this exhaustion feels positively virulent an encroaching fugue of fickle finality in the face of frivolously fervent false facades of freedom i passed my breaking point a few mile markers back toward the incessant hellfire lapping at my lips shifted the sharp pieces of myself through the razor wire strung in the shape of cartoon […]

i am adverse to change to the point of staying uncomfortable in a familiar setting over possibly comfortable in something new so i just stay small and not rock the already near capsizing boat as another tempest of my own chosing thrashes me to oblivion

i can hear the ocean as i sit here rexplaining what i have patiently explained about fifty fucking times life is wasted on the living

this vessel veers listlessly on this tsunami of insular despair a fool elected captain drinking rum as cannonfire flares over whatever the fuck starboard is supposed to be poets shouldn’t be given any real sort of responsibilities flightly creatures as interested in splendiferous beauty and haunting ugliness in equal measure

my mind is filled with frayed knots which whisper softly when worriedly worked they are afraid not and pull themselves into a tempestuous net of entangled dejection in imagined rejections leaving me utterly and completely useless

mondays are for hoping this week goes better than the previous knowing they all slip into an indeterminable fugue of mutually assured sameness there is nothing more humans being human beings than constructing a continual loop a cozy repetition and expecting anything to actually change this fear of new routines leaves a paralysis in the […]

i fear i have become an almost human cicada i bury myself deep seven years interred down in the muck only to dig my way out and scream annoyingly until everyone has had enough of my theatrics

a fleeting flailing of fracturing fractals failing fundamentally as a fool filibusts on fragmented feelings the well has gone dry nothing but a rusted bucket dreamcorroded tchotchkes with no solidity a microcosm of inclement forevers basking in the mouldering lies halfwhispered by corpselight a ziggurat built in borderline blindspots braced by bipolarity a bastion of […]

at first i didn’t know why it was i kept running just a case of nurtured nature perhaps eventually i realized that no one was trying to catch me but it didn’t stop the need to run nor the desire of being caught now i simply flee as quickly as possible there is nothing in […]

can you judge a book by its cover if the book had no choice in how it is presented the words inside a tempest roiling barely constrained by an appearance it cannot see damning the lines into purgatory without ever truly giving it a chance?

i think i finally figured out the schism in my brain this meat vessel has shed every original cell and i am quite literally not the same person who was born on all saint’s day every seven years this reticulated fool leaves behind the faulty stardust to slither sadly into a solemn sojourn a whole […]

these soulknots seem to be restricting bloodflow a million little anxieties in an oozing clusterfuck where up is a relative directional anomaly as i spin pinned to the side of this rusted gravitron by theoretical physics early morning storms where the sun breaks the tumultuous clouds to expose a rancidity of golden inequality i am […]

i told my friend life is a serial rapist with a never ending bottle of boner pills she said it would make a good title instead it is a scab stuck to this toilet stall where i can watch the pixels drain from vibrancy into a stagnant malaise opaque like the haze of sierra dust […]

we move at the speed of light reflecting off of our incrementally decomposing meat husks in an illusion of a rapidly cycling pursuit of someone else’s dream

a sliver of a moon and a mere handful of stars glimmer over what should be a sleeping city filled to the brim with eager little dreams hard to convince a yawning fool light pollution is an actual thing and it isn’t just god didn’t pay the full electric bill and we have emergency lighting […]

there are occasions when too much help is as big a detriment as none at all it is more frustrating knowing the best intentions while being beaten into paste still

too many things too many spinning plates for a fool who can barely find the will to shower on a daily basis yet the exasperation still persists in the face of my incomprehensible anxiety and fear

i am either an anchor or a helium balloon barely tethered neither being at all ideal but we make the best of the hand we are dealt usually

there is a conventual convention in richardson this weekend one of which is a ton of fun and someplace i have no interest in occupying as my anxiety sounds a tea kettle on a ring of blue hellfire spitting a cacophony of mistladen curses into the overcast net of clouds lurking ever above us

pinwheels spinning across the corrugated facsimile of suburban dystopia where pastel heartdander dances on mercurial waves of solidarity i am lost somewhere in between phases trapped in circular hypotheses where hope sublimates into an acidic haze etching eulogies to tomorrow

a turbulent trepidation teems torrentially in the hollow bones of a traumatized sparrow king throwing himself head first at the bars of his carefully constructed cage of half truth my heart flutters a storm unto itself trapped in terminal howling through the tired echoes of every lingering heartthistle serenade in thorned refrain

another convention is fast approaching i can’t help but worry there aren’t enough drugs to keep me normal enough for another crowded room the depression shattered yesterday after a few weeks of oppression yet i feel wobbly a freshly hatched sparrow about to be dropped from the nest before my feathers have fully filled in

trapped in an echoed deficit woke to storms now i sit wishing the music could erase this vaguely human stain staring out at a silvery hellscape bathed in painshiver redundancies refracting indiscriminate indecencies before fading to nothing yet again

i don’t write love letters simply suicide notes in reverse eulogies for this dearly departed confusion called us

i don’t know when it was exactly i stopped celebrating everything when the delusion ran in milky tears down scarred cheeks and i embraced none of it meaning anything the only good thing about a holiday is the day off work and if they fall on a weekend they can fuck right off downside of […]

these days when anxiety is everything i wonder if a straightjacket would help me learn to love myself or merely scratch the itch of needing to be held it’s hypothetical i doubt if they ever get me into a straightjacket they will ever set me free again or maybe it’s me who wouldn’t want to […]

i found a shaded parking spot a valuable commodity in the brutality of texas a place to hide from the constant ultraviolet pummeling from an avaricious ever expanding star bonedeep exhaustion souldeep loneliness an organic disintegration in lackluster lines limply expelled to evaporate in this infernal fucking heat

i tore the words directly out in a mad dash to hit a deadline and now there is only a gaping wound where creativity once flourished the goddamned heat and being my typical bipolar abomination has me hibernating i wake and scratch myself before taking a long piss before searching for words and going back […]

broken glass churning internally an agonizing excursion into anxietal failings a semi autonomous kaleidoscope distorting these cityscapes into roiling nightmares yearning for a moment of peace from this incessant sorrow howling

an insomniac plea not for sleep but a momentary dream of her smile to placate these demons howling instead another day of interminable heat and souldeep longing

i have focus the same way a drop of water follows another down a windowpane despite my best intentions unless it is another fit of unnecessaryanxiety my mental capacity requires random to illicit some sort of response this is perfectly acceptable for a poet but makes masquerading as an aspiring author incrementally more infuriating it […]

an infusion of golden light with hints of sheer oppression a condemnation in greenhouse gas refracting heat into a culmination of human folly this latest cycle a wax mannequin emotionless in a fit of oversaturation slowly melting under the sun’s fury i find astrology to be utter nonsense until a single star causes abject misery […]

the suble art of inaction allowing everything to pile up until menial tasks evolve into impossibilities anxiety is a fucking whore screaming incessantly crying wolf when the sheep are trying to sleep drowning in minor inconveniences flailing about in the kiddie pool as everyone stares

it was a flashflood as two feet of water suddenly swarmed the fast lane visibilty reduced to feet in front of my speeding gray vehicle i did not sway majestically releasing dual tsunamis across the empty highway momentarily flushed with magical power or possibly biblical depending on which mythology you prefer a master of hydronomics […]

a brief respite in the form of an ancillary embrace from a stray hurricane’s arm shifted twenty or so degrees cooler for a solitary day i listened to the rain all night wondering if it was a sleepy delusion or harbinger of inclement doom between wondering if the storm is real and dipping into dreams […]

scatterbrained splintered chasing shiny bits scattered amongst rapidly cycling insane serenities searing sermons in scintillatingly sinuous madness sending schisms in shaky lowercase

the boulder is merely an accumulation of daily sins each day growing with every flaw inseparable from the human condition until finally the spine snaps and all which remains are the shattered pieces of a life lived following the trails furrows dug by these inherited sins which only serve to impede any hope of progress

the sun bares her teeth glaring down upon the concrete edification sprawling across north texas i am an ant beneath a magnifying glass smoke wafts where that evil gaze penetrates every inch of this godforsaken land she stands smiling hand raised and as i blink she fades away lines of heat distortion a beautiful mirage […]

sweet decay flowers wilted in a vase the musty scent of dreams gone to rot permeates all of existence as i shuffle sleepily down the hallway to find motivation to make it through another fucking day

there stands a man hispanic not yet old no longer a boy simply a man standing right outside my window whistling he is not good at it there is no haunting melody no ethereal beauty yet it is something perhaps it is the drugs talking but this rather bland age indistinct hispanic gentleman seems to […]

spent the night manically bouncing in tremulous technicolored terrors into a day filled by listlessly drifting in monochromatic sublimation neon afterglow sparks gray in this melange of misery a stark shading upon charcoal dissonance peering through this frozen nimbus alone and ashamed another husk floating in the frigidness of her disdain

it never occured fo me after years and years of hard drinking my knees would ache before my liver failed there was little planning ahead when each of us feels predestined to die by twenty five old age is a myth an ailment for other people to suffer down the road the red in my […]

happiness is an arrow shot all willy nilly by a blind archer in the throes of a heroin bender invisible spiders crawling just beneath his thin parchment flesh sending spasms as he releases the trajectory now severely deviated in a rough approximation of god’s septum to fall flaccidly to the cracked pavement covered in oil […]

my mind dances with chaotic energy striving to both upturn the apple cart and help sort the apples in a more fun way life is far too rigid crystalline and only truly appreciated as it has passed by then it has become brittle painful yet still we clutch onto the bittersweet nostalgia of a past […]

ravenous hunger pangs quake and rattle a dire need reticulates down the cold dark lonely of a mind in peril cravings for consequence in an inconsequential state of regurgitated relapses where the fading embers of dreams crashing light the sky in shades of sinful sorrow tinged regret

the diving bell is cracked deformations as the pressure in undulating currents caress the brass dome providing oxygen from a surface long gone to myth spots flicker across fading visions of sunlit mornings spent lounging lazily as heavy limbs disturb the mass of settled silt decreasing visibilty as each step leads into a potentially endless […]

my soul feels bloated a corpse floating in the stagnation where wonder is ground down leaving a film across reality like unbrushed teeth after a serious night of solemn drinking a constant state of exhaustion simmering near to full break down as everything falls to pieces around me i lose parts of myself with each […]

she was a human shaped shitstain an anthropomorphic maisma of lies parading her prized lapdog a mangy mutt she insisted was purebred a snapping little twat always just outside of kicking distance raining her rancid fecal showers while attempting to rewrite truth to fit her perpetual games she fancied herself a spider weaving a new […]

i travel through a world of unjust practical illusions each call is another scam my inbox filled with certain doom in unpaid invoices from companies i have never done any transactions with every angry face piloting plastic and steel death traps towards earning more wages for those at the top trickle down economics where corporations […]

corridors of traffic opening and closing a giant sphincter controlling the flow of humanity down these concrete arteries hardened by a lackluster life spent consuming dinosaurs and belching great gouts of greenhouse gases in a circular cycle of carbon causing a shift in seasonal distress while hell burns hotter by the day

i wasted the morning knowing i needed to leave around noon just sat ready to leave incapable of starting anything because soon enough i would have to just stop these momentary paradoxical paralyses keep me from accomplishing anything except anxiously vibrating

lavender painblossoms a vivisection of violent violets vanquishing all thought i long for dreamless nights where my myriad of shortcomings aren’t broadcast in technicolor my magnum opus overly saturated reminders of being lesser than a lie

dizzy i can feel the earth spinning a revolution in revolutions from which i feel as if i will soon be flung far out into space i wear my anxieties like a beard of bees never quite certain where the queen is yet always ready for the stinging

heretical dissertations in sublimated prayers often go overlooked in the grandeur of grander divinity i talk to sparrows instead great thunder lizards who forsake dominion for hollow bones with which to fly above a world tainted in insecurities maybe we’re all chasing the wrong things in life i would certainly prefer to soar over toiling […]

i slip into this serendipitous silence unfazed as i phase faceless into the lazy haze of incremental doomshivers quivering in neurotic neuron negations i was never ever truly here a manic mirage waves of bipolar distortionary static beamed from the depths of inclement hells a phantom sending chills down the spine of love a fruitless […]

we were latchkey degenerates forced to figure out how to take care of ourselves no supervision just repercussions if we got caught when there was no one around to even bother we grew up nearly feral the children of children we would leave in the morning only to stumble back into bed as close to […]

there is a convergence a venn diagram of insular insanities an unsanitary incidence where waking nightmares exist codependently with the rusted shackles of hope i drunkenly pilot this derelict dreamhusk into the heart of malignant maelstroms a mishmash multitude in mindnumbing pains exacerbated enigmas eeking out eerily aggressive passions in passive agressions murmuring passages with […]

her wings were goldspun gossamer grotesqueries flapping wetly in the witching hour an angel gone feral a succubus in innocent repose still i could not bleed enough to satiate her horrible hunger a wizened husk raspily begging for one more chance an ending disguised as fresh beginnings a new start down the road to ruin […]

scrubbed three layers off in the shower hoping to uncover anything more than what has been reflected in the quick glances of a stranger glaring in the mirror lingering dregs of disastrous dream drifting down an ever tightening spiral so familiar i cannot separate delusion from dreary depression ulcerative truths rampage throughout the sleepy cathedral […]

sparks drift yet never manage to ignite these fields of dreamdander unregulated banks of pollinated ash irritating insolence and esophageal linings by equal measure these tears blurring vision while never quite falling to trace chaotic trails down weathered cheeks lend credence to semicoagulated hypotheses regarding atheistic anesthesia counting back from one million lies whispered in […]

digital artists seek to fulfill the uncanny valley where it becomes impossible to tell reality from the pixels i prefer the more archaic pursuit of poetry and the search for the elusive uncanny alley where the filth of the human existence permeates the page diving in the gaps of a meth head’s smile to wring […]

the proliferation of gray has given way to a prison in blinding light the clenched fists of summer begin to pummel the land wringing every drop of precious precipitation from the dessicated earth i have lost track of the first concussive cluster into this seemingly surreal spiral of rebounding an antagonistic agony engrained in each […]

my organs compressed by an extravagance of internal and external pressures have turned to diamond as the carbon forms a new survival dynamic in crystalline incoherence i suffocate my lungs incapable of expansion hoarfrosted by jagged spikes rhinestone barbwire lovingly crafted by anxietal humming threaded through floating ribs electrified lies coursing coarsely through convoluted braincreases […]

lash tight the stiffened corpses of those who came before to fashion a raft to try and navigate the irrational currents of existence the stench of rot wafts on the salty breeze an uncertainty if the scent is from the degenerating bodies making up the vessel or the lone occupant falling apart as the ocean […]

no substance i am background noise long tuned out going nowhere at the speed of doubt so much attention for someone so utterly ignored all the time in the grip of another bad cycle in a thunderstorm raging alone

the sparrows mock me this morning her dreamscent lingering on my pulsating brain a sullen gray painting the sky bitter coffee coating my mouth the birdsong grates bared nervousness as the daily allotment of anxiety arrives a fiberglass straightjacket choking out the liberally taxed freedoms i work halfassedly to maintain already in need of an […]

gray an exuberance of fucking gray an overabundance draped in gray despair thecloudsthebuildings an unsettling display where everything is mired in godforsaken gray cookiecuttercars eggshaped abominations in wavering white surround me on all sides the simulation buffers textureless clouds a schismatic collapse in central programming i clutch the wheel dull reflections in rippled gray show […]

agitated unable to expel all of this anxiety everything’s just so gross covered in a slick of shimmering slime snot dripping from god’s left nostril as she sleeps away this infernal seventh day dreaming of all the ways we couldn’t possibly fuck up paradise my heart has a short to ground arcing against the pitted […]

the meaning of this accidental existence needn’t be searched for because frankly there is none to be found all we can do is not be assholes for as long as we are stuck here all while expecting there is nothing to be found beyond if you’re only being a good person in hopes of a […]

in and out not quite sure if i mean the power or consciousness trapped in the silence where nothing hums except a fool sparking out in rampant decline

the rain which washed away the power for days threatens yet again the seasons have shifted now winter who once began to nestle in in october sullenly visits in january and the rains which were at home in the spring drunkenly stumble in months overdue the world shifts while a bipolar fool shuffles along uncertain […]

the power returned for two glorious hours a tease a taste a tantalizing glimpse into modern civility but like all sweet dreams it was not meant to last too long now i sit scribbling by candlelight a true poet in rustic repose by that i mean sullen and morose lamenting amenities of a far gone […]

i woke to quickly decide after hearing the storms to go back to sleep again but the alarm had different ideas so i stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee and as the last drops percolated the universe chuckled wryly as the power went out so i sit sipping coffee as puncutations of rumbling thunder […]

the windows covered in condensation as the sun rises prepared to incinerate any and every single thing in the roiling avarice of the flame a trail of ashen reminders cling to the melting waffle grid as i roam this incidental accident a fool hiding amongst the herd of blank eyes lost in consumption

digging through dimly lit denials trying to shake the dreamdander delusions draped over my tired mind the only time she soeaks to me is when i linger just above sleep yet nowhere near full wakefulness the subtle pining of a heart drunk on sleep deprivation

a sense of detachment similar to god’s retina leaves me incapable of seeing any glimmer of truth just blurred images easily mistaken for hope in this cacophony of silent screaming facelessandtraceless bombarded by billions of ancillary illusions deludedandintruded i carve smiley faces on my eyelids so dissociation seems a pleasant confusion the ticktickticking of the […]

adrift no more mooring just hints of flame fireflies turned to ash where ropes once kept me tethered fluent in self shibari from tracing the knots inside my labyrinthian hell of a mind my fingers disrupt my wake making any attempt to triangulate my location before the sharks follow pink foam as a fool slowly […]

i scream you scream we all scream for answers and the void fluctuates menacingly aloof no hint of a ripple to justify existence i spread this miasmal semipoetic wailing like bird shit spreads the wildflowers a necessary ugliness to reaffirm all the splendiferous beauty in swaying blooms amongst the billowing trash a snowglobe of urban […]

i am used to standing in storms my heart has always been a lightning rod while my brain is in a constant flux of high and low patterns leaving me uncertain at the best of times you cannot hope to control the weather chaos is beyond the keen of mortals we just ride from one […]

i have spent my entire life without the understanding i cannot fly throwing myself off of every single ledge needing to soar yet always always always crashing and each time i get back up and prepare to leap into forever i do not consider if i will succeed the burning need to prove to the […]

these desires the longings which drive my foolish pursuit for that which doesn’t exist for someone as broken as me fuel the words which inevitably remain ignored yet doggedly still i chase my tail only to be infuriated when teeth finds flesh my disposable heart beats itself to death while my mind replays how i […]

the smiling faces covered in paint and gore happily milling about amongst monsters and famous killers while a fool roams in a haze of psilocybin even less certain of what is real around him a family of hillbillies in skin masks singing country roads with an accordian and a crowd in front of three corpses […]

i dislike crowds almost as much as i dislike any attention and the beginning of convention season is not lost on me as a horror i put myself through a bipolar poet trying to sell words to rabid horror fans when the true horror is existence itself a nihilist wrapped in ugly metaphors screaming emotions […]

the thunder shakes the concrete slabs of the darkened parking garage each vehicle frantically entering to avoid the inevitable incoming deluge bounces a fool as pent up as the gray delusion washing over an infinity of sunlit refractions the panther growls a fury of incessant need as it stalks among iron gray wisps i await […]

i am patient able to wait out the storms to troubleshoot complex systems to write epics i have zero patience when apps which are meant to streamline things do nothing but complicate what should be simple my work computer killed itself from the utter boredom of sitting on standby waiting for brief moments of use […]

a whirlwind of pins and needles i long to know how it feels to wake without the sullen serenade whispering sickly impossibilities into my broken brain a dour drenching of dire doubtful details overlaid on a perfectly average sunny day ever shifting poles and a mind determined to maintain a course of superb self destruction […]

awoke to a world gone still the city sits silent leaving a fool with no distractions from the inner voice screaming in the hollow bone cathedral of hope gone feral a lack of elasticity leaves me stretched out across the floor incapable of pulling myself into a semblance of functional assaulted by self evident truths […]

even when things seem at their worst consistency keeps the cycles from looping out of control but lately the only constant has been change a new position with a new vehicle new responsibilities yet the anxieties are all too familiar while screaming in a new way which pummels me anew i can accept it when […]

i ruined my mother’s life when she was just seventeen so what came next was likely not fully my fault even if it sure feels like it every single day

momentarily i miss you so much every single cell screams unanimously in acrimonious agony causing each star to pause. it all stops just your smile carved into my heart the same as my fingernails cut into my palms as i squeeze harderandharder pause. i don’t know when the you you were became the you you […]

the loneliness can sometimes feel so goddamned crippling yet the world outside is so fucking anxiety inducing a whirlwind filled with razorblades constantly slashing i tamp down need turn the music up a whole lot louder to let it drown out dream let them say all the things choking my every single breath it’s cheaper […]

i have taken to wearing a watch in an effort to become less reliant upon constantly checking my phone an interesting side effect is hearing what should be a consistent tick once per second through bipolar senses moments exist where i am stranded between ticks able to navigate the whole of the cosmos surf photons […]

call after call offering benefits i am not old enough to qualify for by robot voices who connect unerringly to adam in an indian call center filled with adams calling to make sure i am fully covered i have to answer the calls i receive anyone could be a customer calling and since i am […]

i have spent all my life chasing aspects which have no true existence outside yellowed philosophy tomes there is nothing but words to make up for a lack of substance no gods or love just another episode spent screaming until only blood comes out so when i say this tired runs six feet deep it’s […]

if an apple a day keeps the doctor away would a quart of holy water keep my demons at bay for a few minutes or is that just more wishful thinking i can’t tell if i am here or if i am dissociating into another realm being antisocial to the media which overly consumes the […]

bombarded by photons i am just an isotope in degradation electron displacement as my shells oscillate in time with nuclear dismay my mitochondria locked in full meltdown inadequate power giogi apparatuses gone dark as pixel perfect deception in denial details a crumbling infrastructure based in destructive distractions

the wind blows my ashes in an apology tour across the globe revisiting hearts which found nothing in the mirage resting in a fool’s delusion i am sorry i wasn’t enough even if i kept banging the drum announcing my myriad of flaws the illusion when the cycles mesh leads to moments of clarity in […]

i don’t belong herethereoranywhere and it is exhausting trying to pretend today i am too fucking tired to even try none of my performative masks seem to fit so pretending is off the docket i think i will hide until this passes or i do god willing and the creek don’t rise an end is […]

the fan mocks me oscillating spinning so very quickly yet never quite spinning out perhaps it is me have i become no more than a motor set with broken gears capable of only stuttering motions going nowhereatall incidental sparks dyingalone it takes moreandmore when all i have is less to give pitted bones from harvesting […]