golden apples, rotten fruit

the more i read the more i realize every great discovery is based off greed the great explorers searched for gold or trade routes from which they would acquire more gold philosophers peddled ideaologies for pennies more concerned about food in their bellies scientists seeking to turn lead into gold accidentally leading to discoveries they […]

night falls early as i lay awake

transcendentalmass deviationfollowing the curve ofmadnessin incidentalrecursionsawkwardly into theheart of matters i forgetam i meor am ithe shadowof a dancingflameinnocuousand franticshimmeringfully dressedin nothingnessa broken prismplayingnightmares alongyour naked form only existingin palpitationsarhythmic by designflawed at the atomicboss level of decay a fading whistlerustling the last leafof summer’s distrustenigmatic rotto vanish inautumn’s embrace

scribbling dreamwhispers

my poisoned quill can find nothing but sorrowful snatches of insipid verse the words dipped in the darkest depression as i seek out silver longings behind every cloud raining my own insignificance in oil stained puddles that leech the color from ashen horizons it is easy to lose myself in the whorls of eternity a […]

hypnagogic

the world melts into hypnagogic transience as i sit seeking her in the chaos above me swirls of obsidian a knife’s edge in shimmering oblivion sheers the heartstrings until the muscle hangs fractured in rapture wheezing machines bellow clouds of billowing night a thinkness of thought ensnared in rigorous denial falling into elliptical electron orbits […]

despondency

the window is coated in dust and the light flitering through seems to be aged lending a gravitas to the miserable day’s proceedings lying still as internally wars are waged my skull is the beaches as d day soldiers storm my battered unbattened hatches wheezing mustard gas nocturnes in three quarter time filtered over by […]

emptiness, table for one

over the summer we had entire weeks now we have the weekends and they go so fast and it goes from empty to happy and snaps back to empty before any of us has a chance to breathe and suddenly i am alone and it is too fucking quiet to alone in this fucking head

wilted

there is an overflow from the weeping wound of meandering heartgasms a spillage seeping soundlessly from beneath the rotunda of trapezoidal painschism as a cool wind of stasis embraces the enigmatic spine of encumbered annoyances i wilt in a storm of ashes wishing one ember would ignite my weary frame

wanderful wondercrust

i wander lost seeking familiar faces but the skin is stretched deforming former friendships do humans molt like snakes shed themselves leave wan skinsleeves for new malevolent spirits to inhabit? it must be hard being friends with or goddess forbid falling in love with an unnatural disaster a shaken cocktail of chemically imbalanced bipolar surges […]

needles in my brain

when i try to speak bubbles of rancid filth form between my lips a gurgling choking fills esophageal spasms as poisoned thorns pierce the illusionist leaving dream to congeal a globular hellscape of bilipid disaster the world has decreed today is one for silence as i stumble miserably through shadow dappled ache seeking solace in […]

eternity blinks

i lie still in the darkness a grub a maggot a caterpillar the blanket cocoon tightly wrapped as i struggle go find comfort i am a shadow the shadow of a shadow the reflection of the night sky from the heart of black hole i am an insignificant speck a squiggled line inside the eyelid […]

i(n)k

when i die cremate my remains crush up the big bits of bone and mix me in with a solution of ink and spread me across the page rewrite each of my odes to my love let my every drop flow through the wildflowers dancing in her bottomless brown eyes use me up in a […]

coffee and her as i bleed across the sky

i sit alone remnants of dream cling to my sullen sleep filled mind the phantom feel of her hand still entwined with my own as the slumbering sun rests beneath the eastern horizon her smile lighting the darkness of waking without the succor of her lips to wake the morning sky. i cut myself letting […]

chaos meditation

the room is lined with cathode ray sets tuned to dead static a million buzzing flies crawling inside a vacuum of light sifting through the chaotically ordered mediations of meditation as the tentacles rise from the murky depths a kaleidoscopic view into bubbling madness pinpricks dancing feverishly in disharmonic fits calling fervently in guttural moanings […]

fingerpainting ugliness

standing beneath this yellowed sterility too brightly lit in the pungency of dawn ebon feathers swirl lazy circles spinning ever downward to block the sun in this semi-hysterical malaise of dismay lackadaisical hunters resting on the jutting ivory ribcage of euthanized dreamslurries swarms of biting flies drawn to the stench of honeyed words gone sour […]

neritic

her smile shivers in the shallows of heartspun wonder a sounding travelling into the silt and sand of my neritic soul phantom fingers trail in the miscast foam of viridescenct disambiguation sending spikey chills rippling waves of doubt egg shaped idioms distorting placid vistas beneath dying starlight in swarms of chalky misremembered mistakes muffled lunar […]

petulant ponderings

the sunlight drizzled syrupy and surreptitious in colorless saturation as i lay unmoving after a long night of unrest unfazed by the new phase of an old routine rerun the sands of time taken home beneath my eyelids to smooth the oblong lens sighing sightless sorrow as the sparrows trumpet another goddamn sunrise a sculpture […]

alveoli

deep down inside there is an alveoli a pit so dark i fear it has never known the light scrapings of ink a whirling dervish of amniotic dismay tentacled with tiny voids in the place of suckers as the beak of a great beast calls a sinuous form sliding in the soulcurrents waves of pulsing […]

pedagogy

loneliness is pedagogical as much as there is to learn from others nothing teaches so poignantly searing words deep into blistered skin branding thoughts ever winding until every possibility each disparate branch has been searched poked and prodded leaving an expulsion organs draped flailing about like fish suddenly out of the water and incapable of […]

pushing the door marked pull

camus said that the absurd is a confrontation of the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world if we cannot be one hundred percent certain than we can only be certain in ourselves while acknowledging the only true certainty is in uncertainty thus humans swim just above this ever present uncertainty electrified gelatin […]

garde(n)ing

i churn the ugliness i see in the mirror out the window all around me into pellets of melancholic beauty that i spit over the fence to grow like weeds just out of sight infusing each poetic mumbling with a sense of self worthlessness at odds with my all encompassing love for her the scent […]

seahorses clamor in ashen remorse

a faint shivering courses coarsely cursing in cursive down open palms where fingertips smolder like cones of opium incense intensely incensed retroaggressively progressed through recessionary recourse my heart is a sparrow hopping on bone a puffball of brown whistling an empty ode oafishly opining on indecent descents a canary island of mine fumes and fungus […]

sleepy kisses keep me from sleeping

tired slips between the folds in my brain coating every thought as i coax my tongue to twist the syllables of your name in a way to summon you through the electrified aether an incantation of my utmost adoration in a series of sleepy kisses dripped slowly honey across your skin a dedication in desire […]

stutterstep w/EC

the moon and stars locked in stutterstep incandescent illusion intricate delusion i sought my center there i found you What if our soulmates are poems or star songs, or the way the light bends the shadow of a tree? Or waves of a cold dark sea across tender places never touched before? The darkness inside […]

even in these endings i shout my love into seashells

there are moments when the chaos calms the random noise of a billion souls screaming inchoately quiets for a second the clock face stutters the hands shaking and it feels as if right at that instant the universe shows a defined path through the emptiness inherent in accidental existence i have been known to stare […]

roadsick

the conrete barricadeslaid in uneven rowsjut out across the centerand i cannot followthe road is driving mefarther from herfarther from sane home is a just a hazyrecollection of painsi burn my fingerprintsacross the atlas of hope following out of stateplates as they fleethis present state of distressrepressed in the throesof driving into the sunor off […]

cosmos

i carve crescent moons into doorways draw little suns in the dust on windowsills and trace comets down the walls of the hallway on my way to bed i see the stars in your eyes the swirling cosmos lacks your depth as sneak peaks a wobbly lensed hubble lost in the vacuum of space my […]

pearl farming

in my insomnial wonderings as i lay staring up into the darkness my mind mining misery forming empty verse or a question conspires to insert itself in my soft tissue sometimes causing a pearl to grow as i lacquer layers of translucency over this foreign substance subcutaneously irritating my emotional inconsistencies i know that i […]

we make love and the world calls it poetry

she paints her lips with the ashes of never kissing me gently taking away my ability to recall the taste of anyone but her she spreads glitter the crushed shells of hope across her perfect breasts and as she rocks back and forth upon me a hundred thousand prayers come to life before my unbelieving […]

dream vandals

i am consumed by the constant nibbles of my own fleeting mortality unable to sleep drifting between haunted sepulchre and hated soliloquy the marble dust clings to sweat soaked skin as i carve a last unread verse before sliding down six feet beneath the ground that remained indifferent at best to my every movement shoulders […]

rainy day

it rained today harder than it has since summer reared her angry smile i fell between the raindrops as they kicked up dust on the parched earth exploding into mushroom clouds of sparse hydration to feel the cool rain wash away the sins rivulets of tar streaming down my face always half a second too […]

skeletal hoarfrost

my eyes snapped open as the alarm sang i managed to string three hours in a row yet the tired clings to my shaky bones a thin veneer of skeletal hoarfrost i have managed to second guess my way through three near sleepless evenings tearing apart all of my life in summation repeating my mantra […]

(un)matter

i am made of matter that doesn’t seem to matter stardust from the least bright star unphotogenic photons battered and bruised mildew in the milky way mummified by distraction interred in disinterest a corpse in a copse of petrified trees a piece of trash in the cacti needles needlessly insignificant indulgently bland gas passed through […]

poetry is suicide in verses of dismay

poetry by autopoiesis a corruption of culmination trawling this stagnant stream of dead dreamers casting nets for milk-eyed lurkers beneath a thick layer of subcutaneous heart shit this fecund assortment of abandonment with rusted hooks fleshy mechanical pumps affixed to leaky tear ducts forcing fluid from ocular woe to ovulatory alliteracies carving chum from scar […]

raining ink from the god squid’s dreams

lost in the whorls of this aleatory allegory thusly inscribed in the fibonacci sequence inherent in this fossilized nautilus unscribed in lime a rhymeless misery of wanton syllabic abuse predators rest burrowed downdowndown in the silt of settled dreamshatter husks unblinking unthinking while the world is steadily sinking into the fat deposits of prepubescent godlings […]

they don’t see corpses, just dollar signs

the latest military debacle in a series of military debacles the never ending war machine doesn’t care if the results are wins or losses since the nazis the ominous threats have been a series of pissing contests measuring dicks and pretending at virtue makes me remember the vietnam vets with haunted eyes i grow up […]

seeking salvation in seven percent solutions

she doesn’t know which will draw out whatever poor bastard she has set her vacant sights upon so she vacillates shifting rapidly between bodhisattva her every movement dripping lavishly false promises of a nirvana that it seems never truly existed amd playing victim demanding attention with false tales of traumas never experienced unsure if it […]

101

i put down my last ten bucks on the trifecta for the fourth race no knowledge of what a trifecta is supposed to be or how to read the stats on the ponies but i left it up to sheer chance and as i figured as they rounded the final turn to the cheers of […]

seams

seems to be a full time job manufacturing emotional breakdowns a flurry of pleas to be seen to be heard seems to be exhausting this constant need for validation seems to me i don’t understand the machinations the prerequisites of self delusion in taking pity as a placebo to fill the spaces in a fictitious […]

passionate madnesses

i have become ensnared in these non-euclidean geometries slip sliding in between presient states of unbeing. deep beneath known gnome sanctuaries in maggot ridden constanbularies of petrified dusky wooden refrains clanging chains of rusted solidarity chatter hollowly into the chasm of midnight’s dark gaze. upon the silent wings the great owl infused with chaos crackling […]

end of summer as the world slowly dies once more

a bubbling pot of gumbo does little to ease the sorrow of a final sunday before school inexplicably begins again the dying hours of a final weekend none of us wants to end summer vacation went by far too quickly our weeks together a blur of joy before being relegated to four days a month […]

oneiric

some nights the oneiric insights speak of childhood fears some nights they show me and her the wildflowers heavy on the spring breeze as we lie staring up at the blinking lights her smile more beautiful than any constellation seen by man i learned a long time ago looking backwards is a foolish gambit there […]

sclerotic necrotizing

there is a hesitancy in the sclerotic heartbeat of the world. a rigidness in the swaying corpsedance a flayed meandering of rancid loss. as silence makes love to the gasping wheeze of sorrowful cardial detraction the calcium deficient bones of dream flake to chalk filling in the viridescent form of serpents coiled into the shape […]

repugnancy of gray

beset by shadows in this hysterical hierarchy of heavy handed harvesters and a confluence of crows there is no color in this repugnancy of gray a series of ever deepening ligature marks crisscrossing fetidly weeping wounds a cross section of infection in plasticized ergonomics wretchedly retching staining marble edifices shattering strained glass reiterations of sullen […]

nervous breakdown, now on my patreon

my friend, Shandon, took his own life a few weeks ago. he isn’t the first of my friends to choose his own way out, but it hit me harder than the others. he loved dinosaurs and Richard Kadrey. he wanted to write and was making headway. then life hit hard and everything fell apart. i […]

a listless malignancy

there are days where the golden diffusion mutes every other shade a photon bombardment leaving me bloodied and heaving unable to face the day where the anchors catch on wreckage far below the effusion a cyclical malaise of broken breaking dreamdust spirals as all but the ache slowly fade away there are nights where the […]

mondays, am i right?

i prefer mondays if given a choice of the seven days mondays suit me fine sundays are too packed with the last minute details in preparation for this newly born week tuesdays are busy things are in order but chaos reigns so the best laid plans are scattered in the undulating woe wednesdays are as […]

a stuffed bird halfway beneath the couch

he is nothing but a cat’s toy exciting while still brand new then discarded only inciting interest when he becomes the object of another’s attention a toy for a petulant cat that only wants what someone else adores feigning disinterest but always watching

arthritic brushstrokes

i am a painter combining the hues of mania and depression into new shades of endless misery i prefer the original colors deep blue depression wild lilac mania these are rivers i can navigate familiar like the back of my mother’s hand it is when they swirl i lose pieces of myself in the froth […]

vineless

i have lost track of when the tears went from joy to loss to frustration then to hope when i became dessicated bereft of liquid and only stardust fell down chapped cheeks a grape does not dream of being wine nor raisin it hangs happily part of the bunch absorbing each ray of sun it […]

a figurehead carved from pumice

i am perched a gargoyle monstrous in design ugly by necessity watching as the city sleeps i am sat upon a throne of lies self styled monarch sceptre clutched as my kingdom burns around me the executioner cuts the umbilical sending the sand to gently flow as the last connection is severed we slowly die […]

midflight

i feel the icy phantom hands grasp at my leg through the torn meniscus of hope clutching feebly trying to draw the last bit of warmth from the corpse of dream i hear the cacophonous dead as they parade goose-stepping along the scattered shattered fragment of wonder stripped callously from the wide open gaze of […]

refrain

i long to be the grass beneath her bare feet the breeze swirling in her lungs the sunlight upon her soft skin and the love making her pulse race she is my first thought upon waking my last before sleep and the spectre i chase in dream i am a fool with a carefully restrained […]

tense

i get lost occasionally i fall through the cracks in the wall or through time the past still crushes the future uncertain as i curl into a ball afraid of the now i am presently tense in this present tense anxiously anxious unable to calm my brain willfully unwilling to engage in my worries yet […]

(i)fi(n)ite

i sat staring out the window seeking to encapsulate this feeling that squirms throughout my entirety her beauty etched into my mind’s eye her laughter bubbles in my blood her voice sends shivers of ecstasy racing down my spine it is impossible to sum up someone so magnificent with a party twenty six letters there […]

the r in dnr

she raised a manicured finger towards, her phone vibrating across the desk, grabbed it and said ‘hello’ i was trapped in her small office working on the small machine ‘i don’t give a fuck what miracle the doctor performed, explain to ne exactly what DNR means’ i grab my tools and nake fir the door, […]

mondays are not for reflection

i am the product of the lower lowerclass an accidental ejaculation that sent ripples of ruin across every single soul unfortunate enough to cross my wake the rock in your shoe the itch right between your shoulder blades the eyelash in your eye a popcorn kernel wedgeds between two molars a walking headache with no […]

chrononaut

i exist in the nanosecond of coiled tension just before the second hand ticks i am a tick feeding on the potential energy inherent in every tock the instance hovering right as time itself turns kinetic spilling ink to coat the gears grinding the clock face to a stuttered stop a chrononaut of insignificance trying […]

a fly and a fool

there is a fly buzz buzzing about a tiny little pest that is certain everything in the world belongs to it unaware of the momentary nature in which even a sovereign monarch reigns as it explores this new land i bemoan each second spent without her in my arms the fly is unconcerned with the […]

transparency

the entirety of the slaughterhouse has gone transparent the thud hiss of the air hammer rattles the glass walls as the uneven floors fully lit by the warm sunshine show viscera trails as hooves slip on the trail of tears headed with open eyes into bovine valhalla i step lightly head to tail ever forward […]

circadian cicada

my sleep patterns of late accurately reflect the rainfall in the desert the night is absent of morpheus and his magic sand evxcept for fits of violent unease as ripples of anxiety infect the oasis of dream just over the next rolling dune i see the vultures circle blinking furiously to remove the floating dots […]

sweet tooth

my love is the cavity in your sweet tooth slowly ruining the things you enjoy until all that remains is the memory of pain

the birds scream, i sit at the verge

the birds scream dismayed at the lack of sun the gray skies threaten rain the wind feels nefarious as i drink coffee with dread bubbling up i have learned to trust the currents as they ripple around my indifference i drop leaves to see the water churn the things beneath they hunger the tired, the […]

monster’s masquerade

often in life i take people at face value which leads more often than not to seeing how the mask slips unwittingly showing exactly who they are beneath the constantly fluctuating falsehood the problem is with me i have accepted the beast of flaws that define me so why wouldn’t everyone else feel comfortable enough […]

sain’t(victi’m)

elle vivsects vampirique et vacant un sain’t mal adapté aspirer l’air hors de chaque pièce un prédateur victi’m auto stylisée complimentant constamment elle-même dans l’espoir d’autres le feront bientôt suivre un collage un mirage a victi’m d’auto-sabotage a sain’t dans un mauvais camouflage vous pouvez tout aussi se noyer facilement dans l’extrémité peu profonde essayer […]

the reason dreams fade (butterfly)

i dreamt i was a fat little caterpillar endlessly eating building up my energy forming a cocoon and one day i would fly so preoccupied with my impending metamorphosis life went past in a blur of munched leaves until the day came instinct kicked in as i slowly squeezed into the transparent bodybag stuck to […]

the hunger of dream

the sky was heavy with rain and the every soul in the city tosses and turns in the grips of nightmare in the morning over coffee and loud yawns the receding vision of turbulent seas and the things lurking deep in the darkness blind eyes and gaping jaws the cold pressing in the dizzying loss […]

the difference between making and manufacturing love

she wonders why her love is not returned knowing deep down it is because he is at home with his wife having dinner making plans for a future that she has no part in so she does anything and everything to be his one desire then wonders why his eyes are always roaming settling on […]

cyclical

i woke from fitful sleep punctuated by anxiety induced nightmares to the sparrows and i remembered exactly how much i love you the headache has me dizzy a shower didn’t help the coffee mixed with the taste of batteries is likely a huge mistake but the birds remind me the sun blushes when it shines […]

a joke (the fool goes a long way for little return)

two prenatal doctors are standing in the break room drinking coffee and talking about their days. “there was an alarm on the fourth floor. code blue,” the first doctor said. “oh shit,” the second doctor replied. the first doctor nodded, “the new nurse, Braxton, triggered it.” the second doctor looked puzzled. “Braxton?” he asked. the […]

gardening as a full time profession

all i ever managed to plant in the garden in the heartshaped plot was a mess of tangled roots like vipers no matter how hard i toiled to till the soil the sparrows came to pluck the seeds leaving naught but barren earth my shoulders in gordian knots as i bemoaned my hands knowing only […]

Four

today marks four years at the manic word depot. 5160 poems written. a testament to madness. i had written in the past. little sloppy short stories and poems. my friends pretended to like them and my ex told me it was a collosal waste of time. so i gave up on a foolish dream for […]

tenacious

each night i lay perfectly still waiting for either sleep or the sparrows to break the ever present silence that hangs a funeral shroud over my naked form in the briefest of moments as sleep or madness clouds my eyes and i can feel your warmth and i know if i shift this dream shall […]

reticence

every tear shed is one impossible weight let go from a fractured soul yet the tears seem endless i have lost all hope in ever reaching buoyancy the light a mirage dancing on the waves teasingly just out of reach i dream of falling shuddering awake and i know i was just an impossible weight […]

the glutton

contentment is a plaster mare, perch yourself upon her as you may, you shall make no progress despite how often you heel her flank. hunger drives me ever forward, the constant need for more, gluttonous in my dissatisfaction, ever seeking my fill from a world that selfishly hoards joy.

i am not sad, just hopeless at the moment

there are those that think lady depression is sadness that the fool willingly curls up to sob for days because he is a sad little boy they tend to be too loud in their proclamations of being positive clinging to insipid phrases to seem emotionally intelligent to make up for how bereft of understanding they […]