off

the world feels half a step off there is a palpable surrealism dripping to form mirrorpuddles but i know instinctively not to gaze too deeply into the ambiguities they reflect affecting disaffected instances of rejections prior to the actual execution of escapology apologies i haven’t seen the sun in days now i question if i […]

nightlight

unaware if i ever slept or if this is just one continuous day of sleep deprived inhibition the sky is dark the ambient light a nightlight pervading the ever growing darkness within manifested externally in a display of black on black on black on lavender fever dreams across the asphalt i see my distorted reflection […]

soulscatter

there is a hole in my heart a steady leak filling my chest with blackened gelatinous bits of the parts of me i long to share but likely never will i am tired of screaming myself hoarse hoping an eagle mistakes my shaved head for a rock to drop a tortoise end both of our […]

terribly

i am not sure who you are but i miss you terribly today but it feels like you don’t even know who i am that just makes it more bittersweet on my lips

sudoku(seppuku)

trying to weave my way through the minefield in my mind is playing sudoku with the finesse of seppuku the numerics out of sync with the blade in my stomach questioning the honor in quenching the steel in random digits clenching the slick hilt as the crimson stains the squares there is a fragility thick […]

chasm of self

i am a casual insomniac with artistic aspirations i dabble in the lost arts of self-referential self-abuse with the light linework of matisse across incidental pain graphite sketches gradients crosshatched along the obtuse radius resisting radiance radically radial radio broadcasts sent from the edge of the last heartschism sleepwalking through the performance art inherent in […]

buried in the roots of the cherry blossom

the best parts of me the hidden bits untarnished by the greasy hands of familial distress are kept in a burlap sack buried beneath the cherry blossom tree on the onyx hill in the center of the necropolis filled with all the interred lovelorn corpses slamming angry fists against the cheap wooden boxes in which […]

thirteen times

in the obviously oblivious obsolescence of oblivion he busks for change a one man band humming elevator versions of unwritten pop songs decomposed in the brains splattered against the mildewed tiles of the last bathroom hidden in the darkness beneath the landing for the orange line train thirteen times the candleflame flickers in the rancid […]

shipwrecks

we are all shipwrecks some of us have yet to find the reef while some of us have already sunk we carry the unmarked graves in our waterlogged bones moss swaying in the cold currents of the past telltale signs of emergency repairs half finished as the rot returns all to sediment where all the […]

johnny appleseed

he was a modern day johnny appleseed casting his soul across the infertile earth with every turgid ode tossed to absently spin in her disengaged sense of entitlement all while blindly spilling his secrets into the wind unaware intent can never be determined by the emptiness when i love you stopped being more than eight […]

a thousand sloppy cuts

none slice the hardest as the ones that clench the knife in lovelorn anger for they are the ones that know your secrets using them to temper the blade their hands have touched every soft spot know where to cut to stab to plunge to maximize the impact to share the shattering ache that fills […]

the ellipses in your smile

i’ve spent so long writing tales of the incredible drowning man a mere inch beneath the surface i can eyeball six feet of rope, tie a noose with both hands tied behind my back in a bad dream it’s become impossible to define me because i have made it impossible to even find me i […]

limbic infinity

the infinite cosmos are the spaces between the synaptical flash in the neural network interlaced within her mind the constellations sway in her eyes the doorway to a soul that has swallowed the astronautical hearts drenched in intolerable ache i am trying to string together enough flashes to imprint an inverse rainbow across her limbic […]

poets and philosophers

i have a fondness for philosophy but a general disdain for philosophers the ideals no matter how batshit insane appeal to the need for structure in my mind but come around spouting the words of a dead coke addled mother obsessed trying too hard austrian? batten down the hatches as the pretentious pilot begins to […]

rainy dream

the thunder awoke me from vaguely insidious dreams of things lurking just off in the black haze that i found myself lost within i was calling out to you my hoarse voice catching only to be absorbed half-formed spat back mockingly by the things that watch with unblinking ebony orbs when i woke the rain […]

believe

she had a pendant that read ‘believe’ dangling between her breasts i watched it dance as she laughed at whatever nonsensical blathering i tried to convey. i have never been a religious man but the way that word called to me between the heaving smooth brown skin brought a bit of the believer out in […]

a series of un

he sits fork scraping pushing his dinner around the plate unable to will the fork to lift unable to taste the meal songs play softly but they are a chorus of discordant buzzing a book lays untouched the words simply swim on the page he tell himself he has to keep moving or he will […]

accidental suicide

turned down two one way streets the wrong way had a moving truck nearly crush me against the wall of the parking garage another almost hit me on the highway the sign on the front desk of my mind says out for terminal dissonance too tired to function unable to sleep the near victim of […]

misassembled

maybe the problem with me came about in the assembly two parts teenage lust one part accidental pregnancy two lives ruined beat until frustration is gone apply a series of doomed relationships vigorously add anxiety depression loathing (self preferably) leave a trail of breadcrumbs in the truancy of hope then let loose upon the world […]

fill the gap

this nothing affixed to my chest like an anchor in the presence of this absence i am stricken with an inability to feel anything except for loss it scares me this not caring a part of my mind screams as i drive too fast down the road but the part in control has ceased to […]

midtown scurvy

the whites of his eyes were the sallow tint of a rat’s teeth as it hisses angrily rearing up on a dumpster in a piss stained alley. if the poor bastard had gotten any sleep it wasn’t in the last month or so as he blearily squints into the noonday sun as if flabbergasted he […]

amateur mason

i was taught at a young age to build walls with every new pain to apply brick and mortar that if something wasn’t brought up it wasn’t to be talked about that in the absence the small words held the biggest meaning even when unable to manifest as long as you were there it was […]

none

i don’t want to go to sleep because i cannot think of a good reason to wake up. there are spiders in my brain that crawl incessantly all i think about is what was lost. exhaustion sorrow and an inability to pick up the pieces yet again. and just enough knowledge to know nothing will […]

transient permanence

if you find yourself willing to give up everything you have known because the destination is worth the cost be warned when there is nothing left of that hope you are suddenly forced to look around at what was once a transient state now stained with permanence.

map

for the last year and a half there was a goal a new horizon ready to be explored a new life ready to be lived now there is no destination the map just sits blank accusingly no borders no recommended route just a spinning icon a painful reminder that home is no longer an option.

searching the snow

she collected snowflakes the first snowfall of every season if she could just find two that were identical then maybe that would prove that somewhere out there in the dark night of her loneliness hopefully there was someone looking for her as well it’s been years but still she looks standing alone in a blizzard […]

grit

the wind whistles through the stone outcropping hanging over the arid plains the lone call of the hawk as it circles high above the varied shades of brown below it is there the heartache blends itself into the vast world of undulating sweetness of sin far away from the wagging tongues of naysayers preoccupied with […]

com(pass)

i rub the needle across the magnet set it on a leaf in a cup of water all in hopes of finding direction in the ever spinning fluctuations of the ever hungry unhinged jaws of desperation. depression is the accumulated baggage of a life half lived anxiety the whip across bare knuckles pushing on with […]

photo-negative

the ghosts swirl around her every movement a host of hellish intent forming an invisible yet impenetrable bank of fog filling the room with the metallic scent of anxious panic she is never alone not entirely no matter where she seeks a singular moment of reprieve from the constant babble of voices whispering of every […]

tiny coffins

when the government realizes children take up less space with smaller coffins without affecting the bottom line of immediate returns, this is when it becomes an imperative to send them back to school so the dilligent drones can punch that time clock. if we refuse to learn from history we can just destroy the future […]

(un)healthy

some days not all maybe three in seven are filled with abject misery for some reason those are the days i feel most comfortable as myself. i am well aware this is most certainly unhealthy yet it doesn’t make it any less true.

spoiled

under the lonesome stars rests the last vestigal scarring from meteoric caress. a festering bite marked arm hangs limply against the desert sand full of scorpion stings the final kiss goodnight in fevered sweat drenched by incremental hell. explosions sound off behind tightly clenched eyelids denying the ravenous need for spoiled desire.

to feel

her afterimage burnt into the unseeing third eye buried deeply inside my psychosis. i am the mirror image of who i yearn to be cast in multiplicity among the varied funhouse fungi releasing spores to alter disillusion into braille for all the world to feel. i built this labyrinth with the bloodied stumps left from […]

muddied

as i sit cross-legged on the floor feeling the timbers shudder as the concrete cracks the embers of the world falling down around me like lightning bugs in a hurricane there is a peace amidst the insanity an order to the chaos of yet another catastrophe befallen in unspoken fear. of all the four letter […]

possibilities

part of me hopes to have a massive coronary while banging on the keys of the fucking 1969 smith corona typewriter i just had to have as another insipid poem is left to rot in the aether to be misunderstood in decades my disposition spurred by the bitter taste of anise in my soul that […]

youth’s eyes

there is blankness when you first see the emptiness of the void reflected in the youth’s eyes witnessing them be euthanized shredded reduced left with nothing but littered sighs tattered lies cannibalized and despised because the only thing the world ever does is take deflate and remake churning them into something less as the river […]

oh hell

oh hell the fool wants to write another shitty ode to those squishy feelings that wind their way across the nervous system of inconsequential chemical release in an effort to feel more like a human in an age of dehumanizing rancor

the fly buzzes against the window

there is something about walking under the moonlight through a copse of trees on a winding path near a babbling brook as the insects sing songs of fucking from the thick brown bark hidden in the shadow that seem to cover everything to make you realize there is something about sitting on the couch with […]

worn

the neon tube sizzles gas ignites a flare of pink in the shape of a lower case t beneath the words jes_s saves flashes to entice the unclean the sinners the lost sheep but it feels meaningless without u filthy street water enters the hole in the bottom of my shoe worn soles even more […]

scaffold (a taste of (un)fettered)

he built a scaffold out of the ivory bones of affection used it to scale down to tap the reflection of the moon in the bottom of the sea the coral cut and snagged his suspenders, suspended in the waters, neon pink daydreams of high colonic dismay a diorama menagerie of carefully sculpted plankton beside […]

of snails and turmoil

time is an ouroboros certainty a myth emotion is the tinder her gaze became the spark the blue flames rush eager to consume the timbers of justification leaving only whirling mists in ancillary meaning. buried deeply beneath the whims of sufferage deep in the recesses of angular precision sits a solitary mass uncorrupted by insubstantial […]

silicon deity

the mechanical god has fallen into disrepair disuse as shinier objects take center atage as the digital age swallows the world in an opaque blue that dulls the senses of sensory overload the last gear rusts in aortic spasms sheering the pin that kept the world afloat awash in ones and zeros the new overlord […]

lost in a darkness of his own doing

there is a radiation pulsating from somewhere between my fourth and eighth chakras causing spasms in the tenebrae film coating my third eye using echolocation to find the sliver of joy hidden in the craggy misery like broken teeth of giants that burst from the desolation permeating the sacred seals the blind journey made by […]

resplendent emptiness (a taste of (un)fettered)

staring at the world through the filtered lens of the abyss, an ever spinning counter clockwise void of nothing with a shimmering black center unaware the ground beneath is slowly consumed by the unrelenting hunger, standing with locked knees and vacant adoration slipping, slipping into the end, is it falling if there is no sense […]

drowning in a mud puddle

the beavers in my mind have erected a dam that keeps the fiction silent as i desperately try to wrangle the words overhead a group of sparrows drops shiny bits of metal pieces of colorful yarn an occasional twig to feed the rumbling hunger of poetry it’s like drowning in a mud puddle after pulling […]

clinical

there is a sine wave that follows the clinical chemical wake of emotional response her deep brown eyes caught mine from across the smoke filled haze of too many drinks too much smoke too little concern i followed that wave unerringly a cartoon dog on the scent of a steak have you ever known your […]

souldander

she stared at me from the eyeholes of a raven’s skull through the beady little eyes of the mice in the walls(and as i fell through the subdermal retractionary physics of a wormhole to the ass end of intergalactic redundance) i could hear her voice in the scratching branches on the frost covered window pane […]

unvisible

unvisible to any spectrum except one of spectral delights candy coated horror with gore filled pinatas hanging noisily in the haunted forest of childhood whimsy the reticence of those that despoil upon entering the magma core of ethereal agonies they sing a nonsense muttering of sinful dissonance to shatter the stalagmite of unshed tears that […]

roaming eye

she asked me for a picture to prove i was who i said i was so i sent her x-rays of the skeletal deficiency that creaks inside the flesh of tender lies she said i was beautiful stripped bare of gradual atrophy laid out in calcified remnants of pre-evolutionary denials a missing link between the […]

la brea

i lit my next cigarette off of the dying butt of my last every one is the last one i tell the ladies whereing too much made up i chase my shadow in a loop a gerbil on a wheel about to be stuffed into the ass end of a bitterly dejected universe it’s just […]

abscess

the first thing i noticed as i got out of the car was the unusual crackle of broken glass under foot then the flapping caution tape all around me alerted me that unusual was more usual than expected as i saw all the broken windows dotting the landscape of downtown. one day will people understand […]

hypoglycemic merry go round

in my dismay with heavy handed strokes i have painted the veil of misery in anthropomorphic shades of unsubstantiated morose to drip down the heavens forming a hard candy shell along the sedimentary cracks of belief. with steady hands on shaking ground a hypoglycemic merry go round a carousel of mixed metaphors in languid repose […]

comet’s chasing tails

they chase their tails like mongrels in the tepid day while i sit sipping whiskey waiting for it all to end. this grotesquerie nothing but the flaccid afterbirth of another fetid wish abandoned in the sewer drain of tomorrow’s lost desires. can you see me? or have i fallen from grace to plummet headlong through […]

frigidity

cool as a cucumber or cool as a corpse the level of frigidity rivals that of antarctic revulsion the blackened skin brittle flakes left like gretel’s trail of breadcrumbs through the glacier of redundancy an indifference or insignificance left to infiltrate the fragility in the wake of buffeting sorrows last respite

gaping expanse

as i pulled the ripcord watched my carefully packed clothing fly into the air around my flailing form it was only the lack of oxygen that killed the laughter bubbling in madness out of my raw throat i may leave an ugly corpse but the crater will be one people will talk about for years […]

a tease of (un)fettered, van gogh’s other ear

i will never make truly beautiful art women won’t sigh their hearts won’t skip a beat their breath catch in their throats at my words i’ll never be matisse rembrandt whitman braugtigan neruda or bukowski my name will never be uttered in hushed tones but still i write destined to be forgotten van gogh’s other […]

saline rivers

it’s the things left out the words unsaid. the plans made with no prior notice the hidden agenda. these make the wind feel strangely artificial as the things once thought known were proven myth by the emptiness of doubt. another daydream cast into the ashtray of abstract longing. of all the four letter words none […]

close up

he realized just how much of his life was framed by a dirty windshield like the laziest director was in charge of the motion picture of fumbling incompetence. he isn’t insane not totally not yet but he is constantly watching for the credits to begin rolling. he doesn’t remember auditioning for the lead role in […]

wrong lane

the birds fly carrying bits of yarn in beak to build a nest i imagine. the burden bears down upon me as the hollow bones ride the air above. and i feel a burning inside to matter to build a nest or be the string in which it is started. it feels like everything points […]

stargazing

this jagged edge is too much for me to navigate so i have decided to just sit for a spell let the raggedness of this world of pain settle into my weary bones. it isn’t the setbacks but the continuous line of them that tarnishes the spirit. i am a stargazer looking into paper bags […]

poor performance

afflicted to this addiction addicted to this restriction in my rasping blood flecked airways my inspiration tends to be more from desperation than an inclination to follow my dreams it isn’t that i don’t want more to be well to move on to succeed it is that past performance is indicative of future returns or […]

mediocracy

set adrift on the sea of mediocrity the status quo now a mediocracy critical yet incapable of criticism didactic the phantom swishing of a prehensile tail lost in another time squeaking along the broken bands of time calamitous collateral damages done without a wayward glance backwards

error code

the sky is gray the world outside is hollow just another facade painted along the roadside to give the impression that there is meaning to any of this antagonizing sorrow. in my mind you and i play in the water you and i me and you mean something more than passing fancy. the sky is […]

tilt a whirl

the four sides of this cage have become sinuous constricting restricting distracting as the feeling of self destructing reaches a fevered climax the never ending haze of sleep deprivation and constant pain makes the world feel like a tilt a whirl car operated by a chimp on amphetamines

snail

when the pain gets to be too much the anxiety whispers the depression pressures until my inner organs turn to diamond i retreat into my shell feeling less like a hermit crab than a snail as the world speeds past yet i cannot seem to get my bearings the spiral of my mobile command center […]

current dismissals

i feel like one of the last icebergs floating in the warm waters of mental breaking slowly shrinking into the abyss of ever drowning this is home this is heaven this is hell this is home this is here this is now this is the end of the beginning the begining of the end don’t […]

between life and thought

the wind howls down through the empty streets whipping up the trash of another failed attempt at civilized domination gone the way of the dinosaurs into the land of tar soaked bones lost to the annals of history a lone silhouette stands in the tower at the center of the fallen bricks that once made […]

bones

she was made of calcified dream left to rot beneath the soggy mud of hope unfulfilled a skeleton of whimsical desires stripped bare with organs of failed potential slowly reverting back to the basic elemental dysfunction the chaos will strangled by the roots of hypertension rotting in the spatial insecurities of lazy misanthropic reality her […]

(en)visions

i have never been big on possessions except the demonic type they enter my willing vessel as i toss and turn through the night bereft of peace left to the insidious thoughts the ceaseless pain the loneliness of a queen mattress with only a fool to occupy the expanses of wasted time so the brimstone […]

lost and fondled

the bleak feeling has made me retreat so far that i have turned inside out internalized so fiercely that the internal organs have extroverted to relieve themselves from the pressure my heart compressed to diamond as the seething need to belong makes ownership another tricky gambit in the lost and fondled my daily attire the […]

driftwood daydream on the river styx

i am lost in this hellish mindscape of conflicting demotion, inflicted commotion, reflected exclusion, dejected reclusion. i am none of the things i need. all of the things despicable. locked in step with the headsman. watching the light glint off the wicked curve of the blade as the crowd throws rotten effigies of the man […]

last bullet

The leaves were the color of a freshly newborn child, that purplish red of a soon to be bruise. The sunlight filtered down and dappled the ground. A slight breeze tried to blow from the north but sputtered before really doing much. And I sat with my back against the tree, wondering how it all […]

wherever and now

the transient effect of random incoherence is the same as falling through the shadows to find the closest point between wherever and now a reiterance of irrelevance left to stew in the bog of rendered fats regurgitated organ failures and reticent reminders

half in and out

the traffic is at a standstill like rows of angry crabs waiting re-entry into the ocean big claws snapping while the little claw taps the asphalt chittering back and forth as they face perpendicular to the highway a terrapin convention to the north as they crawl upon the high-rise ramps like the world’s worst rollercoaster […]

lost in spaces

it was less dine and dash then done and dense the dangling particular of participles and pageantry deny the peevish the peckish dinner of pasteurized dentata i egress i regress i degress into a spot of trouble trailing turbulent times as gestation receeds the tumultuous trials of triangular longing leaving trembling tumors to trespass the […]

amnesiac wonder

the office is a regurgitation of seventies motif with avocado greens burnt orange and dark chocolate brown the walls have a strange cube pattern it feels as if i have fallen into the overlook hotel in the middle of texas outside the window the blustery dallas skyline looks angry with dark gray clouds threatening to […]

drowning on solid ground

the world seems so confusing when the fog hangs heavy over the once clear vistas yet still the maps lead us towards our destinations as if there is nothing to fear hidden around us so still i drive down once familiar roads towards a place i would rather not travel to working towards an end […]

dinosaurs for gold

another dreary day in the back half of a city covered in grime the boarded up windows of strip clubs adult shops and small stores that once accumulated dreams gone to out of business signs he sits in front of the pump as a line of cars forms behind him yet he pays no heed […]

tickles

i have looked everywhere for the thing i have misplaced for the thing i have forgotten for the thing that tickles the back of my foggy mind on a chill winter day in the middle of another mental break in the same lost anthem of hope in the midst of betrayal it isn’t anywhere even […]

topiary

she had considered herself a mistress of topiary so it came as no surprise when i awoke to the sound of shears in the middle of the night as she ran the cold steel across my flesh in an effort to carve the shape she saw within me to the surface with every cut every […]

swarm

the car ahead of me drives through the drifting leaves on the quiet back road sending a cloud of shimmering detritus floating like a school of fish into the air they seem to move of their own accord darting on the exhaust fumes all around me as if i had fallen into a new world […]

eons away

it’s another day staring at gray skies in another parking garage in another dead end day of less than optimal mental health alone craving the comfort of a shared mindscape in this insanity of numbed reality press your lips to mine as the wobbly spin of the globe sends the desperation of a billion souls […]

some mornings

the rain falls gray on a backdrop of gray on city of gray in a morning of fog where the world is still sleeping in for lack of want to swim in the dingy gray these moments make my heart seize up in my chest as her red lips are the only color i can […]

swimming with ravens

the words are swimming just out of reach focus is fleeting lost in the daze of the holidays a coup a coop a loop in lieu of anything making any sense the ravens circle overhead, beady eyes trained on the slow moving body leaving a trail of crimson across the hard packed earth seven times […]

maps to nowhere

he follows maps all day no idea where he is headed just trusting that the marked path is the correct one even if truly he is driving in circles over and over getting farther from where he wants to be yet closer to the destination he fears an ever diminishing spiral towards the end of […]

blurred

blurry eyes don’t focus like they once did as the thunder pounds behind vacant stares the world seems bathed in mirage how do you calm the storm that seems predetermined to rustle the vagrant stakes of nonendearing static into a pulpit of shame the light lacerates the skin of hopeless wonder until all that sizzles […]

fetid glimpses of home

the splintering of frozen trees exploding as the sap freezes reminds him of spreading his ribs in a futile act of showing he has a heart to those who don’t believe the echo of the woodpecker pecking into the pulpy flesh of the sullen tree to nest within reminds him of drilling into his skull […]

mist rising

the mist rises gently over the placid waters thick with algae the world seems stagnant only the green remains only the green remains the stains of life’s last refrains bubble up from the sewage of yesterday the sewage of yesterday stews in primordial ooze of proteins forming rudimentary chains with nucleocytoplasmic integers with nucleocytoplasmic integers […]

wayward words

lie down let the gentle autumn rain wash the feel of sorrow from weary muscles knotted in anxious necessity let the cool mist act as a balm against the constant grating of reality like an obsidian blade thrust into the heartwomb of tomorrow’s many insults behind the gray wool clouds of rendered dreammucus lies the […]

maize

lost in a maze of maize the stalks grown in irregular patterns mutated into monstrosities with stinging leaves that cut the supple flesh of childhood aspirations in dead end paths wisps of silk on the humid air as frantic breathing fills the rows

teardreams

the emptiness seems particularly alluring as the gravity of low wave emissions from the satellite heart careen off of yet another comet bearing down on the tragedy of lethargy solar radiation tickles the marrow of bonethrust beneficiaries impossible to get bearings when the lodestone prefix is randomized in the flames of fallow indignation can you […]

thorn

beware the thorn pierces the sole of the barefoot wanderer injecting itself into the very fiber of laconic belief foolish oaf brandishing the banter of wayward souls drifting along the banks of the stream in search of shelter the milky dew of infection drips down from cancerous sores yet still blistered feet carry the nomads […]

tea time with kafka

kafka and i shared tea while hiding behind the thick dusty curtains as burroughs banged on the front door he had a haunted look in his sunken eyes as ginsberg ran naked from behind a bush with a shrill cry i saw a cockroach the size of a large dog scurry into the kitchen with […]

courageous/contagious

i am not courageous no i am contagious just with symptoms that don’t affect the normal effects of living in a monochrome daydream of the american scream the worn carpet beneath my bare feet with black painted nails feels like the threadbare soul of hope stretched down along commerce street around where kennedy got shot […]