(un)titled longing

(did you know how closely behind i followed your scent in my nostrils my heartbeat in my skull the random nature of chaotic order pulsing like fireflies in the night) unfurl the bloody rags of yesterday in which to sully the mist of disinterest (it was dark in the city you turned with no blinker […]

absent space

fever sweats beneath crushing despair of disrepair in the cybernetic dystopia of heartache missing signals shot from satellite dishes of rusty regrets into the absent longing lying between the stars

two bleaks

two weeks culminating in a frantic five hours of testing of practicals of sitting in traffic of standing in security of waiting for the flight to board in three hours i will be farther from you in a place that is homeless without your presence two weeks culminating in depression in loneliness in heading to […]

secretly

the river vomited her secrets into the sea part and parcel leaving it all bare to the salty waters of inconsequential dream the sea gives her heart to the skies in vaporous lust manifested into storm clouds that cling to the edge of forever as i sit on the rocks watching with a longing to […]

siren’s call

alone by the picture window in the darkest part of the night the moon calls with sing song vibrations across the vastness of space pulses of silent need dance along the vaccuum as she sits watching the pale silver orb flare in silent dream she hears the call longing to answer it with her own […]

it he were, pt I; a poet

he stands there, striped boxer briefs and bare chested, foot up on the sink clipping his toenails like the slovenly pig he is tattooed forearm, tattoos calves, pentacle necklace hanging limply in the air he catches a glimpse at himself and recoils in revulsion what the fuck happened to you scars on his hands, the […]

be(longing)

the ink of her penned odes to another bleed through the page and stain my heart, it flows through my veins, attacking my marrow, etching her words into the double helix of despair that makes up the flawed being, barely being worthy of being a witness to her brilliance, being less than a human being, […]

darw(i)nian

as far as i know she sleeps every night in her gilded tower on the softest bed surrounded by works of art that have nothing on her. a moat surrounds the tower filled with snapping crocodiles a knight in blackest mail stands guard to keep evil doers at bay. in the morning bluebirds land on […]

d(r)own(i)ng

one year gone kept myself locked away hidden from the things i craved a junkie in remission rehab relapse reserved removed reborn reheated recycled realized gone astray in the blinding light of the morning after was it fear punishment self flagellation kneeling at the pulpit of false desires so long that reality and fiction became […]

home(alone)

i called back home today just to hear the sounds of being innocent again got a busy signal and the unending pain of longing illinois feels like a daydream fleeting memories and forgotten roads that used to be as ingrained as the scars upon my hands now faint white lines crisscrossing my brain and heart

( )

lately everything has been (un)titled (un)able to string more than a few words toget(her) my center was (mis)taken equilibrium (mis)taken for granted everything not nailed down (mis)taken for scrap my he(art) the part of me tarnished and drained (un)able to force out love’s standard refrain my soul the p(art) of me put up for sell […]

longing (villanelle)

lucid dreams in which you’re near bending laws of time and space wishing just for you to be here the lies of fate seem all too clear like the lines upon my face lucid dreams in which you’re near doubts with ugly heads that rear of futility in which i need to chase wishing just […]

“Alkaline Trio – Clavicle” and tanka

so many thoughts fly none of them fill me like you like this bottle here i’m empty and discarded headed for the bin outside nothing fills me up it all just leaks down my face what a fucking waste another vessel ignored left to be broken again open another let the liquid slosh about and […]

pebble

after a brief reinternment due to pushing too far too fast chapter title in my life story a quick iv bag and fresh script of pain alleviators angry stares and disbelief nurses and doctors and a general sense of disapproval basically dropped off the kids and went straight to the hospital so when they say […]

one way retreats

is it disillusion or confusion, how did it come to this, facing hard truths and the lies seem just as bad life is a cancer, we’re all just polyps, lesions, a legion of pus filled protrusions pinching a nerve and the cure is no better than the symptom i said the cure is no better […]

farewell, i fade away

what is it that you saw when you stared into my eyes was it hope or forever or just another lie i feel like an empty package just barely making it by beaten up in transit discarded like an ode to pomp and style how i wanted it to be you just you and how […]

she as a metaphor

it is just another one of those she is a metaphor for love things another contrite deluge of longing in metaphor and is given the form of her who is she she is the shadow of jayne mansfield behind a silk curtain the promise of dangerous curves her voice is sultry crackle of tobacco on […]

gorrila killa and lonesome singing

today’s drive was about you my unaware of my existence love masked intruder’s most beautiful girl in the world sums you up to a t it says all the things i would say to you if i could whisper in your ear who am i kidding i would sing it to you in the car […]

pot of indifference

hope is a coffee filter you fill it with burnt offering cascade tears and suckle the tainted leavings you get a facsimile of what you wanted a participation trophy a jolt of caffeinated misdirection i watch this guy sit on the starts and talk in his phone every night if he didn’t want an audience […]

belabored day

where troubles melt like lemon drops high above the chimney tops, that’s where you’ll find me clenched up in a ball ice picks behind my eyes tears streaming freely down my cheeks somewhere under the pavement that’s where they’ll eventually find me the left over bits of nothingness that once made up a man trash […]

beautiful

beautiful the face looking back blushes laugh lines crinkle as the word takes full effect a shy smile half forms as she looks at me in the mirror apply the mascara, make it dark, make those eyes pop an angel looks back, cocky smirk on her full lips she is perfection like she was sculpted […]

maybe

and i heard hear say crying from the wooded path you can’t help me no one can and i lifted the branches from under which she hid and told her i can’t help anyone she looked at me and i looked back both of us lost falling apart and she smiled well that’s a start […]

familiarity

when our lips first met it seemed they had known each other all of their lives we were clumsy and awkward but our lips knew exactly what they were doing, our tongues knew each other intimately, yours had the taste of booze while mine was minty from the gum, together it had the effect of […]

sponorship

back in the day if you were talented some rich fool would give you housing pay your habits all in the name of art you could have sex with the servants the daughters wine soaked debauchery as long as you put out consistent pieces nowadays we scramble and write and pour our souls out and […]

fireflies dancing (900)

it rained molten metals a curtain of sparks showering the ground as if struck from hephaestus himself i luxuriated in them this swarm of biting fireflies dancing and bouncing off the hot concrete it amazes me still the lengths man will go to master the earth the metallurgy and near magic of electrical impulses did […]

dream catcher

she bought me a dream catcher to hang over the bed the bed she laid in with me it was her going away present to me i didn’t know she was taking a trip so i hung it over the head board right above where she used to grab and shake it until it seemed […]

the sea

he sat next to the rocky outcropping watching the waves batter the shore this was his happy place one where the world stopped feeling so itchy, where the irritants and constant chatter went silent this was where he came when his wits end were reached, when the thought of letting the azure wash over him […]

#836

for every petal on a rose a thorn upon the stem for every star in the sky another life grows dim the immense and the inconsequential all burn with their own fevered will writing on the cave walls or upon vellum with quill eager to spill the wandering heart into an unwanting world chaos order […]

wildflowers

it always comes back to the woman with hair that smells of wildflowers the nymph the siren the enchantress the devil in stockings with that round ass and her nose always in the air some nights i spend cursing the world for daring give birth to the foul demoness all the scary tales whispered around […]

my merriam webster

as far as i was concerned her name was oxygen because i couldn’t figure out how to live without her but like jurrasic park life finds a way she was my mallory and i most certainly thought i was her mickey our crazy just resonated together in a harmony that made silly things like laws […]

an ocean of tears, a desert of smiles

staring into the face of my own mortality today did i live the life i always dreamt when i was a little kid with dreams and aspirations was this where i thought i would be i didn’t make it to space or design the buildings people ogled i didn’t paint the ceiling of a cathedral […]

like plucking roses from a grave site

the kids are gone toilet is broken the rubber stopper broke free of the plastic doohickey took four allergy pills half dozen aspirin stomach filled with popcorn head filled with cotton not enough booze to silence the thoughts in my head shaved my head today after dropping off the kids figured why not at best […]

sometimes

i put on some jazz as background music and decided to ight was as good as any to write and i stared at my phone the bass plucked by righteous hands, and the brass sounding like an angels chorus and i stared at the screen of the damned phone bill evans hit the keys and […]

but i can dream

i’ve been trying to figure out how to best introduce myself to you i thought maybe i would slide in, dressed up in a vest and bowtie, shirt tucked in, pocket watch chain hanging casually, my docs all shined up a smooth first impression say my name and assume you would recognize it, maybe go […]

apart meant

the silence of the place rings out, echoing the hope, mocking the feeling of despair triumphant tragedy the feeling of being a ghost in your feeble existence, haunting laughter, daydreaming the static of another life cryptic sadomasochistic, reciprocating, undulating, oscillating head cradled in numb hands the migraine ingrained until all else is false, triple spiked, […]

uber

this flow of unfavorable words will not cease, not give some feeling of triumph over tragedy, not give a sense of relief or release, not stop whispering evil things if the silence lasts more than a second i miss the one that got away, the ones that got away, the almost, the might have been, […]

not from around here

in my frustration and impotent rage it dawned on me maybe i am not of this world it makes the almost herculean effort required to fit in come into frame am i a demon sent from the bowels of hell itself given form as that of mortal man but with a more nefarious purpose did […]

her, again

tell her if i could do anything it would be just to lay there and hold her we would talk about our day and i would just run my fingers over her bare shoulder play connect the dots with her freckles while the sunlight dances on her skin close my eyes as her aura cleanses […]

triage, words

time froze i could see every drop of venom she sprayed at me the vein in her forehead popping out fury i did my best to dodge the liquid as it splattered on the ground with a hiss and plume of smoke her deadly accuracy and my innate ability to dodge responsibility working in tandam […]

bare walls, word

i leave the walls of my apartment bare the soothing white walls are a haven for when the heavy depression settles in i can concentrate on them feed the bad into them and it goes away but in my mind it is a different scene altogether i hang pictures of the past of the never […]

jokes, words

he is crude curses like a sailor writes what he thinks as he thinks it doesn’t take the time to think it through it is how he is scenes open in his mind and he relates them as best he can not fantasies not really just sees images of things and tries to sculpt them […]

little things, words

it is the little things i find myself missing in these oppressively quiet moments arguments over stupid stuff nonsensical then making up i don’t get into many arguments now i tend to agree with myself that i should do nothing but work and barely existing it is odd missing moments of turmoil but they are […]

dream kiss, words

woke up from a dream in the middle of the night like a world made of multicolor smoke it dissipated as i tried to hold on pieces flash still coherent racing down the street my friend driving an odd collection of faces i no longer make out a van we were late which sounds right […]

synthetic juxtapose, words

upload my consciousness into a synthetic form remove emotion pure rationality let my mind roam without distraction ones and zeros binary bliss sink the detrimental parts with the flesh suit no ache no remorse none of the middling things that confine, define and resign us to this human condition electrical impulses curb impusive behavior occum’s […]

tip, words

tantalizingly out of reach swimming in and out of focus i’ve forgotten what it means to be whole can you see me standing here, light refracting from the fear, the end is all so clear, hold me close and call me dear adversity, amoral acceptance of actual accidental arrogance ambiguous at best the thin line […]

sand, words

the winds whip up the sand around me stinging and lashing, i feel it lacerate my exposed skin haven’t drank in days the burning days and freezing nights shimmering mirages taunt me at every dune i climb the carrion feeders circle the end is near this desert, all browns and yellow no green no life […]

cor contritum, words

the walls are leaning in pressure real and insubstantial building there is one constant in electricity it seeks to go to ground, home, to dissipate the charge there is one constant in broken hearts they seek home, to dissipate the hurt cor contritum latin for broken heart a beautiful turn of phrase from a dead […]

pacing, words

the sun is beaming down but the chill maintains the hold on the room the bright light pisses me off no reason just does irritable from the chaos that started the day aggravated by the lack of sleep disturbed as the dividends still haven’t acrued so i snarl at the sun got groceries for the […]

forgotten, words

in my dream last night you were there it had been so long i didn’t recognize you but you knew me we talked for a while you a stranger, treating me as a friend, a lover, a confidant as you walked away i awoke staggered to the toilet and as i stood, leaning against the […]

balloon, words

wrote a note this morning tied it to a balloon and sent it off on the winds did you get it probably not it was unimportant just said i was at the end of my rope figuratively the note was tied to the end of the rope literally as i slept i dreamt of a […]

bed ridden, words

going to bed, gotta ease this load this waking world ain’t fit for dreamers and my head’s always been in the clouds just gotta close my eyes and let reality slip away find my place without want or need i drift along with mind full of fog lost and scared of what will never be […]

jazz ravine, words

bill evans trio on full volume a half pot of coffee an empty bottle of pills falling into the crescendo the racing chords, dischordiant, harmonic dissidence strumming across the rags i call a soul opening doors slamming windows the pots and pans clang erratically in time my brain rattles like the high hat a paint […]

trans-ition, a tale

I was sitting on the toilet, seat down, waiting for the wax to cool while bedazzling my leather thong when I had an epiphany. I said to myself, self it doesn’t get much better than this. Then I ripped the wax off and fought a scream. The price of being beautiful in this trying age […]

coffee and Her, words

the coffee maker hisses and spits in my head it is a seven foot south american hissing cockroach pissing into the pot woke up with one of those cluster headaches again well originally woke up to the headache kicking my ass in triple time but spoke with Her so between the flutters and excitement of […]

one of those, words

having a sad night one of those wish i were being held nights feathered indians by tyler childers faded by POS kills to be resistant by bully sound track of my mental state swore i would just go get a bottle of whiskey before doing this to myself again listen to sad songs and embrace […]

no clever title, words

i wish those words were meant for me so much have you ever heard something so sweet and thought it would be the most amazing thing if they were aimed at your heart that happened today like when you are sitting alone and see someone wave and smile real big and confusedly think maybe it […]

shelter from the storm, words

i couldn’t tell if she was the tornado or the calm before the storm sitting on the hood of my car, sipping whiskey and staring up at the newly awakened stars, watching the clouds roll in fast, feeling the warm wind blowing from the opposite direction made me think of her the subtle burn of […]

u.p.p., words

drank a bottle of water while i drive too fast down the overly congested highway had to use the restroom the minute i got close to my destination small talk with the lady behind the counter love it when they call me darlin perks of living in the south bought another bottle of water before […]

cigarette, words

i miss the crackle of a fresh lit cigarette sometimes the first inhale of blue smoke after a long night drinking, the stale smell of beer and a dirty ashtray like a dog without a bone she smiles into space wide eyed not here, not sitting on the couch not next to me my phone […]

rend and tear, words

anger has teeth, ragged broken things, chewing and grinding sorrow has wings, they drape and hang, threatening to smother but love has fangs, sharp pointed things that pierce, slide in with barely a notice, injecting venom directly into the vein, paralyzing the body and going directly to the heart and brain she hated driving an […]

sit, words

come and sit with me spend the night watching documentaries learn about each other laugh cry i’ll put on some music and we can slow dance and pretend we are somewhere else somewhere better run your fingers across my scars i will tell you their tales make up stories to wile away the time never […]

whiskey whimsy, words

single malt, aged seven years in oak cask barrels, only the finest in heart wrenching sorrow blended with corn mash and subtle notes of bitterness and bile triple carbon filtered, distilled through copper wrought from the blood of the gods themselves no proof but one hundred percent pure and true a pint for sipping, a […]

stones, words

each prayer a stone cast into the stream concentric circles, ripples in time, the cascading waters of eternal hope swept in the currents of ego and void pulled through magnetic fields, stretched thin, inside out and reversals of fate the gods throw tantrums, drain the wishing wells until naught but coins remain belligerence and belittlement […]

kisses, words

i can remember falling lips first into another eyes closed tasting breath, lips, teeth, tongue gently at first exploring slowly turning up the flame harder, hungrier not needing to breathe anything but each other nibbles not so gentle bites to the ear love, the throat down to the collar bone back to the lips again […]

roar, words

can you hear me roar as it thunders across the plains calling out to you, need and want booming through the night i roar for you hunger and lonelieness, a plea for you to come to me to fill this need this driving force inside of me i want you to fill it the snarl […]

bounce, words

my mind is racing but there is no cohesion to the thoughts like a lightning round of idiocy and insecurities, bouncing from disparate to desperate and all points between salivate, retaliate, procrastination against salvation a fine line from confusion to disillusion with a healthy observation of defenestration seven happy heartaches, eight offending offers, nine and […]

self cauterizing, words

i am crazy all of these odes to love, to her, to things never quite in grasp all i do is scribble lies to turn attention from the insanity that grips me i am not the wizard of heartbreak i am the unloveable man behind the curtain spitting flowery prose to shine the light on […]

withdrawal, words

hands shaky, irritable, ants under my skin withdrawal my only addictions are women that are too good for me, profanity, and seeking things i shall never attain then why the onset signs of withdrawal not because she stopped talking to me, she being every single woman i have ever shown interest in unless they are […]

last good bye, words

as I walked to bathroom to shower i noticed i had left a cabinet door open in the kitchen it was her pet peeve and i learned to quickly remedy it so as to not here her yell even if she was short enough to not have to worry about hitting her head i never […]

Adjacent

He sat at the same table he always occupies. A clear view to the door, back to the wall and just out of the main tectonic plate of pulsating bass that fills the dance floor. An untouched whiskey double with a trickle of water sits halfway onto the coaster in front of him. The distorted […]

unwritten, words

if love is blind can you read the braile my heart is scribbling down the page love is forever and i have not begun to write to you, and i will never stop making odes for you but i cannot write a poem about love i don’t know if i have the words if i […]

hellish, words

the desperate symphony of angelic demons wail rattling the spikes of the pits of hell the segmented bodies of insects feast upon the soft skin of human suffering sequinned dresses and torn up tuxedos litter the hallway the cherub, the blasphemous martyr and a machiavellian monarch hold court, casting judgement and dispersions in equal disregard […]

far, words

she is beautiful even though i have never seen her i know, it comes through it wouldn’t matter anyway looks can fade, vision can go, but inner beauty always finds a way to light the darkened hallways of a mind it is a bubbling of the soul, the careless grace of phrase as i am […]

burnt offering, words

i stand in the shadows of greatness an inability to express in fumbling words the feelings that burn, freeze, strike and shatter words are my trade and traitorous they have become leaving me stripped bare, nerves exposed, pounding salty tears how do you move forward when the past weighs so heavily, crushingly, hooks tearing the […]

a muse sing, words

wanted an hour nap before dinner curled up in a ball and thought about you the entire time wished we were talking, laughing, declaring impossibilities to one another, sharing inner thoughts instead of rest i lay in the too cold room with too desperate musings on the state of having a muse once again on […]

over share, words

fitful sleep, off dreams filled with crimson splashes and distant screams woke up nearly as tired as when i went to bed, and the accursed hotel coffee is not helping matters see i am a light roast man in a world of over acidic bold the opposite of my mental state acidic and bold with […]

reflectors, words

barely functional sore body, drained spirit, mind in a fog long day, with longer coming saw the sights, killed the lights, lying on so soft bed with nothing but thoughts the mirror is situated in a way that when i move I am startled by the movement back the sounds of the highway soothe, so […]

compass, words

thank the silence for the kids, the tenuous loneliness of the perpetually alone broken by these brief interludes of joy baking for them, cooking for them, having someone to take care of is a slice of heaven all too quickly it vanishes and i retreat into the spiral of depression and emptiness but as the […]

hunt, words

i am the hunter, the silent stalker in the cityscape the lone tracker of the most elusive of prey following the scent of the heart’s desire, picking out clues in the most hidden of places, laying my traps of subtle turn of phrase and heartfelt prose looking for the missing piece, the completion, the mythical […]

carousel, words

another one of those i should be asleep moments another time my mind races through the hallways of maybe if and probably not, i wish it would the waking dreamstate of need and hope is it all in vain, this idiotic and possibly quixotic pursuit of something more than the bare minimum the dreams and […]

The Look, words

the last day with her was filled with all the warning signs i had learned to ignore the subtle swipes, the not so feigned disinterest but what sticks out in the ramblings chains of memory is that look in her eyes after we made love she stared at me, knowing it was the last time […]

boomerang, words

i can feel the half moons of blood well up on my palms as my oversharp fingernails cut into them shaking fists and throbbing temples is it frustration or simple contemplation, a restoration, an emancipation, a declaration of love that will never be love is a broken boomerang i continue to throw hoping one day […]

Cooking, words

when everything is falling apart, dissolving back into the baser bits, simmered down and gently deglazed, white wine and butter, heartache and tears, take stock, add broth, low heat and immense pressure life is made equal parts butter and flour, salt and pepper, smiles and throaty chuckles, skip to the roux my darling i miss […]