after so many it wasn’t mes i came to realize it was me seeking things of which i had no purpose trying to find the evidence showed it wasn’t meant for me i have always been alone except for the sparrows and the constant anxieties which fill the room with chaotic buzzing and discordant trills […]

happy birthday, dad been literal lifetimes since we spoke not counting dreams or moments at the brink of falling apart every single day some lesson learned from you blows in on a drunken breeze and makes me smile gone, but not forgotten a case of beer and a carton of smokes sit with a bottle […]

it isn’t unbearable just unending a consistent throbbing from the pressure so incessant in my sinuses it colors the world in hues of solemn pleas for momentary peace from constant aching unheard or ignored i continue on

been dealing with a nasty sinus infection for a few days now leeching all will with each new wave of pain a last tender kiss as winter slithers back to watch petulantly while warmth suffuses a struggling fool each day seems prepared with all new set backs displayed mockingly as the sparrows happily sing songs […]

i dont mean to be guarded it’s just these inherited scars turn open into defensive with an ease i wish i could scrub off barnacles dragging against the wind racing nowhere at the speed of her disinterest

we all occupy the hero designation in our own tale but if you have to ask why it seems inordinately stacked against you at every single turn there is a chance you are an asshole and not the entirety of existence is out to make you suffer humanity has become solipsistic to the point of […]

she left a patina on my brasswork heart a greenish smear in the shape of her smile etched onto my aorta where every beat catches momentary when my eyes cannot find her light in the long darkness where a fool long blinded by the penumbra he existed sporadically in around the absence she once effortlessly […]

i am so good at reading the currents i can break my own heart days before you get around to it i can only imagine the true solitude of the soothsayer

she taught me a poem was never truly done nowistand {waiting} inthepregnant ·pause· ofherabsence (nevercontent) afoolconstantlyretooling

there is a mood swelling upon my tongue an anticipation a lingering fruition perhaps i know not yet it tastes like a fresh beginning the rattling pulse cascading senseless scents into sensory overload i despise it nascent hope blossoming in peculiar strands i cannot decipher reabused anew of the nonsensical notions of momentary notoriety recycling […]

the sparrows singa note of hopefulnesstrilling acrossthe sunlit streetsso familiar yetoff settling as irecompartmentalizethe exhaustion fromtravel and discomfortfrom the ill fittingflesh suit draped uponmy anxious skeleton i am okay for nowfound the tunnel outfrom the pervasive darkeyes locked on the horizonfor more salient solutionsto self inflicted woesi miss you terriblybut it is what it iswhile […]

too long spent insubstantial another tumbleweed blowing across north texas plains somewhere around downtown dallas i found myself untethered from my corporeal form a haphazardly stacked somewhat human shaped hill of pixels slowly dissociating from the concrete tombs glaring down around me it is unexplainable hovering above yourself at ninety miles an hour in a […]

there are multiple mirrors in the hotel room i cannot seem to be able to escape seeing me the beard is unruly i look vaguely despotish as if formulating the end of the bourgeoisie or even worse than that a fucking halfbaked poet dimestore philosophy dropout espousing barely cognizant refrains of the greats as strained […]

even though we both know tomorrow is a ponzi scheme by big chocolate and the cartoon heart factories i hope he shows you just how absolutely fucking perfect you are he kisses you until your toes curl and reminds you the date is meaningless the joy is life spent loving you you deserve it each […]

clenched teeth in my sleep the night before two hundred miles needs driven to awake to a combination of insipid hammers driving silver nails into hazel discombobulation as a fool drives through the frigid rain to spend the week in a hotel in texarkana spent the weekend lounging with the kids ignoring the words thrumming […]

winter broke for the past couple days letting warmth once more infuse my tepid soulmurmurs but the gray overwrought dreariness settles insufferably a lead blanket lined with dread as the forecast for a traveling fool looks to dip down into winter once more i have become nigh indecipherable to myself the walls i could wriggle […]

understanding secretive self sabotage is a fundamental building block of my tandem bpds yet being surprised each and every time i ruin something new seems superfluous yet unavoidable i get manic then pick apart all the shimmering pixels until the floor falls out beneath me because life taught me selffulfilling prophecies are part and parcel […]

two hundred miles to texarkana this morning only to drive another two hundred miles to get back home again sometime this afternoon i hope the hawks are feeling peckish so i can watch them hover on thermals gliding in circles seeking movement in the overgrowth spread in shades of brown across the fetid plains as […]

anxiety is a persnickety mistress as she murmurs to leave little things until they become mountainous rather than vole related obstructions easy handled

there is a shimmering uncertainty ensconcing the universe and despite the various order enforced upon abstracts anyone who claims any understanding is as deluded as a poet who still believes in love this mercurial shitshow of savage indifferences is a hopeless endeavor mewling for scraps behind an overflowing dumpster in the backalley of a denounced […]

each and everyword she whisperedwas reticulatedwith hidden meaningdripping with venomwhich left smokingpits along the truthwhich she masterfullydanced the edges of in the silencei trail my fingersover each distortionseeking the wordsshe infused withany actual meaningfinding only moreinaccuracies whereemotional investmentwas rumored to exist

everything issometimes sooverwhelmingly everything in such a way life becomes a series of papercuts down my tattered souldanderdreamlonging still i pound my fist against the red button labeled falsely emergency stop a plastic placebo placating panic long enough for one deep breath before the next wave washes over

painfully loud slammed by reverberations confined inside a bone sarcophagus echoed screeches highlighting the dichotomy where velvety voices scream nightterrors through the hollows in this calamitously packed meat prison percolating pockets of carefully cultivated rot i was never real a simulacrum forged from the incessantly listless longing left overly refracted in fractured flailings the decimals […]

i meant to write yesterday yet the words never came a recurring theme they percolate then wither or withdraw as a fool screams inside his mind unaware the world constantly spins regardless of participation i am falling behind failing trying to rewind but every stop seems shrouded in heartache

my mustache needs trimmed the hairs wriggle cockroach legs against my lip when i take a drink time is wobbly i forget my porthole needs maintenance there is a rough approximation in my head of what likely look like this iteration needs a solid fucking trim

the sparrows seem triumphant as winter relaxes her suffocating hold over texas perhaps the warmth will melt this frigid anxiety gripping my entire being the lack of skepticism in the sparrow’s song celebrating a suffusion of sun highlights the fragility in spiderwebs of hope

a semisentient cloud of static in desperate need of being held of given a form before stuttering out of existence a faint scorchmark where nothing ever was there to begin with still i manage in a feeble last gasp to sputtermutterstutter into the gaping maw within and without wheezing odes to dessicatint on the vine […]

the sluice of hot water courses down my failing form a murky pool of gray from the pancake make-up rendering a tired clown back into the invisible man only beaded droplets expose my nudeness to an otherwise indifferent chilled oblivion i call home time to lay in the darkness haunted and empty an abandoned house […]

the word are still stuck in the back of my fucking throat a goddamned hornet’s nest stinging my tongue rendering me utterly speechless as the fog rolls in

the trees scaborous things asparagus stalks gone to seed grasping at the fog the hands of dead dreamers floating in the swollen bayous of southeastern arkansas choking the light refracted upon a million droplets hovering between a fool and home the music doesn’t seem to go loud enough to drown out the goddamned words so […]

i can’t tell if it is an accumulation of the ever falling rain or this deep seated loneliness weighing so very heavily around my aching fucking heart but despite random breakdowns to rival the storms outside nothing eases it there is no escape just a constant drizzle against the stained glass heartdander cathedral three hundred […]

my mental state is on par with the state of the sheets on the hotel bed after a night of spinning in place running from figments and certain truths only to end up knotted thoroughly drenched while longing for home as temporary in misguided permanence as hope or love

day four where the rains fall in half frozen agony over flooded arkansas leaving a tired fool soaked to the skin with days to go before finally getting to go home once again the typical transiecne of the hotel life allows an expansion upon buried plotlines where the lack of familiarity allows them to propagate […]

dismal morning in a goddamned hotel room in the middle of nowhere the perfect place for a forgotten fool with no career just empty support and broken promises as the trucks rumble incessantly through the night

indistinct rectangles occasional flashing red lights the semis whip up a constant accumulation of the persnickety percipitation and i drive white knuckled riding the edge of panic in a tsunami threatening to wash me off the highway into the muddy creek roaring between the lanes from an oversaturation of wintry rain in an abundance of […]

the car is packed route is planned anxiety screaming hotel is booked and i sit impatient waiting for the store to open to grab the last necessary item before driving to arkansas for a week of hell it will not be bad but i cannot convince myself of this yet the joys of having my […]

aflame with desires left to smolder unfulfilled this phoenix returns slightly lesser each morning which dawns over emptiness and a pile of ash billowing to the unstrained melody of longing lost in whispered prayers during a thunderstorm

it all seems quite pointless and somehow more difficult daily which is fine if you signed up for all of this extravagance in middling returns i did not however still it feels like this line for a refund never seems to go fucking anywhere at all perhaps the entire works is broken no matter how […]

it is impossible to rationalize if the roads are wobbling or if my mercurial polarities have the entirety of existence in lockstep with the magma core of insanity each new day dawns with the realization just how much there is i have zero comprehension of and despite my best attempts the more i learn the […]

it isn’t a case of being uncomfortable in my own skin as much as it is an inherent dislike brought on by years of life showing just how little i mean in the day to day misanthropy screaming from being self aware if you translated all my semi poetic ramblings into ones and zeros you […]

no airplanes circling nor any cars driving past i listen for the sparrows yet the world outside is silent except for the occasional bumping of chimes sending lonesome notes shivering to fill the vacancy left by the cold drinking coffee and trying to shed the wisps lingering from frozen dreams where you were in my […]

sadness settles over the sleeping city with a chilled serenity typically reserved for the giving up or the already dead the wind chimes send soft notes drifting over the accumulation of frozen dreamdander to ring like forgotten church bells signaling a fresh set of prayers destined to go unanswered i wrote our initials in the […]

tremors run down my spiderweb soul anxieties plucked freshly as winter drapes her pale arms to keep me cold on the long weekend spent alone watching crystals form a chaotic latticework slowly consuming the gray world just beyond my reach every other song reminds me of playing in the ashes where love once burned away […]

someone pull the emergency brake i need off of this rollercoaster of impending doom

his vellum soul tattered from being folded and unfolded tear streaked and torn from years of seeking answers in the incomprehensible shallows of the heart for which it once offered navigation before accumulated scars turned a simple map into a congruence of disparate sorrows carved in the crescent smiles gone to tears etched hastily along […]

the first of two cold fronts snap and snarl promising treacherous conditions ahead between a road trip back to arkansas and the same faulty grid which left me without power or heat for over eighty hours the last time winter decided to assert her dominance over the lone star state part of me wants the […]

the wind slicesicy daggers drawinglines of crimsonhoarfrost maskingthe exhaustion onthe face of theenergizer idiotdrifting across thefrozen heart of texas an unhealthy balanceof pills to lift meand pills to bring meback down again withincomprehensible sadnesspelting down in sharpcrystals of icy disdain it is one thing whenmy brain scream out howi will never be enoughit doesn’t help […]

hours spent white knuckled as the rain made everything a manic blur down the flooded corridor between magnolia and a fool needing to desperately hide from the panic rising as his true standing is shown as the waters drag him under five hours driving following indistinct blurs trundling slowly toward home knowing i am the […]

the screamingand sirensmade the eveningin magnoliaright about whati expectedafter four and a halfhours of drivingthrough bayouswhere the treesline the highwaybrown stalks ofasparagus goneto seed leavingstripes of darknesswhich no matterhow fast i drovefelt like a strobekeeping me in placelosing ground evenas the miles tick up now it is coldthe rains which threatenedfinally releasedas i ponder the […]

falling in upon myself ravenous yet always unfulfilled

it’s cold i feel like a flyer flapping on a tar covered telephone pole as the wind tears around the staple keeping me fitfully in place soon just another piece of trash stuck against a fence after briefly flying free before the inevitable crash

i wonder if thunderclouds feel anxious crackling with primordial rage swollen with recirculated tears gnashing to explode all the resentment built up over a lifetime of being chosen second if chosen at all or maybe i am just projecting save the scholars a little bit of pointless conjecture

arc to ground arc to ground arc to ground arctogroundarctogroundarctoground i sputter going nowhere at the speed of thought arc to ground

no resolutions no need for fresh carrots the fetid husk wobbling always just ahead of shaking hands still seems to do the job enough maybe someone who doesn’t just say the right things but actually fucking does them

the broken filament sputters a last white hot bright ideation to the grass always being greener on the suicide still the electricity bites amd snarls a manic hurricane bearing down on an unready shore i was asked once if i ever wanted to be normal and all i could ask was what normal was semi-autonomous […]

there is a zenlike quality in growing out a beard a facial topiary follicled bonsai resculpting ugliness into a less repugnant disambiguous haze

i wish i were less change resistant amd more efficiently stain resistant a monochromatic tye dyed soul leeching sorrows from the æther rather than let myself be swept by the currents a goddamned liar writing shitty odes to drowning yet afraid to take the final plunge withering away on a desolate beach hoping to see […]

silence is so heavy for all of its weightlessness contagious despite being an absence less illness than infection a stale rot which settled deep in the marrow of who we were adding anxiety until only i was unaware despite deep adoration conveyed her emotions were now past tense the only tension keeping memory afloat had […]

i don’t feel poetic as of late more barely held together with frayed knots tied in afraid nots duct taped and clinging on by a wing and a prayer to the emptiness above as within may we rise once more from the ashes of another dead construct and praise the next inherently meaningless ploy by […]

putting myself into the mindset to write requires folding my mind into ceaseless heartache knowing if i do not feel every ounce of it neither will anyone who bothers reading i get consumed by these stories bludgeoned bloody to tell the tales screaming in my head fallingdowndowndown into personal hells reliving lies told as adorations […]

if imitation is truly the sincerest form of flattery why is it so fucking frustrating seeing people whose entire online personas are copy pasted from my profile they adopt mannerisms and idiosyncrasies and i cannot tell if they believe no one notices simply because they do not acknowledge it or if they think they are […]

the true ache of listening to love songs comes when you know the story behind words recorded in total dedication resonating through the listener who wants that feeling all for themself unaware of the agony when this perfect emotion shatters to dust for every immaculate ode to adoration comes fifteen more reiterating the pain which […]

there is a fleeting disambiguous anxiety crackling in the air an ever tightening web stinging nettles in panicked fireworks exploding across flesh i vibrate in time with universal atrophy losing potency as the shifting sands fill the glass terrarium in which i am trapped tapping a desperate coda

she came to me in a dream last night her ephemeral beauty matching the stars and when i awoke i longed for insomnia to keep me safe from her smile again my dreamcatcher snaps and snarls overfed and sullen from the aching reminders keeping a fool lost in miserable complacency burnt one too many times […]

chipping away at crystallized scar tissue trying to mine peace of mind from this hell which is mine alone i drip i love yous like poison pitting carefully etched exorcisms on demons howling delusions in dimunitive despair

between the fog billowing and clouds hanging i cannot seem to separate the gray above from the gray below i prefer pastels pinks and lavender sea green and robin egg blue the same shades which once stained my fingers as i dyed eggs as a child now hues of passions died in silent suffering winter […]

i’m a little poet filled with doubt a bipolar fountain where words come out inherited scars and accumulated bruises with a paper mache heart he quite often loses staring into darkness the epitomy of alone tapping insipid verses into the æther from my phone

accumulated slights accompanied by accidentally on purpose dispersions we are all little more than ticking time bombs awash in chemical delusion between the anxiety and the stress i don’t know if i will blow my top or blow a fucking gasket but it feels dangerous for all involved i don’t tend to cry out for […]

i always try to recalculate the angles as i plummet downdowndown into another one of my patented doom spirals thinking maybe this one can be pulled out of right before i smash the ground unthinking to the factual evidence all around there is no bottom just endless falling until i eventually fully fade away

rudderless adrift on madness using the wrong points of reference to gauge exactly how lost i truly am seeking signs in sinking sorrows for some sort of salvation from the screaming in my hollow skull hearing nothing except echos eerily elongated in the fog numb from the icy water i am taking on deadened limbs […]

mercury is in retrograde which means absolutely nothing unless you think the orbital pattern of a burnt rock somehow affects your brain chemistry millions of miles away the belief stars separated by literal light years form an animal only seen on one backwater planet which define a personality even though half those lights have been […]

farewell to a year filled with broken promises and outright lies the bitter silence of being cast aside the fundamental failings fragmenting an unfocused fool as he goes ignored by those he put first

swept away in the tendrils of the maelstrom icy daggers tear through my already tattered tender leeching color from the world anxiety screams everything and everyone is out to destroy me they aren’t probably i feel about sixty percent sure it is all in my brain but there is always room for doubt the fool […]

something so easily given and just as easily broken be it my heart or my trust i need to learn neither will be treated correctly then i will be less disappointed all the time

every nerve feels exposed i don’t have any reason for it yet the anxiety screams on a loop all i can do is breathe through the razor wire straightjacket even as each hesitant expansion slices deeper leaving gelatinous cubes quivering in dissonant malaise nervously exposed with every agony casually flayed and displayed for your viewing […]

i would prefer the cracks racing down my facade were signs i am hatching from this too tight shell not simply falling into pieces again whatever beast lurks within this egg can consume my mind as nutrients to feed the ravenous hunger reabsorb any pieces to be choked on later as long as this aspect […]

iexist momentarily amoth starving todeath mouthless bouncing against awindow meremillimeters fromfreedom idie abilliondeaths lessereachtime iamforced toreawaken askywithoutstars aseriesoftemporary foreversimploding ifapoetsighsalone doesitmakeasound orisitfiledaway asunnecessarypretention ijustwanttosleep butsheiswaiting atthreeamshehovers abovemybedsmiling ijusttellheriloveher andstareuntohereyes untilthealarmrings

am i here or is this another set piece of mind fuckery meant to fill me up with anxiety? i lie skinless in a storm shower of earnest tears my heart slamming my splintered ribs a herd of horses spooked by thunder.

there is an elemental electricity curled into the shape of a heart in my chest letting out static bursts which crackle with every bated breath the first rule of electricity is it simply wants to go home from the moment the plasma boils it streaks unerringly toward the ground maybe this explains why i am […]

i need a new carrot rot has fully consumed the one bobbing in front of me and the stench is making me nauseous i have grown to despise carrots yet i chase them because i don’t know any different six feet lies between dream and forever yet i dream of impossible forevers wasting both

the last strangled gasps of a rather momentous yet painful year fading leaving new puckered scars amongst scraggly white hairs as a fool finally cracks free of the chitinous weight anchoring him in hell it took too long to see when love goes silent it doesn’t need time and space unfortunately for a fool that […]

i can get so obsessed with the now i forget the construct of time keeps flowing until now becomes then and the future is suddenly and inexplicably now with no warning i lose months in the minutiae in a story or a pit i dug seeking an escape it’s nearly xmas not that it matters […]

it’s the microcontractions in the iris the eyes aren’t a window to the soul they are simply the key to each an every thought you can see the shifting spectrum of emotion the crackle as a spark forms the soft care the ferocious heat be it passion or furious rage or watch the embers where […]

stayed up most of last night minding the corpses with strings tied to silvery bells just to be sure they remained corpses while saying my final tear stained farewells my soul is nothing more than a bundle of sticks foolishly lashed together to make a raft on which to surf the whitewaters leading to a […]

this unrelenting unwillingness to conform leaves a dipshit doggedly self destructing stumbling blindly slapping at hands which only seek to provide guidance falling downdowndown into his own failings pissing into fans then cursing the rain a non-profit prophet profiteering on prolifered prophecies pandering to the plagarists in plaintive pleas left in rambling odes in god’s […]

some cycles are more vibrant painted by external stimuli making even the lowest lows sorrowful beauties those are the best when i can find silver in every cloud lately it is all granite blocks in irregular shapes i cannot hope to successfully navigate alone those sharper shadows snap and snarl in snideful snark saturated sanctimonious […]

i am a dust devil spinning in place a collection of detritus accumulated in bipolar resonance i have nothing to say except the same things i have already whispereredtodeath i feel as circular as the fallacies dancing around me failing to find any point whatsoever

the city workers dwarves in florescent vests setting up bright orange pylons as they prepare to shovel asphalt into treacherous pits among the bustling chitinous beetles i find myself buried between my coins barely settled as they swarmed around i sat as a bus squeezed past sure i was losing a mirror or returning to […]

the expected autumnal array infected by a mutated shade of maroon among skeletal limbs grasping fitfully at the azure sky leaves a bare panic percolating in absurdist woes driving down roads multiple iterations of who i once was drove leaving scars in static bursts where i lose track of the rambling narrative rusted oil derricks […]

dolphins use dimples on their snouts to sense the electrical currents of prey buried in the silt these vibrissal pits attuned to the slightest chance in frequency leads them unerringly in the dark i imagine the oscillating currents constantly zapping my brain would lead to disharmonic seizures leaving a pool filled with mad dolphins slamming […]

i dreadgoing to bedunsure ifinsomniac knottwisting orthose painfulslivers ofinsidious dreamblossoms inhalf rememberedsmiles sharperthan any bladeawait me a day spentexhausted or onespent achinglonging to havebeen enough fora happily ever afterafter one too manynear misses has leftme gunshy and quitecontentedly unwillingto let a few dreamsbamboo slivers slidslowly into my nowvented ventricledo more than slowlybleed me out intechnicolor […]

my gray matter is infected with dreamweevil larvæ littering each errant thought with a chilled whimsy at odds with the dissociative fugue sitting heavily in the manic mind of a lovelorn fool

the madness screams so loudly i can only murmur it isn’t real among the rigorous slamming of doors in my brain everyone hates me i am grotesque sickening a pathetic little fool worthy only of pity the anxieties frolic through my porous veneer a paperthin membrane filled with helium bouncing on mania in a tempest […]

overcast with a hint of dismal the mist forms refracting headlights little diamonds overlaid between a sleepy fool and the dour gray effusion draped heavily over disinterested concrete spires the trees strung with white lights nearly inseparable from the clinging condensation unworthy of sending the wipers screeching over concaved glass wicker reindeer in sodden repose […]

the evening settled over my mania a weighted belt making thought into a full body workout i dont see the next scene in the latest story so the ending remains tantalizingly aloof just past this nebulous bridge nothing satisfies the loneliness an aspect of the night another uptight blight a heavy bass plods with my […]

the truth hovered in a ribcage of clouds just out of reach but not acceptance across azure plains as i tick the seconds lost in changing leaves of an indifferent season my heart’s wilted serenade to the sun’s iron pyrite haze of sparkling delusions a chattering cacophony keeping me awake as the winding road leads […]

the traffic is light mere chaotic pockets before open lanes from here to eternity i don’t want to follow the highlighted map towards the college where a week long install is all which awaits me i would rather keep on heading north until the great crumbling ice shelf is all i see far from light […]

i can’t tell if it is lightning or planes circling occasionally breaking the purple infused electric periwinkle splotched expanse simmering semisickly just outside my cage my head hurts from clenching my jaw but i cannot tell i am doing it until it is already too late which lines up with basically fucking everything about life […]

in such a hurry to enjoy the scant moments of peace we miss the reasons this brief excursion into existence is filled to the brim with pure fucking magic perhaps it takes a liberal dash of madness to accentuate the lines showcasing new angles in a different light to illuminate the beauty etched intrinsically into […]