my funeral

at my funeral i want you to repeat the worst things i ever said, the things that made you squirm as you laughed

celebrate the awkward silences

all of the times I took it too far, said the wrong thing at the absolute right time

no tears for the corpse in the cheap wooden crate

think of all the things i did wrong for all of the right reasons, the lies i spoke, the hearts i broke, all the mishandled dreams

so many broken promises, vows never meant, the drugs and the drinks and the orchestrated chaos

remember me as the horribly flawed schemer, the one that never fit in, the square peg in dodecahedron hole

open a bottle and light up a joint, pick a fight you are destined to lose

live the life i would have chosen

live the life i never knew

know that i loved you, in sarcastic tones, in terrible poems, in sorrow filled moments of abject misery you were all that i wanted

even if you never knew it

if i never showed it

i never knew how

remember the me i wish i would have been, the friend, the lover, the post modern man

the writer, the father, the one that got away, the struggler, the failure, the one in the way

don’t shed a tear, not for me, i was never worth it, remember the clown

don’t shed a tear, i’m not worth the time, instead drink another, as my body goes down

back to the soil, a feast for the earth, a solemn reminder, a last act of worth

repeat all the things i shouldn’t have said, and laugh at my funeral, send me out with a flair

just laugh at my funeral, my sweetest regret


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