i dreamt
i was a fat
little caterpillar
endlessly eating
building up
my energy
forming a cocoon
and one day
i would fly

so preoccupied
with my impending
metamorphosis
life went past
in a blur
of munched leaves
until the day came
instinct kicked in
as i slowly
squeezed into
the transparent bodybag
stuck to a branch

agonies flared
as flesh tore
wings formed
i writhed
the painful
transformation
rewriting who i was
while i became
who i always
wanted to be

as i woke
from the semicatatonic state
i could not smile
could not sing
of the first of my
tentative attempts
to fly across the field
wings unfurled
for i had no mouth
and i knew sudden
inexplicable panic

i was
for the first time
in my miserable life
beautiful
yet with that came
delicacy in
multihued wings
no longer able
to hide among
the vegetation
contentedly eating leaves
now a silent wisp
with wings to draw
the attention
of all the predators

slowly consumed
by the hunger
trailing pollen
back and forth
as birds circled above
i had become
the stuff of dreams
only to realize
that is why dreams fade
as the day goes on
longing once more
to be a caterpillar
eating my body weight
in fresh green growths
seeing the irony
in getting
what you want
and that being exactly
what i deserved