i don’t believe in fate and i find coincidence to be exactly that the list of things i wish i believed in compared to what i have seen as truth is stark and desolate but some days the thing i wish i believed in most was myself yet when i try to figure out what […]

a trepidation in venturing out into the golden glow slowly igniting across the dark purple no one needs to see a fool who has been so uncertain as to who he is under the light where blemishes are more pronounced i struggle before trying to sleep without a grain of hope to cling to just […]

betrayals always begin as simple things then tumble into no return my mind doesn’t differentiate when lines are drawn in the sand just nukes it all into panes of painful glass to be reflected upon at a later time being friends with someone who hurts people you claim that you care about is the ultimate […]

madness isn’t something you explain it is wholly something you experience there are no answers no great epiphanies in falling apart fhere is anguish loss indeterminate stretches where nothing is sure but nothingness i can make you feel madness but after that is between you and your demons mine ask for things this life doesn’t […]

left to my own devices i cannot control the impulses if i could be anything but this meatsuit ripe with blowflies i would gratefully instead i keep taking more until i find some fucking answers deeperanddeeper so used to the spiral i forgot how to feel anything but nauseous

how fucking long does becoming yourself fucking take i have liquefied every bit of myself poured myself into this fucking cocoon and for what to not exist i need music drugs and a blow job guess i can settle on fucking myself

i mean you dont imagine bukowski standing at the urinal as the piss trickles you imagine him viral with a string flow or not at all i find life is so much better suited distorted every single person just dies i hope people remember me with a strong flow not dribbling sadly over my own […]

increasingly i just think the poetry saving all of us the hassle of typing out blathering odes i don’t even know the meaning of i just need something you know it’s all bullshit but momentarily dreams are everything i am just so tired of waking up just tired and no matter how fucking honest i […]

i feel dangerous as of late so very tired of this cage i feel so close to dying from all the things i won’t let myself taste no amount of fucking drugs or music can hope to numb what five minutes alone with you could ever satiate starve the demons so creativity bleeds and scrape […]

half blind self blind yet i see the entirety of this absurdity so clearly it makes me wonder how it all hasn’t toppled a thousand times over a slave to chemicals which spill unceremoniously across this slick where consciousness is supposed to reside we are astronauts in an atmosphere which slowly decomposes the soundtrack of […]

on occasion if you listen real closely the universe in its infinite absurdity can accidentally cast a path in the chaotic dissidence of blown out tires and broken hearts this morning i listened and went right back to bed spent too much of this temporary whatever chasing after my stupid fucking heart instead of listening […]

is the world stuttering or have i fallen into the wobble where the liquid core is sloshing causing it to jerk emphatically whenever i stop to catch my breath maybe it’s me trailing tiny cataclysms in a row behind me causing tremors leaving ruins in the shape of cartoon hearts wherever i go

last night i saw her once again haunting my dreams so i explained gently to her her constant excuses and shifting of blame in the real world meant i didn’t need to see her in dream she hurt me through neglect then pretended she was innocent as always and now i long for sweet dreams […]

being honest with one’s self when you cannot see yourself becomes another endless pursuit for answers in the funhouse of mirrors residing in chemical soaked folds amidst a lightning storm disillusioned by delusional dismay an anarchist awash with anxieies as another tsunami washes the words into a technicolor sluice where every important bit is buried […]

darkness lurks in the golden penumbra swirling specks of sickness coloring the edge of dawn in a disheartening variance of vertiginous volume which swallows nascent hopes still budding on the branch an anxious electricity crackles with each new disparity in disparaging i believe i have become two dimensional in this land of fully flawed delusionary […]

i am a dangling participle a dreary dromedary drifting aimlessly across the burning sand my soul screams in inconsolable selfenforcedsolitude leaking ink into a failing system of circulatory surrenders where her smile carves flesh from bone

the apartment shuddered as thunder rumbled across the filthy city filled to the brim with heartshatter a shifting landscape where huddled masses yearning simply to be seen slowly trundle out into the autumnal baptism washing away the scars where summer singed hope into ashes running down the swollen gutters on these cracked asphalt scars connecting […]

the breezeway seemed wider tonight in a hard to describe yet unsettling way it was the same in almost every miniscule detail except it appeared nearly cavernous nefarious in dimly lit understated tones of unbridled hostlity teeming just at the edges of vision yet the tension is palpable beyond the keen of mortals it beckons […]

i recognize the contradiction in my diction as i lay another row of bricks to cask of amontillado myself away from everyone and everything whining in semipoetic heartmurmurs for salvation from the archvillain of my story only seen in momentary glimmers on reflective surfaces as i recycle agonies to put myself in the right mental […]

these times when i don’t trust anything my broken brain projects i try to cease thinking and let instinct take over the only issue is my instincts are as faulty as the chemistry driving this meat suit skirting calamities ignoring i was the cause of as the scenery blurs and a fool is uncertain if […]

each breath feels less substantial vacuous in volume as i aspire to asphyxiation an empty vessel bereft of value the sole survivor of soul desertion in sentimental breakdowns daily forced amputees tapdancing innocently on innocuous minefields her razor wire wrapped heart bleeds belligerently in abject denials i sputter along well past my expiration dateless in […]

i cannot tell on any given day if i am witnessing a menagerie of sheer absurdity or if i am one of the unwitting performers in a prison of my own fretful design doomed to a one man breakdown in shimmering arrays of bipolar static for the enjoyment of no one whatsoever assaulted by this […]

ravenous while raving madly at the spiraling moon beset by blinding disintegrations in an absence of actualities as the sun begins the long ascent in sizzling quasimeandering tonal waves of total silence madness grips too tightly to a flailing fool contemplating drowning in an abandoned pool

it is hard not to become dejected by all the rejection to not feel defective in lack of retention when hydrogen bonds go up in flames it doesn’t take a detective to see from my skewed perspective each time another prospective avoids my detection in all the times left in the dark if i am […]

the combined turbulence between the different bpds leaves me feeling phantasmal in my own purgatorial wandering while i flounder in a pool of self doubts two inches deep drowning in a fit of mental paralysis as i wonder what it is which makes me lesser than incrementally there is no place for me in this […]

the phrase under the weather infuriates me we are all subject to full immersion in the patterns blanketing the entirety of the globe now i am under the weather while a virus runs rampant an illness not born of the clear summer skies nor from encroaching autumnal shifting i am multiplicitively under the weather when […]

a literal lifeguard watching the interconnectivity betwixt souldander surrenders perched far enough away to never quite frolic in the refreshing spray too browbeaten and disabused of the notion of joy to do more than watch my heart is the wrinkled bill which finds only rejection when used for change bleeding dayglo krylon in insipid neon […]

my work takes me to higher end apartment complexes where the most complex ideal is the terrible decorations which are meant to seem lavish yet mash together in a hodge podge which says nothing in overabundance i like to stare at the paintings seeing hidden currents in the brushstrokes to find the soul of the […]

the more people look the less i have to say as i fade into a vaguely human stain for the life of me i cannot figure out what it is they think they see an illusion in three quarter time a lapsed reason of infallible sin reminding others they are not alone while chasing echoes […]

i cannot recall the last time i drank myself into a stupor but i know every note of a hangover as mental exhaustion tickles gray matters which seemingly don’t i yearn for a connection while keeping my head down finishing out obligations so i can spill out these words of desperate longing without allowing myself […]

punchy from sleep deprivation yet electric from a quick weekend in knoxville at the tennessee book readers convention where an electic gathering of some of my closest friends spent two days laughing while shilling books a warm tinge to sheer exhaustion three days spent without my phone untethered to the electronic madness momentarily as the […]

september arrived with cooler temperatures and a blanket of rain to soothe the sun cracked dominion where wishes waste away into fine grit sandblasting happiness into dour grimaces i don’t know what to do with myself a weeklong sabbatical to prepare mentally for a weekend in knoxville surrounded by some of my closest friends feels […]

the morning drive shows a sky in strata gradient shades of pastel madnesses fulfilling a complete archaeological summation of her smile blossoming into golden splendor even as the last wisps of sleep evaporate in sullensteam to scar a world of hazel lies i exist somewhere beyond indigo bands rendered indistinguishable from the farthest reaches of […]

an internal struggle to not cast out these dreamscatter odes to gleaming heartshatter as blood bubbles well from these crimson lips a fool hiding from himself ignoring the calls ollieollieoxenfree scraping sediment from his long seasunken brain running raisined fingers against the bleached coral where hope once frolicked in faerie lights refracted off the milky […]

the curse of waking at the witching hour has returned and i can’t quite tell if it is a symptom of the cycle or residual effects of ineffectual affections from a spellslinger in the most bewitching disguise either way i vibrate at the exact speed of loneliness in doomecho serenades tracing sigils on goosepimpled flesh

trickle down apathetics decreasing the flow of endorphins to key receptors as a fool melts into a viridescent pool of his own shimmering inconsequence

every time i take a breath there is another deadline looming constricting bronchial paths until black spots flicker angrily leaving me in a heap of broken ideas cutting deep shards of silver backed slivers only showcasing the frustration in creating for others rather than tending the fires burning deep inside my soul as a lack […]

constricted by a construct which despite many uses is an abstract issuing anxieties i used to have to leave early inherent uncertainties in traffic migration need room for error now i know to the exact minute when i will arrive and i struggle to recall a time before still i sit in half empty parking […]

the early morning heat distortons gave an ominous feel to a stringent sunday as the clothes spin in a psychotic ode to cleanliness and the occidental fear of abstract divinity the goddamned words swirl in the swill of salt ringed dreamcatchers hanging limp in the humidity where wonder is a wrinkled regiment of recycled rejections […]

the scars on the inside of my eyelids match up perfectly with her crooked little grin it is no wonder i cannot force myself to fall asleep when this accursed overlay only reminds me of the constant aching of loneliness another symptom of being self aware enough to curse dreams while being too weak to […]

i might not have gotten the easiest mental disorders to live with but i got the right kind of autism in which to complain in a pretty way

i was awoken by the hand of god in tue form of pure electricity as mania grips my fevered skull now i sit longing for sleep radiating sparks unable to still the rambunctious screaming of a thousand disparate thoughts it is times like these i welcome being self blind because i am sure i wouldn’t […]

lately the ceaseless stress compounded by merciless heat has left me shattered in a state of lingering losses i am wrung out watching hope as it evaporates into scalding steam i still yearn for despite the scarring loneliness the sugar free substitute for happiness in a world of chemical alternatives turned cancerous now when i […]

i see how heavy other people’s expectations can be barnacles dragging momentum to a staggering halt i also understand not giving a fuck can push people away but any expectations you have about another person and their behaviors is no one’s responsibilty except your own it is not anyone’s purpose to fulfill your ideals and […]

i lost my voice not through sickness nor from straining simply because no one hears my whispers

viridescent puddles an eerie trail of corruption meandering sloppily as i melt under the merciless glare of the texas sun the best parts of me lines of heat distortion in syncopated heartmurmurs simmering like a mirage

i drove into a supernova the darkness eradicated by a pale shade of canteloupe flesh slowly illuminating the inside of this robin’s egg in which the world is safely ensconced shattering illusions of an ever expanding infinity just beyond the straining set of van allen belts desperately in need of having an extra hole or […]

under certain specific conditions this meat suit fades away allowing me to become a loose array of charged particles in sync with the undertow of entropical dismay seething in the dessicated heart of existence when the music is up too loud and i cease to be a catastrophe awaiting inception becoming a less than random […]

this exhaustion feels positively virulent an encroaching fugue of fickle finality in the face of frivolously fervent false facades of freedom i passed my breaking point a few mile markers back toward the incessant hellfire lapping at my lips shifted the sharp pieces of myself through the razor wire strung in the shape of cartoon […]

i am adverse to change to the point of staying uncomfortable in a familiar setting over possibly comfortable in something new so i just stay small and not rock the already near capsizing boat as another tempest of my own chosing thrashes me to oblivion

i can hear the ocean as i sit here rexplaining what i have patiently explained about fifty fucking times life is wasted on the living

this vessel veers listlessly on this tsunami of insular despair a fool elected captain drinking rum as cannonfire flares over whatever the fuck starboard is supposed to be poets shouldn’t be given any real sort of responsibilities flightly creatures as interested in splendiferous beauty and haunting ugliness in equal measure

my mind is filled with frayed knots which whisper softly when worriedly worked they are afraid not and pull themselves into a tempestuous net of entangled dejection in imagined rejections leaving me utterly and completely useless

mondays are for hoping this week goes better than the previous knowing they all slip into an indeterminable fugue of mutually assured sameness there is nothing more humans being human beings than constructing a continual loop a cozy repetition and expecting anything to actually change this fear of new routines leaves a paralysis in the […]

i fear i have become an almost human cicada i bury myself deep seven years interred down in the muck only to dig my way out and scream annoyingly until everyone has had enough of my theatrics

a fleeting flailing of fracturing fractals failing fundamentally as a fool filibusts on fragmented feelings the well has gone dry nothing but a rusted bucket dreamcorroded tchotchkes with no solidity a microcosm of inclement forevers basking in the mouldering lies halfwhispered by corpselight a ziggurat built in borderline blindspots braced by bipolarity a bastion of […]

at first i didn’t know why it was i kept running just a case of nurtured nature perhaps eventually i realized that no one was trying to catch me but it didn’t stop the need to run nor the desire of being caught now i simply flee as quickly as possible there is nothing in […]

can you judge a book by its cover if the book had no choice in how it is presented the words inside a tempest roiling barely constrained by an appearance it cannot see damning the lines into purgatory without ever truly giving it a chance?

i think i finally figured out the schism in my brain this meat vessel has shed every original cell and i am quite literally not the same person who was born on all saint’s day every seven years this reticulated fool leaves behind the faulty stardust to slither sadly into a solemn sojourn a whole […]

these soulknots seem to be restricting bloodflow a million little anxieties in an oozing clusterfuck where up is a relative directional anomaly as i spin pinned to the side of this rusted gravitron by theoretical physics early morning storms where the sun breaks the tumultuous clouds to expose a rancidity of golden inequality i am […]

i told my friend life is a serial rapist with a never ending bottle of boner pills she said it would make a good title instead it is a scab stuck to this toilet stall where i can watch the pixels drain from vibrancy into a stagnant malaise opaque like the haze of sierra dust […]

we move at the speed of light reflecting off of our incrementally decomposing meat husks in an illusion of a rapidly cycling pursuit of someone else’s dream

a sliver of a moon and a mere handful of stars glimmer over what should be a sleeping city filled to the brim with eager little dreams hard to convince a yawning fool light pollution is an actual thing and it isn’t just god didn’t pay the full electric bill and we have emergency lighting […]

there are occasions when too much help is as big a detriment as none at all it is more frustrating knowing the best intentions while being beaten into paste still

too many things too many spinning plates for a fool who can barely find the will to shower on a daily basis yet the exasperation still persists in the face of my incomprehensible anxiety and fear

i am either an anchor or a helium balloon barely tethered neither being at all ideal but we make the best of the hand we are dealt usually

there is a conventual convention in richardson this weekend one of which is a ton of fun and someplace i have no interest in occupying as my anxiety sounds a tea kettle on a ring of blue hellfire spitting a cacophony of mistladen curses into the overcast net of clouds lurking ever above us

pinwheels spinning across the corrugated facsimile of suburban dystopia where pastel heartdander dances on mercurial waves of solidarity i am lost somewhere in between phases trapped in circular hypotheses where hope sublimates into an acidic haze etching eulogies to tomorrow

a turbulent trepidation teems torrentially in the hollow bones of a traumatized sparrow king throwing himself head first at the bars of his carefully constructed cage of half truth my heart flutters a storm unto itself trapped in terminal howling through the tired echoes of every lingering heartthistle serenade in thorned refrain

another convention is fast approaching i can’t help but worry there aren’t enough drugs to keep me normal enough for another crowded room the depression shattered yesterday after a few weeks of oppression yet i feel wobbly a freshly hatched sparrow about to be dropped from the nest before my feathers have fully filled in

trapped in an echoed deficit woke to storms now i sit wishing the music could erase this vaguely human stain staring out at a silvery hellscape bathed in painshiver redundancies refracting indiscriminate indecencies before fading to nothing yet again

i don’t write love letters simply suicide notes in reverse eulogies for this dearly departed confusion called us

i don’t know when it was exactly i stopped celebrating everything when the delusion ran in milky tears down scarred cheeks and i embraced none of it meaning anything the only good thing about a holiday is the day off work and if they fall on a weekend they can fuck right off downside of […]

these days when anxiety is everything i wonder if a straightjacket would help me learn to love myself or merely scratch the itch of needing to be held it’s hypothetical i doubt if they ever get me into a straightjacket they will ever set me free again or maybe it’s me who wouldn’t want to […]

i found a shaded parking spot a valuable commodity in the brutality of texas a place to hide from the constant ultraviolet pummeling from an avaricious ever expanding star bonedeep exhaustion souldeep loneliness an organic disintegration in lackluster lines limply expelled to evaporate in this infernal fucking heat

i tore the words directly out in a mad dash to hit a deadline and now there is only a gaping wound where creativity once flourished the goddamned heat and being my typical bipolar abomination has me hibernating i wake and scratch myself before taking a long piss before searching for words and going back […]

broken glass churning internally an agonizing excursion into anxietal failings a semi autonomous kaleidoscope distorting these cityscapes into roiling nightmares yearning for a moment of peace from this incessant sorrow howling

an insomniac plea not for sleep but a momentary dream of her smile to placate these demons howling instead another day of interminable heat and souldeep longing

i have focus the same way a drop of water follows another down a windowpane despite my best intentions unless it is another fit of unnecessaryanxiety my mental capacity requires random to illicit some sort of response this is perfectly acceptable for a poet but makes masquerading as an aspiring author incrementally more infuriating it […]

an infusion of golden light with hints of sheer oppression a condemnation in greenhouse gas refracting heat into a culmination of human folly this latest cycle a wax mannequin emotionless in a fit of oversaturation slowly melting under the sun’s fury i find astrology to be utter nonsense until a single star causes abject misery […]

the suble art of inaction allowing everything to pile up until menial tasks evolve into impossibilities anxiety is a fucking whore screaming incessantly crying wolf when the sheep are trying to sleep drowning in minor inconveniences flailing about in the kiddie pool as everyone stares

it was a flashflood as two feet of water suddenly swarmed the fast lane visibilty reduced to feet in front of my speeding gray vehicle i did not sway majestically releasing dual tsunamis across the empty highway momentarily flushed with magical power or possibly biblical depending on which mythology you prefer a master of hydronomics […]

a brief respite in the form of an ancillary embrace from a stray hurricane’s arm shifted twenty or so degrees cooler for a solitary day i listened to the rain all night wondering if it was a sleepy delusion or harbinger of inclement doom between wondering if the storm is real and dipping into dreams […]

scatterbrained splintered chasing shiny bits scattered amongst rapidly cycling insane serenities searing sermons in scintillatingly sinuous madness sending schisms in shaky lowercase

the boulder is merely an accumulation of daily sins each day growing with every flaw inseparable from the human condition until finally the spine snaps and all which remains are the shattered pieces of a life lived following the trails furrows dug by these inherited sins which only serve to impede any hope of progress

the sun bares her teeth glaring down upon the concrete edification sprawling across north texas i am an ant beneath a magnifying glass smoke wafts where that evil gaze penetrates every inch of this godforsaken land she stands smiling hand raised and as i blink she fades away lines of heat distortion a beautiful mirage […]

sweet decay flowers wilted in a vase the musty scent of dreams gone to rot permeates all of existence as i shuffle sleepily down the hallway to find motivation to make it through another fucking day

there stands a man hispanic not yet old no longer a boy simply a man standing right outside my window whistling he is not good at it there is no haunting melody no ethereal beauty yet it is something perhaps it is the drugs talking but this rather bland age indistinct hispanic gentleman seems to […]

spent the night manically bouncing in tremulous technicolored terrors into a day filled by listlessly drifting in monochromatic sublimation neon afterglow sparks gray in this melange of misery a stark shading upon charcoal dissonance peering through this frozen nimbus alone and ashamed another husk floating in the frigidness of her disdain

it never occured fo me after years and years of hard drinking my knees would ache before my liver failed there was little planning ahead when each of us feels predestined to die by twenty five old age is a myth an ailment for other people to suffer down the road the red in my […]

happiness is an arrow shot all willy nilly by a blind archer in the throes of a heroin bender invisible spiders crawling just beneath his thin parchment flesh sending spasms as he releases the trajectory now severely deviated in a rough approximation of god’s septum to fall flaccidly to the cracked pavement covered in oil […]

my mind dances with chaotic energy striving to both upturn the apple cart and help sort the apples in a more fun way life is far too rigid crystalline and only truly appreciated as it has passed by then it has become brittle painful yet still we clutch onto the bittersweet nostalgia of a past […]

ravenous hunger pangs quake and rattle a dire need reticulates down the cold dark lonely of a mind in peril cravings for consequence in an inconsequential state of regurgitated relapses where the fading embers of dreams crashing light the sky in shades of sinful sorrow tinged regret

the diving bell is cracked deformations as the pressure in undulating currents caress the brass dome providing oxygen from a surface long gone to myth spots flicker across fading visions of sunlit mornings spent lounging lazily as heavy limbs disturb the mass of settled silt decreasing visibilty as each step leads into a potentially endless […]

my soul feels bloated a corpse floating in the stagnation where wonder is ground down leaving a film across reality like unbrushed teeth after a serious night of solemn drinking a constant state of exhaustion simmering near to full break down as everything falls to pieces around me i lose parts of myself with each […]

she was a human shaped shitstain an anthropomorphic maisma of lies parading her prized lapdog a mangy mutt she insisted was purebred a snapping little twat always just outside of kicking distance raining her rancid fecal showers while attempting to rewrite truth to fit her perpetual games she fancied herself a spider weaving a new […]