looplooplooplooploop

I have had
things to do for days
and
i keep making excuses
not to do them

to put them off
until
tomorrow

i get dressed
then find a find a reason

no matter
how vague
or
pathetic

and i don’t

then i sit
with a two ton weight
wrapped
around my midsection

constricting my breath

knowing
i am
the biggest failure

yet
unable to do anything about it

depression
is not just
curled up in a ball crying

those

are the good days

sometimes

it is being
unable
to handle the prospect
of dealing with a world
you cannot hope
to understand

consequences be damned

going without
because it is easier
than going out to get

this is my life

reading and hating myself

a loop

2 thoughts on “looplooplooplooploop

  1. i’ve just started giving myself permission to be a shithead. after i rationalize, i then give permission to make that my reality.
    so far so good.
    (smiley face)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think realizing you are in a loop of sabotage might be a step to help break the pattern. Change is not easy but staying the same is so much worse.

    Liked by 1 person

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