last good bye, words

as I walked to bathroom to shower i noticed i had left a cabinet door open in the kitchen

it was her pet peeve and i learned to quickly remedy it so as to not here her yell

even if she was short enough to not have to worry about hitting her head

i never learned to not mention that

she was long gone but it was like putting the seat down on the toilet, second nature by now

didn’t need another reminder of her

so i stood with the water pounding against my back, hoping to wash away the errant thoughts of her from my weary and sore head

read a study that said single people took longer showers to make up for the lack of affection

sounds crazy i thought until the hot water ran out and I disappointedly toweled myself dry

towel wrapped around my waist i made my way back to the living room

only to find the cabinet open again

i swore i shut it

i inspected it, making sure the hinge wasn’t sprung, that it shut fully a few times, and to be safe a couple drops of oil

then proceeded to the bedroom to get dressed


as i dressed i heard a noise

i peeked my head down the hall and every door was open in the kitchen

what the hell

maybe there had been another earthquake due to fracking

just enough to cause a shift

i grabbed my phone and checked

wish I hadn’t

instead of seeing if there had been any earthquakes i saw three missed calls and half a dozen texts

a car accident

i was still her emergency contact


they tried to contact me first

as i read the words i heard banging and through tear streaked eyes saw the cupboard doors slamming open and closed

i whispered her name and the doors stopped moving

and then watched the floor rush up to meet my face

days went by but the doors never opened themselves again

i wish they would

i like to think she was saying good bye

one last time good bye

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