pb&j

the heavy shovel head cut me in twain my upper half sought solace my lower half sought hell all the while she sat eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich uninterested in the world.

(in)vite

we met a vampire he was quite shy unpretentious we took him for ice cream he didn’t try any but he stared with big round eyes as it dripped down our hands onto the table we went home and he followed but i guess we forgot to invite him in sometimes i still see him […]

scraping

scraping up change from the couch to get laundry done robbing peter then paul and any other good natured soul to get some groceries gave up my vices for destituion considering prostitution if things don’t turn around begged the financial institute for a stay of repossession things are bad and getting worse daily the life […]

rea(within)son

the loneliness can kill you until you remember you are free. if i wanted to i could marry joan of arc. or marilyn monroe. i could do anything i want. i could discover a new continent. a new species of tortoise. be the first man on the moon. anything. within reason.

(un)titled sorrow II

hope is a feather in a pile of used hypodermic needles love is an unanswered prayer littering the trash bin of purgatory the sky was the blue of sadness painted above him with uncertain hands, the sun a marble of remorse reflected off the dirty windows of the closed strip club across the street, the […]

br(i)ttle

i have lost plasticity my ceramic heart my thin glass soul unable to sustain deformation without shattering so i sit at the edge of this precipice in gale force winds i am just brittle teetering numb

plunge

the cyclical cycle of madness has taken the plunge from manic mayhem to insatiable sorrow fixated on the ugliness time to take a siesta unplug cannot tell if this is the post creative refractory period or if this is the entering of my blue period keep your hands and legs inside the car prepare for […]

f(r)iends

it sometimes feels like this self imposed hell is training for the afterlife except in hell i will be surrounded by all those i have loved i’ve broken down so many times the functional times are off putting i would give you all that i am but we both know you deserve so much better […]

consc(i)ous

scientists have discovered people are aware of the moment they die they are aware of conversations after the time of death has been called hearing nurses talk people sob immobile fading but listening the bright light of final oxygenated blood fading from the cerebral cortex traveling into the infinite vortex gasping grasping fleeting still heart […]

(un)sure

i wrote this the bus was on fire, the occupants were not children, they were demons with the faces of children, the driver just laughed as everything went up in flames sometime today i don’t know what i was thinking this wasn’t an ode to you if it was i sure can’t find the connection […]

ex(i)st

today i looked in my wallet and saw my driver’s license saw the same goofy looking face staring back at me on an official piece of identification irregardless of public opinion i exist

(un)titled ode XXIV

i wrote a new poem earlier it was garbage except it was about me loving you and this one is just about me writing about writing about loving you like the earlier one i trashed was a premonition it isn’t as if i stopped loving you i just stopped enjoying it being the only thing […]

common

the skin suit is weak failing every second he hopes maybe the words will live on all the greats died at least they will have that in common

(mess)age read

sometimes when the loneliness is too strong i text myself just something simple wondering where i am how things are going i never text back i am too busy being miserable

l(i)ving

there are rules to the game but no one ever wrote them down so instead we fumble about hoping we are playing it right keeping scores that are arbitrary at best i think i am losing but you seem to be doing great

deeply(shallow)

the river bed never sleeps yet settles for eroding the banks. that feels deeper than the shallows of my mind allows. as i sit and ponder the broken promises resting in the inky black.

one dance

the music plays as i stand to the side and watch as the couples smile and twirl to the beat one day i shall hold you close stare into your beautiful eyes and the room will stare at us though i won’t know it blissfully unaware i only have eyes for you

(un)titled ode XXIII

i found myself fascinated with her clavicle with the gentle raised bumps of her spine in their graceful arc there is not an inch of her not a blemish nor scar that isn’t as if painted by matisse sculpted by michelangelo written by neruda composed by tchaikovsky my fingers dance upon her like baryshnikov my […]

gl(u)e

she asked what made me so broken makes me feel as if i could have it all and i held up my hands coated with decades of dried glue and shards of glass i can’t seem to put it back together again no matter how i try so now i just watch the light refract […]

(un)titled thought XXIX

are you real really real or did i dream you up am i real really real or an illusion in a funhouse mirror if i hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut tightly i can hear the ocean thwump tiss thwump tiss if i hold my breath and think really hard really really hard […]

(un)titled ode XXII

i wish i knew your favorite animal the one you love the most the one you would keep as a pet if i knew which animal that was i would study in tibet behind enemy lines go against the chinese government learn the secrets of reincarnation of karmic return then i would commit crimes just […]

(un)titled ode XXI

the blank page stares at me on it all i can see is you another ode to this woman that haunts my mind and soul if i close my eyes you are in my arms i gently kiss the top of your head murmur my love when i open them again the page is filled […]

blackened friday

wrote this for black friday last year and a friend reminded me about it today so we can consider it a cyber monday deal at the manic word depot the walls are closing in on me this morning made the sacred pilgrimage to the Mart of Wal, the quest to find bread and milk a […]

(un)titled ode XX

woke up after a long night of dreaming the sunlight through the blinds combined with the empty bed told me it was also another lonely night but the dreams were nice you were there again you looked as beautiful as i always imagine so it wasn’t a complete waste

pomegranate

early this morning i woke from a dream of pomegranate stained kisses last night before bed i spoke with my publisher about possibly using a pomegranate as the cover art for my collection when i woke from the dream i read a poem from one of my favorites she mentioned a pomegranate i fell back […]

sk(i)p

i need to fall in love with my own voice because i feel like a broken record. all the things i want would be better sought from within but i’m broken. so i listen to myself on repeat thinking the skip and the hiss have meaning they don’t.

(un)titled thought XXVII

if it wasn’t behind me long gone if i were to ever have more children i would name a daughter dolphin star call her my phinny star if he were a boy i would go with kraken cthulhu after cuddles i would scream release the kraken probably for the best for all parties that time […]

(i)

i shed my skin like a snake, leaving man sized balloons in my wake, faces left in mid scream from the pain of forced molting my muscles contort as bones shatter and joints pop from sockets, my mouth cracks wide as the muzzle if the beast comes forth i am no longer the man you […]

(un)titled thought XXV

it’s on the tip of my tongue i am fairly sure it is important but i’ll be damned if i know what it is feels like this isn’t the first time i have forgotten it so i am going to say it is it’s own damn fault for being so forgettable

rusted

some days i lay out in the sun to warm up my robot parts sometimes it rains then i just rust out on the lawn i don’t do it on purpose it is just hard to remember to care some days when all i want is to sit and stare into your eyes and remember […]

fall(ing)(a)part

she wears an arboreal cloak leaving bits of red and yellow in her wake littering the ground with memories of laughter in the sun she turns the lights off early maybe to hide the fact she will soon be nude awaiting her fresh white blanket under fluffy gray remorse

ell

today shall be a day of writing he whispered to himself and he awoke to an abstract h so he lay in bed writhing as three bombs explode inside his head this is not the start he sought he thought as the abstract h held sway if it is truly mind over matter what matter […]

(un)titled art

she painted across my skin with a myriad of styles lashing autumnal anger whithering winter sullen spring and seductive summers i was her canvas her flurry of emotional instabilites her brushes deep purple bruising ragged bite marks clawing her way through the fleshy bits until not an inch was left unsoiled she left me a […]

fourohfour

this application incarceration tinder setting myself on fire lime wire downloading viruses directly into my mania frame can’t explain can’t contain won’t refrain woeful disdain ones and zeros fluctuate punctuate deteriorate commiserate inundate antiviral mediation feel the bass roll across your skin goosebumps flicking tongues probing fingers phantom limbs growing numb kingdom come banish the […]

(so)ftly

kurt sings softly he swears he don’t have a gun another lie woven into the air how many softly sung falsehoods have worked their way into my ear of love of life of hopeless hope only to die unfulfilled

junkie

your love is a drug my veins are collapsing i knew this would happen the endorphin overdose has me shaking transferring manic neurosis for sexual subservience in an effort to sate this addiction one look a shot along my ocular nerve humming straight to my brain leaves me stumbling punch drunk searching for more one […]

edges

have you ever seen the edge of the void and wondered what it would feel like to fall for eternity he asked he could tell by her vacant expression and body language everything her lips didn’t say he quickly changed the subject

(un)titled ode XVI

i have whispered your name so many times my tongue has formed a callus my heart has quickened at the simple thought of you it is as if my brain torments it callously one grows numb the other goes insane as if i have a choice

home(alone)

i called back home today just to hear the sounds of being innocent again got a busy signal and the unending pain of longing illinois feels like a daydream fleeting memories and forgotten roads that used to be as ingrained as the scars upon my hands now faint white lines crisscrossing my brain and heart

(un)convincing

i wonder if when i reach chapter twenty and the epilogue if i will title my poetry more often than i have lately it began as a way to write about her without expressly saying they were about her her then it snowballed into everything was another (un)titled thought i would send out to the […]

(un)titled ode XV

sometimes i wonder what would happen if i stopped thinking i love you and just said it then that little voice screams in the back of my head that i would lose the small piece of you i have so i stay quiet but know i think it or we can both pretend i do […]

luck

there is a sniper on the ridge taking pot shots as i do my evening stroll plumes of earth rise from a few feet to my side one of these days she’ll get off that lucky shot depending on the day i cannot tell which of us will be luckiest when she finally does until […]

drive

the highway is filled with the fumes of dinosaur corpses and saturated fats every mile haunted by the ghosts of every molten memory misery is the co-pilot windshield wipers smear the entrails of the past hammer down the accelerator as the present blurs into fleeting gasps the future is a burning orb on the horizon […]

wh(i)spers

he makes all sorts of secret promises to himself in the dark he will be better he will be stronger he will not be broken not again in the light though cracks begin to appear in those softly whispered promises his resolve cracks as well he falls into the same routine the same cycle the […]

death defying

hope is a trapeze but someone sawed through the bar love is a tightrope that has been electrified neither come with instructions and the audience wants you to fail because they know a secret the net is made from razor wire suspended over a tank of piranhas

organ donor regrets

i am an organ donor but i am having second thoughts they say the ones who receive the organs sometimes have flashes of the donor’s feelings and thoughts can i risk that does saving a life and inflicting pain still equal a gift take my eyes and see the image of her burnt into the […]

destiny

this isn’t where he thought he’d end up, this isn’t where he hoped to be, the fortune teller said she saw him free like the breeze but he never expected to be a macabre law ornament she read his palm, his life line lost at sea, his love line a hyphenated long since erased, he’d […]

set piece

there are times the very last place i want to be is trapped in my own skin like a character in my own shitty novel i will give the author credit he really doubles down on the sadness

(un)titled thought XVI

sometimes i will write poems for first thing in the morning as you read them i have already forgotten them you start your day with my final thoughts of the night before i feel like a time traveler sending missives to future you sorry for the confusion i was a different person then or now […]

fictional facts

writing of love and need in poetry facilitates the desperation emptiness pit within from so long without writing of love and need in fiction reminds me of why so many of these pathetic odes return to it i may sit on the outside and watch in wonder as it flits past my open chest cavity […]

delivery

there was a loud knocking on my door it woke me from a sound sleep i angrily answered a man stood there he was dressed nicely and asked if i was mike i nodded he said i have a delivery for you please sign i scrawled my signature asked who it was from he nodded […]

(un)titled thought XIV

i imagine my soul is an after image of a murder of crows perhaps a cauldron of bats i would prefer it be a maelstrom of salamanders or pandemonium or parrots but frankly an unkindness of ravens seems more apropos instead of a tattered flag waving surrender in the morning breeze

a muse’s day

today starting now in my time zone at least it is the day to celebrate the birth of a muse she doesn’t celebrate it herself but i do see ever since i blindly stumbled upon her tapping my cane in front of me peddling pedantic odes her words opened my eyes made me want to […]

gnaw

i am nearly sure i didn’t do anything wrong but my anxiety tells a different tale so i will just gnaw on the edges of my brain and fret that is normal right?

just don’t know it yet

when i was a kid i imagined the stars were cigarette holes in the construction paper sky i imagined once you became an adult and could do what you wanted it was always a party that love was forever whiskey tasted like apple juice and happiness was a given i got it all wrong dreams […]

(un)titled thought X

no one cares this is what the voice keeps whispering deep in the bowels of my mind the acid a lurching sea of agony in my guts you deserve this i want to fight back scream tell it to shut it’s inane fucking chanting pummel it into submission just as it has done to me […]

(un)titled ode XI

life is a cycle not always a good one seems finding something equates to losing something else sometimes what we find is much better than what we lose sometimes the inverse is true when i stood at the cusp of losing everything i found you this is a case of it all being worth it […]

wishing

she asked me where does the sun go at night i could have said nowhere it stays in place it is us that moves this chunk of coal spins in place while spinning around her she only seems to travel across the sky when it is the sky that is moving but there is no […]

chills

chills race down his spine someone stepped on his grave his long dead grandmother would have said am i dead he wonders and if so why does it still feel so fucking painful she doesn’t answer of course she doesn’t she’s dead maybe they both are he really can’t tell he wonders as the chills […]

struh llits

i don’t remember the second i fell in love but i remember the moment it fell apart wish that was reversed trapa llef ti tnemom eht rebmemer i tub evol ni llef i dnoces eht rebmemer t’nod i still hurts

(un)titled ode IX

they call it the jesus nut it is the one retaining pin that holds the main rotor to the mast of a helicopter it is a source of possible catastrophic failure without it everything goes down in a fiery wreck you don’t know this but you have been that to me it’s funny because jesus […]

weaving

spinning a tale makes me appreciate the work spiders put into a web i wonder if they ever finish and look back in surprise at the beauty they weave or is that type of conceited reserved for humans normally once something is written i leave it as is move to the next new idea but […]