six sevenths
over the span of seven years every cell in your body is replaced six more and maybe i’ll no longer crave your touch the ache has reduced by one seventh but six sevenths is still too much
Month: October 2018
weight
i read an article on the weight of a human soul wonder if mine is heavier due to sin does sorrow add ten pounds like a television camera or is mine drooping from gravitational pull i cannot say
lily
a lone lily sitting in a vase petals once vibrant now hanging low i speak to it hoping to breathe life into it i know how it feels though sometimes the world is just too heavy
(un)titled she XIV
she is the harmony just beneath the surface, punctuated with every off note the sun hidden behind the rain, still as glorious for the light that remains unseen she is
colored string
thunder rattles the windows breaking the silence that rattles my mind the storm outside will eventually break but i fear i am already broken swept away down the gutter like a piece of colored string
paste
seven point six billion people on this planet then why do i feel completely alone call it depression this ragged feeling of inconsequence or maybe i woke from a dream and it is reality grinding me to paste
new day
cockroach in the coffee cup he takes errant sips brown against the brown brush against the lips a new day dawns maggots in the soft cheese mold on the bread everything is tainted happiness is dead a new day dawns the face staring back from the mirror is unfamiliar, laugh lines like headstones, reminders of […]
wiggle
when i was a kid i wanted to wiggle my ears like fozzy the bear eventually i figured it out as an adult i want to learn to pull the tears back in to retrieve the words spoken in haste and anger all the false statements of forever but that is just a dream so […]
dancing shoes
the words sing a different song in this pit of despair a dirge i find it painful to dance along as blue skies spin into this black hole the soles of my dancing shoes have worn too thin for guilty hearts to glide in yet still they pull the strings my jerky movements a mockery […]
my(self)
i don’t feel like myself which in a perfect world would be wonderful but somehow this is worse it would be funny but new me doesn’t seem to remember how to laugh
fangs
her heart has fangs glistening and sharp tearing into mine leaving a withered mass weakly beating itself in remorse
no one
i’m the great no one the empty suit and clown make up waving at happy people from the side of the road the great mistake the punchline to a joke left untold failing at being a failure just another unsigned portrait left unsold at the neighborhood rummage sale become a ghost in my own shell […]
archery
her words spoke of love of hunger desire arrows launched across the great divide but this division cynical derision tainted fletching send the fledgling volley spinning to the dirt in a cloud of mislaid emotion she spoke softly with great passion infusing every line with still heart beats sounding silently throughout the night but the […]
sleep
tired but sleep won’t come sleep has become a cat she wants what she wants when she wants it not a second before i’ve rattled the pillow gently called out it’s name but damn it all if i’m not ready when it calls sleep waits hidden under the chair to pounce on my head i […]
wombats
we are only given so many seconds in this life i’ve spent too many pondering love too few on the sunrise and probably just the right amount on wombats so there is that to be proud of i suppose
broken eggs
the horizon appears flat but i know it curves how many more things do i see that are just illusions the world is round but every step feels smooth and straight and flat have we all just gotten our sea legs do we cease to see the curvature or does the curvature avoid our line […]
duck
death is like a blindfolded toddler carrying a baseball bat the world is a ripe pinata hanging lazily from the tree that kid is a sugar crazed little demon who doesn’t care what’s in the way the problem is we all wear blindfolds to even the field feeling the wind not smart enough to duck
lighthouse
i am a lighthouse sitting alone on the rocky shore but my bulb burned out so i’m just a phallic shaped eyesore
surprised
the last time i was surprised was when i realized nothing really surprises me any more the worse things get the more acclimated to being buried alive i get i think i would like to be surprised again but that would require something going right and that seems too far fetched
not much
there is so little left of me that isn’t rotted when i say you can have it all you best bring a medicine dropper for the good bits at least you know when you take all of me you will still have a free hand to play on your phone can’t say there was ever […]
always pretty
she called me asked me to come over said she didn’t want to be alone she never called anymore the last time she said was the last time but she was always prone to hyperbole i always told her she was the best at it but the joke never seemed to stick i got dressed […]
easy
i will seep into you slowly at first you won’t notice at all just the occasional errant thought soon you will wonder where i have gone it is the first sign of affection then the dreams start innocent at first you will wake looking for me forgetting i was never truly there this is how […]
submit
i’ve submitted my poetry to a few different publications each and everyone so far has rejected me i submitted my short stories once and they sent me a contract i believe the issue i have to face is this i am not a poet not a good one at least and the submission i need […]
1213
i wrote a sad poem before bed last night but i read it and realized i didn’t want to have to be sad in the morning so i deleted it but when i woke up this morning i was sad anyway didn’t know if it was because i deleted it or if i just woke […]
when i grow up i’m going to be inconsequential
some days the words flow like a winding river coming easily a feeling of serenity as they pour into the world fully formed other times it is like ripping pieces off my soul poetry flows it is just an extension of the emotions already bubbling under the surface an outlet for the overwhelming feelings that […]
mellow dream
nothing beats ryo when it comes to soothing the savage beast in my mind and chest the fierce and sublime beauty sets my at edge mind to smoother land if scenery speaks to my sorrow mellow dream calls to my creativity sets my sore soul to sailing music has always been my go to for […]
not like words
she had unreal expectations of me because she thought my words were pretty i knew all i could do was let her down she had built me up into this person i never was mistaking metaphor for truth and truth for metaphor i told her i am not worth the time or tears just because […]
dead men and whores
drove to the cemetery today needed to get out of the house i didn’t intend to go to a cemetery just started driving that is where i ended up said hello to clyde barrow he didn’t say anything back which is probably a good thing if he had i don’t know what i would have […]
scenery
ryo plays piano while i sit and cry been that way all day ryo plays piano and i weep
mirr(or)
her eyes were chrome like mirrors when she looked at me all i saw was myself she never cried told me she couldn’t when the doctor’s gave her new eyes they took that ability away now she let’s her sadness take other forms other outlets she dances she sings she paints and she writes becoming […]
not a poet, not really
all my exes think the same thing when asked about me he was a dreamer was slick to talk to in the beginning could sell water to a fish talk your panties off with promises of forever but i preferred his head between my legs that was his gift rather than to hear him talk […]
sometimes it feels like
autumn rain is like waking up during surgery staring at the operating lights as they dig around in your chest to remove a tumor it seems endless as you blink black dots paralyzed and numb winter rain is like dying on the table and finding out you still have bills to pay
in the mo(u)rning
all i have left is the empty bottle of pills and a need for sleep i’m so tired of being alone in pain suffering silently it is no pain that is unique to me we all feel the crushing sorrow of alienation we all cry but as i look at the remains of the house […]
a joke
i wrote a joke once thought it quite clever i spilled some water the other day and went to get a mop. i accidentally opened the futility closet. the water will dry itself i decided. more will just get spilled anyway. I left the door open and sadly walked away. hardly anyone else thought it […]
three or nine
in myth there are nine muses sometimes three osiris gathered them in ethiopia or they are daughters of zeus and mnemosyne the lord of olympus and goddess of memory in my life i have had a few in the before before writing before finding my voice before giving up on love on dream on anything […]
same age
i’m nearly the same age as my father nearly the same age as my father when he died i’m nearly the same age as my father when he finally bought a bar an alcoholic dream to be surrounded by your vice no one can tell you a thing drink whenever the hell you want every […]
she sent me a letter today
it sits on the couch beside me it seems important her careful letters spelling out the name she used to say with such tenderness in her voice curious but not that curious my eyes return to it over and over it could be anything really it could be an apology (no chance) it could be […]
the greatest poem i had ever written
last night i wrote the greatest poem i had ever written my phone was dead so i grabbed a notebook and pen and frantically wrote the words the words seemed whispered from the mouth of an angel directly into my ear i wept as i wrote them i saw splashes of tears on the page […]
insom(nia)
last night i was witness to a four car crash my past my present my future and what could have been thankfully the only fatality was sleep
dream words
i read somewhere that poems aren’t worth the paper they are scribbled on maybe it was me in a dream one of those dreams the kind where i do nothing but write the vacantness of it i never recall what i wrote in those dreams i dream of writing probably just blank sheets maybe dream […]
a final kiss
my friends my friends i’ve discovered i am dying this incurable disease called life is slowly killing me oh how i scream in frustration bellowing out to the heavens to save me for the lips i have yet to kiss and breasts left to ogle i need another hundred years, make it two i beg […]
fear(alone)
instead of being alone perhaps out of fear of it i was willing to change aspects of myself to better suit or maybe camouflage the parts i despise but is it better to be with someone in another guise than to be alone as myself that is the quandry no one has all the answers […]
hello(good bye)
the sweetest word i ever heard was when she said hello that first time it was to my dismay when eventually she murmured good bye we said many words between some in love some in anger more than a few in the throes of passion but it was her hello that first caught in my […]
bury me
bury me beneath the apple tree but bury my books beside me in case i get bored forever seems too long to go without reading
fade from view
can you remember me like a ghost in a photograph half in frame yet out of focus you should i dreamt of you and in that dream we sat and laughed as the seagulls circled the beach do you recall what i said to you on that dream beach no it’s okay maybe you misremember […]
buried in sand
a pure distillation wildflowers cinnamon scorpion pepper a simple taste sweat beading the ceiling fan wobbles currents of air send chills on now damp skin molecules of scent trigger memories of someplace else former life former love long buried sins long lost thoughts circle a murder of crows never forgetting faces burnt places of death […]
a vision of hell
it begins with static disharmonious off time drums and then a scream it can only be described as pained every instrument played in a different time signature and the screaming the room is pure white so purely white wall floor ceiling indistinguishable it is as if floating except the feel of the floor beneath walls […]
a vision of you
drops of blood in the clear glass of water cloudy swirls your fingerprints greasy reminders along every surface of my soul unpoetic unapologetic odes of once nevermore ash and dust little gray snowflakes caught upon the tongue all that remains cardiac discontent water turned scarlet ebbs and flows small tendrils still clear this open wound […]
the empty tank
the tank appeared empty just coral in the back i was young then impatient with a new found love of aquatic creatures not yet a man with dreams of drowning unfamiliar with the sea as a metaphor the sea had not become a she that would come later the empty tank bored me i tapped […]
not meant to last
your love is like spring you sweep in and the earth comes to life at your every glance your gentle touch i thrived under your rains your love for me is the promise of better days to come and shedding layers of clothes as the winds turn warm sprouted from my hidden lair under the […]
take as needed
another day where everything is wrong and the skies are gray and my heart is empty and brain feels numb another instance of wondering why why did i bother to wake up why am i pretending to live why is this ache so deeply cracked into my flawed facade of a human desperately trying at […]
haunted
the bed is shaking again, hovering two feet off of the ground and steadily rising by the time i fully wake to realize what is happening my face is pressed against the ceiling all i can do is go back to sleep mental note to self, buy more whiskey and salt all the cupboards are […]
once two (now three)
i could live forever in your smile no need of food nor drink as the skies darken and the clock ticks forward to the end your smile brings the only sustenance i require it is the heat that fuels my world in your smile i feel as one with universe after a day toiling to […]
list(less) need
1) if i could lick the blood off of your skin, i would growl in hunger and lap up every last drop as it stands like red agates against your supple flesh 2) i don’t want to hurt you, ever 3) i want to hear you scream though, blur the line between pleasure and pain […]
Lady Syphilis, a Gambler tale
“Friedrich!” She stood in front of an iron wrought throne with crimson cushions. She was as pale as moonlight but had a deadly grace to her. An air of menace radiated from her and had been known to cause her enemies to clench up in fear. Scars marked her face where her hair didn’t hide […]
reaching
this insular feeling of sorrow radiates beneath the surface of us all suffocating the best parts of us until we hide from the light so sure we are the only ones that feel it darkness and pain as interwoven in our souls and spirit as the need for love and laughter as you sit crumbling […]
vintage(muse)
she told me to let the words rest on my tongue like wine, to savor the myriad of flavors, identify the notes inherent within a hint of coffee, the sanguine whorls of dream, sadness and joy, a ray of light, soaking in my mouth she was right, she writes with righteous purity, she rights the […]
closer
her eyes were as clear as a mountain stream and held the same strength and serenity but like the mountains she has steel within her, forged by fires but never broken no matter how it may feel at, times my story is not quite as… my eyes are like a mountain stream after a storm […]
(un)titled dreamscape IV
i awoke from the darkness into more darkness, a palpable black that coats the world noises from beyond, shouting and breaking glass, this feels so familiar somehow crawling forward it dawn’s upon me that this a closet, and one i know too well i stand and reach for door knob, well aware of what comes […]
Boldly Going Mona
“Well good morning Mona.” “Ugh.” “Not often I beat you to work. Late night last night? Seems rather uncharacteristic for you on a Sunday.” “Long weekend.” “Really? You didn’t mention any plans this weekend.” “I don’t have to tell you about everything I do Mike.” “I’m not saying you do. Just seems suspicious is all.” […]
Exciting News
Normally I just post poetry and the occasional story here. But this is beyond exciting news for me. I’m going to put out my first collection of tales through the wonderful people at Death’s Head Press! I can barely contain my joy at this news. This has been my dream since I realized I would […]
as the light grows closer
am i drowning is that the surface of the sea or an angler fish in the depths i can’t tell and for some reason call it that fatalistic kill switch in the back of my head i don’t care i’ll continue to swim irregardless of direction until my lungs compress down to the size of […]
1175
the sky is still gray and yet there is hope of light the sun will return
not i
she ran her fingernails down the brittle glass of my soul because she liked to watch it flake away, the whatever flakes of my being gathering like so much fake snow in the bottom of my snow globe form, she was like a cat and my spine was her scratching post and when she finished […]
(un)titled dreamscape III
i awoke from the darkness into a barren red land, the yellow brown skies like butterscotch each step like a leap of pure joy in the lesser gravity of this foreign landscape red clouds erupt from each bounding step and form dust devils into the emptiness it is freeing, this lack of tether and alien […]
Debonair with Mona
“Good mor… what the fuck are you wearing?” “Excuse me?” “Is that a bowtie?” “Yes.” “And a vest.” “Astute this morning Mona.” “Who died?” “Whatever do you mean?” “I mean, who died? You wear the same five ugly ass shirts that barely qualify as business casual every week.” “No one died.” “Are you up for […]
no one knows
if a poet dies in the woods and no one is around to hear does it reek of desperate longing or just go unnoticed does the world pause in the passing or continue to spin does the universe sigh in relief or in loss of so much potential she stood on the railing if the […]
a dream, reality, a plea, a wish
do you ever dream that you and i lay in bed and drift off to sleep taking comfort together lost in love, in something more this world only takes but i still have more to give in your eyes i see reflections of want and need we could be the stuff of dreams things get […]
apocalyptic daydream
fell in love with armageddon in bright red lip stick apocalypse in a set of heels and a short short skirt she seems to be my end and it never looked so good she has death and desire in equal measure written in her eyes i fell in love with the atom splitting power of […]
(un)titled dreamscape II
out of darkness i awoke into a fog filled alleyway of mossy cobblestones the scent of the city hung heavy in my nose, of refuse and soot, and an underlying scent of copper i stumbled on weary legs down the tight corridor unsure of my destination ahead a scream broke the eerie heavy night and […]
(un)titled dreamscape
out of darkness i awoke in a land of technicolor amazement the field of wildflowers erupted into flight as i approached it carnivorous butterflies of every shade imaginable swarming consumed in a tsunami of color and gently flapping wings into darkness i fell as the teeth of a thousand mouths feast
(un)titled she XIII
she is a tuft of dandelion fluff in the fertile field of my mind drifting and slowly taking over every thought the culmination of years of searching, of dream and failures, of joy and sorrow, summing up all of it, each scar a mark on the road to her she is
archeological losings
minor league archeologist combing through the strata of pain hoping for the find of the century the root of all self hatred he excavated layer after layer with cramped hands bleeding and blistered it bubbles to the surface in waves of radiating sorrow it all seems so abundant, he’s become redundant, just another case of […]
stoic
he sits silently always watching she stays just out of reach how he longs to sit and hold her closely yet it is not meant to be twice every three or so years they embrace in passing but all he can do is give a pale reflection of her light stoically his need is hidden […]
one night standing
she eyed me at the end of the bar one that spoke hunger with a hint of lonely saying mistakes could be made i had the bartender send her another of whatever it was she was drinking she smiled and nodded her thanks ten minutes later we are in the hallway that leads to the […]
The Gambler
“Hello Lurch, is the Lady in tonight?” Of course she was. We both knew it. But protocol dictated a certain decorum when stepping into the darkness of this world of business and demonology. But Lurch, well, he doesn’t care for me. “Ashtray. You look like shit.” My name is not Ashtray. He knows this. It […]
onetwothreefourfive
onetwothreefourfive onetwothreefourfive straighten the paper cap on the pen have to go outside knock three times on the door touch the frame doesn’t feel right onetwothreefourfive onetwothreefourfive knock three times touch the frame better watch the ground step on a crack break your good luck streak too many fractures cross the road black car blue […]
unfinity
sipping wine from the bottom of the barrel red lips and unfocused eyes antifreeze and failing kidneys wobbly like a cowboy fresh from the dusty trail got an itchy trigger finger a pocket full of dollars and a need to wash the dirt from every crevice cracking my facade haven’t been on a horse for […]
to billy
how i miss you my friend, the way your temper fired my own, the taste of beer and cigarettes as we wiled away another night with no future planned and yesterday another punchline do you remember those nights when we just drove and drove how we never made it anywhere yet the miles clicked on […]
noah’s canoe
sorrow is a cardinal perched on the branches of my heart joy the petals of a lily buried in the snow love is an ostrich with it’s head buried in the sand and madness is a lion stalking in the tall tall grass hope is a mosquito buzzing ’round my ear fear is a tick […]
(un)titled she XII
she is the comfortable feel of the blade in hand, equal parts promise of protection and harbringer of pain everything i’ve ever dreamt yet more than i could possibly imagine and impossible to ever hold she is
1158
an empty promise made from gently lying lips given too freely no will to fulfill the words whisper worthless thoughtless odes
sodden denials
how long has it been since i’ve seen the sun is it weeks now the sky opened and let loose the rains and i cannot tell any longer if it is a reflection of me or if i am a reflection of it when was the last time any of this felt worth it that […]
impoverished
suffering a deficit of fundamental necessity hollow raised to expect nothing to desire nothing i’m a scarecrow watching the barren fields crows perched on my shoulders ignoring my basic functions in favor of a clearer view to tomorrow i sip from a flask of distilled spirit listless going through the emotions of the day has […]
1156
it is coming apart this illusion i have made that it will be fine
dejected
feel dejected, rejected, ejected from this world of promise left to rot on the side of the road deplorable, ignorable it is fair to think that no one cares when you spill your guts and even the fat flies don’t swarm nor feast not up to preening, posturing, or begging to come to view just […]
why aren’t you pissed
why aren’t we pissed off at the state of the world like we should be seriously the doomsday clock ticks closer to the point of no return the oceans are warming and clogged with plastics and poisons the ozone still isn’t repaired animals birds plants and insects go extinct at a rate of one hundred […]
slow dance
the room was on fire the flames consumed all racing up the curtains embers blew in the smokey haze on now visible currents yet in the center of the room immune to the heat and falling rafters we danced cheek to cheek to the crackling timbers as the blaze took the piano in the corner, […]
simply complicated
he was the product of an inaccurate conception, immaculate in the sheer accidental nature of his being are there mistakes in this chaos inherent in every atom, or byproducts of grand design flaws residual remnants of primordial ooze that seeps from his every pore born in the footsteps of giants and left to flounder in […]
(un)titled she XI
she is the paradise in which to take comfort in when the ache is too much to handle alone the hell where my demons can frolic without fear of judgement or pitiful stares she is
autumn falls
the leaves fell like pieces of time across the still damp sidewalk gently falling reminders of the world still turning the now naked branches rattling in the wind skeletal hands reaching out once vibrant now gray with longing the verdant sky gone amber then bare now a desolate memory of what was once and will […]
empty shoe boxes, empty promises
how many pairs of shoes have been worn to nothing in my constant pursuit of escapism buy them by the dozen mastered the art of changing mid step nothing better than fresh kicks before being kicked to the curb vans and doc’s left on the side of the road like so many lost chances follow […]
(un)titled she X
she is the final blossom in the bouquet that blooms as the others wilt around her a half remembered dream that stays in your mind the entire day teasing at the edges of thought she is
“EELS – There I Said It”
no better way to express it if you want to be in the poet illiterate’s shoes for a moment understand why he doesn’t sleep this song on repeat in his empty head the fool lies and sings it to the ceiling when he should be resting the purity cuts into his being and rips him […]
insomnia for starters
a crash course in staying awake long after your body says sleep be insane depressed turn off the lights and let your brain go wild have you seen that face in the ceiling this week, no, well we’re not sleeping til we do ever experience bouts of deep seated longing for something anything having thoughts […]
colorless
went down to the lake to watch the waves today the stormy skies mirrored the ashen waves it became disorienting trying to separate the gray above from the gray below did the rain fall or rise it seemed impossible to say equal parts my mind and my heart, both with an indelible ache, both turmoil […]
the between
i relish in your silence, in your quiet moments, your doubts and fears manifest, those times between thoughts and words when you just exist as my only thought is to take you in my arms, to soothe the solemn hurt in your fractured soul yet it is not for me to do so instead i […]
just words
i write about the things that don’t exist, the things i wish existed, the thoughts i never share of love and she and gods and dreams and life to be lived and words meant to be given but they are not love poems they are missives sent to the vacant sky above in hopes when […]
round hearts
the feel of low gravity against an earthbound brain is disorienting to say the least everything works the same except that it doesn’t zero gravity is worse and worsening still the crystals suspended in liquid in the inner ear get all kinds of loopy don’t know if you’re coming and going as you spin in […]
