i get lost occasionally
i fall through
the cracks in the wall
or through time
the past still crushes
the future uncertain
as i curl into a ball
afraid of the now
i am presently tense
in this present tense
anxiously anxious
unable to calm my brain
willfully unwilling
to engage in my worries
yet worried at the
disengagement inside
i disassociate meanings
allow myself to be swept
on the currents that pull
me currently forward
as my gaze is cast back

there is a storm brewing
as i huddle for shelter
riding kinetic synaptics
as they flash behind my eyes
a lavender disasterpiece
penning pieces with
no mastery of shaking quills
spraying inkblots upon
the virginal bedsheets
that incomprehensively
show the hatred burning
in a mother’s baleful glare

i get lost occasionally
falling into the cracks
in my own wavering facade
my shoulders ache as i struggle
to keep the heavens aloft
a self made atlas in penance
crushed under the weight
of my own insignificance
shuffling through various
states of presently tense
as the sky falls down around me

well aware
it is all
in my head