first and last

1) she stared at me waiting for me to make the first move in my head i knew i should lean forward and kiss her knew it was what we both wanted all i could do was stare into her eyes 6) she pulled me down the hallway to show me the framed pictures of […]

well read

she wore a shirt that said eat me, drink me and i was ravenous dying of thirst willing to go down that rabbit hole a tea service for two smiling when she announced it was off with my head told her i loved her she grimaced said that was seven impossible things she’d heard before […]

blue pt 2

More creative haiku collaboration with HelloLauren based on her post . ***** Brokenhearted one Sad secrets are in the shards Blue melancholy misery abounds happiness has no home here all hope abandoned Wretched, sick, flailing Questioning my existence End this lonely life everything ends except for this solitude no one hears my cries Though they […]

guillotine

i loved, i lived and i lost, ghosted and roasted by an egregious flame that sputters and flickers chasing shadows across the lawn, invisible puppeteers and the strings they tug and yank,jerking movements and motion sickness on full display my soul is a greasy soap bubble floating through a forest of thorns, anxiety and ill […]

in the details

if you knew the effort it takes to sand down my horns, to hide my blackened wings, to keep my tarnished halo hidden, these cloven hooves require special boots often it is forgotten i can be the lightbringer, the chosen child before my being cast out, my fall more famous than my earlier position as […]

skinned

the steady hum of the dual solenoids firing rapidly, needles driving deep into epidermal artistry, wiping blood and excess ink away as the pattern takes shape, like a thousand nettles, an angry swarm of beautiful bees, lost in the endorphin surge, elevated the story of my life with another indoctrination, every new scar, every new […]

Hurting With Mona

“Good morning.” “No.” “Excuse me.” “I said no.” “I heard that.” “Okay.” “I’m meant what do you mean?” “Not today Mona.” “Not today what?” “I’m not feeling up to our normal routine.” “What happened?” “Nothing. You want coffee?” “Tea. And an explanation.” “Tea it is.” Some days things go from bad to worse. Some weeks […]

dire beauty

black tar tears blister and bubble down her cheeks rusted nails across the dirty glass of her soul she has been seasoned with needles of stringent regret and left in the heat of tortured passion the tinkling keys of a piano played like the loose teeth in her smile an angel with moth wings and […]

dedication

in these hastily written odes to her, to life, to depression, to home, to loss, to pain, to tender refrain, to bloody knuckles, to jazz, to music, to muses, to ruses, to rhyme in tanka, in haiku, of sonnets, of soliloquies, free form, rigid structure, dialogues and diatribes this is a dedication to you, i’m […]

(un)titled

indistinct mutterings from the other side of the veil, frail, stale and lost under the stove, kingdom of discarded spoons and lintball fantasies, gone the way of the slotted spatula and hope captured, enraptured, fact into fiction, friction, mistakes in diction, restrictions, restricting, conradicting, evicting the childhood to make room for adult condominium desires compartmentalized, […]

another sloppy ode to her

a lot of my sloppy odes are directed towards her, the mystical she, the not so well disguised metaphor for love, for pain, the incarnation of ache, of unrequited need she is the culmination of a life of bitter regrets, of poingant rememberance, of heady need and passionate lust she has the face of every […]

spin cycle of tears

when i was a kid we went to the laundromat every sunday morning back then i hated it, or thought i did we would get up early, my father and i, and get there as it opened a deck of cards and endless hands of spades or hearts or go fish to make the time […]

tripping

hello passengers, this the captain speaking it is seventy five degrees and the barometric pressure is roughly as intense as the heart of a black hole out there we expect a terrifying flight across the endless void of insecurities and unbound passion if you look out the window to your left you will see the […]

A Cup for Mona

“How did it go?” “Good morning to you too.” “Damn it Mike. How did it go?” “I got so shitty drunk. And remember that waitress with the brown eyes? Let’s just say she has a third. And I saw it. And it was just as pretty.” “Look here mother fucker. You know what I’m asking […]

the world keeps moving

the cat sits watching as the mouse stares at the cheese the dog looks at the cat the spider happily weaves in the candle’s waning light a bird builds a nest in the thick bush just outside while the squirrel scurries a chill begins to settle as the moon shines down on all he sits […]

swap meet

i traded two expired coupons for the whisper of a wish the whisper of a wish for three beanie babies a lucky find the spider eggs were still unhatched mostly gave those to a gourmand for a pinch of essence of wonder the essence went fast to a bored kangaroo got three billy ripken baseball […]

if

if i die tonight know every day was a gift even through the pain light one lone candle and place it in the window to guide my spirit just call out my name and i will come to see you my love will survive every soft whisper crosses past the great divide and pulls me […]

harvest moon

remember when i didn’t say i love you as i stared into your eyes under the harvest moon the stars gleaming and the wind was chilly and full of the promise of snow and how you looked at me with wide eyes as we were the only two people on the planet for one long […]

godspeed captain courageous

the last time was the last time in a long series of last times just another broken hearted broken promise that only promised he’d grow more broken as time passed but no matter the matters that so shook and shattered he found the strength to try try again a testament to ageless stupidity but if […]

your call

call me your satan, come rub my horns, let me teach you how sweet bad can be call me your dionysus, drink with me a spell, our revelry doesn’t ever have to end call me your satyr, be my nymph, and let my seed take root beneath your loving tree call me demon, call me […]

Making Mona Cry

“Feeling better?” “Sure.” “It’s been three days. What happened?” “Not sure. Bug, I guess.” “It wasn’t a bug. It was what we asked.” “Kind of.” “Definitely. What happened?” “It’s a big deal.” “It is.” “And I know what it means to you two.” “Okay.” “But. Why me?” “Oh fuck Mikey, why not you?” “Obviously one […]

bumps

when i write about you i always write it twice one in words you can read one in braille as painstakingly difficult as it is to put myself onto the page and bare my inner thoughts to you to take the time to raise the little bunps on the sheets of paper you’ll never see […]

dismemories

she didn’t remember me, no, she didn’t forget me either, instead he chose to dismember me with her mind looked past the times of smiles and joy, the laughter, the love i once thought we shared but she so selfishly kept as she walked away she remembered to tear it all apart in her mind, […]

ringing

everytime the phone rings a sense of dread and misplaced hope a break in silence another intrusionary diversion selling more unnecessary dreams, death and dismemberment of emotional dependency do you ever wish you could hit that magic button and talk to the one you need to hear the most a blank icon that reaches out […]

it’s free

the human heart goes for one million dollars, yet i cannot give mine away intrinsic value compared to sense of worth i suppose but still i stand on the street playing the violin for loose change fingers dancing on the strings, eyes closed and visions of you play on in my head spinning signs on […]

Mona Probes

“Good morning.” “Hey Mona.” “Hey?” “Hello madam, how is thou this fine summer morn?” “Better. And I am more a fair maiden. Madam seems stuffy and old.” “I stick with my prior descriptor.” “Ass.” “Barely.” “It is awfully flat back there. Is that genetic?” “No. Well maybe. I didn’t check out a lot of my […]

as she saw fit

she mounted my head above her fireplace she ran her fingers across my skin and removed it with the razor blade she keeps in her mouth stretched it across the plywood beams and let it season in the sun before making lampshades bottled my blood in homespun glass with a sprig of mint and a […]

dear me

dear five year old me i know it hurts, shhh, it’s okay to cry, let it out, trust me i’m you no the other kids don’t wear long sleeves to cover up the bruises they don’t grimace when they sit back against the hard wooden chairs or feel the wetness on their back from a […]

she comes

she came to me again last night it was quiet and i had fallen asleep but i woke to the feel of her lips on my cheek this was unhealthy, needed to stop, but before i could actualize these thoughts i had fallen into her embrace i grow weaker with every taste, she feeds on […]

i

am a light bulb swinging in a dark basement, the filament is tenuous and the next flip of the switch, surge of voltage could be the last, glowing a burnt sienna when once it was white hot illumination a festering wound filled with maggots that no matter how ravenous can not eat the spoil away […]

1041

the knife slid upwards between his ribs like an eagle diving into the placid waters there was little resistance as it slid through lung and heart his knees immediately went weak and he slumped forward she caught him before he could hit the ground his eyes met her’s and the pain was not from the […]

Vanilla Mona

“Did you see that shit out there?” “Good morning.” “Yeah. Whatever. Seriously. Did you see that shit?” “I’m fine Mike. No, we just stayed in and watched television. Thanks for asking.” “Mona. I’m glad your life has become a routine of television and vanilla sex. I’m happy to see domestic bliss is upon you. Did […]

insomniac simpleton

and still i’m awake twenty hours later and sleep won’t find me i curse the walls for their silence the ceiling for it’s allure the world for it’s indifference my mind for it’s ceaseless rambles tried begging and pleading backwards counting and offset breathing how do i shut this off this mental replay seeking fanciful […]

the digital dead

the dead come stumbling down the street towards me hungering their vacant eyes devoid of thought staring down at their phones en masse a part of but apart from this world of the living and they outnumber us us souls still searching for a connection that doesn’t involve towers and satellites look at them mindlessly […]

she is, i am, and this is

she is a bolt of lightning that courses through my every thought, from the moment i wake up to when i stare at the walls halfway through the night the personification of dream, of desire, of hope, of love, distilled and made whole she is the dull ache, the sudden rush of adrenalized creation, like […]

missing, no reward

we weren’t star crossed lovers, just two pieces of the wings, from an ill fated cross country flight, just two separate beings, we were just two bullets, fired from two shaky guns, and when we crashed it was spectacular, but nobody won you looked at me and smiled, and i gave my heart away, enchanted […]

what more

i stayed up last night staring at the ceiling lost in thought, eyes heavy with precipitation just at the edge of falling, gathering up on my cheeks like dew what more could i do i’d like to say i fell asleep and dreams of you danced inside my head, but the ceiling was so alluring […]

1033

just another pile of brittle bones made of kindling, kerosene for blood and paraffin wax for eyes, devoid of life but yearning for flame a laissez faire scarecrow perched on the side of life’s back road, crows perched with little regard to inane regularities she was slick with desire, legs grinding together like a cricket, […]

loops and swirls

you wrote me a letter, an offering of secrets, i read it over and again, your trust and pulling back the curtain sparked something deep inside of me read it over and again, your perfume intoxicating, your handwriting beautiful and precise, like you, i could see the swirls and loops of your pen imagine the […]

conclusion

i came to the realization today the wide open eye, breath choking in my throat, sweaty palm conclusion i’m dying it’s fine i’ve accepted it one of these days instead of angrily opening my eyes and muttering a hearty fuck you to an uncaring world i just won’t the poems will stop everything else will […]

Welcome to Hell Mona

“Good morning.” “It is now.” “Aww. Did you miss me?” “Not really. There is a spider in the corner and I think it is plotting to lay eggs in my brain. I need you to smash it good.” “I’m gone two weeks and all you missed me for was killing bugs?” “Arachnid.” “Whatever.” “I missed […]

pig

she looked me up and down a smile on her lips let me tell you something you are a pig a real asshole you say what you want disguised as the truth as if you think it makes you better for being real it doesn’t sugar coating doesn’t make you weak would it kill you […]

she sings to me

on nights like this i hear the sadness echo off the rooftops the lapping waves of an ocean of tears, cold as the fan hits my face i scribble on the walls and then try and decipher the meaning of them through blurry eyes the wind through the leaves like the rattling of bones and […]

tour

my mind is a museum, i take guided tours through the musty halls in the quiet moments those brief seconds of peace between bouts of overwhelming sorrow and confusing seconds of energetic need those are the times i am me, like when we talked, the voices grow quiet and all there is is all there […]

scuffle

the first fist caught me in the side of the face, my head snapped to the side and i spat blood onto the ground the next three, well i’m a little fuzzy on those but as i launched my forehead into the bridge of the first one’s nose with a satisfying crunch and drove my […]

everything is normal

feels like the world shifted one degree to the right, to the left and i wouldn’t have noticed everything is perfectly normal but not like it is more difficult to put on the mask or maybe i want to see what it is like without but i’m afraid how does everyone do it so effortlessly […]

“Grieves – Faded” and tanka

another bleak day more rain and not enough light my life spilling out affecting the world outside and on the music spins out he said he’s looking for the words that he can say and i look around all i have is those sad words but the meanings seem unclear he doesn’t know how yet […]

not yet reticent

do you ever read what you wrote and try and recall the exact moment you knew you were so messed up that it all made sense to you, that those words meant more than random filler ever sift through the remains of your life and try to put the puzzle back together again but it […]

germinate

the day started like it always does, not with a bang but a whimper of denial, the rebound headache forcing the reminder that new day doesn’t mean fresh anything blink my eyes and wait for them to focus on the nothing surrounding me this nothing a more familiar nothing than the previous nothing of the […]

One Week with No Mona

“Good morning Mona!” “—” “Oh yeah. Another week until you’re back from vacation.” “—” “This sucks.” “—” “Sometimes I question everything. Like why do I even bother. My only healthy relationship is here with you. And it is antagonistic. My life is empty. Devoid of any meaning except regaling you with stories from a better […]

dancing for scraps

my guts feel twisted up in knots as i sit here crying from words of beauty that cut through me like a hailstorm of rapturous shrapnel fired directly into my heart tapping out words of the most exquisite sorrowful joy onto a screen i can not see to a world that doesn’t see in a […]

illusion of forever

i’m not sure what i was doing the moment i realized i loved you but i remember the world stopped spinning for a second the lack of centrifugal force sent everything suddenly flying and i flew with it all cars and cows and perfect hydrogen bonded spheres of water floated weightlessly around me and i […]

intersection

in the daily life of erratic crossings and insignificant interactions it is almost unruly to one’s sense of self when another falling star intersects and the stark similarities of pain resonate, somehow pulling two indistinct patterns into focus in a fury the carefully built bomb shelter of emotional walls crumble and you find yourself naked […]

dolphin

there is an old chinese proverb a man dreams of a butterfly when he wakes he wonders if he is really a man or a butterfly dreaming he is a man last night i dreamt i was a dolphin now i don’t know if i am a man or a dolphin dreaming he is a […]

worked (ripped) out

did my morning workout, thought to workout the feelings, the pain, the feelings of self induced anger and hate and as i did my cardio nearly impossible as it takes three pieces of equipment to work out a broken heart as they refuse to be a team i pedalled and pedalled, like a street vendor […]

“P.O.S -“Faded” and a haiku stack

walking alone outside headphones in, try not to scowl bass rattles my skull steph raps to my soul as my hand reached out for yours but you are not here he pleads he needs more i feel the words echo deep hit repeat and zone lips move silently is this reality or another bad dream […]

maybe we won’t

did you see me staring out of the corner of my eye at you, trying my best to seem disinterested as my heart nearly ejected from my chest, the thin line of sweat on my brow, nervously tapping my foot to the beat in my head face half hidden by my phone that had a […]

cluster doubt

you hear my words expounding upon my perception on your perfection, yet it sounds like more of the same inane banal nonsense of the pursuer desperately chasing a girl if there were a way to invent a new language one in which the subtly that has been lost in the groan inducing ones we use […]

canary

my heart is a canary in a cage, my hands those of a coal miner, sooty black and covered in callouses i carry the cage in front of me, looking for signs of poisonous gas, when the canary dies i soon will follow, it’s a game we play every single day, walking the derelict shafts […]

Two Weeks Without Mona

“Two weeks?” “It’s called a vacation Mike. I’m entitled.” “But what about me?” “What about you?” “What am I supposed to do for two weeks?” “Listen to music. Find your center. Fuck yourself. Honestly it is all whatevs.” “Hurtful. And whatevs?” “Honest. We have been in this shitty little room for an entire year together. […]

it’s not love but it’s all i have

she has the most wonderful singing voice, as she hums softly in my ear, she loves me deeper than anyone else could ever hope to she wakes me in the morning with a with a deep kiss, it reaches through my lips, down my spine, lighting every nerve on fire, curling my toes in pure […]

knock off relic of something real

am i just an empty chalice, faux gold and colored glass for show, scarred and dented by my trials that i failed, left alone somewhere somewhere out in the cold there was a story told to me when i was a kid, something something good will always win, but that something something must have been […]

fade

i could use a glass of wine, red or white, doesn’t matter just a starter need a tumbler of scotch, ten or twenty five years old just to take the edge off drink away the misery, how i want to drink away this pain, just let take a drink, before this world makes me fade […]

scentual

and she stared at me, her antennae twitched as she gnawed upon the gnarled remains of her lover as her limbs jerked and orgamsic moaning still punctuated the air silently, still but for her noises and the crunching of carapace like shells i crouched low and stilled my rapidly beating heart, the surge of adrenaline […]

not ideal

the dingy black and white room with scuttling cockroaches and spiders spinning traps empty bottles lay on their sides no more than vapors of past conquests two bodies lie in a tangle of sweat soaked drug induced satiation lying on a stained mattress and wrapped in a pile of rags eyes flutter under heavy lids […]

poetry

a poem is a fun house mirror reflection of secret things elongated shadows trick photography sometimes Vaseline on the lens to smooth out the wrinkles other times no filter just ragged bloody claw marks and desperate screams, empty rooms and crowded elevator cars of filth and anguish happy little scenes and grotesque menageries of wounded […]

Punctuation Talk With Mona

“Good morning sunshine.” “It is definitely fucking morning.” “Get up on the wrong side of the bed?” “Got up period.” “Uh oh. Someone’s a mister grumpy puss today.” “Is this what we are doing today?” “Seems like it.” “I say no.” “You’re out voted.” “How? There are two of us. If anything it is a […]

twelve hours

twelve hours a one and a half hour flight took twelve total to reach it’s destination storms in dallas we flew for three hours before stopping in shreveport and as we sat stopped i entertained the angry passengers telling jokes and stories keeping them laughing even as my world fell down around me ever the […]

flight plan

the flight was delayed a half an hour then we boarded and sat for half an hour and then they had us get off and asked for volunteers to stay but i remembered feeling the plane move did we take off crash as i was sleeping and then begin a loop of flying and waiting […]

grenade

he has a heart like a hand grenade beware when he pops the pin his eyes are alive with radiation his gaze known to kill tongue like a rapier swift strikes deftly carving the air around him but it his heart you have to be wary of a perpetual dome of alienation surrounds him he […]

and still

sitting on the floor of the airport, curled up in a ball, trying not to let the tears fall down my cheeks knew when i woke up today would be a shitstorm didn’t expect it to fall the way it did, as quickly as it did, as fully as it did and i am destroyed […]

dandelion fluff

uncertainty is the spice of strife study my shortcomings in hopes of long term solutions for finding a way to sink my own battleship as victory is right in reach tyrannosaurus arms and weak wrists prevent a healthy dismount from the uneven bars that regulate my life i’m not a smart man not by any […]

cons and prose

loving me is like wearing a shirt that is itchy, with a tag that rubs your neck raw is like a thong riding up or too tight of boxers that pinch your balls as you walk being with me is like visiting a haunted house, the ghosts surround me, blood drips from the walls and […]

chances are both

taking a fine toothed comb and cleaning the crevices of an ever failing whirlwind of monotony scrubbing the tile with bleach hand and knees bleeding on the floor behind me leaving a crime scene for any would be detective to suss out is it suicide if you kill the parts of yourself you hate if […]

phases

there are three phases to me, like i am a power conduit slapping in a mud puddle, angrily lashing out invisibly to a world that forgot i was here the first phase the best phase is beauty in everything, a sublime feeling of synchronicity, all has a purpose and falls into place the second phase […]

Deflecting Mona

“How are you holding up Mikey?” “I’m good. Why, what did you hear? Did a doctor call and say something?” “A doctor? No. Wait. Why would you ask that?” “Why would you ask how I am holding up?” “What about a doctor?” “How am I holding up?” “What the fuck is happening?” “Gut instinct to […]

desire

come to me my love twirl your body to my song our danse macabre a rictus of pain and lust the tempo drives our passion sing to me of fire of the slicing of the blade crimson drops falling your tongue across the razor your eyes locked on mine our lips pressed tightly the taste […]

two as one

they never should have been allowed up there the two of them cheek to cheek slow dancing to the music in their hearts on top of the zepplin the sounds of bombs falling guns firing explosions and distant cries of pain but none of it mattered as they gazed into each other’s eyes the starlight […]

993

i didn’t fall in love with you no it wasn’t a fall it was more being pushed pulled sucked in a tornado came from out of nowhere and grabbed me and launched me through the air i didn’t fall a portal opened beneath my feet when your words hit my brain my heart leapt and […]

stitch

woke up puking blood in a crimson rain that reminds me of you spit a tooth into the sink as i washed the sleep from my eyes one popped out i’m not falling apart repeating this to myself as i sew my arm back on and hope this to isn’t me i’m not sick put […]

desperate lines, desperate measures

we need to silence the poet end the inane drinking of his words slay the fool before he speaks again cut him down where he lies we need to silence the liar the con man spinning yarns the contemptuous snake oil salesman end his misery i’m tired of hearing him whine his voice grates on […]

lips like halloween

lost in memories again in how words and art cannot pull the true power of the emotion out because it is so much more than a word or painting fermented and impacted by all senses touch aural olfactory chemically mentally culminating in emotionally the first greeting punctuated with a spike in adrenaline etching the moment […]

deal me in

the security guards play penny poker in the shack i walk through every morning asking me to stay in town instead of heading out next week funny how the ladies get so talkative in the morning and ask a million questions from a face they see for thirty seconds a day incrementally staving off the […]

A Booger and Mona

“Why do you have that look on your face?” “What look?” “The cat that stole the canary look.” “I do not.” “You most certainly do.” “Chainsaw called me on the way in.” “That is never good.” “It most certainly is not.” “So why the satisfied smirk?” “I have never once in my life smirked.” “You […]

dichotomous

she looked and his heart raced and stopped in one agonizing moment of dichotomous freezing and burning, he felt like a magician’s assistant being sawed in half, no false limbs though, just ripped in two and flushed with rapturous joy i’m think i’m done writing love odes about the things i want but have no […]

salt pt 2

more fun with words with Lauren, she says haiku, i say gesundheit. i’m the only one that laughs. enjoy. ************* pour salt in my woundsI am festering, rottingcan’t let the past go Leave the past for meno need to cry salty tearsyou are worth much more I deserve aloneYou will not bear this cursed crossThis […]

Walking

“If he comes closer.” “Into the pot he goes.” “A tasty morsel.” “Sorrow like garlic.” “Eats him.” They think I cannot hear them mutter as I pass. Stupid things in the trees and shadows. I just shrug them off. “Closer. Come closer little human.” “Find a different snack,” I call to them. “He speaks. Does […]

re-entry

been sitting ready for half an hour coiled and ready to strike the day drinking water and purifying my mind for the trauma about to come another day another disaster waiting in the wings about to face my fears of leaving the nest and falling to my death in a spiralling plummet reserved for the […]

insincere

quiet time on the side of the road when i write i hear the voice of the writer boom in the hallways of my mind when i spin in place long enough i can feel the space between thoughts that little moment of doubt a cask of wine floating in wispy seas of nothing rocking […]

drowning

sinking the world seems made of quicksand and i am slowly drowning not so slowly no way to survive this slow race to inescapable doom sinking so slowly at my first it was barely perceivable the heaviness of the weights around my ankles as i deep dive to marianas trench of depression newtonian liquids that […]

a dream of you

i dreamt of you last night even unaware in sleep you fill my mind it seems it was cold far colder than kentucky or texas and i was wearing a hoodie and jeans which struck me as odd because it was too cold for such a light jacket and i don’t own denim and i […]

Mona’s Mad

“—” “Good morning to you too.” “—” “It has been a week. You can’t still possibly be mad at me.” “—” “I said I was sorry. I made a mistake.” “You had sex with Judy.” “She speaks.” “You are an asshole.” “I am.” “Why did you have to have sex with Judy?” “It is complicated.” […]