there are occasions when too much help is as big a detriment as none at all it is more frustrating knowing the best intentions while being beaten into paste still

too many things too many spinning plates for a fool who can barely find the will to shower on a daily basis yet the exasperation still persists in the face of my incomprehensible anxiety and fear

i am either an anchor or a helium balloon barely tethered neither being at all ideal but we make the best of the hand we are dealt usually

there is a conventual convention in richardson this weekend one of which is a ton of fun and someplace i have no interest in occupying as my anxiety sounds a tea kettle on a ring of blue hellfire spitting a cacophony of mistladen curses into the overcast net of clouds lurking ever above us

pinwheels spinning across the corrugated facsimile of suburban dystopia where pastel heartdander dances on mercurial waves of solidarity i am lost somewhere in between phases trapped in circular hypotheses where hope sublimates into an acidic haze etching eulogies to tomorrow

a turbulent trepidation teems torrentially in the hollow bones of a traumatized sparrow king throwing himself head first at the bars of his carefully constructed cage of half truth my heart flutters a storm unto itself trapped in terminal howling through the tired echoes of every lingering heartthistle serenade in thorned refrain

another convention is fast approaching i can’t help but worry there aren’t enough drugs to keep me normal enough for another crowded room the depression shattered yesterday after a few weeks of oppression yet i feel wobbly a freshly hatched sparrow about to be dropped from the nest before my feathers have fully filled in

trapped in an echoed deficit woke to storms now i sit wishing the music could erase this vaguely human stain staring out at a silvery hellscape bathed in painshiver redundancies refracting indiscriminate indecencies before fading to nothing yet again

i don’t write love letters simply suicide notes in reverse eulogies for this dearly departed confusion called us

i don’t know when it was exactly i stopped celebrating everything when the delusion ran in milky tears down scarred cheeks and i embraced none of it meaning anything the only good thing about a holiday is the day off work and if they fall on a weekend they can fuck right off downside of […]

these days when anxiety is everything i wonder if a straightjacket would help me learn to love myself or merely scratch the itch of needing to be held it’s hypothetical i doubt if they ever get me into a straightjacket they will ever set me free again or maybe it’s me who wouldn’t want to […]

i found a shaded parking spot a valuable commodity in the brutality of texas a place to hide from the constant ultraviolet pummeling from an avaricious ever expanding star bonedeep exhaustion souldeep loneliness an organic disintegration in lackluster lines limply expelled to evaporate in this infernal fucking heat

i tore the words directly out in a mad dash to hit a deadline and now there is only a gaping wound where creativity once flourished the goddamned heat and being my typical bipolar abomination has me hibernating i wake and scratch myself before taking a long piss before searching for words and going back […]

broken glass churning internally an agonizing excursion into anxietal failings a semi autonomous kaleidoscope distorting these cityscapes into roiling nightmares yearning for a moment of peace from this incessant sorrow howling

an insomniac plea not for sleep but a momentary dream of her smile to placate these demons howling instead another day of interminable heat and souldeep longing

i have focus the same way a drop of water follows another down a windowpane despite my best intentions unless it is another fit of unnecessaryanxiety my mental capacity requires random to illicit some sort of response this is perfectly acceptable for a poet but makes masquerading as an aspiring author incrementally more infuriating it […]

an infusion of golden light with hints of sheer oppression a condemnation in greenhouse gas refracting heat into a culmination of human folly this latest cycle a wax mannequin emotionless in a fit of oversaturation slowly melting under the sun’s fury i find astrology to be utter nonsense until a single star causes abject misery […]

the suble art of inaction allowing everything to pile up until menial tasks evolve into impossibilities anxiety is a fucking whore screaming incessantly crying wolf when the sheep are trying to sleep drowning in minor inconveniences flailing about in the kiddie pool as everyone stares

it was a flashflood as two feet of water suddenly swarmed the fast lane visibilty reduced to feet in front of my speeding gray vehicle i did not sway majestically releasing dual tsunamis across the empty highway momentarily flushed with magical power or possibly biblical depending on which mythology you prefer a master of hydronomics […]

a brief respite in the form of an ancillary embrace from a stray hurricane’s arm shifted twenty or so degrees cooler for a solitary day i listened to the rain all night wondering if it was a sleepy delusion or harbinger of inclement doom between wondering if the storm is real and dipping into dreams […]

scatterbrained splintered chasing shiny bits scattered amongst rapidly cycling insane serenities searing sermons in scintillatingly sinuous madness sending schisms in shaky lowercase

the boulder is merely an accumulation of daily sins each day growing with every flaw inseparable from the human condition until finally the spine snaps and all which remains are the shattered pieces of a life lived following the trails furrows dug by these inherited sins which only serve to impede any hope of progress

the sun bares her teeth glaring down upon the concrete edification sprawling across north texas i am an ant beneath a magnifying glass smoke wafts where that evil gaze penetrates every inch of this godforsaken land she stands smiling hand raised and as i blink she fades away lines of heat distortion a beautiful mirage […]

sweet decay flowers wilted in a vase the musty scent of dreams gone to rot permeates all of existence as i shuffle sleepily down the hallway to find motivation to make it through another fucking day