my uglinessis bubbling upto the surfaceagainbarely restrainedby the poorlyformed skullthe fleshdistortedas the imageshownbecomes somethingmore akinto the onereflected backin the quiet momentsof dire depression seven yearsbad luckfor each mirrorshatteredin thisundisguisedself loathingequals a lifetimeencompassedby the truthswhisperedbetween lashesyet i still wantto give my loveto you aloneeven as i fearwho i really am my soulis broken drywallshowing a glimpseinto […]

bell curve

feel as ifi wokethree timesto a progressive scaleof incrementalnone matterance pouring myselfinto multiplecontainmentswondering whythere is never enoughto go around emptied slowlydrainedof any and everypossibilityyet still tryingto give more lost somewhereon the bell curvebetweenunwantedandunnecessary


my mind islostin the black eyesof sharksas i lookfor youin the stormthat seems tobrewjust offto the sidedissipatingwheneveri looktoo hard i should bewritingbut how can itell a storywhen the only thingi canthink about ishowwrapping my armsaround youseems likethe closest to nirvanaas thiscollection of sinswill ever get

jar of fireflies

she kept her heart in a glass jar with fireflies tucked next to the cosmos in her chest to say i was smitten was to ignore the laws of magnetism as suggested by her irresistible pull i likely knew i loved her before i ever knew her name so caught up in the tempest in […]


i existin that timewherethe sunhas nearly setbutthe street lightshave yetto come to lifethe worldis paintedin dark blueshadowseverythingfeels slightlyout of focusfuzzyaround the edges that’s where ibelongin that spacebetweenday and nightwhere nothingis as it seemswhere the monstersare justshadowswhere truthis as mysteriousas fiction somewherein the liquidpurplewhere sunlighthas alreadyturned to mythas the kingdomof nightsecuresits bordersi existin the hazyrecollectionof kissesbeneaththe […]

myth direction

an edifice to oedipus a statue to narcissus that has a mirrored sheen sit on this bench allow me to whisper tales of drunken gods having sex in animal form with queens that have more issues than freud at a mothers convention trying to keep his hand out of his pants i have eaten pomegranate […]

mything the point

feeling a little too dionysus lately, a little too ready to let go with wild abandon, unchained, the rigors of the fiery chariot lend to a disconnect from my pursuit of more apollo governed aspects erato has my ear, well aware of where you fit into the complex menagerie and whispering a despair into every […]


it isn’t that i am tired it is my skeleton has been carved from dwarf stars my heart is a black hole my mind gone supernova so my shoulders are slumped in the most atlas of shrugs without need for overblown theatrics nor antiquated philosophy i feel overwrought by the stillness in being taking no […]


pull the stuffingfrom the pillowstoss the comforterinto the firefor there shallbe no sleepin this denof sloven truth


woke up sad nothing helping workout shop cook nothing just an absent ache an icicle tapping against the cardial sac wishing for empty instead of frozen bobbing for chlorinated apples in the open sewer of my mind i have a headache but my heart feels bruised like a plum from lack of you nestled tight […]

something else with feeling

there is an infinite etching of sorrow in a perfectly prepared sunny side up egg sitting on a plate with golden brown hashbrowns and too many slices of bacon; this golden sea congealed futures decided long before the machinery took all hopes of pecking gravel from unformed wings there was a man who did topiary […]


i have conversations with ghosts hints of memories rather than bother real people with my rambling thoughts anxieties it bothers me to think i think of this as normal it bothers me more when they agree.

blue crayon

sad like a sickle left to rust in the dusty barn with a view of fields of waving wheat sad like finishing a wonderful book that went to all the places a tale travels to sad like the lonely that only comes when you realize there is something missing a blue crayon rolled under the […]


a lone raven murderless landed on the hood of the gray car in the empty parking lot staring with a cocked head at the fool staring with a cocked head back as they stare a connection passes between a bond of sorts as the two lonely creatures turn to watch the cardinals and the blue […]

and still eternity whispers

i feel cold bone weary in need of a long quiet rest the world weighs more today than i can manage even with broad shoulders callused hands i feel the urge to curl up ignore the flames crackling as it all turns to ash i feel cold bone weary but today i ignore the call

price (from Cuckoo)

existence can be summed up in the ache of a broken heart. every happy memory serves as fuel for the bonfire of sorrow at the end. it is why sugar rots teeth. everything has a price. and the universe always collects. always.

astride a winged mare, afloat on winds of chaos

she exists in the center point of the gaping eye of madness a crystal clear sanctuary of serenity in the clouds of insanity and despair a faint haze of sunlight breaking forth from the silhouetted cyclopean gaze softening the clarity with supple surrender that comes from knowing she exists

one woman pantheon

in the infinitesimal bombardment of invisible forces that influence every facet of existence she calls to the chaos before my unbelieving eyes she takes the different flows weaves them into a tapestry she is lachesis she is athena she is aphrodite she is clarity wisdom love a one woman pantheon unaware of her own divinity […]


in this cracked eggshell skull floats the solecisms that define the egregious faults precariously stacked to form the repugancy hidden behind tear duct atrophy in my ignoble stare she took a red pen to circle my breaches of social mannerisms highlighting my grammatical mistakes until she realized it would require a tanker of ink to […]


time is a construct an artificial delusion used to mark the passing of life a shackle wrapped around the ankles of those rushing inevitably towards the cliff of their own demise the hour hand points at the indiscriminate downfall as the minute hand forces the doomsday clock towards armageddon i mark the passage of time […]


unsure if this waivering feeling is insubstantiality or insignificance but well aware it is the varnish keeping me as unimportant as inhumanely possible the gray skies do little but increase the permanence in the way my words fall muted upon deaf ears screaming into a vortex of sound yet never saying a thing the errant […]

the desert of dream, the oasis in your smile

fell asleep with your words on my chest as the exhaustion of constant anxiety wore through my sullen the same way a creek carves through the mountains i chased a drifting balloon across the rooftops of a nameless city sitting on the edge of an endless desert facade encircling my photonegative smile losing the reason […]


the power in someone putting themselves into the focus of someone else’s words being able to wish for those phrases to highlight the things within themselves they wish to see means one of two things the words hold power or the reader holds their own sense of self too high i have never seen myself […]

a note to an idiot

the bloated never has been with the spun sugar ego craving constant validation even in the face of legitimate criticism trying to make a career proving his superiority with half-baked iterations of classics done to the applause of none a small town would be king a deluded narcissist running naked through the big city streets […]

Song about The Fool

Off With Their Heads – Clear the Air the first time i heard this, I put it on repeat and let the tears flow. sometimes a song can sum up a soul perfectly. this is mine. a beautiful poetic song about falling apart.


the return flight was barely occupied big plane headed back for routine maintenance the crew ready to go home after a long day of standing at six hundred miles per hour in the air crisscrossing the country my headphones were in with music playing as i found myself in a row alone so the twitching […]

longing for the escape of a kennesaw stroll

arrived late woke early half expectated home to feel like a relief but it doesn’t the birds sing the same song the bed is there the smell the conforts the nothingg the silence the anxiety maybe that part of me that knows i deserve lesser than realizes being on the road relaxed the burden of […]

moon and i

the moon reflects off the wing much like how i reflect off of you a ruddy dull glow that never quite captures the beauty of the original

flights of (un)fancy

ryo plays as the plane gently rocks along the currents of ephemeral fluff the stars seem so much livelier in the air over alabama as we approach the mississippi border the moon just a sharp crescent of silver hovering above the wing the fool slowly makes his way back from eastern misery to the comfort […]

marionette no more

this marionette has the demeanor of a dragon dragging his hoarde of empty enticements across the arid desert he is forced to reflect in an effort to deflect the desperate attention seeker seeking to capsize his inflatable cardiac distress pay attention to the way he casually dances in his seat oblivious to the obvious ploys […]

ossuary of lost hope

the crimson flows down the ivory steps of the ossuary cracked yellowed pieces of skull mar the serenity the hollow stares that fill every crevice pomegranate flames dance along the torches that do little to light the ebony maw that opens deep into the earth itself buried far beneath the boney outgrowths lies the bitter […]

make up tutorial

in the inner insipidness inherent in indiscriminate self loathing lies the last increment of insidious insubstantiality watching make up tutorials to try and forgive myself applying a foundation to hide the hurt deep in my empty eyes if you could see me like i see me you’d never look me in the eyes again as […]

kennesaw stroll (realization)

a last trip around the frozen civil war cemetery my mind haunted by extraordinary beauty music playing loudly in my ears the cold bite of the wind a reminder that i am still alive that these ghosts are figments of the me that died to be reborn in her eyes as something more complete than […]

chemtrails in the fools broken

dreamt of the depths between quasirealities where the diaphanous silks of rapturous latency linger against the schism between the deification in emotional fulfillment on chemical receptors stringing sultry pheremones across the electrical deviance of protein deficiencies caused by maternal distresses my heart quavers at the thought of your voice tracing along the curvature of my […]

poets are dying with every ignored word

every poem written is a piece of crumbling mortality spat into the wind to fall unread across the page the quill taps the soul as it scratches along the vellum depleting the whole in an effort to appeal to a world that stopped paying attention millennia ago

kennesaw stroll (exhaustion)

the witching hour tolls as the fools shuffles aimlessly down the street the stars seem to blink in and out with the music that fills his empty skull the typical broken sleep pulverized by the nothing inherent in transitional woe it’s cold, far colder than it should be, a pervasive chill that blossoms from the […]

lines no one understands

we lay together the sheets tangled around our heaving chests her legs tangled through mine the moon playing peeping tom through the open blinds my hand gently running down her spine i could love you she said softly into my chest why i replied in confusion she pushed off of me the storm building in […]

broken daydream of supple neglect

from the darkest crevices(lost light lingers in phantom waves) emits limitless glowering dread alas the sunken dream of drowned hope screaming whereupon the feathery remnant of restless sighs(whereupon the dusty memory of passion died) a lone traveler limps along the uneven truths spilled forth a burned out bulb sways upon the fetid air(drumming laquered nails […]

to artina by langston hughes

It isn’t often I read something that shakes and rattles my heart, that encapsulates my own personal feelings and I understand to my core, but this one does it – To Artina – I will take your heart. I will take your soul out of your body As though I were God. I will not […]

kennesaw stroll (home)

just above freezing as i stand waiting for light to change there is no traffic but the conditional training keeps me rooted to a the cracked concrete shivering as the wind gusts mockingly the lady at the waffle house knows my name as do the two regulars as i saddle up to the counter for […]

nightingale’s serenade

the moon is a yellow blotch, staring down in morose despair, spectral nightingales whisper soft, their songs filling the evening air on his throne the fool does sit, watching over his kingdom of lies, listening as the nightingales sing, the yellow glow in their ebon eyes in the heart of seeming madness, the jester king […]

kennesaw stroll (longing)

his heart was a bouquet laid at the jagged edge of an unmarked grave her love clawed desperately at the silk lined box six feet beneath happiness hope is the moon reflected off the curving blade pitted by bitter sorrow joy the deepest wound carved with insolent skill raggedly spilling forth his soul the primordial […]

last road signs and portents

granular reasoning leads to an avalanche of misunderstanding as the tectonic facts shift the reverie of absent realizations the last bloom on a dying vine is a revelation in the bitter cold winds of encroaching winter derailment angular denials follow the bell curve towards lost oblivion as surely as the sneaking suspicions render emotive disinterest […]

kennesaw stroll (seeking)

the fool had thought after eight hours trying to get to where he didn’t want to be to do what he doesn’t want to do at a hotel that didn’t want him there once his head hit the pillow it would be curtains to a(besides her)terrible day so he gave up the ghost of hope […]

intrinsically wrong

the stars are the same even if i am farther from your embrace there is something intrinsically wrong with that the sky should feel the same lovelorn sorrow every twinkling light should burn itself out in remorse


a hawk landed on the branch in front of my bench staring at me with its head cocked to the side not knowing what it wanted i just told it about you and asked if it could pass my love along for me it flew off to be replaced by three fat little squirrels eager […]

Hunger on the Chisholm Trail, hardcover edition (!?!?)

Thunderstorm Press has teamed up with Death’s Head Press to turn the horror event of 2020 (not pandemic or election, real life horror, fiction) to announce they are doing a limited special edition of the entire series. The first five are at the printers. I had to sign 70 sheets with my foolish face for […]


i still remember the paramedics names the first responders the ones that couldn’t save her steve alan and rich a list of men i can never forgive for being five minutes too late


i don’t want to complain if i can help it all it does is lead to more complaining dwelling on things that cannot be changed so i fake a smile laying in bed staring at the ceiling going over the mental checklist underwear socks pants t-shirts work shirt comfy shoes mask toiletries chargers kindle glasses […]


at times i feel completely lost pushed and pulled with no say in the direction packing a bag for a flight i don’t want to take to learn more for a vocation that barely let’s me breathe taking time from the things i should be doing frustrated anxious and fearful aware that this constant streaking […]

the tortoise, who sat watching turtles

there was a tortoise sitting on the bank of the slow moving river watching the turtles float he was a reptile like them had a shell like them even his skin seemed pebbled just like them but he wasn’t no matter how much he longed to float it just wasn’t in his nature life isn’t […]

chalk dust showers in her perfect smile

the sky is the color of rainwater traveling along a freshly drawn chalk mural filled with particulates of purples and blue in his veins rumble throbbing with a torrential flood chemically induced at the merest thought of her whispering through his mind the world around him slumbers deeply as the coffee steams fitfully her smile […]


the sweet scent of happiness fills the ever winding corridors wildflower with a hint of honey and citrus notes of spring the heady smells fill the heart interlace through the cobweb soulstuff lingering a balm that softens scars illuminates secret pockets of joy in the crevices to be savored at a later time alas, even […]

two blue jays

two blue jays flitting about the branches of the browning spruce the blue streaks around the tree as the brown female dances on the branch singing songs of juicy worms brought by the rains the trees back north a longing for home as the southern vacation brings new berries there is a soft joy in […]

sorry you are sad(self inflicted)

they sit watching the fool as he tries to navigate a world he doesn’t want to understand hoping to see him struggle wishing for him to fail to fall back into the same old routines that made it easier to control they are patient taking no pleasure in his success only smiling with every line […]

one track mind

it’s impossible to describe how you make my soul feel incredibly free a drink of water after days in the desert an errant ray of light on a cloudy day an ease that sweeps through me when i think of you just you being you


maybe the sky is just a dome this world is just a prison shackled with decaying meat suits forced to walk perdition as we submit to the entropy that rules this maximum security sphere but there is something to be said in the honor that exists in existence in this world of sin with you […]

bliss of now

did you pull the pieces of collapsed granite from my chest leaving me free to breathe or did your smile just evaporate the insecurities this feeling of being a new person that is not new at all confounds me i wonder if this is how normal people feel all the time yet they complain about […]

the air was gold, your lips found mine

the street was nearly bleached out by golden light that didn’t seem to come from the sun but almost emanate from the air itself we walked together hand in hand in this yellow nimbus talking about the world around us watching the people laughing as it all seemed so silly the rush the angst the […]

nōōmê nän

i have sought the term to describe the woman that i love a game of pains for a poetic fool one that strikes the words from the sodden mining new scars out of the aether in solemn oaths of undying adoration noumenon – a thing as it is in itself, as different from a thing […]

question it

he looked at me with unfocused eyes, gesturing at something only he could see i tried being happy once, but i could never get it to stick, figure it isn’t my lot in life there were ladies, lovely ones of every shape and description, but none ever stayed it wasn’t for lack of trying, i […]


danger the sign had read, simply danger with no attempt at an ecplanation curving road deer children at play falling rocks my mind raced at the thought of the potential for harm that could be lurking just out of sight there was a halfassedry a laziness in installing such a sign instilling such a fear […]


i wrapped a strand of lights around her forehead a briar halo of pastel whimsy neither of us believed in angels but i will be damned if i didn’t hear the heavenly choir with each of her private smiles the golden peal of bells that seemed to accompany my labored breathing when her scent filled […]

makeshift lassos

i cannot define the soulshudder in this sphere of mental commissioned decommiseration the city is quiet still slumbering in manic undertones a brief respite from monolithic misery the line at the tapatia stretches around the corner of the building as birds peek out from the topiary tenements this ghost town with phantom flames teasing one […]

and i watched as the horizon filled with smoke

and i watched as the horizon filled with smoke insignificant the sky rains razors the immensity of tangential comeuppance they put flouride in the water to pacify the barracudas in the tanks and i watched as the horizon filled with smoke transitive secular polarity as the ever shifting rancorous majesty abounds in magnetic bipolarity bandied […]

a typical day is filled with routines born out of chaos

the day begins with a thought of her i luxuriate in that moment of peace it is the first sip of dirty water that launches the nukes in my mind beginning a rollercoaster barrage the sun/the birds/the breeze/the clouds/pet the puppy/adjust the mask/do i have my mask/set the map/write a poem/more coffee/three more poems/where is […]

apologies to ee

i don’t(really)care for ee cummings but i am enamored by his layouts even if i don’t believe he says anything of note: (stylistically) his work is/interesting/ let me curl up with Sylvia on sheets of the finest silk; smothered by a comforter filled with ebony feathers; let the downy barbs or hollow calamus cut lines […]


you know those times when you want to say something but the words freeze in your throat your tongue trapped behind traitorous teeth your breath constricted as your ribs tighten into a vise i feel declarations pile up beneath my tongue as my brain urgently hits the panic button cutting off any and all access […]

he missed her

he missed her like a last cigarette and a shot of whiskey but when he woke the next morning with a pounding head and the cold sweats he remembered why she was gone seems old memories look better cast in amber and a haze of smoke

the void needs loving too

the void stares back at me biting it’s lip seductively at times like this it is impossible fo think with an existential erection not today, darling but keep my number close likely, i will be back to finish


she told me you’re more in love with the idea of being in love than actually being in love, you’re a poet i smiled no, i just refuse to settle for anything less than absolutely fucking spectacular, i’m a lover

spider and the fly

i watch the fly as it struggles against the silken strands of the web wondering to myself what the spider whispers as it engulfs the wriggling mass there is no fear in the mutilfaceted eyes of the fly nor understanding in the spider’s own vacant gaze just the struggle of the soon to be consumed […]

casual cruelty

a part of me cannot handle when something is left dangling the need to explain to close out tabs to put into words the hurt careless callous selfishness casts but i have learned to stay silent my tongue is made for words of love goddess knows it has spilled too many tears over the years […]


she slams the padded hammers down upon the xylophone keys discordant tinkling in the middle of the night she sent x-rays of her ex pressing tiny fingers against the soft spots she knows as well as anyone possibly could examining my failings she circles the parts of gim she took the time to understand in […]


people mistake my kindness for weakness allow me to reassure you i strike like a cobra my tongue is double bladed honed to a razor edge even if it cuts me when it lashes out it just takes more to push me to that point but know it is there no matter how wide the […]

blip (from Cuckoo)

life is an accident a random spark in a pool of haphazardly gathered chaos sure in the end it is all meaningless but look at all the beauty that was created to try and force some sort of order on it all neurotic little apes seeking to place the spilled matchsticks into order casting stereotypes […]

simply stated

there was a duck something something fell in love with a swan things happened (lessons learned) he was a swan (bird logic) the whole time they realized that they were both (blah blah blah) sunshine happy images the truth is i fall asleep with your name on my lips i wake with you filling my […]


i like astrology because it is neat how we can assume fated truths based on flawed vagaries stare hard enough into the tea leaves the image of death or sex or riches is suddenly drawn forth as mercury is in retrograde bad uranus joke i like astronomy because i understand everything we loved has been […]


the miserable old bastard with the red splotched skin darting little rodent eyes always sat at the corner of the bar always facing the door he would squint into the sunlight that streamed into the poorly lit tavern whenever the door opened his quavering hand holding tight to the shot glass ready to slam it […]


some days when the light refracts off the wayward eye of utter devotion splitting nto isotopically intrinsic morning showers comprised of shuddering sorrowdaggers with ebon blades hungering for the heartblood dripping from the open blossoms of pale purple thistleweed choking constricting the diaphragm until all that is left is a hazy reflection in the mud […]

a you sized hole

there is a sense of peace smothering the anxiety i love your voice especially when it breaks into laughter i didn’t know how much i missed you until you snapped back into place in the empty spot in my chest apparently it was a you sized hole between happiness and sorrow that left all the […]

why the mockingbird sings

the mockingbird sits in the old oak tree watching the silent world as the first hint of light ignites the far eastern horizon it hops from one leg to the other ready to fire off into the slowly filtered dawn a cacophonous blast a fire burns in the black orbs a need to shout to […]


the stars were dead long before we believed they twinkled for us alone making wishes on celestial death so focused inward that the gods we made to justify our own failings had to be shadows cast on the backwall of this dilapidated ouija board factory we call home sweet hell

all i know

incidental incremental falling into self destruction every three miles a dead skunk in the middle of the road a glitch in the system replaying images designed to strike the paranoia the anxiety screaming to stop from falling inside curling up involuntarily the storm on the horizon feels like a bad one the lighthouse isn’t visible […]

insan(i)tea for one

microscopically myopic with a tinge of body dysmorphia wrecking hell reckless feeling way too energized feeding on the manic anxiety like a superconductor a lightning rod getting struck on repeat the lichtenstein patterns dance on my bare torso as i self flaggelate on the stained carpet of a back alley motel on the bad side […]


i want to be somewhere that the city doesn’t drown out the stars where the world is not frenetic somewhere quiet but i love the city maybe it is the people i can do without except i love watching people i want to live somewhere close enough to a people zoo but far enough away […]


feeling over-emotional skinless in a salt water bath the mad line between cryinglaughingandscreaming my head hurts my heart hurts and the world is far too scratchy


i am saddled with shortcomings but have a few innate skills honed to perfection through my years drifting along as something very nearly real i can burn bridges with the best of them disappear into the brush to never be seen again satisfy yet still not quite be enough in equal measure i can say […]


i find that in case of a lack of candles to be lit in mourning a molotov really lights up the room


tension fills the air the streets are empty save for a few brave souls willing to face the day in their eyes fear lies deeply rooted no matter who wins the general feeling is we have all lost so much already pandemically paralyzed trapped masked kennelled afraid of where the road goes next as all […]


once the potential turns kinetic once i engage it is never ending clack clack clack clack clack clack the silver balls smack sending mercurial shimmers at an atomic level to shift this electron dystopia of negative charges down the spinal recompense of a life lived huddled in the shadows afraid to be seen as the […]

A review of Notches and a great blog to follow

Lisa Lee Tone Review of Notches My little collection of madness got a great review from Lisa Lee Tone on her blog. I’ll be honest, her reviews are always excellent. She avoids spoilers and still gives you a hint of what to expect. And her kindness to Notches is very much appreciated. But she is […]


slithering eels in my stomach little arcs of nervous anxieties flashing my nervous system into a state of heightened agitation i know it is false flags but my mind doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact the chemicals make me feel this way while digging deeper to find a cause assuming everything is falling apart the […]

lazy little sunday

brown rice banana and fresh squeezed lemon in the instant pot for me smells with light citrus heaven delightfully fills the apartment about to make biscuits then start on the sausage gravy for the squiddos get dead is playing as i dance around the kitchen spent an hour with Sylvia and Hank hard to beat […]