in my frustration and impotent rage it dawned on me

maybe i am not of this world

it makes the almost herculean effort required to fit in come into frame

am i a demon sent from the bowels of hell itself

given form as that of mortal man but with a more nefarious purpose

did i lash out against satan himself in a failed coup to take over and reinvigorate the underworld

beaten within an inch of death and cast out to roam the earth alone until the day my infernal destiny is revealed

searching for the happiness humans seem to stockpile

success and joy

but always subconsciously undermining it all due to my true demonic nature

as lucifer rests on his throne of skulls and laughs at the futility of it all

mocking bellowing screams as he fulfills his ultimate torture fantasy

maybe i’m not evil at all

what if i am an alien

brought to earth thousands of years ago to help foster knowledge with hairless apes

giving secrets to them of agriculture and architecture

helping to craft the pyramids

my kind immortalized around the globe by the ancient civilizations we taught to prosper

but something went wrong

my people were called back to our home galaxy and somehow i was left behind

alone and homesick

and as millennia passed my grasp on who i am

who i was

who i am supposed to be

all eventually stripped away as insanity and desperation consumed rational thought

incompatible with the humans i have mistaken myself for

needing to send a signal into space to find my own kind but lacking the proper tools and mental accuity to finish the job

a lone vagabond

seeking companionship but always meant to be alone

the proverbial stranger in a strange land

the lone traveler

a monster in human disguise

an alien

a demon

a walking parasite

filled with a self loathing because of the inherent foreign nature prevelant in my thoughts and deeds

scribbling in code in the hopes someone will see and understand

that there is one out there that can see the hidden message in the juvenile attempts at writing

and see the creature beneath

strip away the depression and false bravado and find the lonely one in need

or maybe i am just a fool

spewing words in incompetent prose to an uncaring sphere of demons and aliens that have found a way to fit in to the societal hierarchy

a self imposed sentence of life in a hell of his own design

i don’t know

anything

which seems to be as good a starting point as any