the kids are gone

toilet is broken

the rubber stopper broke free of the plastic doohickey

took four allergy pills

half dozen aspirin

stomach filled with popcorn

head filled with cotton

not enough booze to silence the thoughts in my head

shaved my head today after dropping off the kids

figured why not

at best i’d have a shiny smooth head

at worst i’d slip and slit my throat with the blade

might have best and worst mixed up

so i sat and read and thought about how nice it would be to have someone there

lay my pounding head on her lap and mumble the words singing in my skull

so i read

at least the book didn’t take off on me

or push me away until i took the hint

and then started dropping hints the other way

too confusing

i don’t play games without a controller

so i read and the words became insistent

psychobabble

flights of fancy

curb check for my emotional baggage

but the hope chest got lost in transit

felt thirsty all day but too stubborn to get a bottle of brown fire to try and drown my sorrow

it’s too quiet

especially after a week of laughter and deep conversations about the world

what do i care about world events anymore

my world is a lonesome place filled with barbs and daggers in the shadows

i used to race to get home to her

been so long i stopped going out for fear of running into her

funny how life throws a wrench into the best mislaid plans that way

not funny in the way that makes you laugh

but funny in the way you laugh instead of letting the sorrow peek out at you

cause that road is better left untraveled

unraveled

disheveled

the girl at the drive thru asked me if i had big plans

i made some kind of joke that made her giggle in the cutest way

my daughter didn’t approve

she wants me to get a sugar momma

i told her i couldn’t get a base model momma

she gave me a sad look and said i just didn’t see the offers

she’s probably right

hard to see what you don’t look for

so i take a sip of tea and wish it were stronger

wait for the pills to kick in

stare out the window and watch the planes fly by

they’re off to better tomorrow

i’m wondering if i’ll even wake up tomorrow

like plucking roses from a grave site

all i smell is rotting