shambles

the fleshsuit lies slumped on the couch thin lines of spittle trail from flaccid lips the stench of hopeshatter fills the room in a heavy malaise lazy hazy crippled inside heartblood pools of love denied vacant stares face ever up a fat horsefly rests upon retinal dismay no twitch a lack of bodyshiver in the […]

disembogue

disembogue the tangled limbs of tree branches fighting for a glimpse at the sky the canopy is fraught with struggle in imperceptible motion crimson wax drips down the perfumed envelope of unexpounded detritus to pool around the signet stamp of disapproval made with shaking hand a prayer a whisper to disembogue the fettered to unfettered […]

vacuum

live in a vacuum need to vacuum the crumbs of a better life litter the carpet the lack of ambition of air an embolism of doubt of need the room is cluttered with memories the dirt devil sits listening to the angel on his shoulder but the words come out soundlessly in the space between […]

mannequin mannerisms

i move in the seconds the aperture closes so to anyone viewing i stay rooted in the same place no trace of motion left to befuddle the brains of scientists centuries from now i only smile in the dark after the flash goes off no hints of what lurks behind the vacant eyes staring back […]

mornings

the sunlight sneaks through the blinds plays in columns through the smokey haze bars of white trying to disinfect the darkness he grumbles under his breath rocks himself into a sitting position gets up on wobbly knees still feeling the affect of too much too much the night before the light seems to burn it’s […]

create

i make a poor carpenter as wood rots beneath pestilent digits unfit for labor i make a poor architect as burning bridges comes second nature a poor sculptor unable to bring the clay to life like a greek god in mythology no sense of color so paints are just so many jars of incompetence with […]

summit

i am pedalling uphill as the slope inclines with every strained cycle of the gears worn down from pushing onward from pushing upward gravity pulls me like the grip of an overprotective parent i am aware there is no going back but moving forward is a struggle against exhaustion against will mind over matter just […]

be careful what you wish

and there the fool lays finally home finally back in the one fortress of solitude after so long away the tortoise ripped from the shell to find a bucket to hide in from the rain. and there the fool lays unable to find a position to grasp onto sleep he so desperately seeks in the […]

storms

lightning in the sky flashing just over the wing of the plane stabbing across the sky in jagged arcs dancing as dallas comes into view the savage beauty of voltage flaring at the same height as the cityscape comes into view through the misty haze of heavy clouds i cannot see my apartment from up […]

two bleaks

two weeks culminating in a frantic five hours of testing of practicals of sitting in traffic of standing in security of waiting for the flight to board in three hours i will be farther from you in a place that is homeless without your presence two weeks culminating in depression in loneliness in heading to […]

last morning checkout

one headphone in i against i by bad brains playing loudly in my head careless whisper playing in the hotel lobby there feels like a certain fitting theme to this on the final day of training before flying back to dusty dallas a placid giraffe on my shirt slip on vans comfy basketball shorts for […]

bitter black memories

no matter how much money you make how many acres you own the pile of corpses left behind still catch the eye drill for oil for natural gas mine for ore for diamonds take take take take take all we leave behind is the corpse of the only thing sustaining us in the vast emptiness […]

second to last day

missing mitochondria make missing home a hypochondriac nightmare homesick homespun home made hopeless hellstrings leading back to tattered wellsprings of winsome wonder so tired of the same four walls that aren’t the same four walls of a bed and breakfast prison of someone else’s idea of comfort the mitochondria are missing in a pool of […]

hellevator

there was blood pooled at the edge of the elevator door i pressed the button hoping against hope a different car would answer as the lights flickered above the stench of copper buzzing of flies loud too loud filling my skull coating my tongue the bell sounds it is hell the hellevator i chuckle as […]

early morning crisis

oscillating between moments of serene fancy and fanciful sinking into the sloughing swamps of sorrow torn apart in the midst of creative inspiration and existential devastation to drown slowly damn the rivers the torpedos the ever melting ice shelf he sits at the beach hoping the oceans rise to sweep him away

subvocal silence

he was an unreticent disbeliever a vocal minority in the subvocal hymnals that made him null he swung by his neck in the hot summer breeze from the uplifting branches of the downcast trees let the crows feast as the crowds stand watching in horrified curiosity at another light snuffed by the grinding of gears […]

reflection/rejection

i find in my numbed movements i am far more likely to retract than react to deflect than accept i am a distraction with little emotional attraction just another faceless drone roaming the streets alone

week two day one

the lobby is dead this morning no line at breakfast no families just me and the russians and their loaf of bread everyone else went home the new crew hasn’t arrived four more mornings of this typical cyclical routine of drudgery it feels so lonely as they play soft rock saxophones echoing in the domed […]

hotel breakfast III

the pina colada songs plays as the table of russians toast an entire loaf of bread for the two of them a stooped old man in a long black robe surveys the room searching for something the sadness in his eyes tells me he will not find amidst the bacon and sausage laden plates while […]

a painting of lilies

there is a painting of lilies on the wall behind the toilet been on the road for a week spending the weekend in the hotel in the northern suburbs of atlanta for work training shuttle to class shuttle to the hotel shuttle to the store shuttle to the airport limo to the apartment shuffle to […]

res-q

rescue me from myself give me shelter from yon blowing storms collapsible like the pitter patter of softly falling tears on cracked linoleum wishes

heart search and seizure

the sanguine seas of bitter truthscorn dance languidly across the windows of divine misfortune raven feathers whipped into daggers like malignant scars flutter across barren wastelands of the heart a scourge of amniotic waves amidst the half-truth horrors impregnating themselves across fallow virtues reticent rejoinders bridge past insults to future imperfections like a carpenter beset […]

embassy in the morning

we switched hotels due to errant alarms disturbing rest from faulty wiring only for the faulty wiring in my brain to be highlighted by the sudden change in scenery the ramshackle everyday people replaced by a higher class of lowlife as i sit angrily tapping the screen of another pointless piece of prose written in […]

funeral parade

like a funeral shroud has been draped over happiness the light snuffed the moth burned to a cinder in fleeting hopes of home surrounded by faces that seem indistinct undefined all i feel is a pebble in my shoe i cannot shake loose the depression lays her itchy love across my weary mind it seems […]

sun shade

the window of the van is bleary the sun is blurry the world is a just another inconsistent meandering that makes me question if any of it is real if any of it is worth it if all the inconsequential thoughts that make up the firing synapses mean anything at all

waves

he stands still as his insides rock on the waves of exhaustion the more they try to teach the less able he is to absorb it so he does what he can the breaker against the waves

one a.m. fire drill

jagged glass across the inner ear scraping lines of gray matter with claws extended flashing lights impending doom the fire alarm is broken like my sleep the hotel is a cacophony of all the sins i have cast like lines of barbed wire down my soul

hear advisory

sitting at the boomerang shaped bar eating oatmeal and staring at the news there is a heat advisory in effect for the greater atlanta area today i find myself surrounded by germans the dry air in the hotel has everyone breathing heavily with constant clearing of throats dark coffee with half and half in little […]

second night at homewood

there is something about a freezing hotel room that kicks the brain into a strange percolation of thoughts impossible to have at home these quasars start to blossom behind the delicate mask of trying to fit into being a human being whole being far from where you wish you were so you spiral as the […]

jangly

he unashamedly struts with his fanny pack zipper jangling across the open lobby coffee clutched thinning hair jelled to a clutch of barren tree limbs smile that says to the world he knows but he doesn’t care

half awake

the king size bed feels even emptier for the excess of pillows the hallways echo from vacationing families yet the walls just stand in silence i have a view of the pool from the room but pulled the shades closed unwilling to imagine a time when this could be a pleasurable excursion two hour flight […]

early morning at homewood

the hotel lobby is filled with grumpy faces surveying the powdered eggs too dark coffee over watery oatmeal with the same disdain they must have for a piece of dog shit on the too hot for too early sidewalk no talking no smiles just sullen disapproval monday morning in a strange town with nothing to […]

terminally waiting

chaos churning as everyone seems either uptight or talking too loudly into phones this terminal feels terminal everything feels as if it teeters on a crux in the midst of accidental fatalities fatalistically fanning the flames of fearful reproach i am petulant in the face of fate flicking her fickle middle finger in my face […]

the box

when she left she emptied every bit of her clothes from her side of the closet he returned home from work to find half of apartment unvacated her side of the bed was pillowless her photos off the walls her lotions makeups soaps shampoos gone he dreaded opening the closet knowing it would be half […]

lost in truth

he bounces into the room with that manic energy of someone fresh off of rehab and still high on the the idea that the path to finding oneself is attainable it’s the third time he has done this the third time he has found his truth the third time he cast aside the blinders on […]

morning smile

beneath the heavy make up her skull grins up at me surrounded by silken cushions in the laquered wooden box that is now her home soon to be interred in the lonely soil once she smiled with the freshness of morning glinting in her eyes now those same eyes are taped closed in perpetual night […]

amber regret

the glass of amber whiskey reflects the flickering candle with the promise of dulling the ache of filling the emptiness of quieting the doubts he stares out the window at the traffic on the road bitter at his lack of destination remorseful in his inaction alone the clothes tumble in the washing machine the horns […]

flashes

these brief moments of lucidity flashes of normality calm waters in the churning rapids of insanity these times are scarier by far when you see the landscape for what it is see through the rough and tumble fantasy

rings

she walks majestically down the street unaware of her natural gravitational pull i float along the periphery like so much space dust making up one of the many that surround her just random debris until the light she radiates hits just at the right angle then suddenly she is orbited by rings as beautiful as […]

arteries

the night was filled with visions of things impossible to conceive the day was filled with doldrums impossible to ignore the city is awake yet fitfully so moving in small shudders as if congested with too many tiny clots spread all along the arterial passages from here to there i am a red blood cell […]

2842

laissez faire at the laser fair lazy but fair in complexion lackadaisical in varied complications she runs worried fingers over well worn rosaries reciting bible verses with a practiced tongue trained in prayer by the undevout devotionals

gray clouds

the gray clouds threaten but just hang in malaise over the day like the stern look of disapproval from an old man watching children play at the park

sudden stop

there was no freer feeling as a kid than flying down the steepest hill in town on our bikes sure there was a busy road at the bottom with no real view of either direction and the river was directly on the other side but pushing off at the summit feeling the wobble as you […]

self amputee

a summer day in a bright and deceitful august he stumbles about in full plate armor designed to protect himself from untold danger that lives only in his mind jumping at shadows hearing whispers on the breeze he manages to exist long forgoing living finding it to be safer if bland letting the seconds tick […]

cliff

he ignored the warning signs as he skipped along the edge of cliff choosing ignorance as his saving grace eyes set upon the ending he imagined not the one in front of him so when loose soil began to irrevocably fall he found himself tumbling over to a certain death he had no one to […]

key to the willow pt XIV

curiosity need fear a confluence of emotions culminating in once frenetic goal the door on top of the faerie wing spiral staircase of ivory three desperate naked emotions where do three separate paths converge except in absolute chaos the hero clawing his way to the sunlight that was but a flickering star in the distance […]

sullen sunset

a lonesome heartbeat echoes out into the heat of early evening a ping like a sonar bouncing back to show an empty ocean devoid of life a derelict vessel lost on the waves of another sullen sunset at sea the albatross rides the wind above as he writes another missive to float in a bottle […]

sinshine

the sun spit venom down upon the land in raylashes of angry defilement vehemently stricken not by ozone depletion but recompense for sins as yet unbegotten raze the land of unfettered dead souls chained to the furrows of languished denial sinshine falling like daggers of malice from the unblinking orb in the cerulean sky

key to the willow pt XIII

he climbed slowly leaving fingernails in the cracked earth around him a flurry of stones fell bouncing off of his back his arms one struck his forehead he was forced to blink perspiration and blood from his eyes but he never stopped as the light came ever closer he wondered at what had triggered the […]

time

when he was younger he fought time with savage fury now he toothlessly gums it while he feels it’s fangs tearing deep into muscle fighting is a young man’s game while trying to exist is his only feeble play left drowning as the sand piles up to cover his face as he pounds the side […]

frostbitten

her silence perfectly encapsulates the sound of ice cracking at subzero temperatures in the middle of nowhere on a frozen january evening as you walk down the dark trail in search of shelter from the elements knowing at least three toes are blackened in the wet socks that feel as if l they weigh three […]

rage

it doesn’t matter to them if you are sick or just unhealthy or unstable or being treated for a condition you were born with they expect the same as they would any other pawn on the chess board to fight to die for the queen in service of the greater good but hold them to […]

photo

they used to fear that having your photograph taken would steal your soul now we take selfies send them to whatever demons will still take our call in an effort to forge new deals for the same threadbare bit of fluff dead eyes with pursed lips staring at a point somewhere just northsouth of vapid […]

sleeping as the world burns

the bed is on fire the flames lick the ceiling all i can do is try and find a position to lie in that keeps the heat even careful to roll over every hour or so to ensure even grill marks from the white hot coils a blanket of ash a pillow of charred memories […]

key to the willows pt XII

the wildlife froze as if becoming statues around her she clutched her bear close to her chest the shaking stopped the dust settled but the air had a taste of wrong to it at once the world erupted into motion starting with every bird in the forest taking to the sky at once in a […]

2 years

two years ago i had an idea to make a blog that dealt with being single in the modern age being single in the modern age broke open the well of depression i have always dealt with i was forced to look at myself in a new way through new lenses and give up the […]

key to the willow pt XI

she hunched down low over the rim of the crater her nostrils flared as she smelled the scent of far away of freedom and the hint of something else could this be the key to doorway high amongst the willows she couldn’t be sure couldn’t trust another false hope after all of the years she […]

confusion

disassociation by displacement the grid has become interlaced with negative discharge disengaged by dissimilar degenerative disorders the decision making process has become weighed down with uncertain certainties making the overall picture a haze of overlaid images underpaid yet over privileged regression recession oppression aggression repression the ceiling drips with misspoken promises made in the heat […]

thursdays in hell

a constant grinding maw of molars crushing the cyclical lifestyle of living minute to minute in pursuit of ideals just ever so tantalizingly out of grasp the parking garage is angry with squealing tires going five miles per hour around hairpin turns to find a nest to roost in for the next couple hours the […]