retracted hiding my fragility incapable of trust after so many self betrayals no longer certain anyone, myself included, is putting my best interests first the loneliness isn’t as bad as the anxiety worrying i will, because i will, do something wrong the only person i can let down is myself and that is an artform […]

no one seems to mention the addictive and destructive side of oxygen from the first gasping breath entire lives are shackled to this not so noble of gases i have seen too many lives affected by drinking and drug abuse while every person i met who quit oxygen was surely dead yet there is no […]

a quiet morning the workers robotically set up the tents stringing the tightrope attatching the trapezes i sit uncertain if i should paint on another smile or if today is for the three piece suit of the hungover ringmaster passing the reflection of the world’s fattest man on the way through the shadows between freak […]

if you were to go by my fight or flight instinct it would be fair to imagine i was headed into an ambush where any misstep would lead to my slaughter rather than sitting in the parking lot trying to build up the ability to get out of the car to go work on a […]

i chased her across broken dream waking with her smile etched in crimson along my aching tender desperate to fall back into the shattered vistas where reality has no bearing on the crushing weight of unsatiated desire following her footsteps deeper into the hollowed hallow of tarnished adoration where there is no difference between hell […]

anxiousanxious worrying knots into my macrame soul everything feels so fucking everything all of the goddamned time it gets hard to remember to breathe inoutinoutinoutinout my cells are starved clinging to arterial plaque jutting in calcified odes to her restricting blood flow blossoming tiny spots in tinted delusions of internal distress i need extracted from […]

the sparrows watch me watching them chirping suspiciously in golden light they want words which nourish the lurking raptor defiantly present in ancient souls i have no way of explaining the discard no understanding of it myself just the knowledge there is no agony quite like knowing you were never enough without knowing exactly where […]

my greatest foe will always be my foolish heart because no matter what one day it will happily beat me to death until that day i will leave it stapled to my sleeve to witness these atrocities we mistakenly call love in all the gory glory of tearing one another apart because, honestly, neither of […]

the doe eyed dreamers in a deluded belief i could ever be the bright apple of your twinkling eye i am simply the cyanide in the seeds you should never even consider planting in your precious heartsoil i am a blight a biblical portent leading only into a cyclical maze of decaying wishes lit by […]

my heart exists in the hadal zone where the pressure exerted allows no life to thrive shimmering translucency flashing pleas for help in bioluminescent distress only signaling a predatory response in open arms i love like a marianas snail fish feeds on anthropods a secondary set of jaws in the quadrants of my everdreaming heart […]

i wonder some mornings if i was ever really here or if this life was just a distortion cast by a stray photon racing toward the ever expanding horizon alone a slow drip of lithium tapped directly into the icy river of vascular insignificance indigo shadows the shame shade as the rings around my eyes […]

first the demon slept haunted by hearts broken trampled into hope’s last refrain unrestrained by the ignominious stain spread across him an itchy disomforter intentionally threadbare crafted carefully in a vacant mother’s adoring disdain now unable to calm the pounding creakingleaking valves so close to rupture in the rapturous haze of incremental temperature as the […]

i have slowly become agnostic toward the ignoble existence of love i once considered myself a devout agnostic toward the existence of god until i realized neither she nor i was interested in a prolonged battle cupid and i seem to face the same rotten stalemate some poisons just aren’t as tantalizing as they used […]

random play has decided upon a series of overdoses and suicides to serenade a fool ruminating on an exit strategy what is left to be written which hasn’t been composed by someone far more talented about these things i was never meant to experience the invisible man scriblling lies to trick the world into seeing […]

the covid fits directly into my rejection receptors as i shiver glaring at shadows where i see wisps of hidden agendas in the inactions where refraction doesn’t occur watching as i spiral searching for the reasons i sink downdowndown swallowed by the chasm burrowed by the maggots feasting on the fetid remains of yesterday’s empty […]

the sleep i so longed for is now all a feeble fool is capable of this fucking plague burning through me leaves naught but dreams in hellish repose ashen corspelights waivering about the pestilent purgatory where pretty poltergeists play pandemonium on my brittlesoul the tongues of lightning bloom in an expression of futile disdain reaffirming […]

slept fourteen hours straight as the ravages of illness sent feverdreams in a half catatonic horror spiraling through the threadbare hellish hollows of my mind awoken her name half whispered only to be swept away by a tsunami of sour sweat signaling the red hot irons thrust between my ribs to yank me under again […]

delete me please there isn’t anything poetic left inside me just noise the neverending sounds of glass shattering the back of a hand striking innocence and a droning of voices saying goodbye dip your fingers in my open chest cavity and paint something beautiful in smears of fetid repuganancy

it is all a travesty life is meaningless with nothing but a pine box or cheap urn at the finish all these petty little bits of insignificance weigh down wasting the few scant seconds where wonder is ignored we cast illusions of good and evil down assuming an invisible host shall dole out judgments in […]

the scenerybathed in the ichorfalling from thewounded angelsin autumnal shadescrimson splotchesin an array ofamber dissentionthe agonized screamsamongst changing leavesas death usurpsthe verdant mythswhich causes beautyto shudder in revulsionas the blood soaks downsalting the soil souldeepleaving only memorieswhere hope flourished

they smile mouths filled with maggots whispering saccharine lies unwilling to expose ulterior manipulations while sowing rancid seeds for future harvest

“some abominationsshouldn’t exist”she said with a razoredtongue of spite i could only smileit was sound advicei’d heard before yet still she staredup at me as i held her hairher eyes smilingas my grip tightened we wrote lettersin the bloodwe callously drewthen fucked untilthe words lostany semblance of the illusion of love which is as closeto […]

the kids are gone, so the mask is off, hanging off a hook by my keys until morning too aware i am slipping glitching my consciousness a grain of sand falling from my ear jolts of lavender crash my pangean soul if my heart would cease the infernal fucking beating of a dead fool i […]

i never cease to amaze myself at the myriad of ways i find to disappoint myself. some lessons only take one session to learn. the scarring is so fucking deep at this point by the time i feel the first flicker of pain the wound is already fatal. i kept grabbing the stove because the […]

the only sound is the sparrows on the balcony ledge trilling to get a fool’s attention as he sits forlorn electrifed needles arcing across his moribund mindscape drinking coffee wondering if this is all there is nothing to see nowhere to go and nothing to be while the city snores in fitful repose the highway […]

i long to sleep yet there is a chasm exactly the shape of her and my heart sounds back in pitiful echoes calling for her to make it whole once more an unfathomable depth of loss lays just between the lies i swallowed a perfect lure for a foolish fish and the hollow hiss as […]

my faulty intuition is a needy little whore chasing phantasms where only shadows exist the totality in obsessive undertones leaves clutching the barbed agony of apathetic dissonance a prison of monochromatic painblossoms set to binaural technicolor symphonies which whisper of all the things i must never allow myself even a dreamsliver of or i will […]

i am the scarecrow, the tin man, the cowardly lion, dorothy, and toto all in different moments throughout most every day drawn, a bipolar moth, to flames no more real than the great and delusional wizard himself a winged ape spinning lost in the storms oscillating over abandoned farms in a foreclosure of american dream […]

a mysterious miasma fills my hollow skull i see her and the ache sends swirls downdowndown soul deep a knot i can never worry loose a ravenous ravine riddled with blowflies where a heart once beat me near to death

it was as if i had died how swiftly i ceased existing in her world and the hurt accumulated in her thunderous silence was nothing compared to realizing i never mattered in the slightest despite time spent dreaming i am nothing more than a shadow cast by what you truly desire most from life her […]

i hung myself from the ellipses between her lips the bated breath where stars throw themselves at her longing simply to illuminate her shapely silhouette a broken manchild kissing the hands which only spite me seeking salvation in sweet surrenders swirling in the void

the storms came briefly i listened as the rain fell losing myself between the drops as i lay in bed letting my heart send messages in echoed crashing across the clouds to where you slept the alarm rang i watched you dissolve a sandstorm illusion in heartache intrusion whispering prayers to the emptiness proving god […]

all there is is emptiness despite a defenestration of dour despair i am little more than a tool capable of great feats yet aimless needing a steady hand to guide this incumbent chaos i just want to feel something

i can’t find my calm i need held and told it’ll be okay even though we both know it will not that it will pass it wouldn’t be so difficult if i didn’t hate every bit of me and if i wasn’t aware of how i can never hope to be enough it doesn’t matter […]

the only thing keeping me tethered to my body is a web of electricity tightly woven around my wheezing heart being a conscious traveler unraveled from the meat is a horrifying excursion into hell gripping tight quite unsure what is coming next but positive it is bad

the coffee ended up being the second most bitter taste after waking from a dream where all of the things she said were true not another case of someone saying what you want to hear rather than sowing honesty in the salty seas of fallen hope she returned all the i love yous she deftly […]

the secret harmony lays in the cacophony squalling where the tides of heartspasms crash against the shores of soulsand forevers a satisfaction in the throbbing dissonance of desire where instinct is a razored tongue tracing the scars which only serve to encapsulate the danger in perfection a hint of copper an undercurrent of pain pushing […]