impotent and disparate, words

the day started with so much promise

i plastered on false optimism

braved the traffic for my seven o’clock appointment

and waited

and waited

only to get a call saying that there was a miscommunication

the person i am here to meet won’t be in until eight thirty

or

after waiting forty five minutes for someone to get me

i have another fucking hour

the early bird may occasionally get the early worm

but that same said bird loses sleep and sits around pissed off on a forty degree morning

so is it worth the extra effort

no

no it is not worth it at all

so this early bird is furious

the instincts of raptorous destruction form

of wings and talons rending flesh

dive bombing the puny humans scattered about like insects beneath my pinpoint accuracy

deep breaths

in with the good

out with the bad

in with the good

what if there is no good

what if all there is the empty darker emotions

the intermingling of an empty life into the job

a sludge of bare nerves and rambling vitriol

have i become this creature of ineffectual condemnation

the early bird has become the harbringer of nothing

soaring alone

an albatross with no sense of direction

the compass spins lazily, never finding true north, just aimlessly riding the wind

surrounded by medical professionals yet no diagnosis is given

bottles of pills like maracas

clicking on the backseat of a melody of dissatisfaction

bouncing to and fro

the lyrics to faded by p.o.s. in my head as the time moves with a syrupy slowness

the words all i have to cling to

this rambling fury of inconsistency

did i fly into an overly polished window and snap my hollow neck and this is the last pulse of electrical current in my stupid little brain

am i still in bed dreaming of frustration

or do i have another forty five minutes until i am useful again

i don’t know anymore

i don’t know anything but i miss you

wish i had woke to you this morning

had a lazy morning of coffee and kisses

a long luxurious shower

and then triumphantly went out to face the day

instead of three shitty poems and a sorrowful note of dismay deleted that rang of desperate betrayal

the lines echo in time with the music around me

and all i have is time

all i have is these moments to kill waiting for purpose

wish i had you

but wishes are empty notes to an uncaring universe

born to beg

destined to wait

impotent and disparate

the shackles engraved on my mind

4 thoughts on “impotent and disparate, words

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