i’m nearly the same age
as my father
nearly the same age
as my father
when he died

i’m nearly the same age
as my father
when he finally bought a bar
an alcoholic dream
to be surrounded
by your vice
no one can tell you a thing
drink
whenever the hell you want
every day
now a valid excuse

my depression dream
on the other hand
was always to be a writer
maybe
not always
architect (math)
astronaut (heights)
artist (talent)
astronomer (bored me)
actor (talent)
comedian (fear)
lover (depression)

now i’m nearly the same
age as my father
when his dream
came true
mine close to fruition as well

i can’t help but worry though

when i’m the same age
as my father
when he died
will i die as well

is that the curse
of tainted blood

to finally see the goal

but to die
at the finish line

is that the punchline
the final laugh
the kick in the teeth
that comes
from living

it scares the piss out of me

this fatalistic mindset

but the similarities
are glaring

maybe i should dream
a bigger dream
throw fate the old middle finger

but as i approach
nearly the same age
that damnedable digit
my father reached
when he died
i think back
on all the dreams
that died
like he did
see all the coincidences
that feel less than
coincidental
and
i grow afraid

have i done all that i could

no

but time keeps going
soon i’ll be that same age
i hope i survive it