twelve tolls

it was near midnight the chill of winter’s breath was beginning to take hold a small howl came from the west distant lonely the scent of diesel filled the air the only other sound was that of my heels hitting the gravel down this road i knew led to redemption but it also led to […]

(for)gotten

i found a sea shell in a store in iowa i held it up to my ear and heard nothing instead of the sea the shell had been gone from the water so long it had forgotten what home was i could relate i could see home smell it but i have forgotten the sound […]

I am in trouble

My GoFundMe So this is a link to a GoFundMe. Things have gotten pretty bad. I lost my job at the end of September. It has gone downhill from there. My car was repossessed last week. My phone has been off for two months. I am barely making it. Tuesday my power was shut off […]

times

she did it again at least this time i saw it coming she vanishes into the mist finds the heart of another when that insipid soul tosses her away it is back to my sphere she travels he did to her what she knew he would yet he wants her to have no other she […]

dance lesson

i was trying to teach my friend to dance again this morning she has two left feet though also two right feet well, technically they are hooves as she is a centaur hard to pirouette i can never dip her correctly sometimes i felt like i could lead her to the dance floor but could […]

Rain III

Rain, a love story Rain II I’ve lost track of time. I couldn’t say for sure if it has meaning in a place like this. If it ever had meaning at all really. There are no clocks on the plain wood paneled walls. Just the red display that steadily clicks upwards. The plain voice that […]

hol(low)

she feels hollow oh, how he understands it is not the pain that kills it is the emptiness the lack of release the ice cold grip of the void so much better to be a canvas coated with agony than blank left to rot in the attic a slow demise suffocation in an inch of […]

desperate drifting

i dreamt of you again in this dream i dreamt we lay tangled together in the sheets all i recall was not of our passion before but my fingers gently dancing along your stomach as our lips drank one another when i woke it was with frantic need to fall back into that moment to […]

mys(t)ery

he stood silently the rain falling in great fat drops he was soaked through yet took no notice of it he stared up at the neon buildings every window had a thousand stories to tell but he only cared about one of them he just hadn’t found it yet it called to him in his […]

hermit

you are dream as it crashes into reality you are light in the darkness of me her smile from across the room draws me like a moth to her flame, the incandescent spark of her filament crackles across my optic nerve, sends chills across my skin, in a world of discarded shells, her smile is […]

reasons

on each of my wrists i have my kids signatures from when they were six tattooed because in this entire universe they are my reason but there is a secret i could have tattooed them anywhere but i put them on my wrists because i would never hurt them so when the urge to do […]

end

i search in this ending for signs of a new beginning not that i want a beginning i just want this ending to be an end because i don’t know if i can handle a fresh start

sea monkeys

i bought a packet of sea monkeys just the other day got a fishbowl followed the instructions at day three i saw movement day seven showed a newly formed democracy day fifteen had technological advances so complex i felt shame and wonder it is now day fifty six they watch my every move i find […]

done

they took my car last week my phone a month before woke up this morning to twenty eight degrees and my power shut off how much worse can it get when everyone tells you it has to get better before you realize the truth is you are done here’s the deal the unbridled scoop at […]

the tower pt 3 (triolet)

i stumbled forward never looking back a pervasive chill slid all down my spine a fissure opened leading into black i stumbled forward never looking back my hackles raised expecting an attack lightning flashed giving glimpses at design i stumbled forward never looking back a pervasive chill slid all down my spine

the tower pt 1 (rhyme)

twas a night like this all dark and dreary between lightning crashes stood something queerly a tower hung foreboding jutting up into the sky an obsidian spear in the night that hid away from the eye the thunder crashed as rain pummeled the ground this ebony spire the only shelter to be found soaked to […]

lime(rick)

there once was a man with depression a sorrowful smile his only expression with anxiety good feelings stay in check he sits with cold hands round his neck wanting release is his favorite obsession

enter the wheel

i had climbed to the summit of this mountain a million times the lack of oxygen at the top was topped only by the view dragons and pegasi flew back and forth amongst the clouds i saw buddha’s palm clearly on a ray of pure sunshine i yearn to jump towards these fantastic creatures to […]

beyond acceptance

i am beyond the need for a suicide girl i need a genocide woman one who is willing to wrap her hands around the throat of the world and squeeze while blowing me a kiss as tired of suffering alone in silence as i am unless she is willing to pour gas on everything and […]

boom

i heard felt more than saw the explosions around me it was sensory overload one minute it is fine normal the next chaos sub sonic waves knocked me back screams echoing as slowly movement returned i blinked away spots white light and colors swam lazily into focus i knew something had happened but for the […]

rouge

nos racines sont profondesjuste comme mes pensées et son pull rouge ses racines en particulier nourri par les larmes et enterré comme tant d’espoirs mes pensées me manquent tout ce qui me remplit est la façon dont elle avait l’air ce jour-là son pull démêlé une traînée d’écarlate qui a suivi le vent est-ce que […]

lower

there is always lower when you hit the bottom when all hope is lost when your dreams crumble around you it can always get worse somehow so chin up you’ve barely hit rock bottom, my friend that reminds me of a penthouse estate at this point hope i don’t see you soon

farm

had daedalus and icarus been trapped on a farm instead of in a cave by the sea they would be slightly less famous the cave had access to large eagle and albatross feathers thus making perfect wings on the farm it would have been unnecessary to fly perhaps they would have dressed as cattle instead […]

spoke(n)

she spoke a language i had never heard not one of words but of kindness not one of taking yet one of need when she spoke i listened with all of my senses there was an understanding a heat that went from her eyes into mine from her tongue directly to my spine from her […]

the trick

his eyeliner was particularly thick this evening he thought it looked good when the pink and blue lights bounced off of him in his skinny jeans he knew he was the biggest rock star in the room then he saw them locked together swaying to the music and kissing as if alone maybe another layer […]

gray

he was average in every way not quite forgettable but always called by the wrong name his coworkers would describe him as the human personification of gray just sort of there nice enough guy really it was a week before anyone really showed concern when he stopped coming in to work a little after that […]

my funeral

at my funeral i want you to repeat the worst things i ever said, the things that made you squirm as you laughed celebrate the awkward silences all of the times I took it too far, said the wrong thing at the absolute right time no tears for the corpse in the cheap wooden crate […]

friendly skies

she worked for an airline her day was spent listening to people complain her smile was plastered on her hair was perfectly sprayed her make-up immaculate but she was not she hated being fake she loved loud music getting drunk fighting driving too fast drugs they numbed the day made her smile looks like lightning […]

(well)done

he was an attendant at the local sex shop attendant meant he cleaned up the viewing booths after the customer was done refill the lotion dispenser fresh rolls of paper towels he was head custodian at the museum once upon a time he dusted dinosaurs precious jewels but the kid’s college didn’t pay for itself […]

bottles

he collected empty bottles methodically he scrubbed off the labels with a wire brush any paint on them he put them on every open space throughout his home every where you looked were empty vessels he could relate to that pure clean nothing inside if he really looked at them at himself he might see […]

happily miserable

misery loves company a group in which to partake to share spread itself find common soil to break down bedrock become sand happiness loves an escape always searching for a way out before it dissipates when happiness overstays it’s welcome it becomes misery and seeks company again two sides of the same coin life is […]

make love not punishment

allow me to reiterate, the simple lies you regurgitate, the self worth you seek to inflate, in time your truth will slowly disintegrate once upon a time i fell into the net you cast, an innocent beguiled and captured, ate all you fed me and hungered for more empty calories made me fat with no […]

real

falling it is falling in slow motion through infinite black there is a light growing farther away above a speck of white in the endless darkness it is a race between terror induced heart attack or complete mental breakdown all that is sure the faint dot of light is becoming a memory a falsehood all […]

waking

the biggest fear of life is waking from it’s dream or was it a nightmare only the dead can say and they’ve grown quiet so very quiet as of late

royalty

i am king ruling in a land of broken dreams my throne the discarded promises of lives wasted i have nothing but this scepter of need a crown of depression desolation as far as the eye can see but still on bended knee i offer it all to you my queen to banish the pain […]

New News on Notches

We have an official release date! My collection, Notches, will be released into the wild on March 1st! Clearly from the use of two exclamation points, I am super excited. I’ve been told pre-order goes live in a week or so but will update as soon as I know for sure. Remember that if you […]

surr(end)er

she is joy in the heart of a cyclone made of fiery ice defying logic defining love i am helpless in the gale force magnificence that is her but it feels right to surrender either it will be her or the storm in the end it doesn’t matter we all return to dust

(un)romantic

sipping wine and whiskey from paper cups as dinner burns in the oven the gentle refrains of the misfits playing softly white cardboard boxes of takeout from whatever place delivers a horror movie in the dark on the couch followed by a rousing night of my arms wrapped around you your head on my chest […]

vacc(i)ne

thinking of you is like a millipede racing down my spine your presence haunts my sleep like a spider scurrying across my face or a fly buzzing around my ear it’s a sickness this disease called love no inoculation seems to suffice try as they may the doctor’s vaccinations only made me more susceptible or […]

(just a)thought II

i love you more than i love me that’s the reason i am the best you will ever have but never will be enough in the end when all is said and done it is a ravine you will try and fill to no avail until you realize it isn’t worth it i am not […]

closing time

this manic word depot of mine sees visitors but few that ever stop fewer that care to speak it is a lonely place filled with the echoing taint of depression is it healthy giving form to despair shedding one’s soul into silence it is a near zero return upon emotional investment divesting the darkness in […]

(me)taphor(i)cal

her touch was the morning sun on hiroshima awash with radioactive afterglow she is my post nuclear eve splitting adam into isotopical decay my every cellular break down a dropped call a missed mixed message contextually sent undeliverable beyond her comprehensive disinterest

bent

i taped my love to a boomerang sent it flying off into the air in the hopes it would lead someone back to my heart turns out it was just a curved stick as it never came back now i just feel nothing

honest(y)

she asked me, are you afraid to die i sat and stared up at the clouds rolling across the sky for a long time and shrugged, not really you’re awfully brave, she said with a smile i couldn’t look her in the eyes, i just kept staring at the sky she watched me carefully i […]

(just a) thought

they say depression despondency sorrow cause the sufferer to find solace wherever they can sometimes it manifests in taking long showers to feel warmth to make up for the lack of human contact i just ran the hot water out yet still didn’t want to get out seems like psychobabble to me just a thought

bad news

the mirror is shattered like the fool that views you look at me with love but baby i’m bad news the scholars and the madmen, the wretched and the ridiculed, beaten and abused by the ones that should have loved them most, this is not about them though, is it this about the fool himself, […]

pr(i)ce to pay

i sprinkle poison into my coffee as i have grown to crave the taste the gentle reminder of how fleeting this life can be organ failure is a small price to pay to feel alive again all endings begin when the culprit becomes the victim no matter the clever reason the lies spilled from behind […]

(m)or(e)

don’t fall in love with a poet in the end it is the words they love the need may be laid upon you for a time but that fades don’t let the words convince you there is more hidden beneath there isn’t what lies beneath is the cold darkness from which the words are drawn […]

equate

it doesn’t take a semi truck driving full force into the back of my brain for me to take a hint i get it i studied my use of semi like a semi colon establishes equals rank meaning you;i will never be a thing the you will always rank higher to both of us ie […]

museum trip

it all started to cascade like the churning waters of the white rapids when you were a kid that trip why is that in your head indistinct drawings of stick figures and strange beasts, the flickering light of torches wash across the cave wall, the sounds of something primal, stalking, low growling bounced around the […]

Hardly Fair, a preview

This is the prologue to my first novel. I have been hard (hardly) at work on the sequel. Thought it would be fun to share a little. Prologue – The Demon’s Stone Somewhere in the Iranian Desert “Are you in or not Gambler? Make a choice or forfeit the pot,” the strained voice across the […]

no reflection

she asked me what i see when i look at her i told her the truth my every wish and fantasy given form i asked what she saw when she looked at me she smiled i guess she answered a mirror over the years i must have gotten tarnished because she was still the same […]

(you)

you look so good with sin dripping from your bloody lips sex oozing from every pore a hemlock and lust popsicle on a summer afternoon i want to lick every inch of you the angelic disguise a mirage gore me with your horns leave me bleeding out begging for more

forever temporary

even in the freshly fallen snow i will never be able to make my mark on this world i write my signature in invisible ink all my love letters are biodegradable the only ode to forever i could pen would be with skywriting on a blustery day i am temporary in a world of granite […]

poetry

poetry will never be the answer it won’t bring her heart closer it is empty devoid poetry doesn’t feed the hungry it doesn’t hold it doesn’t wipe away the longing the need poetry is a dead end a razor edge an out of key symphony in a piss stained alley leading no where poetry is […]

castoreum (hunger strike)

i imagine this sung in a happy rhythm, even if it doesn’t make it better ambergris is whale vomit, but castoreum is secreted by beaver anal glands, perfume from the puke, artificial vanilla from the brown sludge flavors ice cream marshmallows are cow bones, as is j e l l o, while yellow number five […]

the lies i tell myself

i tattoo your visage upon my cornea so beauty infuses my day your name upon my tongue so every word i speak is love even then i am aware of the falsehood inherent in dream the falsehood that makes up my daily routine i love you don’t take it upon yourself to tell me how […]

confessional

i fight being impatient too scared to make the changes necessary they shred my intestinal distress with stress the burden of anxiety of every lie piled like fine china in an earthquake i used to wear mistruth fabrications like a second skin until i was bitten by the same set of fangs that i thought […]

avalanche of ash

i was looking for something i was sure i had written or possibly dreamed but i knew somewhere sometime i had scribbled something so i scrolled and scrolled through my own endless blatherings countless odes piteous screams unrecognizing the words looking at titles first verses searching through hundreds of pedantic pieces looking for the one […]

for edgar

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. – Edgar Allen Poe stumbling alone on this muddy path, the pregnant moon the only light, heart racing and labored burning breath i saw something i should not have, a creature feasting, bloody mouth and ragged claws, the personification of death my […]

caramel

her depression tastes like caramel on her lips salted by the stray tear on her cheek when she is sad all i want is to hold her close squeeze until that sorrow infuses me instead yet i taste the caramel on her lips the sticky mess of intangible agony that is her depression longing for […]

silence in the refrain

i moved from illinois to the deepest of deep south away from snow away from bars from all i knew about far from the vacant eyes of lovers gone astray wagging tongues of slander from dear friends i ran away traded one empty for another but never ever did i realize it would turn out […]

angel with dirty feet

she was an angel with dirty feet from a lifetime of walking when she should have soared i longed to touch her wings but i was icarus she the sun so i fell and fell while she shined gloriously in the sky reflected back in my eyes

miss take

she asked why i was sitting at the bar alone her smile said she was just as lonely the rest of the crowd of drunks made me look good in comparison so you can imagine the shady patronage scarred goons drinking to forget i told her the truth i was hoping to get a little […]

hushed darkness

pt I she dances on moonbeams flies upon the thermals like a sparrow dives through the aether like a dream given form pt II the road was laid brick by brick cemented together by blood and lies unevenly paved paid for by tears none who walk alone on this empty road can hope for more […]

another one (drowning)

sinus pressure cluster headache brain infection mental infraction dove into the greenish swirl pain reliever slash sleep enforcer slash truth inducer slash thought refuser now i sit weak and weary wishing i could just think clearly dreams of you run through the fog clock hands twitching broken gear and cog(tickticktick) i am drowning in a […]

dusty

he told me stories about living in a border town sitting in the harsh sun sipping cervezas watching the dark skinned beauties in their multicolored skirts as they walked down the dusty streets around him he made one hundred dollars a month lived like a king arranging trips to send mota across the border hidden […]

unless you asked

i would never hurt you unless you asked then only as much as you desire but if you were a book i would break your spine with the number of times i would read you cover to cover highlighting your secret passages with shaking hands folding the corners of pages for quick access to the […]

cat’s tongue

i would trace my tongue along your every self perceived flaw until you saw they just enhance your perfection calluses would form from kissing away your callous self image until my tongue grew rough as a cat’s still you do not see how beautiful you are when my eyes catch the softest glimmer of your […]

red

the sky turns crimson as an arrow hit the sun shadows turn liquid blood drips across the ozone oceans rage, all becomes red panic strikes below flora wilts in on itself oxygen turns stale photosynthesis no more black mold ingratiation peace fades chaos rules this new reality holds the world goes insane filtered through vermillion […]

carving

i carved the blade from my own rib for her to use sharpened it against the stony disinterest she previously wielded like a blademaster presented it to her hilt first bared my soul so she had no chance of missing yet my eyes still widened in shock as she casually carved her initials then walked […]

fade(away)

let me get lost in you fall deeply into your eyes lose track of minutes to hours to days to weeks let me lose the part of myself that keeps me apart from myself that keeps me apart from you i wish to be lost what better way than to let myself become lost within […]

calcified in you

when i die i want you to take my heart and calcify it then wrap it in every poem i wrote about my feelings for you let it drink in the love i spilled the words drenched in you your beauty of wildflowers in your hair your blood like wine stains upon my lips let […]

to be with you

threading the needle it seems between romantic or misguided every word of it is true still even if this love is unrequited sworn to you my sheer goddess i shall be your personal poet your vengeance and your blade give me one chance to show it i would cut my heart out for you if […]