two middle fingers aren’t nearly enough

four thousand five hundred darts thrown at a swaying board on the backside of a braying incontinent jackass at times i wonder at when the well will dry when thewindchimesthebirds thewildflowersthefool thedevilthemoonthecoffee thesquirrelsthevoid will just go silent will my madness eventually reach a point where it becomes indecipherable has it already i will write one […]

achilles

achilles’s tendonis that historyforgetshis lover patroclusso impressedby his battle prowessand being dippedin the river styxthey ignore the heartof his tragic tale

dreamslurry

swaying with a simian gaitthe pockmarked yellow orangutanpulls itself over the eastern skyto clamber uproariouslyover the incidental frictionssparking in incessant moonlustallegorically acrossthe impudent sadnessencroaching on pentacular fieldsof viridescent vitriol ransack the outhousesdressed in rustic business attirestrutting idiotically a studwith swollen blackened testiclescocksure yet insolently shallowstrike down the bloodlust inthe nascent dreamslurryripened with irrigated trauma passed […]

recoil

the breakdown begins at the atomic level the nucleic fabric unravels a random surge of quarks spinning off into the absence between rationalities treading the edge of self destruction as seen from the vantage of the incredible molecular catastrophe wrapped in parchment skin penning the most pedantic odes in a solemn plea to the entropy […]

migrainular

i had finally found a position, head just so, body angled, foot tapping along with the stabbing in my skull, my body tuned to the exact shape needed to lessen the agony that sweeps in waves with every accidental breath too heavy or impatient blink of the eye if i believed it would help i […]

mortuary blues

parked next tothe cemeterywhere the dead leavesswirlpoltergeistsmoaning throughthe rusted iron fenceas the chill of winterthe touch of the graveand the lingeringscent of formaldehydeplaysa subtle tuneover my fleshcutting throughmy clothesto curl aroundmy indecent sins the sun isa wan reflectionof itselfas if shining withthe captured raysreflectedby the moonredirected in itsabsent malaiseas the sparrows songmocksthe squeaking wheelsof the […]

means to an ending

he returned to the pawn shop five days in a row he never spoke just stood at the counter staring down at the rings the silence stabbed at his ache on the sixth day he simply pointed at the silver band with a demure diamond chip and six feet of rope coiled above the door […]

self inscribed cosmos

he would run his fingers along the trackmarks on her arm, ignoring the scars of addiction, lost in the hidden design, forming new constellations on her pale night sky sketching daydreams upon her countenance of self inscribed cosmos she was floating in the warm waves, awash with pollutants that beguiled the insolence in every weighted […]

leathery flutters

in dream, the waxy rivulets merrily run down the candle; a tiny flame, expected only to illuminate these remains; lost in the velvet darkness a wicked soul is smoldering; hushed cries settle, silent fluttering of leathery wing. i search for you in these winding corridors bathed by the wasteland slowly simmering beneath my pulse every […]

mood ring eyes

she always knewwithin momentswhat i was feelingeven thoughi neverspoke the wordsaloudshe would walk overand put her handto my cheekwhile staring deepinto my eyesbefore knowingexactlywhether to meltinto my armsor furiouslypress her lipsto mineone leadingto the othernine timesout of tenbut it wasthe knowingof whichto lead withthat alwaysamazed me onceafter we hadfinishedwhat our lipshad startedi asked herhow she […]

juniper

juniper berriesdeep blue againstthe ivory driftseach flakereflectsredirectsrefractsthe lightbuilding froma single beaminto anunfettered blindnessthat encapsulatesthe scenein pure whitenothing the juniper bushripe with berriesa snow ladenevergreen againstthe backgroundof blurredmisconceptionthe sparrowshop atopthe virgin snowuncaringthat the bountywas never fortheir greedy beaksyet imagining every sweetis theirs alone

curled up in a hell all of my own

soft motesof sorrowtwinklein the abeyancebetweentrue and false the puppybarksat every noisein the hopesthe masterhas cometo free itfrom the kennel there isan analogytherebut the tasteof amber burningon my tonguehas my mindin another placemy tonguedoingother things lost inthe pavlovian dystopiawe happily plantnever seeingthe bulbsare upside down maybe the coldhas mefeelingphilosophicalor maybethis feelingin my chestthat singsfor the chairto […]

darkness leading me to you

trapped in this four wall apartment lingering scents of her phantom perfume i lay in bed as the rains come down keeping the sky aloft with the tears that drown out the world sylvia and hank red faced screaming to wake me from this shattered dreamthistle as i never really figured out what this whole […]

the afterglow of everything falling apart

the pinatas are filled with maggots suckling on the unwrapped sweets tucked into papermache mementos the cards are filled with ink scratched reminders from another time when heroes and viilains were easily deciphered these faded photos bring back the memories when dreams were within reach and happily was ever after electrified desserts course along the […]

a venn diagram living in the overlay of hopeless and romantic

there is nospecific momentthat i canrecallwith any sort ofclaritywhen i becamea secondary characterin the storyof my own life at some pointthe wordsbecame the focusas i fell fartherfrom the stage lightsuntil i woke upand didn’t recognizethe collection of flawsstaring backuncomprehendingly now as istumble blindlysearching forthose thingsthe former occupantof this scarred massof ugly indignation soughtup to the […]

m is as empty as the poet

a misconception missed connections a misinterpretation in this misery of missing her misconstrued misremembered this misanthropic malady of misgiving misread in the meandering misuse of my misunderstood myopia igetlostintheundercurrents drowninginsyntax inpurposefulmistakes madebyaccidentaltruth it’scoldmyteethchatter asinconsequentialsfall

looking for you

i couldn’t figure out why i always felt a disconnect to the world around me until i found her and it all became clear my body is right here in texas my mind is lost in the words and my heart is beating two hours behind in west coast time while my eyes keep looking […]

in the quiet

in the quiet i can feel them course through my blood demons whispering soft lullabies i can hear her voice feel the crack across the supple skin of innocence in the quiet i can feel them writhe around my brain stem luxuriating in subtle despairs murmuring hatred into the lost waves of ego supplicating id […]

choir

i hear the chorus sing your praises but no matter how beautiful the words we both know it is my words that constrict your lovely little scar shaped heart every tragedy written line by line down the yellowed papyrus of my soul spells a certain doom as yet untasted so savor the sweet songs they […]

hell is reflected in every shimmer of pain

the factories along the highway manufacturing clouds that billow over the grimy cityscape angry faces scowl trapped in single file morose lines of rumbling vehicles spitting noxious vapors horns gleaming in the dull red glow of rivers of lava as the skies open to let the tears of the damned smudge the filth of heartashes […]

woke

i woke in the middle of the night to see the wispy image of a woman staring down at me from the ceiling her features were familiar her eyes rained pure hatred in waves that seemed to contort ferally as she whispered my every failing into the solemn dark the rust dried, a trail running […]

privacy fence

the privacy fence around my heart is not just to keep myself and those i love protected but to prevent the accidental affections from crushing each of us under the weight of false adorations frequently i cut myself on the jagged shards that once formed a real person now nothing but a collection of scars […]

lost in transition

she used to sign every note with x’s and o’s a lipstick kiss in lieu of her name a hint of her perfume hovering just above so when i awoke she had given me a kiss the last note was still signed with exes and ohs the lipstick replaced by a cursive good bye tear […]

pinwheels

./redyellowbluegreen/ the pinwheel spins under the weight of my breath /redyellowbluegreen/ am i just a punchline scribbled in the margins of your defecit[heart] a pinwheel to be spun /redyellowbluegreen/ by the weight of your absent affection as you affect a caring{demeanor} the maple seeds spin lazily to the ground cyclopean helicopters of latent syrupy promise […]

draped in brimstone

she set me free like lincoln freed the slaves with a wink and a nod to the camera she saw my future sloppily written on the palms of my hands before carefully scrubbing them clean as i slept she was an angel draped in brimstone, smoldering footprints wherever her feet touched the ground, her tarnished […]

misquoting emotion

she was speaking neruda while i was quoting hank spanish moss draped over the bedside lamp adding an ambiance to the mood she was trying to set while i stomped around shaking bottles for one more sip my brain fixated on the her we both knew she wasn’t she whispered keats in nonsensical rhymes while […]

binary heartspasm

into the unblinking eye eternally crusted with sleep unslept clouded with dreams undreamt falling into the infinite miseries in unending waves of incessant woe on a cloud impossible in its regularity lies a pomegranate dirt still clinging to the crimson bruise colored skin syncopated binary heartspasms incorporated into the red stained fingers she playfully runs […]

vultures pretending to be songbirds

i wear the scars of every incidental adoration in the colorless indentions between the lines written for the her they project themselves into carelessly as tic marks form a callus in the callous disregard shown to intent scrubbed so many unwanted lipstick stains from pink flesh that the weeping wounds from misplaced affection leaves every […]

baby teeth in the branches of civility

light flares for the blind sound drums for the deaf there is a movement coming fresh linen for the lepers beneath the gnarled branches of the old twisted oak a pestilent rejoinder from sickness long ago baby teeth hang from memory filament to chatter incessantly on the foul morn breeze bemoaning each tawdry sunbeam refracted […]

rapid cycling

external stimuli triggered episodic rapid cycling self destruction is more addictive than any synthetically structured intoxicant you bring your smile i will bring the matches catch a wave maybe the mania can wash us far enough from shore your flotsam to my jetsam the embers float specks of civilization like pollen wrap your legs around […]

a refusal to swim

the trash blows happily on the cold wind swirling in the causeway as the fool squints up angrily at the bright gray sky hoping for a stray sunbeam to illuminate the shadows across his brain he is learning to cut the things that serve no purpose out of his mind with the surgical precision of […]

inches

she claimed the damsel role leaving him to twirl his mustaches as he tied her to the railtoad tracks of another insipid tale of love gone sour leaving him in a flux that saw a flood of would be rescuers cutting the ropes he never saw them tying as he pined away for something that […]

pitter patter of deflated dream

lost in the pitter patter of penguins dancing across the hoarfrost covering my mind sidestepping the rain falling over this concrete mausoleum disguised fitfully as a city the temperature falls with every aching breath expelled down empty streets in crystalline malaise the potholes threaten to swallow me whole to drown in the discarded daydreams that […]

frustrated

no matter how tightly i squeeze my eyes shut how earnest the prayers muttered to the silence above the absence within whispered to whomever wherever whenever the only answer is the same heaven is a dream for good boys to chase hell is all around us everyday so i don’t waste my breath on hopes […]

first act on repeat

a part of me desperately clings to the pages of this first act time has proven that once the second act begins the hidden aspects eventually turn me from love interest to villain begins to creep along the edges am i the hero in this ironic tale encompassing misadventures through the bottom rung i wasn’t […]

blank dismissal

i have burned bridges that spanned chasms between hearts salted the earth in the memory of agonies shared the ugly truth is always feeling lost left love stagnant in the mire filled with the bloated corpses of feral adoration written odes to dead lovers whose last breath carried blackened petals that attached rusted anchors to […]

maybe tomorrow

for a moment the dark sky was a promise of cerulean sanctity over a cold gray land i sit shivering staring out the window as the coffee steams lazily beset by longing and as the sky takes on a rose quartz luster the clouds reflecting the city below i murmur my love into the rising […]

halfway

i am surrounded [by madmen and suicides] every word that screams off the page pushes me towards one of the only two options seemingly available for a self medicated poet with too many feelings dragging himself across the broken glass signifying another day staring out the window at a world that is missing the one […]

incidental coffee

light effused itself through the canopy in unnecessary bars of yellow a grid filled with pollen lazily suspended in an absence of air briefly i considered myself a cat burglar in eighteen eighties paris seeking to escape with mona lisa packed securely on my back a lackluster ballerina pirouetting through a bastardized war zone slippers […]

reverse phoenix

how longhave i feltlikea figmenta fugitivea tall talejust the whispers ofan ugly soulthat criespaint smearson the runfrom future sinsa trail ofheart shapedpockmarkswhereverhe restshis cavernous skullthe winding rootssnake throughhis steam poweredinsubstantiality i am eitherthe deficient sumin the rambling odesa paint by numberspoetora shadow box prophetdrowningin wordsno onewill ever seeforetellingan endingthat sounds sogoddamnedinviting the thing is even […]

caste

i was alwaysa mothwith theaspirationsof a fledglingbutterfly so when i wasburntto a cinderby your flameit simplymade sense it was justmy placein the emotionalcaste systemspun outof nirvana

light keeper soliloquy

it was an unlit tomb on a small strip of land beaten mercilessly by the sea; a needle from which a great light once warned of shallow waters ahead. now a frost covered gravestone to an industrious past; a last jutting bone from the skeleton of whalers seeking ambergris afloat on the whitecaps. before edison […]

crimson stains

feeling inconsequential in a sequential pattern of repeating selfdetrimental implosions along my cardiac redaction today is a day for screaming silently into the plastic world filled with distracted emotive disconnections echoing back milquetoast inflections my anterior cardiac infraction directly correlates to the relapsed dismality that is only found in store brand miseries i long to […]

candlelit lonely

the flame flickers a small ball of yellow suspended above the wick a boa of black smoke coalesces around the breath of fire long tears of melted wax run in rivulets adding to the girth of the whole while ignoring the steadily shrinking waxen stature the room itself alive with mercurial shadows that change the […]

atlas

she had anatlasprinted onthe sheetsso every timewe made loveit wasa global eventmy handsand hungry mouthexploringa differenthemispherefrom the onewhere shemoaned aloudin tectonicdivisions ofshifting ecstasy

morning ugly

the fine print on the contract for one tattered soul in exchange for drowning in an ocean of diction never mentioned grinding your softest bits to dust to make the ink the heartthistle quill imbued with a breath swollen with broken sobs barely held back the magician doesn’t show the audience how the trick is […]

irradiated dreamstate

my eyes opened too early this morning as the overwhelming desire to run my tongue along your sorrow to let you infuse your beauty so that every taste bud carries a reflection of your magnificence carrying a hint of the storm brewing at the edge of your horizon where the darkness flickers to tinge the […]

{x’s}

every photo is a caricature where the exaggerated dejection burrowed into the furrowed brow is but a reflection of hyper distended incomprehension madness in vacant eyes scars squirm fat coarse cords sewn in haphazard{x’s} by heavy handed[exes] to keep the palemaggotskinnedlips firmly pressed together keeping the declarations (un)spoken the ugly bastard waiting for the seeds […]

want/get

living in images is great for writing poetry but bad for a life lived alone filled with insufferable longing. we get what we get. doesn’t really matter what we want.

wintry

today is cloudy heavy with the promise of winter kissing the back of my neck as the winds whip dead leaves like so many what could have beens in a series of messages from the aether to reprogram my deficient selfless understanding as to the complex calculations that seem to leave me on the short […]

vapid vagrant (self portrait)

the mechanical man trundled slowly to the outskirts of town careful to remain in the woods away from accidental eyes away from despising stares black smoke rising from the furnace in his belly driving his steam powered heart the treads on his feet slowly sinking in the soft loam as he watches the happy people […]

pawn shop daydreaming

she found me in a pawn shop standing in front with a note that read free to a good home i did my best puppy dog eyes dreading another night kennelled in the back room that smells like cheap cigars and stale flatulence with a heavy dose of melancholic misplaced affections she gave me a […]

wrong side of bed

the only beauty i can find in the world this morning is in sylvia’s words and the wildflowers in your gaze i got up on the wrong side of the bed fell into a mobius loop of constant waking then stumbling into the negative space between thought and action it is cold yet the bitds […]

an overdramatic response

damn the truth!damn the wretched truth! she was a vampyre!she was a nymph,cast in dusky brown!foul succubus! on my kneesi beseech thee,oh lord above!spare me fromthese ignoble slights! cast thisfoulest demonbackback to bottomof the fiery pits!to hell!to tartarus! just allowthis poor foola momentof succorfreefrom the dinof yourmost foul harpy,i implore thee

self(ish)

my mental acuityhas hamperedmy emotional growthas a defense mechanismagainstearly hatred shown the words thatdieon my tonguefly freeonly in verse i worrymy mute expressionismthis screamingin silentsolitudewill always denythe infernoof passionthat flaresbehind eyesno one everglances into

best intent

it occurs to me that no matter how deeply dreamt or fervently wished the things that i want aren’t required for me to survive just to live so i exist in the pedantic lines of unread poetry a half alive spectre standing in the snow peering through the large window as the lovers curl up […]

inkblot

one day i will cover all my scars become unvisible just some ink stained walking rorschach test that reminds you of your parents fighting or your father’s penis or that time you walked in on them mid-coitus just a vague unsettling feeling at the edge of perception beaming smoke signals in sultry flashes of sinful […]

me

i can’t remember exactly what it means to be me anymore because me has always ended up being the worst thing about me

missile

today it feelsas if i ama strangerin my own lifea guided missilelaunchedbut unableto do anythingsteeredby invisible hands unableto speakto act a controlledout of controlexperiencethat leadsonly to mytriumphantexplosioninto a showerof nothingin the landof words

tea kettle

she started tocall mea cuckoo clockbecausein our fewdaily interactionsit becamea seriesof repetitive talksas she pulledfather backi hadonly so many chancesto speak but it dawnedon methat i was nevera painted birdin a wooden box i have thisgreat needto sharethe lovethat boilswithin mymetallic framea tea kettleset upon the fireof yourperfectionunable to doanythingbut shoutadoration

gurgling tar

i didn’t wake upthis morningas sleepnever managedto quite workits way aroundto my quiet hell lost in thoughtsthat spunon and onuntil the alarmblared a soundof sullen defeatinto the room i feel exhaustedbut it doesn’t quiteovertake the sorrowthat has bubbledto the surfacegurgling tarin quicksand sleepy

need(les)

i just need medication to combat this desolation of enforced isolation my mental deviation lends itself to this abbreviation of insular emotional deviation even the birds give me fuck off stares as i pass them, beady eyes staring daggers into my own crooked maw of self destructive ambiguity and i am tired so very tired […]

arson and spiders

prometheuswas the firstarsonistandmy head feelsstuffedwith angry spidersso as far asgood morningaffirmations gotoday isnot the dayif yourmagic eight ballsays differentlyshake ituntil the blue liquidgets sobubblythe message readswhateveryou want itto sayor wait untilthe eaglefinishes offfire boy’s liverchuckthe plastic seerinto the flaming eyeof the gods ownpenancemy brain feelsspideryit is far toocoldwhen i miss youthis much

once II

once while riding across the cobblestone streets of the farmers market, astride a purple dodo with a regal beak despite a rather peculiar aversion to trolleys the ebony tears of the matrimonial dissidents cascade like tar from the pockmarks running along the veins of the last vestige of peace or love a woman in a […]

once

once i rode on an aeroplane a wheezing creaking wooden thing with brass gears wings like a bat that flapped in manic delight as the pilot pedalled furiously a small man, no more than a foot tall, tossed coal into the furnace that belched black smoke as the hot air inflated large sacks sewn from […]

lava

my soul is a tulip bulb buried upside down in the brackish muck of unsolicited tears she baked me a cake with a file in the center, i thought to whittle away the bars, but when i looked closer it said divorce along the rusted belly, my false sense of procured freedom was in her […]

she sings, i shave

her voice carries down from upstairs she sings in some strange language as i shave i find myself head cocked feeling the emotion even if the words mean little it isn’t a great voice, more that of an absent minded village girl at the river singing happily as the world slowly moves past reflected in […]

lost or listless

i have beenfeelingtoo fucking ugly to writepretty proseso if the poetic outputseems lackingit isa direct reflectionon the foolhimself youare the only beautyin the seaof bitter malaise you have no ideahow gratefuli am you exist because i have beenfeelingawfullyfucking lostas of late

lonesome ball of ambiguous dismay

the cold like pins and needles along my shivering legs even under the blanket in hoodie curled in a lonesome ball of ambiguous dismay somewhat requiring some vapid facsimile of mother’s milk or winsome female camaraderie in which to stoke the fires of heartwood stirring the embers huddled on the couch buried deep down it […]

a bald headed buzzard

sylvia called death a bald headed buzzard yet she gratefully stepped into the ebon winged embrace of the carrion collector i think death must be beautiful an angel casting negative shadows with every displaced breeze caused by multi-hued peacock feathered wings a ring of lavender tinted perfection floating just above hermaphroditus beauty transcends simple earthly […]

a monster

let me layin the fieldsof wildflowersi am tiredmy soul hurtsi just needto catch my breaththis stitchin my sidefrom choking downthe worldhas turnedinto a spiderwebof cracksalong my contentiousi don’t likewho i have to beto survivethis goddamned jokewhere shehas to be hurtbecause he isn’tenough none of usfeel likewe are enoughbut where does thatstop beinga feelingwhen do we […]

collander

i learned to give up the things that didn’t matter to simply walk away but i wonder how much of myself was left on the side of the road as i cleaned house there are things i will never get back that leave small holes in my heart surely i shall bleed to death before […]

sparrows

is anyone else feeling (irritiable uncomfortable rancorous) a little off or is it the sparrows that flit around my head whistling doo dah with no great concern for the people around me as if this irrational rationale b-movie grandiosity this insipid banter the planes float in the air above the airport and as i watch […]

little one room apartments

she stood peering out the window of her little one room apartment into the window of my little one room apartment likely, i was scratching my ass or scowling angrily at the ceiling the glorious life of a poet wasted on fools that swim in words instead of smiling at ladies that peer out the […]

la luna della follia

la luna ticks the boxes that make up the madness bleeding through absentee tear ducts the fountain remains dry as the sad little cherubs blow horns that will never ring clear through yellow light in the gray skies above

veneer (aortic musing)

a thin veneer of glistening frost coats the world outside the filthy windows that do little more than filter out the finer details of another morning in purgatorial musings her fingers gently stroke my aorta as she sleeps sweetly, a stuttering halt to my limbic dissolution gray skies mute the typical symphonic disharmonies of the […]

monster

my uglinessis bubbling upto the surfaceagainbarely restrainedby the poorlyformed skullthe fleshdistortedas the imageshownbecomes somethingmore akinto the onereflected backin the quiet momentsof dire depression seven yearsbad luckfor each mirrorshatteredin thisundisguisedself loathingequals a lifetimeencompassedby the truthswhisperedbetween lashesyet i still wantto give my loveto you aloneeven as i fearwho i really am my soulis broken drywallshowing a glimpseinto […]

bell curve

feel as ifi wokethree timesto a progressive scaleof incrementalnone matterance pouring myselfinto multiplecontainmentswondering whythere is never enoughto go around emptied slowlydrainedof any and everypossibilityyet still tryingto give more lost somewhereon the bell curvebetweenunwantedandunnecessary

closest

my mind islostin the black eyesof sharksas i lookfor youin the stormthat seems tobrewjust offto the sidedissipatingwheneveri looktoo hard i should bewritingbut how can itell a storywhen the only thingi canthink about ishowwrapping my armsaround youseems likethe closest to nirvanaas thiscollection of sinswill ever get

smudge

it isn’t that i am tired it is my skeleton has been carved from dwarf stars my heart is a black hole my mind gone supernova so my shoulders are slumped in the most atlas of shrugs without need for overblown theatrics nor antiquated philosophy i feel overwrought by the stillness in being taking no […]

incapable

woke up sad nothing helping workout shop cook nothing just an absent ache an icicle tapping against the cardial sac wishing for empty instead of frozen bobbing for chlorinated apples in the open sewer of my mind i have a headache but my heart feels bruised like a plum from lack of you nestled tight […]

something else with feeling

there is an infinite etching of sorrow in a perfectly prepared sunny side up egg sitting on a plate with golden brown hashbrowns and too many slices of bacon; this golden sea congealed futures decided long before the machinery took all hopes of pecking gravel from unformed wings there was a man who did topiary […]