i always try to recalculate the angles as i plummet downdowndown into another one of my patented doom spirals thinking maybe this one can be pulled out of right before i smash the ground unthinking to the factual evidence all around there is no bottom just endless falling until i eventually fully fade away

rudderless adrift on madness using the wrong points of reference to gauge exactly how lost i truly am seeking signs in sinking sorrows for some sort of salvation from the screaming in my hollow skull hearing nothing except echos eerily elongated in the fog numb from the icy water i am taking on deadened limbs […]

mercury is in retrograde which means absolutely nothing unless you think the orbital pattern of a burnt rock somehow affects your brain chemistry millions of miles away the belief stars separated by literal light years form an animal only seen on one backwater planet which define a personality even though half those lights have been […]

farewell to a year filled with broken promises and outright lies the bitter silence of being cast aside the fundamental failings fragmenting an unfocused fool as he goes ignored by those he put first

swept away in the tendrils of the maelstrom icy daggers tear through my already tattered tender leeching color from the world anxiety screams everything and everyone is out to destroy me they aren’t probably i feel about sixty percent sure it is all in my brain but there is always room for doubt the fool […]

something so easily given and just as easily broken be it my heart or my trust i need to learn neither will be treated correctly then i will be less disappointed all the time

every nerve feels exposed i don’t have any reason for it yet the anxiety screams on a loop all i can do is breathe through the razor wire straightjacket even as each hesitant expansion slices deeper leaving gelatinous cubes quivering in dissonant malaise nervously exposed with every agony casually flayed and displayed for your viewing […]

i would prefer the cracks racing down my facade were signs i am hatching from this too tight shell not simply falling into pieces again whatever beast lurks within this egg can consume my mind as nutrients to feed the ravenous hunger reabsorb any pieces to be choked on later as long as this aspect […]

iexist momentarily amoth starving todeath mouthless bouncing against awindow meremillimeters fromfreedom idie abilliondeaths lessereachtime iamforced toreawaken askywithoutstars aseriesoftemporary foreversimploding ifapoetsighsalone doesitmakeasound orisitfiledaway asunnecessarypretention ijustwanttosleep butsheiswaiting atthreeamshehovers abovemybedsmiling ijusttellheriloveher andstareuntohereyes untilthealarmrings

am i here or is this another set piece of mind fuckery meant to fill me up with anxiety? i lie skinless in a storm shower of earnest tears my heart slamming my splintered ribs a herd of horses spooked by thunder.

there is an elemental electricity curled into the shape of a heart in my chest letting out static bursts which crackle with every bated breath the first rule of electricity is it simply wants to go home from the moment the plasma boils it streaks unerringly toward the ground maybe this explains why i am […]

i need a new carrot rot has fully consumed the one bobbing in front of me and the stench is making me nauseous i have grown to despise carrots yet i chase them because i don’t know any different six feet lies between dream and forever yet i dream of impossible forevers wasting both

the last strangled gasps of a rather momentous yet painful year fading leaving new puckered scars amongst scraggly white hairs as a fool finally cracks free of the chitinous weight anchoring him in hell it took too long to see when love goes silent it doesn’t need time and space unfortunately for a fool that […]

i can get so obsessed with the now i forget the construct of time keeps flowing until now becomes then and the future is suddenly and inexplicably now with no warning i lose months in the minutiae in a story or a pit i dug seeking an escape it’s nearly xmas not that it matters […]

it’s the microcontractions in the iris the eyes aren’t a window to the soul they are simply the key to each an every thought you can see the shifting spectrum of emotion the crackle as a spark forms the soft care the ferocious heat be it passion or furious rage or watch the embers where […]

stayed up most of last night minding the corpses with strings tied to silvery bells just to be sure they remained corpses while saying my final tear stained farewells my soul is nothing more than a bundle of sticks foolishly lashed together to make a raft on which to surf the whitewaters leading to a […]

this unrelenting unwillingness to conform leaves a dipshit doggedly self destructing stumbling blindly slapping at hands which only seek to provide guidance falling downdowndown into his own failings pissing into fans then cursing the rain a non-profit prophet profiteering on prolifered prophecies pandering to the plagarists in plaintive pleas left in rambling odes in god’s […]

some cycles are more vibrant painted by external stimuli making even the lowest lows sorrowful beauties those are the best when i can find silver in every cloud lately it is all granite blocks in irregular shapes i cannot hope to successfully navigate alone those sharper shadows snap and snarl in snideful snark saturated sanctimonious […]

i am a dust devil spinning in place a collection of detritus accumulated in bipolar resonance i have nothing to say except the same things i have already whispereredtodeath i feel as circular as the fallacies dancing around me failing to find any point whatsoever

the city workers dwarves in florescent vests setting up bright orange pylons as they prepare to shovel asphalt into treacherous pits among the bustling chitinous beetles i find myself buried between my coins barely settled as they swarmed around i sat as a bus squeezed past sure i was losing a mirror or returning to […]

the expected autumnal array infected by a mutated shade of maroon among skeletal limbs grasping fitfully at the azure sky leaves a bare panic percolating in absurdist woes driving down roads multiple iterations of who i once was drove leaving scars in static bursts where i lose track of the rambling narrative rusted oil derricks […]

dolphins use dimples on their snouts to sense the electrical currents of prey buried in the silt these vibrissal pits attuned to the slightest chance in frequency leads them unerringly in the dark i imagine the oscillating currents constantly zapping my brain would lead to disharmonic seizures leaving a pool filled with mad dolphins slamming […]

i dreadgoing to bedunsure ifinsomniac knottwisting orthose painfulslivers ofinsidious dreamblossoms inhalf rememberedsmiles sharperthan any bladeawait me a day spentexhausted or onespent achinglonging to havebeen enough fora happily ever afterafter one too manynear misses has leftme gunshy and quitecontentedly unwillingto let a few dreamsbamboo slivers slidslowly into my nowvented ventricledo more than slowlybleed me out intechnicolor […]

my gray matter is infected with dreamweevil larvæ littering each errant thought with a chilled whimsy at odds with the dissociative fugue sitting heavily in the manic mind of a lovelorn fool

the madness screams so loudly i can only murmur it isn’t real among the rigorous slamming of doors in my brain everyone hates me i am grotesque sickening a pathetic little fool worthy only of pity the anxieties frolic through my porous veneer a paperthin membrane filled with helium bouncing on mania in a tempest […]

overcast with a hint of dismal the mist forms refracting headlights little diamonds overlaid between a sleepy fool and the dour gray effusion draped heavily over disinterested concrete spires the trees strung with white lights nearly inseparable from the clinging condensation unworthy of sending the wipers screeching over concaved glass wicker reindeer in sodden repose […]

the evening settled over my mania a weighted belt making thought into a full body workout i dont see the next scene in the latest story so the ending remains tantalizingly aloof just past this nebulous bridge nothing satisfies the loneliness an aspect of the night another uptight blight a heavy bass plods with my […]

the truth hovered in a ribcage of clouds just out of reach but not acceptance across azure plains as i tick the seconds lost in changing leaves of an indifferent season my heart’s wilted serenade to the sun’s iron pyrite haze of sparkling delusions a chattering cacophony keeping me awake as the winding road leads […]

the traffic is light mere chaotic pockets before open lanes from here to eternity i don’t want to follow the highlighted map towards the college where a week long install is all which awaits me i would rather keep on heading north until the great crumbling ice shelf is all i see far from light […]

i can’t tell if it is lightning or planes circling occasionally breaking the purple infused electric periwinkle splotched expanse simmering semisickly just outside my cage my head hurts from clenching my jaw but i cannot tell i am doing it until it is already too late which lines up with basically fucking everything about life […]

in such a hurry to enjoy the scant moments of peace we miss the reasons this brief excursion into existence is filled to the brim with pure fucking magic perhaps it takes a liberal dash of madness to accentuate the lines showcasing new angles in a different light to illuminate the beauty etched intrinsically into […]

the long weekend was over too quickly the real world rubberbands back reasserting itself with anxietal pining three days with the kids makes two weeks alone sting in a thousand paper cuts across my tongue leaving only the words with no one to hear them sitting concealed in the back of my throat too aware […]

the sun and moon stared at one another across the ravaged skies swirling ebony slowly devoured azure dominion as i drove south feeling the pull of each but finding solace in reflected rays rather than baring the full brunt of the sullen solar glare when i was a kid staring out the window at endless […]

so many angry looking faces above festive holiday sweaters a dichotomy in schismatic humanity as they fight for marked down deals in crowded aisles when everyone just wants to be home i roam the store an infrequent traveler bedazzled by shiny objects with zero apparent uses that scream to be purchased being on the wrong […]

i remain ever thankful for the blessings i have been given from being surrounded by brilliant artists who so happen to be my closest friends to the two perfect children coming over later this evening born to be alone yet given an ocean filled with beautiful words to fill the silence an orchestral arraignment chaining […]

i never felt as alive as when i am closest to dying maybe this is why i give myself to those ladies with flat eyes adders coiled in the shape of a heart and all i want is that venom coursing through my failing form tapdancing though minefields without a care in the world yet […]

the flurry of activity has me in a fury of manic dissociation as i drift off during mundane tasks lost in impossible riddles with no necessity except to keep me spinning rather than actually accomplishing anything i feel like a void shimmering in my own lack of importance a mirage on the road wispy lines […]

lately there has been an air of frustration hovering over me be8ng pulled in different directions as i seek balance in my constantly shifting brain the job demands more and more everything costs more and more yet the pay remains mostly unchanged i chase after these nebulous words trying to leave a legacy while slowly […]

each time i type a comma instead there is a semicolon i backspace retype comma a semicolon appears i backspace carefully retype the comma eyes never leaving my thumb a fucking semicolon unpossible i backspace again the cursor flashes i use my index finger one tap on comma this is a fucking joke i stare […]

i was raised to under promise and over deliver which seems to have become an antiquated way of accomplishing a life’s work also doesn’t help when i promise every bit of myself to those who never deliver at all i never expect the scales to be perfectly balanced but a little fucking effort on occasion […]

the thrill of the holidays choosing electricty or a big meal there is something fundamentally flawed with the world right now

a short week made twice as long by anxiety the metroplex remains suspectly silent a midweek holiday leaving the roads half empty as i wander aimless hoping to kill off three days without doing any actual work a dull malaise throbs inheriting apathy from dismissive clouds in a dirge of aeroplanes left in holding patterns […]

sunlight through inclement clouds leave a pearlescent miasma drifting through the dusty sliding glass doors a silvery slivered sun silently lurking in a jealous nimbus just above possible storms in accumulated curious cumuli culling golden notes of love to dissipate into motes clinging to the obscured panes keeping my words away from her mercurial heart […]

despite my best attempts at collecting the random sparrow feathers and ear wax to form a perfect escape i keep getting distracted by shiny bits only to barter away my precious stash of waxen wings for pieces of someone else’s dream now all i have is a collection of unmatched doos with zero dads in […]

each new verse only seems to exaggerate the unseemly shades of madness which color the world where i wake up with your name honey on my tongue only to feel you fade away in the jealous rays of the sun who could never match your effervescent and easy perfection each new verse illuminates aches no […]

concussive crashes in metallic clangs mar a morose morning spent online training i seek any sort of distraction from this moribund malaise where i half assedly pretend to pay attention clicking next overandoverandover until a quiz challenges what has been skimmed as i contemplate how often the phrase those who do not learn from history […]

the sky is the color of lavender cotton candy with occasional arcs of lightning i imagine my brain lights up much the same one of those globes where the electricity follows your hands though i can’t recall the last time anyone ran their fingers across my freshly shaven scalp but i reckon it applies even […]

for the longesttime i just sort ofassumed, what withall the ideations,i would followthe plath schoolof baking lessonsfor the miserably inclinedyet somehow i havesettled into thisbukowski periodof crotchety rage despite daydreamingof drowning in the sheerblank expanse, thefucking embers burnin a panorama ofsinful delights uponwhich i still yearnto gorge myself happilyif only i could find a wayto […]

my brain is at war with everything especially taking aim at myself and i am tired from staying alert for potential ambush unable to relax as shrapnel flies all around me an addiction to chasing passions leaves a blindspot to reality where up and down become interchangeable insanities and the sirens roar in perpetual battle […]

i have come to personify tangential as my erratic manic energy steers me down rabbit holes and i forget exactly what it was i was at times it looks like summer yet winter nips or i grab a jacket to walk into an inferno the sparrows are rambunctious trilling along with the mad king as […]

the mania is relentless bringing storms in flickering anxieties which paralyze my nervous system an electrical surge of ideas yet if i try to scribble them my heart becomes grounded channeling the raw voltage in soulightning to fuse the grains of dreamdander into glass spires slashing the sky until it rains mercurial blood from the […]

my heart thumps leaving love letters in the silt far beneath the rays where gold illuminates the cracks running listless in lost splendor lamenting cohesiveness lost in kelp beds grown to mimic the shape of hearts my heart thumps in a strangled silence whispering odes to you

the coffee is bitter today or perhaps the daydreaming has soured my sweet receptors with a casual film of actuality either way caffeinated despair is the flavor as long as her lips refuse to find mine despite my fervent pleas silence grips me in all the ways i wish to feel her pressed next to […]

the electric gray spun into unburnished steel before settling into an opaque white the same shade as the cataract over divinity’s dead glare an infusion of silver a concussion of confusion clenched jaw headaches muscle soreness from being past tense in a forward facing future of flailing failings chasing highs to distort the disruptive nature […]

i do not process pain or trauma i refine it into gemstones which i slip into the brass bells affixed to my jester’s hat before drunkenly stumbling just ahead of one queen’s loyal royal headsman before tumbling into the next court where a rogue can touch her majesty’s forbidden treasures until overstaying his welcome once […]

a flagrant case of ho hum delirium leaves a sediment in concrete sentiment sealing my mouth shut what does a man with nothing to his name nolovenohopenodream except for words do when even they have discarded him apparently dissociate explore the ruins within process what is real while reducing the screaming to consistent white noise […]

sticks and stones have nothing on the words left unspoken in terms of sheer breaking power it’s nothing just an inability to find the will to move on when moving on means exchanging one ache for an inevitable sequel in a thousand paper cuts which accumulate as i realize honesty isn’t always the best working […]

the words refuse to be formed by tongue nor by thumbs cognizant of the spiral trying to navigate it through acceptance but the light shines through my stained glass soulshatter to project all the lies into fully formed illusion i long for passion as the world sits off kilter champagne gone flat fills delicately fluted […]

summer in texas is a good relationship which eventually sours and then fades to scars as youre enjoying an autumn day filled with cool breezes the crackling leaves in a myriad of hues only for summer’s envy reinserting herself in near nuclear rays yesterday she decided to stomp off once more thinking no one noticed […]

i have spent my life chasing down electro-mechanical issues because fixing things solving problems feels awfully nice compared to the hell of cascading catastrophes irreparably inoperable a human malignancy in electrical fits desperate to be held grounded when the arcs dance in ghostfire reveries chasing phantoms with hearts in the shape of home machines have […]

not even ms plath can refocus the errant swinging in my pendulous heartshatter scattering my poetic across an unending ocean of whitecaps shaped like her mischievous smirk the rebound proved every bit as disastrous as the rational aspect kept screaming into the ever oscillating limerance choosing self destruction over accepting those wildflowers never truly blossomed […]

the wind screams as i sit watching the highway hollow and untethered waiting to blow away dreamdander soliloquies drifting in rancid repose a hazy distortion of filth in the flaccid mourning marring scenic sunrises in a petulant discombobulation uncertain of up from down slowly sullenly spinning in an indecent descent into mercurial madnesses as mechanical […]

my subconcsious has me self conscious about the underlying currents in my skewed pseudo-consciousness leaving me uncertain unable to trust myself as dreamwhispers turn to derisive snarls and this hunger burns for that which i cannot be allowed a confusion in spectral wildflowers blooming across the fertile fields of madness in my brain the disharmonic […]

i spent the entirety of the weekend actually existing the howling wolves of loneliness held at bay as the early sunset painted indigo mountains hanging sharply inverted in the last brave diffusion of burnt umbra clawing desperately at the dying weekend i feel the discharge the jacob’s ladder fizzling out before reaching the top a […]

i feel like a thousand razored edges balanced upon a monomolecular tightrope wobbling over a void of self reflection an uncomfortable clarity in causation in candid curses cratering my cantankerous satellite heart

the birds scream a disjointed symphony for the glaring sun in her radiant petulance reasserting dominion over frosted blooms the streets lined with faded petals in brittle dismay a flurry of maroon transitioning into lusterless brown stinging grit reminders of summer’s disdain i sit in the darkness a net of nettles strapped to my hollow […]

the chill wrapped itself like a lover around me as i held the surrogate pillow tight to my chest a poor replacement for my hand cupping her breast as i sleepily murmur my love longing to feel her nestle closer content to ignore winter knocking if it means fifteen more minutes with her in dream

one sparrow sat on the porch as i stumbled half awake to make coffee i stood smiling as it trilled a tune and repaid it by spilling out a poem to you it flies frantic spreading the words manifesting a hint of your beauty to the sleeping city

hail hail hail blessed daughters of the moonbeams cascading through wispy clouds as the tenebrae begins to weaken the lost souls seeking closure hollow spirits bereft of warmth watching for a tear to slip into this realm of possibilities the rustling leaves a morose farewell as the land slipslipslips into ever lengthening night a ring […]

i saw you briefly last night just a glimmer between anxious wakings just enough to spend the rest of the night diving into dreamshards hoping against hope to catch one more glimpse of perfection before the world reinserts itself leaving nothing but faded blossoms until next i sleep

it’s cold enough the sliding doors have fogged up as the sky over the city ebbs with a silvery diffusion if i didn’t know any better i would think it could snow it won’t but a man can dissociatively dissapear into the feeling of being home as halloween beckons a child still clinging to birthday […]

these wax wings were never crafted with the intent of escaping this prison of ivory i just hope to fly high enough to tell the universe to go fuck itself from a vantage where it cannot ignore me i am a poppyseed in beauty’s lopsided smile a popcorn husk buried in the perfect veneer drawing […]

i rememberwhen i realizedmy hands couldnever sketchthe images soalive in my headcountless hoursdragging the heelof my palm acrossthe graphite onlyto see disappointmenton the smeared sheet the pursuit of perfectionfrom a skewed perspectiveis the assassin of creativity the madness lieswithin writing as welleach word needs balanceaccording to the melodyonly i can hearbut when the choirgoes silentthe […]

cold rain pummmels the city in an insomnial drowning where the fetid dream spoils beauty while a fool sits in front of the laundromat knowing nothing can erase this stain slowly spreading a shadow tainting the solemn surrender in howling gales as the wipers dance asynchronously with a sputtering heartbeat in sullen dismay

seeking signslost in the ætherbereft of directionunder roiling skiesof petulant gray falling throughdissociated kaleidoscopesoverwhelmed bythe distractionsin ever shifting torments driving downtownon streets made fromself manufactured gristlehoping for a homewhich never existed

sometimes, i cannot tell when big bpd pulls me this wayand little bpd pulls me the otherhow to not let it rip me into two. then i remember her telling me i used my issues as a crutch. how do you ask for help then? when the person you loved says something like that? you […]

i avoid letting anyone see the entirety of hell hidden in my hazel gaze the brimstone stained smile as the flames lick the lips your every cell yearns to taste lead enough damned souls to a purgatory of temporary intoxication while i hold hell within my chest fearful of singeing your delicate soul my heart […]

hansel left a breadcrumb trail unaware the sparrows picked his best intentions clean leaving no way of finding the way out of the forest i leave my own trail of heartaches in semipoetic verse to the cacophony of sparrows already well aware there is no path back into the light she told me there is […]

i need a break from only existing when i have a use if you need me don’t i am not here any longer find someone else to use up and discard i have nothing left to give

there is a miscalcualtion in eternity a cataract of crystalline delusion blinding divinity vaseline smeared on the camera subtly blurring miracles into tragic dismay the wonder lost in an ever expanding universe of stagnant indifference a collusion of decaying photons in a condemnation of childhood dream drifting endlessly on the holy corpse telling ourselves it […]

it’s raining after so long baked under the merciless gaze of summer the accumulated filth runs down the swollen gutters a sluice in shades of forgotten dream i stand in the storm soaked through praying the rains could purify whatever ancient curse rattles through my windswept soul bonedeep sorrows in a flurry of sodden denials […]

it is the cost which effects quality keeping a happy life unattainable necessity falls farther from doable and the exhaustion from constantly chasing moving goals makes living a luxury i no longer have the means to afford

the only place i can see her is on the rare evenings i manage to sleep where once she was tangible and real she became a dream which was something she never intended to be last night it was a stray lock of golden hair my every fiber longed to tuck behind her ear as […]

there is an edge of frustration making my tender excessively brittle chasing dreams which leave my belly empty and head filled with self loathing always being the runner up despite entirely too much effort given freely when you know you gave everything you had and still manage to come up well short of imaginary goalposts […]

the world is spinning slightly slower than normal or i am flying faster than my mania can comprehend no matter which way i tend to travel it is always against stream trying to fall back into dream where she smiles and all my broken heals instead i sputter out exhausted from waging a war with […]

she smiled sweetlyholding the sponge tomy forehead as the coolwater dripped downmy face before the metalring was placed gentlyupon my brow and sheblew a kiss as sheflipped the switchsending the currentssimilar to those whichalways sought to drowna lonely fool insteadflash frying motes ofmy shattered into astained glass refrainilluminating the painingrained in love’s disdain it began […]

i realized while brushing my teeth i have little to nothing to say to myself we have an uneasy agreement an acknowledgement of necessity yet seem to disagree on nearly every pertinent point keeping the peace between heart and mind is simply sorting various aches while never letting the two conspire as one whenever they […]

retracted hiding my fragility incapable of trust after so many self betrayals no longer certain anyone, myself included, is putting my best interests first the loneliness isn’t as bad as the anxiety worrying i will, because i will, do something wrong the only person i can let down is myself and that is an artform […]

no one seems to mention the addictive and destructive side of oxygen from the first gasping breath entire lives are shackled to this not so noble of gases i have seen too many lives affected by drinking and drug abuse while every person i met who quit oxygen was surely dead yet there is no […]

a quiet morning the workers robotically set up the tents stringing the tightrope attatching the trapezes i sit uncertain if i should paint on another smile or if today is for the three piece suit of the hungover ringmaster passing the reflection of the world’s fattest man on the way through the shadows between freak […]

if you were to go by my fight or flight instinct it would be fair to imagine i was headed into an ambush where any misstep would lead to my slaughter rather than sitting in the parking lot trying to build up the ability to get out of the car to go work on a […]

i chased her across broken dream waking with her smile etched in crimson along my aching tender desperate to fall back into the shattered vistas where reality has no bearing on the crushing weight of unsatiated desire following her footsteps deeper into the hollowed hallow of tarnished adoration where there is no difference between hell […]

anxiousanxious worrying knots into my macrame soul everything feels so fucking everything all of the goddamned time it gets hard to remember to breathe inoutinoutinoutinout my cells are starved clinging to arterial plaque jutting in calcified odes to her restricting blood flow blossoming tiny spots in tinted delusions of internal distress i need extracted from […]

the sparrows watch me watching them chirping suspiciously in golden light they want words which nourish the lurking raptor defiantly present in ancient souls i have no way of explaining the discard no understanding of it myself just the knowledge there is no agony quite like knowing you were never enough without knowing exactly where […]

my greatest foe will always be my foolish heart because no matter what one day it will happily beat me to death until that day i will leave it stapled to my sleeve to witness these atrocities we mistakenly call love in all the gory glory of tearing one another apart because, honestly, neither of […]

the doe eyed dreamers in a deluded belief i could ever be the bright apple of your twinkling eye i am simply the cyanide in the seeds you should never even consider planting in your precious heartsoil i am a blight a biblical portent leading only into a cyclical maze of decaying wishes lit by […]

my heart exists in the hadal zone where the pressure exerted allows no life to thrive shimmering translucency flashing pleas for help in bioluminescent distress only signaling a predatory response in open arms i love like a marianas snail fish feeds on anthropods a secondary set of jaws in the quadrants of my everdreaming heart […]

i wonder some mornings if i was ever really here or if this life was just a distortion cast by a stray photon racing toward the ever expanding horizon alone a slow drip of lithium tapped directly into the icy river of vascular insignificance indigo shadows the shame shade as the rings around my eyes […]

first the demon slept haunted by hearts broken trampled into hope’s last refrain unrestrained by the ignominious stain spread across him an itchy disomforter intentionally threadbare crafted carefully in a vacant mother’s adoring disdain now unable to calm the pounding creakingleaking valves so close to rupture in the rapturous haze of incremental temperature as the […]

i have slowly become agnostic toward the ignoble existence of love i once considered myself a devout agnostic toward the existence of god until i realized neither she nor i was interested in a prolonged battle cupid and i seem to face the same rotten stalemate some poisons just aren’t as tantalizing as they used […]