it’s not love but it’s all i have

she has the most wonderful singing voice, as she hums softly in my ear, she loves me deeper than anyone else could ever hope to

she wakes me in the morning with a with a deep kiss, it reaches through my lips, down my spine, lighting every nerve on fire, curling my toes in pure passion

we make love as the sun rises, she wraps her legs around me, fingernails drawing lines of blood down my back, the pain heightens the pleasure

she moans into the hollow of my throat and bites hard on my collar bone, she knows i love that and it makes me thrust harder and harder

and as i reach the point of no return, swelling and lost to all of the world but her, as my breath halts and i release all the pent up emotion of the world into her waiting eager body

and she whispers

right at the end

i am nothing

less than nothing

and i cry out in sorrow and remorseful decadence, her hands snake around my throat and she squeezes until my lips turn blue and the moment of triumph turns to tragic folly

she loves me like the fang loves the flesh, like venom coursing through my veins, her poison flavors every part of my life and tears me apart cell by cell

she slaps and punches and kicks me, and then kisses the tears away, nestling my head between her breasts and telling me it will all be okay before sardonically laughing

reinforcing her hatred and vile ideal of love, raising up only to tear me down, over and over again in some sick twisted rollercoaster of detestable devotion

she is my depression, she is my cold fire, the brightest darkness, my demonic angel of suffering and joy, my oldest friend and worst enemy, and she sings into my ear

promising me everything and giving nothing instead

just another piece of deceitful honesty in a world of sharp edges and wicked dreams

i love to hate her and hate that i love her

she is not the her i dream of, just the she that i have

and she calls

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