i can feel when i slip too far the obsessive compulsions begin to wire my day it starts innocently a mantra to calm my head which becomes a repetition which becomes a light burning until i am knotted up trying to perform rituals i know are ineffectual i drive a lot one of the early […]

despite the dreariness hovering heavily the birds sing of better times to come. this is a lie i tell myself as morning dawns and i seek a spark to motivate away from cozy ideation. liquefied in a blanket cocoon yet never emerging as anything except lesser than what i was yesterday even farther from who […]

ambivalence is a disease yet apathy remains the path of least resistance and current, even rapidly oscillating, just yearns to go home. even if we have no fucking idea if home actually truly exists. i would like my ashes blended into eyeglass frames so i can see the world from someone else’s point of view […]

if things are orderly i pick apart the edges until it all falls to pieces. yet i thrive in chaos. if given the time to overthink myself into oblivion i will most certainly obliterate existence. when thrust into roiling chaos i snatch disparate threads to weave into abstract wonder. i feed off of my environment […]

i am mute a mannequin standing in the window staring out at an incomprehensible hellscape of fading color splotches undefined in molecular dismay. lashed to the stern a figurehead carved in constant turmoil straining against the lunacy of the ocean lost in the refractions salt crusted over hazel dissociations.

i would scream but there is no one to hear me so i sit lost reading scribbling accomplishing absolutely nothing. i doubt i truly exist in any meaningful way. i convert oxygen into carbon dioxide likely ineffectively and occupy space away from everyone those i thought were close were merely tropical delusions farther away than […]

it becomes dificult not knowing why you are being used and just sad when whatever use you had ends without any warning as much as i wish to be human i can never quite understand these self centered machinations nothing is really real just footnotes in a discarded journal being scribbled by an autistic god […]

you know the saying, dance as if no one is looking? this is my approach to writing. if i stopped and considered anyone reading my words i would be paralyzed with self doubt. humans prefer to pick scabs expose themselves in a private setting it is why bathrooms have doors. i live life performing the […]

a manic mapmaker with a matchbook setting fire to all the roads leading to lingering agonies a malodorous malady in insipid inquiries with no answers sidting through the ashes of photogenically catastrophic memory lapses the hunchback poet carrying a satchel filled with glass slippers discarded in hasty retreats a disarming prince uncharming lighting fire to […]

lightning flash fries arterial stutters whiteknuckled as the mania grabs ahold launching a fool into an orbit where the pieces of who he wished he could have been float aimlessly around a blue orb so far from home

all we can do is all we can do no matter how much we wish it were different. if i were normal maybe i could find happiness but no one has managed to show me what normal is as of yet. and everyone seems miserable. maybe abnormal is in the eye of the beholden. nobody […]

a miracle wrapped in a stifling miasma a patchwork quilt of stillborn poetry anomenablessingasin the itchy insides of a funeral suit bare buttocks upon silken lining interred six feet from sunlight i am a confusion in half cocked culmination a series of lines left unspoken for an attention defecit disaster spread over the burnt crust […]

bronze horses trapped midgallup as i drive through the overly complicated complex in search of the loading dock to the science museum so i can service the postage machine signs for the rodeo and golden glove boxing flap in the wind while men in orange vests wander on golf carts in another iteration the horses […]

i knew it was you through the dreamhaze when i woke to find the paint blistered around my bed phantom scars burning down my tender flesh and a breathlessness only you could truly inspire spent so long manic all i can do is sleep yet there is no rest when every dream is lacerated by […]

the building gives off vibes of the cold war fabricated concrete beams lined with dour black slits this is the same sort of place franz came to work at when following his father’s advice to be a success the kind of tomb which kills a soul yet i am positive it could withstand the first […]

everywhere i turn there are plastic demons stealing the personalities of real humans being so they can hide how truly empty the hollow cadavers they pilot really are pretending to be smiling happy people when the bitterness of their cyanide truths are exposed they attack applying misdirection confusing the herd unaware how easily the carnage […]

snarling and snapping the bad side of the cycle leaves a taste of batteries pervading my mouth as another sigh escapes to fall flaccid flailing for a sense of hope in a sea of bitter dreamfilth

a tentative drive through pockets of perilous precipitation face awash in brake lights as the mechanical beetles crawl down the highway slipslipslipping into another dimension where leylines linger linearly upon the faults between tectonic trepidations alliterative aspersions cast in dissociative howls echoing apathetically amid weathered wisps and tombstones

the floor is lava the air filled with carcinogenic particulates as a fool sits on a granite throne carved from the tombstones of all those let down by borderline paranoia lost in the shifting sands turned to a glass prison as the floor flows in floes of lackluster magnanimous magma oozing from these open weeping […]

the thunder which shook your bedroom the entire evening was just my heartbeat as i woke from a dream in which you were in my arms where you belong only to find this erroneous iteration of reality where the chasm separating our souls is a tempest threatening to destroy the universe itself

the rain has been relentless the same as the ache from missing her eventually the storm has to pass and i can ache in the sunlight miserable and warm once again it’s all about perspective

a woodpecker has joined the flock and the mockingbirds have made the subtle ratatattatting into a chorus of constant dischordant tapping the sparrows sit staring in at me expecting a fair shake of seed in the face of this incessant chatter i fall into the staccato murmuring odes to hearts gone completely feral

a despondent responder sparking pondering a reticule of ridicule in a semitransient state somewhere between sublimation and shimmery suffocation the park is still the weight of sunlight pressing down upon stagnancies of brown broken bitterly by flashes of nascent verdancy i could have slept another three hours catching glimpses of your smile slashing the miasmal […]

part of me wants nothing more than to get lost in the jungles of tasmania i struggle as the kids become adults with finding anything to tether me here yet i have never been camping so this newest infatuation is just an ideation in circular terms when i say that i don’t feel as if […]

i see the appeal of rollercoasters but faulty receptors compounded with inherited traumas make most everyday a death defying ride on the bipolar express add a few heaping tablespoons of fine borderline pepper and you have yourself the most exciting temporary forever you could imagine until you pull the emergency brake and make a great […]

i never sought a juliet capulet preferring to pen tragedies of my own less shakespearian and more hastily stitched together with safety pins they romanticize sid and nancy as if they were anything more than strung out junkies with an indecent amount of sudden undeserved fame true love is when lux looked at ivy microphone […]

fermenting in the gradual fragmenting where a soul becomes a glimmer of former glory a shadow lurking in the hollows where vermin snapandsnarl at the fetid wind blowing over the open sewer where dream dies tucked in snug as bug in a rug with an itchy funeral shroud two cool coins over my eyes and […]

the sparrows line the balcony ledge trilling softly as the dawn breaks while a fool sits freshly showered a loose ball of yarn slowly unraveling in a state of semi tangibility searching the baby blue penumbra for an easy escape i fall apart swiftly an i love you whispered into the howling gales a paper […]

the discomfort when the madness strikes sudden confusion trying to figure out the where of it all occasionally the when holding it together while racing the cracks as everything splinters trying not to catch stray shrapnel as ancient pains swell bubbles of this toxic miasma floating forming cysts along tarnished sanity along deviant hopes for […]

another night in agony incapable of finding any sort of relief i consider a trip to the hospital where i can stay in a designer straightjacket it is that or take a more permanent type of pain dismissal it is all too fucking much for someone who can’t make himself go outside regularly

life feels detestable and i find myself not having fun everyone is playing some game not chess their feeble minds couldn’t grasp the subtlety inherent though they seem to see everyone as little pawns perhaps these words will gain value once i am no longer spitting them out

the internet has a way of giving certain individuals a sense of importance or superiority they do not deserve by feeding egos unleashing the monsters they always were the difference being now they have a platform for their audacious fuckery whereas before they were forced to act human if the people you surround yourself with […]

neither recused nor excused the culpability in crushing collusion leaving little but windswept shrapnel in the form of a heart embedded in the headboard where swollen dreamcatchers drip pent up bile scorchmarks on the bedpost and another nightmare cast in flesh then loosed upon the frightened villagers i am a pinball rejected reflected desperate to […]

the reemergence of winter thrusting suddenly from the loose soil of a grave she gave no consent to be interred in conjunction with diatribes on the futility of hope as parlayed by half paralyzed pariahs pantomiming perjuring priests leaves a fool tepid perched upon the precipitous pleas in prehensile pandering thereisnolight intheperpetualgray she was a […]

i never knew if it was worse being disappointed or hurt as a child my father would say he wasn’t angry just disappointed and it was infintely worse to me but now after a lifetime of disappointment this latest act just hurts which is definitely worse

so easily disavowed disemboweled by self evident half truths kindleddwindled rekindledspindled thenleftinahaze i have become so lost i am convinced i am exactly where i was supposed to be in a dream a sparrow had for me confounded by insidious illness draped in drugs while raging alone inthehollowedoutcorpse ofthebeautifulestofintentions leftsallowshallowand quitemorose my soulshatter dementias best […]

i am so empty i swallow marbles to listen as they rattle down my mechanical innards watching as i am slowly redacted from those i cherished

spent the last six months ignoring the sparrows as they tap at the glass squatting in the stoop staring at a fool who has nothing to add to the cacophony in curious whistles the insistent clamor the court insistent on being addressed by the mad king curled in a ball with fingers in his ears […]

poetry is my confessional because i cannot imagine anyone reading (my)poetry on purpose at moments like now when i am truly at the end of my rope oscilating poletopole exhaustedbroken with lapses just too short to fall asleep failing to escape even mometarily from this existence as the sun drops from view leaving harsh bruising […]

the consistencyof the pressureleaves a foolhalf rendered ina loading statesomewhere amongsttransient hellssesrching for aprior save insavorier situations we put so muchvalue on diamondswhen all they dois look lovelywhen the carbonfrom which it wasunduly pulverizedserves so many uses i harbor no delusionsmy structure willbecome a crystallineformation of beautynot every shale isdestined to become a gemsome are […]

concentric circles carefully etched in ashes a zen garden in the remains of shattered wonder in a roughly human shaped bit of malfeasance i drag the bamboo rake across soulshatter reveries carving furrows in ancient glyphs seeking some sort of salvation in ashen remnants fearful of finding an ember still burning knowing i am not […]

at home in the loam a network of fungal tendrils interconnecting the root network of the forest into an underground communication hub in botanical distress the granite bones reverberate a series of signals in chemical blossoms erupting in the sacred shifting soulsoil tectonic tremors tell tales of bubbling magma crying for the purity in pangaean […]

give a man enough hope and he will hang himself after slowly picking apart the fibers and fashioning a fetching noose.

the angry faces screaming out against Indoctrination in the classrooms are only upset over the indoctrination carrying bits of unfortunate reality it wasn’t until after i graduated and began reading about history myself where i finally understood the term whitewashing wasn’t just about glossing over certain truths these so called patriots prefer to believe after […]

i have no doubt somewhere in the infinite ever expanding cosmos a similar one in a billion errant electrical arc hit the right pool of basic amino acids sending a rapturous cascading in nascent lifeforms the assumption humanity is singular speaks more to ego based ignorance my fear is those alien life forms making contact […]

rows upon rows dominoes placed with shaking hands i tiptoe barefoot between black lines littering each open space as the windchimes bang an everspiraling orchestral accompaniment to my shuddering pulse one day i shall unceremoniously collapse and send these trails clattering around my still form to spell an incantation of perpetual sorrows unleashing a swarm […]

after so many it wasn’t mes i came to realize it was me seeking things of which i had no purpose trying to find the evidence showed it wasn’t meant for me i have always been alone except for the sparrows and the constant anxieties which fill the room with chaotic buzzing and discordant trills […]

happy birthday, dad been literal lifetimes since we spoke not counting dreams or moments at the brink of falling apart every single day some lesson learned from you blows in on a drunken breeze and makes me smile gone, but not forgotten a case of beer and a carton of smokes sit with a bottle […]

it isn’t unbearable just unending a consistent throbbing from the pressure so incessant in my sinuses it colors the world in hues of solemn pleas for momentary peace from constant aching unheard or ignored i continue on

been dealing with a nasty sinus infection for a few days now leeching all will with each new wave of pain a last tender kiss as winter slithers back to watch petulantly while warmth suffuses a struggling fool each day seems prepared with all new set backs displayed mockingly as the sparrows happily sing songs […]

i dont mean to be guarded it’s just these inherited scars turn open into defensive with an ease i wish i could scrub off barnacles dragging against the wind racing nowhere at the speed of her disinterest

we all occupy the hero designation in our own tale but if you have to ask why it seems inordinately stacked against you at every single turn there is a chance you are an asshole and not the entirety of existence is out to make you suffer humanity has become solipsistic to the point of […]

she left a patina on my brasswork heart a greenish smear in the shape of her smile etched onto my aorta where every beat catches momentary when my eyes cannot find her light in the long darkness where a fool long blinded by the penumbra he existed sporadically in around the absence she once effortlessly […]

i am so good at reading the currents i can break my own heart days before you get around to it i can only imagine the true solitude of the soothsayer

she taught me a poem was never truly done nowistand {waiting} inthepregnant ·pause· ofherabsence (nevercontent) afoolconstantlyretooling

there is a mood swelling upon my tongue an anticipation a lingering fruition perhaps i know not yet it tastes like a fresh beginning the rattling pulse cascading senseless scents into sensory overload i despise it nascent hope blossoming in peculiar strands i cannot decipher reabused anew of the nonsensical notions of momentary notoriety recycling […]

the sparrows singa note of hopefulnesstrilling acrossthe sunlit streetsso familiar yetoff settling as irecompartmentalizethe exhaustion fromtravel and discomfortfrom the ill fittingflesh suit draped uponmy anxious skeleton i am okay for nowfound the tunnel outfrom the pervasive darkeyes locked on the horizonfor more salient solutionsto self inflicted woesi miss you terriblybut it is what it iswhile […]

too long spent insubstantial another tumbleweed blowing across north texas plains somewhere around downtown dallas i found myself untethered from my corporeal form a haphazardly stacked somewhat human shaped hill of pixels slowly dissociating from the concrete tombs glaring down around me it is unexplainable hovering above yourself at ninety miles an hour in a […]

there are multiple mirrors in the hotel room i cannot seem to be able to escape seeing me the beard is unruly i look vaguely despotish as if formulating the end of the bourgeoisie or even worse than that a fucking halfbaked poet dimestore philosophy dropout espousing barely cognizant refrains of the greats as strained […]

even though we both know tomorrow is a ponzi scheme by big chocolate and the cartoon heart factories i hope he shows you just how absolutely fucking perfect you are he kisses you until your toes curl and reminds you the date is meaningless the joy is life spent loving you you deserve it each […]

clenched teeth in my sleep the night before two hundred miles needs driven to awake to a combination of insipid hammers driving silver nails into hazel discombobulation as a fool drives through the frigid rain to spend the week in a hotel in texarkana spent the weekend lounging with the kids ignoring the words thrumming […]

winter broke for the past couple days letting warmth once more infuse my tepid soulmurmurs but the gray overwrought dreariness settles insufferably a lead blanket lined with dread as the forecast for a traveling fool looks to dip down into winter once more i have become nigh indecipherable to myself the walls i could wriggle […]

understanding secretive self sabotage is a fundamental building block of my tandem bpds yet being surprised each and every time i ruin something new seems superfluous yet unavoidable i get manic then pick apart all the shimmering pixels until the floor falls out beneath me because life taught me selffulfilling prophecies are part and parcel […]

two hundred miles to texarkana this morning only to drive another two hundred miles to get back home again sometime this afternoon i hope the hawks are feeling peckish so i can watch them hover on thermals gliding in circles seeking movement in the overgrowth spread in shades of brown across the fetid plains as […]

anxiety is a persnickety mistress as she murmurs to leave little things until they become mountainous rather than vole related obstructions easy handled

there is a shimmering uncertainty ensconcing the universe and despite the various order enforced upon abstracts anyone who claims any understanding is as deluded as a poet who still believes in love this mercurial shitshow of savage indifferences is a hopeless endeavor mewling for scraps behind an overflowing dumpster in the backalley of a denounced […]

each and everyword she whisperedwas reticulatedwith hidden meaningdripping with venomwhich left smokingpits along the truthwhich she masterfullydanced the edges of in the silencei trail my fingersover each distortionseeking the wordsshe infused withany actual meaningfinding only moreinaccuracies whereemotional investmentwas rumored to exist

everything issometimes sooverwhelmingly everything in such a way life becomes a series of papercuts down my tattered souldanderdreamlonging still i pound my fist against the red button labeled falsely emergency stop a plastic placebo placating panic long enough for one deep breath before the next wave washes over

painfully loud slammed by reverberations confined inside a bone sarcophagus echoed screeches highlighting the dichotomy where velvety voices scream nightterrors through the hollows in this calamitously packed meat prison percolating pockets of carefully cultivated rot i was never real a simulacrum forged from the incessantly listless longing left overly refracted in fractured flailings the decimals […]

i meant to write yesterday yet the words never came a recurring theme they percolate then wither or withdraw as a fool screams inside his mind unaware the world constantly spins regardless of participation i am falling behind failing trying to rewind but every stop seems shrouded in heartache

my mustache needs trimmed the hairs wriggle cockroach legs against my lip when i take a drink time is wobbly i forget my porthole needs maintenance there is a rough approximation in my head of what likely look like this iteration needs a solid fucking trim

the sparrows seem triumphant as winter relaxes her suffocating hold over texas perhaps the warmth will melt this frigid anxiety gripping my entire being the lack of skepticism in the sparrow’s song celebrating a suffusion of sun highlights the fragility in spiderwebs of hope

a semisentient cloud of static in desperate need of being held of given a form before stuttering out of existence a faint scorchmark where nothing ever was there to begin with still i manage in a feeble last gasp to sputtermutterstutter into the gaping maw within and without wheezing odes to dessicatint on the vine […]

the sluice of hot water courses down my failing form a murky pool of gray from the pancake make-up rendering a tired clown back into the invisible man only beaded droplets expose my nudeness to an otherwise indifferent chilled oblivion i call home time to lay in the darkness haunted and empty an abandoned house […]

the word are still stuck in the back of my fucking throat a goddamned hornet’s nest stinging my tongue rendering me utterly speechless as the fog rolls in

the trees scaborous things asparagus stalks gone to seed grasping at the fog the hands of dead dreamers floating in the swollen bayous of southeastern arkansas choking the light refracted upon a million droplets hovering between a fool and home the music doesn’t seem to go loud enough to drown out the goddamned words so […]

i can’t tell if it is an accumulation of the ever falling rain or this deep seated loneliness weighing so very heavily around my aching fucking heart but despite random breakdowns to rival the storms outside nothing eases it there is no escape just a constant drizzle against the stained glass heartdander cathedral three hundred […]

my mental state is on par with the state of the sheets on the hotel bed after a night of spinning in place running from figments and certain truths only to end up knotted thoroughly drenched while longing for home as temporary in misguided permanence as hope or love

day four where the rains fall in half frozen agony over flooded arkansas leaving a tired fool soaked to the skin with days to go before finally getting to go home once again the typical transiecne of the hotel life allows an expansion upon buried plotlines where the lack of familiarity allows them to propagate […]

dismal morning in a goddamned hotel room in the middle of nowhere the perfect place for a forgotten fool with no career just empty support and broken promises as the trucks rumble incessantly through the night

indistinct rectangles occasional flashing red lights the semis whip up a constant accumulation of the persnickety percipitation and i drive white knuckled riding the edge of panic in a tsunami threatening to wash me off the highway into the muddy creek roaring between the lanes from an oversaturation of wintry rain in an abundance of […]

the car is packed route is planned anxiety screaming hotel is booked and i sit impatient waiting for the store to open to grab the last necessary item before driving to arkansas for a week of hell it will not be bad but i cannot convince myself of this yet the joys of having my […]

aflame with desires left to smolder unfulfilled this phoenix returns slightly lesser each morning which dawns over emptiness and a pile of ash billowing to the unstrained melody of longing lost in whispered prayers during a thunderstorm

it all seems quite pointless and somehow more difficult daily which is fine if you signed up for all of this extravagance in middling returns i did not however still it feels like this line for a refund never seems to go fucking anywhere at all perhaps the entire works is broken no matter how […]

it is impossible to rationalize if the roads are wobbling or if my mercurial polarities have the entirety of existence in lockstep with the magma core of insanity each new day dawns with the realization just how much there is i have zero comprehension of and despite my best attempts the more i learn the […]

it isn’t a case of being uncomfortable in my own skin as much as it is an inherent dislike brought on by years of life showing just how little i mean in the day to day misanthropy screaming from being self aware if you translated all my semi poetic ramblings into ones and zeros you […]

no airplanes circling nor any cars driving past i listen for the sparrows yet the world outside is silent except for the occasional bumping of chimes sending lonesome notes shivering to fill the vacancy left by the cold drinking coffee and trying to shed the wisps lingering from frozen dreams where you were in my […]

sadness settles over the sleeping city with a chilled serenity typically reserved for the giving up or the already dead the wind chimes send soft notes drifting over the accumulation of frozen dreamdander to ring like forgotten church bells signaling a fresh set of prayers destined to go unanswered i wrote our initials in the […]

tremors run down my spiderweb soul anxieties plucked freshly as winter drapes her pale arms to keep me cold on the long weekend spent alone watching crystals form a chaotic latticework slowly consuming the gray world just beyond my reach every other song reminds me of playing in the ashes where love once burned away […]

someone pull the emergency brake i need off of this rollercoaster of impending doom

his vellum soul tattered from being folded and unfolded tear streaked and torn from years of seeking answers in the incomprehensible shallows of the heart for which it once offered navigation before accumulated scars turned a simple map into a congruence of disparate sorrows carved in the crescent smiles gone to tears etched hastily along […]

the first of two cold fronts snap and snarl promising treacherous conditions ahead between a road trip back to arkansas and the same faulty grid which left me without power or heat for over eighty hours the last time winter decided to assert her dominance over the lone star state part of me wants the […]

the wind slicesicy daggers drawinglines of crimsonhoarfrost maskingthe exhaustion onthe face of theenergizer idiotdrifting across thefrozen heart of texas an unhealthy balanceof pills to lift meand pills to bring meback down again withincomprehensible sadnesspelting down in sharpcrystals of icy disdain it is one thing whenmy brain scream out howi will never be enoughit doesn’t help […]

hours spent white knuckled as the rain made everything a manic blur down the flooded corridor between magnolia and a fool needing to desperately hide from the panic rising as his true standing is shown as the waters drag him under five hours driving following indistinct blurs trundling slowly toward home knowing i am the […]

the screamingand sirensmade the eveningin magnoliaright about whati expectedafter four and a halfhours of drivingthrough bayouswhere the treesline the highwaybrown stalks ofasparagus goneto seed leavingstripes of darknesswhich no matterhow fast i drovefelt like a strobekeeping me in placelosing ground evenas the miles tick up now it is coldthe rains which threatenedfinally releasedas i ponder the […]

falling in upon myself ravenous yet always unfulfilled

it’s cold i feel like a flyer flapping on a tar covered telephone pole as the wind tears around the staple keeping me fitfully in place soon just another piece of trash stuck against a fence after briefly flying free before the inevitable crash