but i can dream

i’ve been trying to figure out how to best introduce myself to you

i thought maybe i would slide in, dressed up in a vest and bowtie, shirt tucked in, pocket watch chain hanging casually, my docs all shined up

a smooth first impression

say my name and assume you would recognize it, maybe go with michael instead of mike, sound classy, like someone who is someone, not someone who is nobody

mention i write, peak your interest, make it sound like it is more than the pathetic caterwauling of depression pouring like brackish waters into the nothingness of a world that couldn’t care less about me

stare into your eyes and ensnare you with my inner light

tell you that i am damn near positive you were made for these arms to hold

for these lips to kiss

that you were one of a kind, specially crafted to be the woman of my dreams made flesh

in my dreams i saw glimpses of perfection and in you i see that i had no idea what perfection truly was

every ray of light bends around you forming a nimbus, a halo, a shimmering distortion until there is nothing but your beauty in my eyes

the first time i saw you i did a triple take, unsure that what i glimpsed and what was there could possibly be the same image

how i willed the world to stop it’s frantic motions, cease all sound until the only thing my ears could detect was your heartbeat, your breathing

if i had the ability i would have bottled your fragrance and dabbed it onto a handkerchief and wrapped it around my face like a bank robber about to storm the front door and demand the teller put all of me into a bag so i could leave it at your feet to do with as you please

you don’t walk, you glide, your toes not needing to make contact with the soil beneath your soles

your soul bursts forth like a laser array at a concert, your voice resonates in perfect pitch, your eyes a trap i willingly fall into irregardless of sharpened stakes at the bottom

that i would do anything to take up five minutes of your precious time

my heart pierced by arrows of delicious torment, my stomach filled with butterflies, my legs weak, my sight blurred at the image of true heart’s desire, my mind riddled with fragments of you until the great magic eye picture comes out as i lose focus

instead i bowed my head, thankful for this moment of divinity and unresponsive feet pulled me down the sidewalk and you became a dot on the horizon

radiating promises i could never keep, words i could never utter, poems i could never write

a stained glass refrain of everything i ever dreamt made real for the briefest of seconds

i wondered as i hurried farther down the road, does she know the exacting detail of perfection she personifies, who does she see when she gets the honor of staring at that wondrous reflection staring back at her

i wish it was a still image of us

that she could see my arm around her waist, my adoration flowing, feel my pulse race as my eyes drank in only her and in that instant know i would never want for more

i wish i had had the courage, the mental fortitude, the brass balls necessary to sweep her off the feet and carry her into the sunset of lazy kisses and wanton need

to trace my fingers over her every curve, fondle and suckle and lick every squared inch her frame

but alas it was not meant to be, my own willful ignorance and lack of voice destined to doom this sliver of joy into another needle of missed opportunity driven into my spine, deadening the nerves until painful numbness returned as my constant companion

but i can dream, fantasize about rose petals spread across the bed and candles making shadows dance on the walls

crane my neck as i walk in hopes of another tantalizing glimpse

i can dream

and that is enough for my bitter soul, my dessicated heart, my weeping mind

One thought on “but i can dream

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