honestly enough, words

i sleep on the couch because the bed is too big it isn’t comfortable it is just the only place i can find solace i eat brown rice everyday because i don’t care it isn’t good it is just enough to make it through another day in hell i don’t live i survive i don’t […]

untitled two, words

he wrapped her bloodied feet with bandages torn from his own tattered shirt tended her wounds with his gentle hands bathed her in the light of his love nursed her back to health with tender shaking fingers made her whole with every piece of him he had to give she never spoke a word he […]

roar, words

can you hear me roar as it thunders across the plains calling out to you, need and want booming through the night i roar for you hunger and lonelieness, a plea for you to come to me to fill this need this driving force inside of me i want you to fill it the snarl […]

ain’t nothing, words

dripping wet from rainfall, played bumper cars down the highway, bloody knuckles and fuck you smile, step to me and watch the lights fade away walk with misery holding hands, loaded pistol and an insurance check, embody the human tornado, call me the living car wreck got the juice in my system, got the devil […]

bounce, words

my mind is racing but there is no cohesion to the thoughts like a lightning round of idiocy and insecurities, bouncing from disparate to desperate and all points between salivate, retaliate, procrastination against salvation a fine line from confusion to disillusion with a healthy observation of defenestration seven happy heartaches, eight offending offers, nine and […]

dams, words

built a dam and now the sirens blare flood warning not going to give in cannot decipher smoke signals or solve puzzles not going to play games asked the fates for a sign friend zone by thundercat came on the radio well played you bastards well played indeed so cutting the anchor and letting the […]

ode to an angel

you shared your pain with the world, it tore me up to see your suffer so you shine like a thousand stars but it is hard to see through tear filled eyes sometimes the harshest critic stares back from reflective surfaces highlights the things we don’t want to see ignore that view we are our […]

self cauterizing, words

i am crazy all of these odes to love, to her, to things never quite in grasp all i do is scribble lies to turn attention from the insanity that grips me i am not the wizard of heartbreak i am the unloveable man behind the curtain spitting flowery prose to shine the light on […]

withdrawal, words

hands shaky, irritable, ants under my skin withdrawal my only addictions are women that are too good for me, profanity, and seeking things i shall never attain then why the onset signs of withdrawal not because she stopped talking to me, she being every single woman i have ever shown interest in unless they are […]

yard sale, words

was going to write an idiotic allegory of a yard sale the objects for sale were broken hearts, feelings of despair, blossoming love still born before it took a first breath cheap prices, everything must go discarded hopes and dreams, nickle a piece, three for a dime penny dish of frozen moments that ended up […]

last good bye, words

as I walked to bathroom to shower i noticed i had left a cabinet door open in the kitchen it was her pet peeve and i learned to quickly remedy it so as to not here her yell even if she was short enough to not have to worry about hitting her head i never […]

crossed, words

her ghost sat next to me on the floor she always loved to watch me meditate, wait until i was in a different place and whisper terrible things into my ear that didn’t change after she died of all my ghosts, her’s is the worst she led me to buddha with her insane ramblings of […]

childhood home, words

it feels like a lead blanket has been draped across my chest breathing is difficult sensation has gone numb i feel a lump in the back of throat choking on the bittersweet feeling of nothingness an absence of all the weight of all this discontent, the open eyes stare at the crumbling ruins, a beauty […]

jigsaw, words

my heart is not broken i was wrong when i thought that it is a jigsaw puzzle waiting to be solved by some lucky lady a lovely lady sweeps into the room, brightens the darkness like a flare in the night i, being nocturnal, scurry away from the light, eyes squinting from the painful glare, […]

lana, words

my friend Lana died this morning, i just got off the phone with her room mate i don’t know what to do she was the most wonderful person and i always told her she was perfect she would laugh that deep throaty laugh of hers and call me a fool she had been down lately, […]

Fire and Water

Sitting on the bridge alone, watching the waters flow. The swooping birds delicately dive for a swimming morsel. Like poetry in motion, the mechanics of wings catching thermals and predatory instincts. It has been cold lately and the water looks so serene beneath me. A cool wind stirs the treetops into a happy dance. The […]

Adjacent

He sat at the same table he always occupies. A clear view to the door, back to the wall and just out of the main tectonic plate of pulsating bass that fills the dance floor. An untouched whiskey double with a trickle of water sits halfway onto the coaster in front of him. The distorted […]

economical dissaray, words

the law of diminshing returns states if one production is increased while all others are held constant invariably the increased output will lessen therefore i postulate the more one seeks something, the less likely that thing is to appear by dedicating myself to the search for intangibles and barely recognizing the real world i find […]

one more, words

said i wouldn’t write today but then i made a mistake and overshared it wasn’t the sharing that was the mistake probably, maybe, possibly it was the broken flood gates of memories, the levee cracked and with it came the thoughts another metaphoric poem about drowning it hurt to share those things with you, a […]

fuck you, love me, words

opened the door this evening and found a battered package sitting outside no return address, just my name ransom note style in cutout letters from a magazine inside was my heart, a note attached by a nail piercing the right ventrical it said thanks but no thanks, i recognized your arts and craft style i […]

death by word, words

i may have brain damage the searing pain, the addled ability to think the moon is two hundred and thirty eight thousand and nine hundred miles away feels closer than i am to you maybe i was concussed, suffered a subcutaneous hematoma, let my little brain rattle around in it’s bone home possibly i read […]

rainy writing, words

the gentle patter of rain fills the world around me been riding the waves of words all morning, a steady intake of coffee and introspection early punk humming, feet tapping the floor as my fingers fly across the phone face trying to keep my mental excitement tied down heart fluttering, racing from creation, caffeine and […]

attic, words

beginning the awkward reintegration into my own world again blowing the dust off of seldom used corners of of my mind found a box marked happy pushed way to the back under all the baggage that has accumulated a small crushed cardboard box on a shelf that had a childish scrawl and reads dreams so […]

awakening, words

i am Loki incarnate plying my trade of mischief in the subtle guise of word the turn of phrase hides the wicked blade the golden tongue beguiles, pleasures and wounds in turn chained to my stone slab in Hell, the snake drips venom in my eyes but still i fight no chains can contain my […]

soliloquy, words

i have come to a conclusion this voyage of loneliness, the futile search for someone to share this life of misery with is illusionary the she i have spent far too long looking for is an intangible thing like trying to catch sand with a net, no matter how tightly woven, the particulates are always […]

unwritten, words

if love is blind can you read the braile my heart is scribbling down the page love is forever and i have not begun to write to you, and i will never stop making odes for you but i cannot write a poem about love i don’t know if i have the words if i […]

atlantis, words

i cannot tell if i see the city beneath me if it is a long forgotten civilization benath the waves of a crystal clear sea the subdivisions look like grapes rotten on the vine the world of minatures hand painted by a bored god feels like she gave up halfway through and just let everything […]

gateway city, words

little cat naps as we skip along the clouds little glimpses of rest in an ocean of cluster headache looking forward to my bed, my pillow, will settle for coffee in my mug on the couch got to play in the snow and fly back to texas where it will be cooler than boston makes […]

hellish, words

the desperate symphony of angelic demons wail rattling the spikes of the pits of hell the segmented bodies of insects feast upon the soft skin of human suffering sequinned dresses and torn up tuxedos litter the hallway the cherub, the blasphemous martyr and a machiavellian monarch hold court, casting judgement and dispersions in equal disregard […]

airport moves, words

dancing in the nigh empty terminal, hours until my flight soon i will be flying as near home as i tend to get and as close to you as i probably will ever be bowing to the ladies on carts, ignoring stares, lighter on my feet than the weight of exhaustion should allow treated three […]

plane, words

normally i am a good flyer but the onset turbulence and sudden drop in cabin pressure made my heart skip a beat as i struggle to put the oxygen mask onto my face and remember my cushion can be used as a floatation device, i cannot think straight are we over water what state is […]

bed, words

bloody fingerprints on the window pane copper fills the air i can smell decay on the light breeze panic sets in but paralysis has taken hold of my body only my eyes can move cannot breathe see a glint of moonlight on metal feel the coolness of steel upon my throat i cannot scream pins […]

stain, words

today is a day for tears the sadness just seems so bottomless, welling up inside of me my mind is tumultuous, a jagged mess of broken shards of emotional stained glass but the stain feels deeper today the sense of sorrow and fracture i feel no joy, just loss, listless meandering thoughts of yesterday of […]

snow, words

i spent the last half hour just walking in the snow the fat flakes falling, a chill wind blowing, the cold memories of being a kid there is something so soothing about a winter storm a lack of visibility as it falls faster and fills the air with a sheet of white wish i had […]

far, words

she is beautiful even though i have never seen her i know, it comes through it wouldn’t matter anyway looks can fade, vision can go, but inner beauty always finds a way to light the darkened hallways of a mind it is a bubbling of the soul, the careless grace of phrase as i am […]

walls, words

can anybody hear me am i silently screaming into the void sound proof dampeners placed on my vocal chords it is futile bashing my fists against the walls, bloody knuckles and broken bones frustrated over a lack of understanding running in place, not making progress going nowhere at full speed i see the red dot […]

down low, words

dedicated myself to a life of sin a worn cloak of sorrow upon my heavy shoulders ravens follow my every step a solemn vow to do no good as long as i am cursed to walk this world of shame paid back in blood a thousand times over, the heady fumes of lust and rage […]

sunshine, words

consumed by heat, the photons make for unsteady footing, finding purchase as the waves roll on the flesh seared, blackened and blistered on my calves, tattooed flesh rendered into ash nubs where podiatry is rendered worthless the tongues of blue lick upwards, my thighs aflame, aerobic activity feeding the fires greasy black smoke fills the […]

home a throne, words

been wrecklessly abandoned to rust on the side of life’s highway not allowed to solo ride the high occupany lane, taken to bringing a mannequin with me put under house arrest, a fate worse because at least with the dummy my mannequin is not left alone the castle i occupy, carefully sculpted from my body, […]

nodding off, words

three hours nigh comatose in the lobby over saturated with coffee and shaking hands tell myself tonight i will sleep mind won’t race no being mopey, miserable and misaligned out of phase a phantom in a skin suit rattling the halls of an inescapable fate it is the misfired neurons in my brain the driving […]

guilty as charged, words

these thoughts build the frame, the words the bars of my cell hanging over a pit of sharpened stakes made from the bones of broken lovers rocking to and fro with the subtle sighs and blanketed by the with heavy silence of a thousand unspoken thoughts i crafted this cage, made the lock from my […]

burnt offering, words

i stand in the shadows of greatness an inability to express in fumbling words the feelings that burn, freeze, strike and shatter words are my trade and traitorous they have become leaving me stripped bare, nerves exposed, pounding salty tears how do you move forward when the past weighs so heavily, crushingly, hooks tearing the […]

a muse sing, words

wanted an hour nap before dinner curled up in a ball and thought about you the entire time wished we were talking, laughing, declaring impossibilities to one another, sharing inner thoughts instead of rest i lay in the too cold room with too desperate musings on the state of having a muse once again on […]

cardiac arrest warrant, words

spent the day learning the electric rhythm of the heart of ventricle and atriums, current and flow, the machine that keeps us going how beautifully crafted a pump so strong, so important so easily broken I have been in a state of asystole for so long, a state if no electrical activity, self imprisoned by […]

happy birthday, words

it has been fourteen birthdays since i saw your face, heard your voice, got your advice i never told you how important you were to me nearly enough while you were here and i didn’t after you got sick because i refused to admit you were dying remember when we promised to see each other […]

over share, words

fitful sleep, off dreams filled with crimson splashes and distant screams woke up nearly as tired as when i went to bed, and the accursed hotel coffee is not helping matters see i am a light roast man in a world of over acidic bold the opposite of my mental state acidic and bold with […]

reflectors, words

barely functional sore body, drained spirit, mind in a fog long day, with longer coming saw the sights, killed the lights, lying on so soft bed with nothing but thoughts the mirror is situated in a way that when i move I am startled by the movement back the sounds of the highway soothe, so […]

Arrhythmia Sole, words

i don’t have the wherewithal to weather another storm an aerosol parasol, no protection from inclement precipitous downfall soaked to the bone, so far from home, alone and attempting escape she told me to dance and on worn soles, with a torn soul, i let the music take me away shaky limbs still have rhythm, […]

danse misanthrope, words

over tired, under performed wilted my sense of equillibrium is off the excitement of the day has turned this infernal feeling if wanting more burns and leaves naught but ash want home trepidation and feeling insufficient exhaustion magnifies the broken edges less shattered more mangled shades of self indulgent misanthropic melodies flood through my mind […]

boston landing, words

is there anything as lovely as a thunderstorm the world blanketed in gray, the soft pitter patter of warm fat drops nine times out of ten the view from the airport is of planes, saint louis is no different at least i have the storm for comfort a warm fuzzy blanket to block the horror […]

saint louis, words

security check in felt herded into the long line to the slaughter house uneven lanes, the herd uncaring, heads down staring at phones instead of the subtle hiss thump of an air hammer it is the call out for all electronics in the bins half strip for the X-ray peep show, no shoes, no belt, […]

bundle, words

bundle of nerves and headache flight to Boston in the early morning, new faces, new lessons, a week away from home thoughts of her, somewhere out there, does she think of me, does anyone silence is the soul killer, leading to questioning, leading to doubting, leading to layers and layers of worry does any of […]

tongue tied, words

heat trailing my tongue all along your supple curves, tasting, testing your threshold for pleasure exploring every inch of your frame all the spots that make you scream slowly building the pressure until you beg for release over and again it comes when i say, not when you plead and beg full body orgasms, while […]

young punks, lyrics

we were young, sneaking out, drinking beers and making bad choices, no reprecussions, no fear in sight days that never seemed to end, kissing under the stars, the world at our finger tips, the future looks so bright all the promises meant to be broke, all those nights playing games, chasing girls and telling jokes, […]

fumbled, words

beauty is in the eye of the beholden, and i find myself besot by you inspired to not move mountains, but reimagine them, reshape them, craft them into monuments for you whether hammer and chisel or pen and ink, i yearn to make something that will withstand time in homage to the brilliance i see […]

dichoto-me, words

i feel as if jackson pollack must have painted my soul my scars are a roadmap across the desert, but shifting sands make navigation impossible i am like a flash frozen thundercloud struck by lightning and shattered into a thousand bits of aether, destined to rage in a thousand impotent storms like a choose your […]

compass, words

thank the silence for the kids, the tenuous loneliness of the perpetually alone broken by these brief interludes of joy baking for them, cooking for them, having someone to take care of is a slice of heaven all too quickly it vanishes and i retreat into the spiral of depression and emptiness but as the […]

wolf, words

metamorphosis joints popping out of socket as bone breaks fuses over and again wails of agony snapping vertabrae, elongating jaw, jutting fangs, eyes flashing yellow howling over the crackling sounds of becoming something more heightened senses, the smell of blood in the air, succulent fear and sweat transitioning to something more, than human, than predator […]

hunt, words

i am the hunter, the silent stalker in the cityscape the lone tracker of the most elusive of prey following the scent of the heart’s desire, picking out clues in the most hidden of places, laying my traps of subtle turn of phrase and heartfelt prose looking for the missing piece, the completion, the mythical […]

Another Shipwreck, words

pre-emptive apologies, reactionary dodging of the shrapnel from my sleep addled brain spent too much time thinking of the unknown of falling wishing for a controlled plummet but knowing it is free fall and all i see are clouds beneath did i allow this set myself up for another collosal failure on the road to […]

drawn in, words

it was the words that hooked my curiousity the turn of phrase that made it impossible to stop thinking about it is always the words that get me they are the aphrodisiac of choice the only vice i cannot seem to kick and now i fall into the rabbit hole of infatuation with the words […]

Serrated, words

if i were a knife i would have a serrated blade, with many sharp edges and a jagged scarred face my words are the razor, the stiletto, by i am far to clumsy to cut smoothly no, i am more of a saw tooth blade, it takes more effort and never leaves as even a […]

ringing, words

the fog of a headache mixed with too little sleep and too much trying eyes having problems focusing is it nromal to fall into waves of black thoughts the moment you awaken is it normal to already dread the day mere seconds into it going to get the kids and that is the only bright […]

carousel, words

another one of those i should be asleep moments another time my mind races through the hallways of maybe if and probably not, i wish it would the waking dreamstate of need and hope is it all in vain, this idiotic and possibly quixotic pursuit of something more than the bare minimum the dreams and […]

grand finale, words

the soft refrains of the closing music drifts to my ears is it over, the curtains about to close on me, the hook coming from off stage to pull me out of the endless kerfuffle of failing grace the one man performance of lonely the musical, like a one man band with no coordination, a […]

First and Last words

i remember my first words and last words with all my former loves the middle is a jumble of declarations, lies, and inane conversations hardly important, but the first and last stay burned into my mind like beacon fires on the shore of a rocky outcropping they don’t lead to safe harbor though i can […]

a gift, words

i bought myself a valentine’s day gift today it is a knife holder in the shape of my dessicated heart now when i cook the meals i do not taste i can pull a blade out and in sustenance find a small piece of absolution and when i regret the food i consumed and clean […]

Last Bow, words

i don’t believe in anything any longer not gods or goddesses, not magic, not miracles, not fate or destiny or predestiny there is no one there to answer the prayers, the begging, the hopes, the dreams i want to, i wish there was more to this barrage of elemental destruction, mental disrepair, broken spirit and […]

The Look, words

the last day with her was filled with all the warning signs i had learned to ignore the subtle swipes, the not so feigned disinterest but what sticks out in the ramblings chains of memory is that look in her eyes after we made love she stared at me, knowing it was the last time […]

cupid, words

cupid missed me yet again this year though i am beginning to doubt the veracity of his bow and arrow maybe the cherub took a blow to the head, got his sights mixed up, or maybe he just took to drinking the last couple times he struck it didn’t fly straight and true maybe it […]

cold hands, words

watching the world burn and pulling up to warm my hands, roast a few friendships over the open wounds of old flames asked the ouija board for answers, the spirits said try again later, my magic eight ball says that loneliness is my penance walking along the river styx, no pennies for the ferry, i […]

winter state of mind, words

skipping across moonbeams in this shadow dappled grass, a lone fat cloud drifts into view it has been cold lately, bitterly so as i am curled up in the bed alone, emptiness a reminder the wind moans it’s sorrowful tune, rattling the windows, a ghost in the night i clutch the pillow closely, the embrace […]

Voices, words

the voices in my head say you are being less than honest they have a history of being mistrustful of too good to be true, and you definitely fit the bill the voices also have a history of setting me up for failure, they camoflauge the sabotage by making delicious fallacy sound like truth so […]

two way mirror, words

loving her was like climbing a mountain of glass with two broken arms swimming through pirahna infested waters with open bleeding wounds walking barefoot across a desert of salt with the skin flayed from the soles of my feet yet effortless like wrestling a rabid badger while being mauled by a bear on cocaine tumbling […]

boomerang, words

i can feel the half moons of blood well up on my palms as my oversharp fingernails cut into them shaking fists and throbbing temples is it frustration or simple contemplation, a restoration, an emancipation, a declaration of love that will never be love is a broken boomerang i continue to throw hoping one day […]

Lightning, words

i was standing in a thunderstorm, watching the lightning play across the sky, the purple after images burned into my retinas rain running down my head and into my eyes, the crash of thunder palpable, my heart racing with every flash of voltage the smell of ozone burning mixed with that fresh rain scent, masking […]

loss, words

ghosts have haunted me all day today, shimmering forms floating across the beige carpet, tantalizing glimpses into what could have been, would have been, never quite was no words exchanged, not even a glance my way as they went about the shades of yesterday at first i sat huddled under a blanket, afraid of their […]

Nut Job part six, A Gear Dreary tale

“We got cats coming Gear. Six of them.” “Fuck.” “That isn’t all. Something weird too. You feel that?” I reached out and felt, something. Something alien. Something horrible. Screaming for death with it’s mind. I nearly pissed myself from the onslaught. The brothers looked the same. I felt nauseated from the touch of this twisted […]

me, words

i have discovered the inescapable truth that i am a failure, it is as factual as needing to breathe, eat or drink water to survive i am the goldfish bellyup at the pet store, the glued together milk can at the fair, the tire blown out on the highway just a disaster of a person, […]

today, words

found the end of the line, the last great sip of discontent see i spend so much time sitting in the darkness waiting for some magical fix that makes the outside not seem so daunting, my thoughts not seem so haunting this river of emotion boiling over with endless miserable death defying indecision laying in […]

whimsy, words

just another end of the world daydream one of those happy go lucky apocalyptic nightmares the kind where you are sure it isn’t real until the undead rise, the oceans boil, or she shows up again the sky opens up and blood rains down, the purge, the rapture, somehow she got a new number and […]