Month: December 2018
auld lang syne
so many changes over this last spin around the sun. started the year with thirteen followers and an urge to write. ending with over three hundred and the urge to write gone dead. found my voice and then grew sick of it. changed it up but the reverberations in my chest and skull still sicken […]
death of a would be poet
it’s broken the words are falling upon now deaf ears all i have are the words and they have abandoned me poetry has died inside my unresponsive soul i have stopped dreaming of her of joy of happiness of anything left with the emptiness new year same depression no hope just this familiar despair the […]
(just)dreams
sometimes i dream of other states geographical mental emotional i dream of her of wildflowers in her hair my reflection in her beautiful eyes i dream of years gone past not yet born i dream of dionysus exiguus the man who determined when anno domini began i dream of celebrating in a different state with […]
ukulele
my heart was a ukulele handcrafted for her delicate fingers yet in a fit of rage the strings all were snapped now it is but a piece of wood left discarded with the rest of the trash memories of it’s song like spiderwebs in the corner of the room
d(r)own(i)ng
one year gone kept myself locked away hidden from the things i craved a junkie in remission rehab relapse reserved removed reborn reheated recycled realized gone astray in the blinding light of the morning after was it fear punishment self flagellation kneeling at the pulpit of false desires so long that reality and fiction became […]
(un)requited IV
she thought of herself as just a normal woman i couldn’t think of her as anything less than a goddess maybe she mistook my love and worship as a case of mistaken identity either way i was hooked and she was unaware
(un)titled memory
the metal slid between my ribs as if my skin was the placid surface of a pond by the time i felt the pain it was already too late all that was left was the bleeding
morb(i)d love
losing her was like baking cookies in sylvia plath’s oven seering in the flavors of sorrow and loss holding her was like going swimming with virgina woolf the currents of her body drawing me under staring at her was like skeet shooting with hemmingway’s shotgun the aim was immaculate deadly and serene loving her was […]
r
wrecked and reckless a rescinded reminiscence a view of ridicule through the reticule of rose tinted remorse
sp(eye)ral
if egress means to escape and regress means to become less developed then my only means of egress lately is to regress stately and fall into the patterns of the past/evolving means revolving upon some bitter happenstance and seeking a solution to this mental revolution based on luck and chance/skywriting my feelings into the black […]
tiny cuts
she cut me for every doubt she had about my sincerity she doubted me enough that after a week i looked like a walking jigsaw puzzle after a month my reflection seemed blurry in the mirror after a year i fell down the stairs like a spring toy after she left i couldn’t tell if […]
bea(u)tiful d(i)saster
i love you like a warning on the side of a computer from december of nineteen ninety nine about the evils of y2k it is hesitant filled with foreboding i love you with the power of planes falling from the sky of toasters shedding the basic functionality and rising against the human overlords i love […]
empty adoration
every women deserves to have at least one poem written about them from a fool deeply locked in the thralls of pure affection an ode a sonnet a haiku an offering from rapidly rising heartbeats to empty adoration this one is for you your beauty sublime your laughter tinkles like bells your ass looks so […]
nude refra(i)n
i keep the blinds closed as i struggle to remain clothed it is too damned hot to be dressed too damned cold for nudity so i choose to follow the path life has chosen for me a donkey carrot/stick/combination for the ages anonymity impersonality alternating between too many blankets(statements or otherwise)too much flesh(floppy bits and […]
death rattle
this final week is like the taint of the dead year not quite existing the last dying breath rattles feel the skin begin shedding
(un)titled thought LVI
i am no longer lying in the fires of youth i am cooling in the hearth of dying dreamscapes another ember gone ashen with the rest of yesterday’s castoffs
(un)titled i III
i am a crossword puzzle but all the clues are left blank a word search of hieroglyphics a sudoku made from hypothetical digits an ode written in an imaginary language by dyslexic blind aliens but also i am yours so through all of the incomprehensible parts whether it is understood or not know it is […]
(2)ofmany
i have dated two blondes in my long and self destructive career as a failed lover it seems odd maybe because the two of them caused more destruction than the countless mousy brunettes i tell myself are my type the first i have written about so many times i smell her perfume when i read […]
“RAMONES – Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)”
Not everyone celebrates this holiday around the world. I get that. But, The Ramones are a universal treat. So whether or not you celebrate (i do not), enjoy one of the finest New York bands to ever perform. A gift for sticking with me through this very difficult year.
ex-miss day
the last xmas we shared was the last xmas i celebrated i would say it was because you left the day lost all meaning but we both know i never cared for the holidaze pomp and circumstance all of them i would buy you roses because i wanted to not because hallmark said i should […]
drea(me)r
i don’t know what is happening anymore. when i write i slip into my persona non grata my alter ego the fool. in the real world i am a stain black mold the fungus among us. a ball of withered depression. the fool though he wants more from life. he dreams of love from the […]
war
the crimson splashes on the freshly fallen snow arterial drip one last chimney then some rest vision blurry in his sleigh shrapnel buried deep lacerations scar his face the price has been paid i.e.d. took out rudolph the war on xmas is done
“Tom Waits – “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis”
I don’t post much about the holidaze. It isn’t my thing. Mine is depression and self hatred and wondering if this pit of steaming horribleness will ever get better. But I love you guys. My constant companion, my dear readers. So I give you one of the greatest poets to ever grace this chunk of […]
(un)titled thought LV
no one really cares not really. they just like to be seen as caring. as the world keeps proving it was built on sand filled soil. desperate cries for help are met with motivational posters of cats and branches. no one really cares not really. or they wouldn’t stop to apply make up before running […]
looplooplooplooploop
I have had things to do for days and i keep making excuses not to do them to put them off until tomorrow i get dressed then find a find a reason no matter how vague or pathetic and i don’t then i sit with a two ton weight wrapped around my midsection constricting my […]
expiration date
hard to tell if the illness is viral bacterial or depression based in origin hard to care hacking wheezing glands swollen cold radiating in waves as sweat pours head pain hard to swallow she screams in the night of love unanswered unrequited odes never given voice just softly murmured not ignored just left unspoken to […]
(un)titled thought LIV
her memory hangs over me like the shadow of a hot air balloon cast down like a cold spot in whatever room i choose to occupy every shiver reminding me of the love she never freely gave to me
(un)titled thought LIII
in hindsight which rumor has it is twenty/twenty we fell apart because we loved each other too strongly at first grew addicted to that feeling chased it until we realized it was only accessible with someone new but we made a spectacular impact and left a beautiful crater we will always have that
(un)titled thought LII
i would rot in hell with you if that meant we could be together this is as close to romance as i can muster on this day of crushing hopelessness but i would forsake heaven for you if you asked me to
small comfort
am i the same person i was born as i grow closer to the person i am at to be at death did every drunken moment every drug induced psychosis every lie whispered in hope it would come true every prayer uttered to the void do these scars on the soul change the fundamental shape […]
(un)titled sorrow X
the depression is a weighted blanket the last few days or i am waking up at the bottom of an oceanic trench either way i am drowning in it it has lacked the manic up swing without the balance i am struggling mightily the dark thoughts are now dreams in these i yearn for reality […]
(un)titled thought LI
the bitter taste of regret and remorse i feel at this stage in my life imagine sucking on a penny while you have a split lip right before they make you gargle broken glass in the acid bath
(un)titled i II
the fool is the fool because he foolishly pursues the things he knows he will never have he is the poet illiterate because he doesn’t understand the things he thinks he needs the words are wrong the man behind the scenes has given up all pretenses
(un)titled thought L
ignore the bruising and tears i get clumsy with my emotional dissonance this time of the year i haven’t learned the true meaning of festively shutting the fuck up
(un)titled thought XLIX
i used to dream of space of soaring through the cosmos now i dream of the space between dream and reality feels like the wonder has died jettison me into the cosmos i think i have dreamt enough for a lifetime of unfulfillment
(un)titled ode XXXIII
her smile was like black ice on the road at night when it hit you were no longer in control
cahokia
i made a blanket fort buried myself in it more a blanket tomb a womb a standing burial shroud my own personal cahokia we took a school trip there long ago underground they turned off the lights we screamed in childish delight they turned on the spotlights skeletons lay illuminated before us i was enthralled […]
in which the poet refrains from writing another insipid ode
i have nothing just the vapid dismay that flavours the words i would say if saying them meant anything at all so we sit letting the silence envelop us your move empty room
(un)titled (i)
i am lost all of it crumbles melancholy meanderings losing whatever was left out of hope staring in the mirror tsol ma i
(un)titled thought XLVIII
when i held you the words went silent, i tried to say the words through actions now that you’re gone i have a list of all the words i wish i would have said maybe you would have stayed we both knew my tongue was sharper than the shards of a glass i keep inside […]
mess
i am goddamned mess for you my dear a collapsed house of cards strewn across the carpet let me crawl inside your brain curl up around your amygdala whisper sweet odes directly into your inner ear i took the liberty of cutting the brakes let’s go for a drive down that winding canyon highway but […]
novaca(i)ne
a shot of novacaine in my sputtering heart to ease the palpable palpitations from your smile you folded me into a crane with your gentle words how i tried to soar with brittle wings bent into incongruent shapes held in shaking desire to maintain your sparkling gaze i am the crane on broken talons you […]
1570
started my day with a cry more an existential sorrow than anything else isn’t that strange nothing set it off just woke up and felt like maybe just maybe i should release the tears barely restrained maybe it was an overloaded tear duct or the headache that has become my constant companion but i started […]
dream harder
he blew in like trash on the breeze in search of a dumpster fire to rest his head there was more but the dream fades as i try and recall it something something morose i imagine i either need to write faster or dream harder this leaving things half formed is for theodicists or men […]
(un)titled thought XLVII
i have been sick for days but it feels like months and my mouth seems to run on it’s own with no thought to what my brain keeps yelling like an automated car or a chainsaw in a horror movie once it fires up i just clench and await the blood that will inevitably come […]
(un)titled truths
taking your time means time taken from the end anyway so i dive in head first and make up for it later on i have a way with words making them twist like molding clay from things of beauty into sculptures of decay so let’s play a game we will put our hearts up raise […]
troubles of today
i stumbled to the bar, in hopes of finding myself in the bottom of a glass or twelve, seeking absolution in stringent spirits for sins as yet uncommitted the snow up to my knees but a fire burning in my chest, the cigarette clutched in deadened fingers the only light in the darkening evening the […]
(un)titled image V
the skin on his chest buckled and ripped as he lay staring at the ceiling the black beak tore through his flesh slowly the beady eyed gaze stared into his own it shook itself slowly emerging from the now open wound with a caw it launched itself into the air flew around the room before […]
(un)titled thought XLVI
love is a bridge made out of weasels that squirm and seek purchase where ever they may it is a bowl of dead octopi coated in soy sauce and dancing still firing nerves no sense just manic twitching it is an iron fist in a velvet glove that has been coated with rusty strands of […]
(un)titled ode XXXII
cast from clay cast from paradise left to toil through this world alone she was my lilith my first love the one none could hold could never hope to conquer strong independent so very fierce labeled a demon by those who could not comprehend still in the back of my mind my heart i miss […]
moth
wrapped myself in a cocoon of pain and misery, the ugliest caterpillar turning into the strangest moth writhing in the blanket chrysalis, begging for an end, a halt, a moments peace from the nails driven into soft flesh in this moment of singular despair even the words left me, my constant companions, they swept from […]
(un)titled thought XLV
when i am sick i feel less human and more over critical anthropomorphic can opener it could be the lack of sleep talking or the throbbing in my head and face but i want to drizzle syrup over you like a freshly buttered pancake and leave you hoarse after licking it all off or cuddle […]
(un)titled ache II
in the grips of the grips of pain depression and misery couldn’t sleep last night unable to nap today it’ll get better they tell me as it somehow only gets worse
(un)titled thought XLIV
she was so concerned he would leave her that when he finally left her it was a relief she willed him away with every ounce of her self doubt and insecurities but when you ask her she will tell you she always knew he had a roving eye even as she handed him the binoculars […]
ves(u)vius
i am pompeii while you my love are vesuvius i find myself sitting in your shadow oblivious to your sighs and anger it feels as if it is business as normal soon all will be drowned in your careless disregard all that remains will be ash
flew
he told me he used to fly a pilot in the war the hurt in his eyes stopped me from asking which war his eyes were rheumy his fingers like gnarled roots but the look on his face showed he still flew if only in his mind
(un)titled ode XXXI
i wonder in what seems like hour nineteen of dancing thoughts about you do you ever look to the sky night or day and a vision of me dances with you no music needed just cheek to cheek across the kitchen swaying softly in one another’s arms no of course not we both know i […]
(un)titled ode XXX
i imagine in two million years the light from your smile will grace the skies of an alien planet when it does an astronomer there will have that butterflies in the stomach feel of love at first sight probably won’t call it butterflies though but he or she or it or whatever will know exactly […]
(un)titled message
she told me with a whispered voice that barely carried across the infinitesimal distance between her lips and my ear my life is like a picture frame that has been shattered my face scrunched up in confusion at the words feeling i must have misheard her somehow she frowned sadly at me and shook her […]
k(i)ssed
i want to be kissed until i cannot breathe until my lips ache until desire tears me apart i am here waiting for you
(un)titled ode XXIX
she is a tigress shaded by the canopy of leaves stalking her prey in silence she is a tulip a declaration of love and beauty the air filled with her heavenly scent
(un)titled thought XLIII
the gluttonous pig of self doubt feeds heartily from the trough of insecurity today one day the knife slides across the stubbily chin and spills hot crimson etchings of devotion on the stones of the courtyard a torrent of devoured dreams washing away the aches and pains of everyday soliloquies
hinged
she screwed her adoration to my back like angel wings unfortunately they turned out to be hinges anchored to the wall now i swing in the wake of her lost affections slamming against the frame of my own remorseless love
(un)titled thought XLII
was that you i saw passing by the window earlier or just a vision of beauty calling from the back of my mind i can’t tell but i know which one i wish it was
planets
we spend so much money trying to make it to dead planets while we kill the one known living one i wonder are we running towards or away from ourselves
part(i)es
some days i am the life of the search party. others, an uninvited guest. once though. a while back. i was guest of honor at a donner party. everyone agreed i was delicious.
c(u)res
fever dream or street fair, no longer able to tell the differences of real or not vendors with slitted pupils peddling wares of brimstone and lies in multicolored stalls kernels of popped corn heavily seasoned with salty tears and tangled machinations forked tongues spinning yarns made to entice and pull the sullen soul from vacant […]
(un)titled thought XLI
overhead the planes spew smoke in lines like absent fathers mailing presents to forgotten children banners stream behind them cash for gold golden bands forever ever begging goods for service servitude for sanctuary and i wonder am i a mirage in this desert of loneliness or are you the shimmering sands of winter’s discontent still […]
coopered
sinus infection, moral infraction, soul in traction, stuck in redaction i am considering db coopering my life there is a bomb in my briefcase i need two hundred grand in twenties and a sewn shut parachute fly me through the rain towards reno take my clip on tie and watch me soar into the dark […]
sludge
her eyes leak sludge down her withered parchment like cheeks like turkish coffee spilled onto a newspaper the comics sit untouched neither of us feels like laughing
(un)titled thought XL
the moon hangs heavy i stare at it like a picture of a lost lover.
(me)anings
they seek to tell me what to feel to think to write as if it is their words they are not. if they are anyone’s they belong to her my muse. the woman that i write all of this to for in honor of in service to. they circle around my words like crows picking […]
(un)titled loss IV
it only hurts when you remember it yet everything is a reminder so that pretty much sucks
curriculum
i could teach a class on your beauty. give weekly lectures on why i love you. it could be an elective. but since the moment i found you you’ve been the only subject that matters.
(un)titled memory
it was a cold night and the sky was clear as we drove through the winding city streets she leaned across the console and put her head on my shoulder if you had asked me right then i would have told you i wanted that feeling to last until the sun goes supernova and wipes […]
scaffold
he built a scaffold out of the ivory bones of affection used it to scale down to tap the reflection of the moon in the bottom of the sea the coral cut and snagged his suspenders, suspended in the waters, neon pink daydreams of high colonic dismay a diorama menagerie of carefully sculpted plankton beside […]
(un)titled loss III
depression rests it’s silky smooth wings over my cerebellum it slides it’s fangs into the opioid receptors and feasts a feast of famine for a moment brief yet prolonged it feels like the lips of the love you long to kiss so desperately in your dreams come true then a cold oily sense of discontent […]
floated
he floated face down in the pool he said it was practice but he never said what it was practice for but night after night he floated i wonder if he ever got good at it
tick
his head was replaced by a giant tick it did wonders for his personality.
Notches by M. Ennenbach (that’s me!)
So here is the official cover art for my collection of short stories! Coming soon, Notches.
m(i)ddle
this constant looping ending has disrupted the natural flow of my story it has been so long since i can recall a new beginning just spinning around at the end of the middle or the middle of the end i don’t know where i am any longer but how i wish to savor a new […]
(un)titled loss II
my sinus on the right side is in the wrong way today pressure ear canal feels like venice in an earthquake i cannot find my smile have you seen it put it on a carton of milk crooked little thing enjoys dark humor slow walks along a murder scene and the sight of her
(non)linear
it was a nonlinear good bye she said she would talk to me later that was a month ago yet i am still waiting
(roy g biv)
the rain is indigo like the second to last band of the rainbow i can’t stop thinking roy g biv when i see the prismatic band play across the sky redorangeyellow green blueindigoviolet i wish i could see the full spectrum dancing the infrared and ultraviolet instead i see impaired and ultraviolent i can’t help […]
re-read
she re-reads the same poem everyday it makes her want to write a poem herself she doesn’t understand she is a poem and everyday i try and read her but i don’t know the language
r(u)st
at the end of the day a knight in shining armor is just a man that smells of rust if i smelled like rust would you love me
1star
somewhere in the sky a lone star looks down on both of us i whispered a secret to it for your ears only let me know when you hear it
(un)titled thought XXXIX
measure twice cut once works on nearly everything but depression and love
(un)titled thought XXXVIII
could this be a really vivid dream i will wake up none of this is real all of my mistakes didn’t happen i will miss you but it isn’t like you’ll notice i am gone i bet when i wake up i will still love you
punctuated
she is an ! i am an … she is 🙂 while i remain ? we don’t speak in sentences any longer, we speak in hieroglyphics the rosetta stone comes with a search bar and all my inquiries come back 404 twenty six letters have stopped conveying the words necessary to say i love you […]
(un)titled thought XXXVII
have i become a whore to the almighty metaphor afraid to admit this life is not what it was made out to be so i make it what i wish it could be by making it something else completely
then
when i was ten i would spend my summers at the nursing home my mother worked at none are as honest as children and adults close to death many truths were shared at times i was surrounded by ghosts that didn’t know they were dead yet but they always had hard candies and they all […]
dj(i)nn
she told me the lamp was magic, that there was a genie inside that would grant three wishes, i just had to rub it, everything would come true i laughed then after she left, i was alone and that lamp sat on the table, her smell filled the room yes wildflowers yes, i know and […]
s(how)
my parents let the television raise me. we let the phones raise this generation. soon enough it won’t matter. because the planet will be dead. i guess we showed them.
work(s)
i am not a poem worthy sort i am a silk screened image of a car wreck the after photo for depression i am the guy you don’t love just yet willing to write poetry on your skin with my tongue use my teeth for calligraphy tattoo promises of forever in pooled blood just beneath […]
1517
there are bees behind my eyeballs buzzing stinging rats with moth wings bite me as i sleep my blood is poison my venomous pain seeps over broken lips i am tired drained weakened but still strong enough to burn down everything with a lackluster smile
(un)titled need
cold hands grip tightly to the stone lid of the coffin hunger need the moon reflects the rays of a star never seen the steady beat in your lovely throat calls sings the staccato pulse of life pulling from across the room in your dreams i come
Mike's Manic Word Depot 