1332, words

the putrid stench worked it’s way into every crack and crevice of death and misfortune as if a portal to hell were opened and out seeped the smell of endless torment eyes water gag reflex engages cramping it pervades all it comes in contact with desperation and loneliness a cologne made with distilled heartache and […]

bent, words

i understand why junkies would rather risk overdose and death than quit the junk why smokers always return adrenaline addicts jumping out planes it makes sense because dreaming about something and waking up with the feel of it in your skin and then feeling it fade away all that is left is the intoxicating need […]

redux, words

is it possible if you try really hard maybe live a good life charitable kind nurturing could it become plausible in the realms of probablility even for an instant to find the inverse of this impending doom to wake and not shrug my way into this automaton form fuel the machine interact with the intricate […]

become, words

when i needed someone most there was no one there the silence was deafening as the momentum gathered and rock bottom was the only stop that was when i realized how alone i truly am as i claw back broken fingernails like little bloody outgrowth on the barren walls it is this that i cling […]

about love, words

my daughter asked me about love the other day we talk about everything openly and honest drugs, religion, politics i always tell her exactly how i feel but when she asked of love i froze was I supposed to expound on the virtues of love the butterflies, tingling electricity at every errant touch, the endorphin […]

ouroboros, words

had a breakthrough i don’t know how to handle when things are over i’m incapable in the middle of twelve books but unable to finish one of them just start another binge watch something until the final couple and let it linger but it is a state of flux i’ll snap to a new mind […]

nevermind, words

instead of mirrors the world would be a much more wonderful and strange place if we could see ourselves as others do no reflective surface needed no taint of inner turmoil which manic stage are we at today the one where everything is beautiful nope it is all shit the mirror is a one way […]

curio, words

been four days still hurts to stand sit walk talk learned to cry softly so as to not disturb the center of anguish and gravity the best part of sorrow is the bottomlessness of it depression is a true perpetual motion machine it never stops moving slows for the peaks barrels to the valley but […]

meds, words

on some serious anti-sobriety medication have a subscription with this dude i know he prescribes i imbibe assimilate flower i enjoy the drive to an illicit exchange it elicits an invocation summons a djinn of time erasure one drive and a week is gone just ligature marks and the faint recollection of longing bushido code […]

hares, words

the incessant buzzing in my ears from the swarm of angry hornets that ever circle the lazy stinging ill seasoned cauldron of rancid petty thought processes an allergic retraction freedom from information act subcode seven article one thirteen subclause fifteen point foxtrot the artificial harvest of incomprehensible demonic shuddering shall hereby and forever forth be […]

g i d o, words

remember when you would come over and we would get baked out of our minds kiss or listen to music just chill doing what we would do alone but with someone else it made it okay for like ten minutes or so then reality would hammer it’s way in and make everything just so bare […]

snap, words

she sat staring holes through me from the back of the room her purse on her lap cigarette in her mouth eyes squinting from the smoke hands folded on top of her hand bag just staring “if you have something to say just fucking say it.” the cigarette flares red as she takes a long […]

spatula, words

if i traveled ninety percent the speed of light for ten minutes due to dilation of time twenty minutes would go by for everyone else my mass would increase by nearly double as i race no matter how far i run the problems only double in mass and twice as much harm is doled out […]

blueberry swirl, words

the world is pain not just pain mind you but right now it is mostly pain agony with every movement thank goddess for drugs a knock on the door is a three minute trip into forever the second i get comfortable is when something has to be done then the process begins again blueberry through […]

the gall of the bladder, words

four days ago my email stopped sending me new emails no new poems no notifications i thought i had become unvisible this morning a flood after signing the oath with my new electronic overlords missed so many good things some repeats a deleted angry missive my fault really had my gall bladder out friday kept […]

autothysis, words

some termites and ants practice an innate ability to rupture their own internal organs and spill a toxic fluid out of their exoskeletons autothysis they sacrifice themselves for the sake of the colony with the amount i self analyze it should have happened long ago the pressure churning your dying breath is to churn poison […]

over corpse, words

in hong kong they don’t have real estate for the dead so they built buildings like so many postal boxes to store the ashes in columbariums and that is disappearing as well seven point four million souls virtual reality tombs little boxes to store your earthly remains space trash send them to the moon or […]

same story, words

i’ve noted i’m telling the same stories over and over again moments of confusion an inability to do simple chores and tasks telling the same stories over and over again tempura deja vu lightly fried temporally in a wok telling the lame stories over and under again moments of contusion repetition the sky is gray […]

be hurt, words

the song be hurt came on lovely little ode to it being okay to be broken the world seems to slow down as i sped happily down the highway that is when the semi changed lanes into a black pick up the shiny silver trailer exploded as the music played i watched it unfold as […]

candy coated, words

i like it when someone in the crowd comes up to me as if to ask a question then a moment passes a flash and they begin to weigh if they want to ask me anything at all i assume it is fear of getting punched they have a half formed smile as they approach […]

burst, words

static fills the air the hair on my arms stands up a hum fills the room ossicles vibrate and form a bridge to the oval window like when the cicadas are out in force and it pervades everything all shakes on cue all shakes on cue i’m starting to think my imaginary friend is real […]

red with white interior, words

mnemonia pneumonics cancel the world i need a break from the absurdity of reality let’s make a headline together steal a convertible, cherry red with white leather interior we are staining the hell out of everything drive it until the engine explodes cool slow motion shot of us walking away from the wreckage as the […]

bzzzt, words

the smell of ozone in the air, scored carbon across the lead, blown capacitors and fried transistors invisible and corralled through the green board, simple yes or no answers sent like synapses i have little burn holes on the tips of my fingers from arcing zaps my dad would wait until you were halfway inside […]

morning routine, words

she stands at the top of the stairs every morning her cup of tea steams in the morning air at first i just got into my car and left as she gazed out on the parking lot the other day i said good morning she smiled and waved it became our little game she would […]

unzip, words

enter the darkened cave clean up the mess the kids left carefully unzip and remove the skin suit humanity leaves until they come back no one else wants to deal with this mess of a person they have no choice in the matter until they get older and by then i hope we have the […]

spark, words

can an old flame long dormant ever spark again will it ever reach the inferno it once was or is it destined to just be an ember until it eventually turns to a hard black cluster on the right ventricle it stops just enough blood flow to cause lethargy but not nearly enough to kill […]

triage, words

time froze i could see every drop of venom she sprayed at me the vein in her forehead popping out fury i did my best to dodge the liquid as it splattered on the ground with a hiss and plume of smoke her deadly accuracy and my innate ability to dodge responsibility working in tandam […]

best pancake, words

we are about to do something special there is this restaurant a little barbeque joint it makes the best pancakes in the metroplex now i am prone to hyperbolic statements artistic license with language it is possibly true but this is no exaggeration the people i have taken have always raised an eyebrow gave a […]

tornado, words

tornado warning the summer before i moved to texas tornados destroyed a good chunk of ft worth funky town as the locals call it i don’t know why i am hard pressed to think of a less funky town salt lake city probably moscow strikes me as more vibrant underground house or techno i like […]

country haze, words

been driving and listening to more music than normal refuse to skip songs just letting it come from the chaos of random been a lot of old country lately johnny, waylon, willie, all three hanks then i heard colter wall he is exactly my mood deep voice, story telling in lyrics, like old man johnny […]

glitter, words

shimmering lights all around me the fever has hit one oh two i am shivering under three blankets another day in paradise force a long shower to cool down and get dressed the rain is messing with my knee insult to agony the pounding of kettle drums behind my eyes and erratic driving by the […]

1933, words

are we really so vapid that we must have nostalgia for everything fifty years ago did they post about missing polio one hundred and twenty years ago do a big retrospective on how great the civil war was and why we need to bring it back did someone write a whimsical diatribe on putting more […]

maude, words

if i hadn’t cheated on Maude done her wrong with half the town if i had treated her better i wouldn’t be laying in this box six feet down she turned a blind eye to it all always greeted me with a kiss but i finally pushed her too far and this time she didn’t […]

something, words

stay in school kids and live with your parents until you are fifty get as many pieces of paper to hang on the wall as possible drown in debt swim through the currents of leases and loans tattoo your face with rainbow sixty nine and four twenty raid the thrift store and dress like a […]

seeker, words

playing a game of hide and seek but when i go looking they didn’t just hide they pack their belongings and move to another state they have prior obligations past issues the carrot on the string is just a dowel rod painted orange but in this maddening hunger i don’t seem to care get a […]

under the weather, words

i don’t understand the phrase under the weather i am always under the weather or part of it but today i am officially under it i tried to deny it to ignore it just keep moving and it will vanish like debt and stress i assume that is how it all works i probably got […]

county mouse, words

i sat in the lobby waiting for the dude who has the distinct privilige of being my personal tour guide through the bowels of the county hospital the first thing you notice about the county hospital is nothing appears new the entire place has a lived in feeling in comparison to the for profit hospitals […]

lost or found, words

he grew up on these same streets he no longer recalls they were once so familiar he could drunkenly stumble and avoid the pitfalls in near coherency now he doesn’t even know the side streets he is one wrong turn from a mess of trouble he used to navigate these twists and turns like he […]

tuesday blues, words

i’ve cracked the code yesterday was a miserable day of exhaustion and three tap dancing rhinos in my skull coupled with a long day at work i was in misery so i ate four tylenol pm at seven and promptly passed out at eight and nearly stayed comatose the entire night it wasn’t good sleep […]

slow down, words

there was a big wreck on the highway seemed like five or six cars was i curious sure but i was driving and i take my role in getting where i am going pretty seriously so i refuse to rubberneck now if we stop and it is in within view i look for stray limbs […]

tonight then, words

didn’t so much sleep as fought for every second i got woke up too many times tossed and turned desperately fought to return to dreams it was a failure stretched over seven hours if there was a championship for trying to sleep for assuming a comfortable postition and seeking to yank defeat from the gaping […]

cinnamon, words

i have started putting cinnamon in my coffee as i brew it i like the smell it feels exotic as it brews it is mostly just coffee flavored so you know good but with a cinnamon tinge i have had an avalanche of lines in my head today but my fingers can’t make them make […]

open eyes, words

sometimes during a kiss i open my eyes in my mind i paint a portrait of the look on the face kissing me back a frozen moment some looks are blissful, calm, in the second so completely, almost melting into me those are nice sweet kisses, soft, tongues dancing, rapturous instances of joy others eyes […]

inchoate, words

awoke in the fetal position arms pulled in tight, head bent inwards, knees to my chest shivering where the blanket had been twisted around me so badly it ceased being a blanket it took on the form of a bondage device shaking from the fan blowing on me, the thirty seven degrees outside the frantic […]

survival knife, words

when i eight i got a survival knife the overly long, serrated blade with compass in hilt that had matches and a wire for use as a saw think audition by takashi miike — one of my favorite movies the moment the bag flips it becomes terrifying my friend bought it after i told him […]

bare walls, word

i leave the walls of my apartment bare the soothing white walls are a haven for when the heavy depression settles in i can concentrate on them feed the bad into them and it goes away but in my mind it is a different scene altogether i hang pictures of the past of the never […]

museum trip, words

it all started to cascade like the churning waters of the white rapids when you were a kid that trip why is that in your head indistinct drawings of stick figures and strange beasts, the flickering light of torches wash across the cave wall, the sounds of something primal, stalking, low growling bounced around the […]

high, words

it starts with a heavy feeling in your eyes like they weight a little more turning them feels clumsier somehow then the heavy feeling goes to the front of your mind and it feels awkward as well a gentle tinging feeling in your face and the rest of your skull like it is subtly humming, […]

frigid, words

his hands reach over the edge and with a grunt of exertion he pulls himself up always up down is death at every new cliff he hopes to see the horizon but all that is in view is another craggy wall to climb he repeats his mantra always up down is death the things he […]

tat, words

i need new ink been two years and the feeling is creeping into me the need for the needles to rapidly jam another design from my soul into my flesh the constant him if the motor the feeling of a thousand nettles the rattle and shake the divine pain the glorious blood and black spillover […]

zoo, words

i paid twenty bucks to go to the zoo should have been working but i was close and said to hell with the job for the day they wouldn’t notice and i deserve the break monotonous swill anyway push a couple buttons move on to the next and the zoo is relaxing especially in the […]

books, words

i had raised her fingers to my lips the smell of books and ink wafted to my nose synapses fire recollections of lazy nights on the couch her laying on my chest as i read from one of the thousands of books scattered about lands far away blossoming to life we took a trip together […]

deal, words

i found myself at the crossroads, was sleep walking on air, awoke at the crossroads, and the devil met me there he asked if i had any wishes, i told him fix my broken heart, he said he could fix it, it would only take the smallest part i asked what it was he wanted, […]

nurses, words

nurses are odd and wonderful creatures i have been complimented on the veins in my arms three times this morning their eyes go right to them i am an easy mark for blood testing apparently and they are much more forward than i expected though i suspect my easily blushing nature has something to do […]

control my laughter, words

if i ever take the time to control my laughter they will see my body fly swaying from the rafter if this pain does not subside and if this is all there is here let me fade into the night watch me as i disappear another day, another dollar, but fifty percent is gone in […]

fulfilled, words

staring out the window the headache is back and pissed off i spent half the day without it a sparrow dances on the fence it is clearly after something but i see nothing it hops back and forth, intent on it’s prey a truck pulls in with booming bass and it flies off unfulfilled the […]

jokes, words

he is crude curses like a sailor writes what he thinks as he thinks it doesn’t take the time to think it through it is how he is scenes open in his mind and he relates them as best he can not fantasies not really just sees images of things and tries to sculpt them […]

impotent and disparate, words

the day started with so much promise i plastered on false optimism braved the traffic for my seven o’clock appointment and waited and waited only to get a call saying that there was a miscommunication the person i am here to meet won’t be in until eight thirty or after waiting forty five minutes for […]

traffic, words

traffic like a herd of angry lemmings all headed to the cliff edge but vying for first over the edge am i the only one who wants to live to not plummet to my fiery doom to just make it one more day for the promise of sweet lips as a reward at the end […]

five more, words

must have been something in the air over the weekend and by that i mean pollen tons of it my allergies had my head gripped in a vise even medication was laughed at and it seemed everyone was in a bit if a mood as well sad, suicidal, disappointed, let down just generally down well […]

bad mood, words

brandishing my fists like an outlaw with a six shooter rootin tootin bare knuckle brawler spitting blood and teeth in equal measure i don’t back down it ain’t in my dna got my ass kicked a fair number of times but i never quit never laid down and accepted defeat chipped a couple teeth with […]

sunday evening, words

if i had it all to do over again knowing what i know the shit stacked against me, the broken hearts, battered soul and the way life beat me to a pulp i wouldn’t change a thing up to a certain point those two perfect kids i would go through every trial and tribulation exactly […]

cooking with heartache, words

up early making breakfast fried potatoes because maia has something against eggs scrambled eggs with spinach for dax because he hasn’t developed a thing yet made them bacon and now as the potatoes rumble in the bacon grease as food smells fill the air and stir them from sleep i have had my headphones in […]

treasure/trash, words

this time it was different i knew they were all dead we sat laughing and joking but i remembered they had died and i couldn’t make out there words as they looked at me but their tone and mannerisms said they were making fun of me and i laughed knowing whatever they said was more […]