spinning plates

an amateur plate spinner moving on intuition between the poles sensing a wobble before the dishware plummets a chain reaction leading only to calamity like a sparrow feeling the atmospheric pressure dip a sign of a storm early warning letting them take wing letting him move from pole to pole seeking to keep the entire […]

numb

woke upon the numbsideof the bedthe constantacheshiveringthrough myskull tofinally settlein my jawsnappedmy synapticresponseleaving meblissfullynumbconfortablydumbsipping coffeeas the cloudsthreatenrain. each timei wokein the darkknees tochestunwilling tofeelthe surgescoursingcoarselythroughmy bone prisoni beggedthe cosmosto take awayyour painto ladle ithappilyupon mineto let mewallowwhile yousoar. i speakto theemptinesslingeringbetween ourmouthsshufflingbarefeetthrough theshattereddreamsand echoedprayersbest leftunheardin thiscacophonousswirlsoftly givingwords tomy desires. woke upnumbedto the endlessachesrunning callouslythroughthe absenceof […]

we now return you to your scheduled break down

the walls are leaning in staring at me with a hostility usually reserved for self deflection the ceiling is bowing down pressing on me with a weight usually reserved for self reflection i am trapped in a loop of migrating migraines a thousand nettles a thorn of crowns around a frowing fool in a state […]

droughtful

it has been pouring for the last couple hours lightning lighting up the dour night of constant pattering drops assaulted by thunderous doubts all of the hard work i accomplished during the day feels emptied of value as the headache cinches tightly the non-stop precipitation feels like ball peen hammers against my throbbing temples. i […]

slug pt 1

as he slept the shadows crept into his darkened bedroom they surrounded him sleeping unsound in a cocoon of broken tragedy one of the shimmering pools of black produced a small jar a set of tweezers and last but certainly not least one wriggling slug which was carefully dropped directly into his ear burrowing deep […]

orange maw with razor teeth

already deafened in the right side when the screaming began outside sending shivers of white noise to scrape down my all engulfing ache he was four foot nothing and around two hundred pounds pushing a large neon orange colored circular saw across the concrete of the cracked parking lot the blade screeched into the overcast […]

april showers

april showers are supposedly the root cause of may flowers but march came in like a lamb and went out like a bipolar yeti the world sleeps and i find myself trapped in this box listening to the lackadaisical tune my entire body tensed to spring as soon as the lid pops open it’s cold […]

3 card migraine

buried beneath an avalanche of ocular obsolescence he didn’t know when it first became an apparent abhorrence but every deck of cards he ever bought came with fifty one jokers yet never a solitary queen of hearts ill suited to gambling as a negative balance prevents the hope of fiscal dexterity just tired of paper […]

ache

every line leavesa piece of my sorrow,roughspun silk, to drapedown your thrummingache. a filthy kite stringconnecting tragedies,burrowing blow flies inthe dessicated heartof passion. i would gladly holdevery broken soul tightlyto my steam powered heartin hopes of sealing thecracks. but i cannot, so ileave a trail of discardedodes to litter the highwayscattered bits of souldanderemptiness.

it’s late a(n)d i love you

the kids are sleeping the world is silent except for the wind the bastard never seems to stop howling even as everything is at peace; i am staring up at the ceiling cold and miserable my face hurts my ear hurts and the goddamned words ~my usual salvation of sorts~ well the cursor keeps flashing […]

pressure

the pressurebehind my eyeshas the worldin a falsesense of half speedas i struggleto containthe rapid eruptionsraging throughmy inner ear so i dothe only thingi know i throw everypiece of mybroken intoloving her letting go ofthe acheinflaming myevery otherinsipid thoughtpouring accelerantover the infernoshe igniteson my everyraging desire

no sun today

the clouds are thick angrily tossed over everything and it seems the sun ain’t gonna rise today the chimes sound apathetically in monotonous tones as the coffee sits steaming and forgotten a new day begins as the pressure shifted from cheek to ear sending shivers of ache along the petulant day fell asleep with your […]

cocoon

i struggle the ache throbbing through my tender wrapped in this silent cacophony a warm cocoon struggling against this metamorphosis seeking only to become entangled in you

an ache

there is anache it seemsto beginin my leftshoulder bladewhere it knotsalong my neckbefore stabbingdirectlyinto my brain a red hot bladethrough the butterygelatinspiked withchemicalsdelusionsand other sundry things but it begins withan ache somewherein that gapwhereif i werea real boymy heart wouldhangin an ivory cageinstead of thissawdust sackfeebly spinningin condemnation

aspiration

the fartherinto my personaldisillusionmenti stumblethe moreseem to be calledby thisillusionary sensethat my brokenis a tragedy which justshowcaseshow sadthe world iswhen truthis seen asa revelation we spendso longsearching forthe right lightingthe right anglethe right filterto make ouruglysomething the worldwill perceiveas beauty we loseourselves we give awaythe bestpieces of ourselvesfor the fleetingadoration ofa world waitingfor the nextstimulito […]

dumbo octopi

they dart around my head shadowy octopi with fluttering ears propelling themselves through the humid air of early morning dissonance writing in duplicate seeing in triplicate lost in the waves of this ocean bearing down down down on the battered fool in desperate need of relief she comes over the horizon draped in gossamer golden […]

twenty one gun

the ache {rattles} through my hollow bones [scurrying] through the empty expanse within my skull faint…echoes…from another pain(another flame)another oligarchy /drenched/ in emotional sins there is no (heaven) greater than the one manifest in you there is no (hell) greater than the distance between this ache in acid etchings along my spinal collapse the sky […]

undoubtedly fine

it appears my fragility was just the precursor to agony the drums began rumbling within the vacant halls in my skull a steady staccato that has risen to deafening tones i fell asleep at one to be woken at three to lay to lie telling myself this is fine this is fine i stood in […]

(un)found

the world keeps spinning irregardless of the wobble in my heart. there is a lesson there but i am not nearly smart enough to find it.

dreamstench

the days when depression grips tightly in that lovers embrace of tragedy beguiling the effervescent waves of wildflowers and pomegranate daydreaming when she clutches the back of your neck with sharp talons breaking flesh in crescent moon shaped reminders of how there is so very little that remains in this world that can match her […]

dear diary

dear diary i can hear her laughter, when I close my eyes it is as if she is still here, her feet on my lap as we absently tap on our phones, just the contact necessary to be united it’s so empty, both in here and in my chest, as if she pulled out the […]

be careful what you wish

and there the fool lays finally home finally back in the one fortress of solitude after so long away the tortoise ripped from the shell to find a bucket to hide in from the rain. and there the fool lays unable to find a position to grasp onto sleep he so desperately seeks in the […]

acheanddesire

the echos of ache and desire transcend time and space waves of reckless abandon floating across the aether in sync sinking in, the depths of agonizing space between two souls vibrating at the same frequency call out to one another

a murder of her design

where once lay a heart now just a fist sized mass of tumors and scars a copy of a copy the original torn out consumed by ravens another jewel set to rest upon the crown that sits so lightly upon her head crowns and crows of love tinged with loss the spring wind carries the […]

somewhat

a pulsating traffic jam driven directly into the aorta no less consensual a hypodermic filled with angry bees shot directly into the trachea mainlining electricity from the junction box a lightning bolt epidural two meteors on a collision course with a cantaloupe hovering just on the edge of consciousness screaming underwater in bold type italics […]

2100

take my eyes, just know you accept her smile burnt into your mind take my heart, the arrhythmia taps out her name in a constant need take my soul, a lodestone that pulls in whatever direction her heart lies just burn me into ash and spread them across the ocean, let them eventually wash up […]

70°

seventy degrees on a tuesday at the beginning of february seems like a waste of a beautiful day early february is meant for cocoa and cuddles and a crackling fire maybe that is the midwesterner in me maybe i just crave human contact

never where

my disinterest is like a hammer and pinion upon the rocky crags of your tainted disapproval i shall continue to climb escape your feigned emotions cast like a net but as vapid vacant as your eyes we both know i was just a passing fancy a pitstop a temporary fix until the next marker on […]

troubles of today

i stumbled to the bar, in hopes of finding myself in the bottom of a glass or twelve, seeking absolution in stringent spirits for sins as yet uncommitted the snow up to my knees but a fire burning in my chest, the cigarette clutched in deadened fingers the only light in the darkening evening the […]

s(i)mile

it’s cold and wet like a dog’s nose empty like my mother’s eyes so i paint on a smile like a clown pretending it will be okay

(un)titled ache

does it ever stop hurting does the ache ever stop or does it stay jammed in the back of the throat forever and ever like the words i never said forever lodged behind the tears that never stop falling

(un)titled sorrow VI

it is cold in here the emptiness seems to compound it wherever you are i hope it is peaceful warm happy that the sun shines down upon you the ravens of sorrow do not mar your view there is a murder of them circling overhead here untouched by the cold

wishing

she asked me where does the sun go at night i could have said nowhere it stays in place it is us that moves this chunk of coal spins in place while spinning around her she only seems to travel across the sky when it is the sky that is moving but there is no […]

every other

sunday night is the worst night of my life i drop them off return to silence forget what happiness means takes two weeks to adjust to sorrow and silence then i get them again relish the love until every other sunday night strikes again

locket

near empty just a few seeds rattling about inside salted earth beneath toxic clouds above feels like lately all there is left is waiting for the crows to pick away what’s left still got life to live but it is fleeting still got dreams but they are fading an image of you distorted over time […]

just south

right at the edge of human limits of belief just beyond sanity normalcy somewhere just south of crazy that is where poetry creation love resides i’m so tired of regular life wanna go insane together

1251

at one time i felt important not essential but like maybe i mattered the reality was it was a misplaced misread misinterpreted mistaken feeling in the end i really wasn’t the sunshine fell like rain, but each ray somehow missed him, a perpetual shadow forming around like a cocoon, the warmth of the day missing […]

rubber duckies

i stay up all night unable to sleep then i use the sun as my pillow miss out on the whole day what in the world happened to me it used to be drinks and drugs and ladies and fun now it is a bunch of melted rubber duckies oozing down the drain

six sevenths

over the span of seven years every cell in your body is replaced six more and maybe i’ll no longer crave your touch the ache has reduced by one seventh but six sevenths is still too much

my(self)

i don’t feel like myself which in a perfect world would be wonderful but somehow this is worse it would be funny but new me doesn’t seem to remember how to laugh

archery

her words spoke of love of hunger desire arrows launched across the great divide but this division cynical derision tainted fletching send the fledgling volley spinning to the dirt in a cloud of mislaid emotion she spoke softly with great passion infusing every line with still heart beats sounding silently throughout the night but the […]

when i grow up i’m going to be inconsequential

some days the words flow like a winding river coming easily a feeling of serenity as they pour into the world fully formed other times it is like ripping pieces off my soul poetry flows it is just an extension of the emotions already bubbling under the surface an outlet for the overwhelming feelings that […]

in the mo(u)rning

all i have left is the empty bottle of pills and a need for sleep i’m so tired of being alone in pain suffering silently it is no pain that is unique to me we all feel the crushing sorrow of alienation we all cry but as i look at the remains of the house […]

a vision of you

drops of blood in the clear glass of water cloudy swirls your fingerprints greasy reminders along every surface of my soul unpoetic unapologetic odes of once nevermore ash and dust little gray snowflakes caught upon the tongue all that remains cardiac discontent water turned scarlet ebbs and flows small tendrils still clear this open wound […]

take as needed

another day where everything is wrong and the skies are gray and my heart is empty and brain feels numb another instance of wondering why why did i bother to wake up why am i pretending to live why is this ache so deeply cracked into my flawed facade of a human desperately trying at […]

haunted

the bed is shaking again, hovering two feet off of the ground and steadily rising by the time i fully wake to realize what is happening my face is pressed against the ceiling all i can do is go back to sleep mental note to self, buy more whiskey and salt all the cupboards are […]

just words

i write about the things that don’t exist, the things i wish existed, the thoughts i never share of love and she and gods and dreams and life to be lived and words meant to be given but they are not love poems they are missives sent to the vacant sky above in hopes when […]

new constellations

do you remember staring at the stars that night lying on the hood of the car, still warm as the chill air surrounded us watching our breath blow clouds into the sky orion’s belt seemed cocked at a funny angle and we laughed that could have been around his feet as lupus and lepus pranced […]

a man

he is a man and all that means he is confused comes out fists swinging emotionally stunted he doesn’t cry he doesn’t show pain he is the rock he is a tornado a force of destruction he is a man and all that means he is bile he is hate he is anger raining down […]

dear whoever

hello been a while since i wrote a letter, so bear with me as i remember the curves and diction necessary to form the phrases of conversation hope things are good for you, that your dreams and wants are exceeded by a bountiful harvest of joy that when you wake to the kiss of golden […]

no cinder

this life beats me to a pulp and all i can do is curl up in a ball and let fate dry fuck me into oblivion i picture you and it all smooths out a little this a part meant hell this impossible need for more in a world of dwindling hope you shine like […]

everything is normal

feels like the world shifted one degree to the right, to the left and i wouldn’t have noticed everything is perfectly normal but not like it is more difficult to put on the mask or maybe i want to see what it is like without but i’m afraid how does everyone do it so effortlessly […]

fade

i could use a glass of wine, red or white, doesn’t matter just a starter need a tumbler of scotch, ten or twenty five years old just to take the edge off drink away the misery, how i want to drink away this pain, just let take a drink, before this world makes me fade […]

miami

she smiled at me and took my order, her blue eyes and tight frame in the short shorts and too tight t-shirt balancing out the long blonde hair and all too kissable lips her accent singing with kentucky sweetness as she smiled and reached up and softly turned my earring, lamenting how it had gotten […]

undiagnosed

the earth shudders beneath my feet the building trembles and the oceans seem to pull themselves as far from shore as possible in an instant calm falls all falls silent a pressure seems to be mounting can feel my heartbeat in my ears the reverberation sets off alarms panic rises and the air feels thick […]

971

she asked for a face to face to face the face i face when i close my eyes and the faceless faces of past pain stares into my eyes through tears and barely restrained restraint i strained to face disdain and stain evaluating the reevaluation of revelation and evangelical restitution she, a different she than […]

bleached

i have taken to drinking bleach in an effort to whiten the lies, to soften the cries, in the hopes the agony dies misery loves company yet i always find myself alone ironic in the sense irony is irrationally less iron than silt tragedy breeds insolence and apathy, but i could care less, a self […]

cataract

she turned to face me one last time our eyes met and even through the tears that streamed down my cheeks capturing and multiplying the sunlight into a prismatic glare i saw her mouth ever so faintly whisper one last time i love you and then she drove away i wanted to scream to beg […]

folded

he is an origami bird folded into the form of grace but lacking in true substance a blank vessel allowed to be formed by another’s hand no one ever asked him what he wanted to be maybe he was content as a blank piece of paper wanted to be the canvas for a sketch or […]

with fins circling in the distance

i dreamt and in that dream i dreamt we were on the beach in front of crystal blue water and on that beach in front of crystal blue water we fed each other dates and pointed at the fins moving about in the distance stomachs full of dates and pointing at the fins moving about […]

she and he

the sweet melancholy grips me i should be used to it’s embrace be able to shake it off ignore the smell of roses the gentle prick of the thorn but it has roots in my every cell tiny tendrils of sorrow it permeates my very breath she her no is it wrong to assign a […]

plumage

dancing from shadow to shadow keeping the time with the music in his head avoiding the stares, the mischevious eyes, the judgemental ones they wouldn’t understand this freeform flow of aquatic limbs on dry land the heaving sighs choking on air it is beyond their capacity for reason his dried up gills and dorsal finite […]

where the fool feels weary and sore

the poet illiterate is in a weird place his words keep singing but his feet don’t feel like dancing to the guilty rhythm the bare nerve endings and the onslaught of salty mist is unbearable he needs more and not more of the nothing he has grown accustomed too he tires of the same unfulfilled […]

lovely day for a funeral

she pulled up in a hearse the windows tinted nearly opaque and as she climbed out, her legs in torn stockings and scuffed black heels on her feet, a veil covering her face to hide the running mascara with only her quivering lips exposed the black dress tight and showing off her body and not […]

scrutiny

i asked her to put me a pedestal not a place of honor just a place far enough away that the cracks wouldn’t show with too much scrutiny a poorly lit corner at a safe distance don’t pick me up i fear the sharp edge could cut your gorgeous hands don’t hold me too tightly […]

peripatetic

these calloused fingers and scarred knuckles have seen some miles not content to settle in one place a wanderlust of incremental repairs that stretch the states of illinois, texas and plausibility used to steady movements mastered over time soldering components onto green wafer boards transistors, diodes, capacitors and all forms of resistance forming the pathway […]

for one

tiptoeing across the graves of the not so recently deceased, masoleums of lives gone past, gone passed, gone too soon the stench of decay like expensive perfume, permeating and penetrating and passively erasing all olfactory common scents wilted roses in a vase, dessicated and distracting from the flickering reminders of what was supposed to be […]

paradise by immolation

got a head of bad ideas and a heart of broken promises spread the kerosene across the floor strike a match take my hand and let’s spin until the fumes makes us dizzy dance as the timbers collapse around us i’ll catch an ember on my finger tip like a firefly you look beautiful with […]

a flower a ship a forsaken

a lone flower in the heavy summer air it’s head droops low towards the ground too much for the stem to maintain a lone ship deep beneath the surface of the raging sea it’s bow broken and settled into the silt too much water for the holds to maintain a lone man at the edge […]

walking contradiction

the outspoken and friendly introvert that hates every word fumbling out of his fool mouth seeking to make love but knowing the process is flawed by his inaccurate touch scared of the love he so desperately seeks wanting a cure all for what ails him but unable to swallow the pills that get caught on […]

dissident

i’m a dissident wearing a khaki green pea coat over my ché graffiti T-shirt with torn jeans and scuffed up combat boots no i’m a real dissident recognizing ché for the animal he was and considering him deserved of an unmarked grave in the mountains he wasn’t the romantic figure he is made out to […]

hushed tones

the silence is palpable, thick and oily and coating everything been throwing plates against the wall, bowls, you name it and they rebound with nary a sound i place my ear to the wall, like tonto would place his to the ground, and feel for vibrations i sense life moving through the wall the lucky […]

greasy black smoke

i’m an artist and my skin is the canvas upon which i perform menial tasks wielding a razor blade like a paint brush broad strokes subtle definition trace the pulse faster and faster swore off selfies already know what the result will be laser trip wires cover the floor spastic pastiche a ballerina with degenerative […]

keep em coming

it was a dream had to be i walked into the nearly pitch black bar with a terrible thirst smoke filled the air that song i really like by sturgill played on the jukebox “they call me king turd up here on shit mountain, if you want it you can have the crown” i was […]

falling in reverse

he hit her this morning not with his hands but with words i heard them squabble outside my bedroom window woke me from a dead sleep it was the furtive whispering that finally mined through the wall of sleep and pulled me to consciousness a low hum increasing in pitch muted yet deafening i threw […]

endless

woke up into a dream, a seamless transition, running through the park, dark footsteps shadowing my own, heart racing, sat up in bed glad the dream was over, got up to get a glass of water, only my bed was floating over forever clutching my lion blanket, my constant companion since my childhood home burnt […]

dancing alone

there’s a tripwire running from my brain to heart, strung with care down my spinal column and lined with explosives dilligently monitoring for any signs of emotional disruption from daily business all it takes is a flutter do you know how hard it is to operate on yourself to rip yourself open saw through flesh […]

anxiety this mourning

anxiety filled this morning feels like angry hornets racing from my right ear to my left stinging across the inside of my skull the air is so still and heavy in here they are welding three feet away and it smells like what space is supposed to smell like burnt steak and ozone sizzling and […]

workman’s lament

i wonder if one day i’ll hang up my work boots never to wear them again me and my comfortable vans from then on out or will i be that old angry man barely able to tie my boots or bend over without pain dreaming of retirement that will only come with a box in […]

fireflies dancing (900)

it rained molten metals a curtain of sparks showering the ground as if struck from hephaestus himself i luxuriated in them this swarm of biting fireflies dancing and bouncing off the hot concrete it amazes me still the lengths man will go to master the earth the metallurgy and near magic of electrical impulses did […]

salt water

i only drink salt water the only things i need to replenish are tears and sweat save the desalinated water for those that deserve it only eat food past it’s expiration date no point in fresh i like meal worms nutritional value through the roof i scurry from the light you shine like a cockroach […]

red cars

every car in the road was red at first i didn’t notice did i wake up this morning or is this a simulation am i in bed curled up next to her sleeping peacefully sated after a night of lovemaking and writing not on site at a job i hate already coated in sweat why […]

tripping balls from the hangman’s tree

woke up with acid in the back of my throat my uvula dancing in the bubbling liquid stress of bad delusions bad mental health bad options spent so many days looking for silver linings i forgot what it means to be me there are none if things are looking up i’m most likely hanging upside […]

thanks for lunch

my friend asked me what would i have if i didn’t have writing i looked at her and thought about it for a long minute well i’d have the sickness in my head still a million tales of heartache dancing in my chest anxiety and pain odes of love and pretty words of missed opportunities […]

her personal museum of once upon a times

she’s become a curator tiny exhibits laid out with what was once great care a fine layer of dust adorns them now like the first snow of the season when the ground is just not quite frozen she can barely remember the names just a certain resonance from each diorama here’s what’s his face sneaking […]

cinnamon synonym

i don’t like to think of it as hiding behind a self made wall i prefer to think of it as curling up in a candy coating of my own device not barracading the walls to keep others out but adding a perimeter to keep my thoughts in see i opened myself to another once […]

the ground had other ideas

to the new guy with my old flame that person that fell into an orbit i never wanted to be jettisoned from launched into space with a half empty oxygen tank and shattered self esteem tell her she’s beautiful as often as you can if you don’t think it everytime you see her that’s on […]

between shutter clicks

he stares at the photos in the book it isn’t about what he sees it’s what is missing the things that don’t show up in the frame what appears between shutter clicks he remembers things differently than the snap shots of suburban bliss his wife smiling at him he only sees the snarling face as […]

lonesome poet blues

i’d cross this entire country get my passport stamped around the globe wear holes in my trusty vans just to catch a glimpse of your lovely smile i’d write a thousand poems ink them in my own blood on billboards down the winding highways graffiti the mona lisa with your name just to let you […]

like plucking roses from a grave site

the kids are gone toilet is broken the rubber stopper broke free of the plastic doohickey took four allergy pills half dozen aspirin stomach filled with popcorn head filled with cotton not enough booze to silence the thoughts in my head shaved my head today after dropping off the kids figured why not at best […]

opening one cage while cementing another

she looked at me for a long moment, weighing the words before asking do you still hate me i don’t know what i expected her to say but it wasn’t that a swarm of knives flew around my mind unbidden, so many hurts and wounds and scars still forming no, not any more and never […]

easier to eradicate than medicate

i’m considering self lobotomy go full old school barbarism and drive a rod in through my tear duct eradicate the defective parts i hope that if we do it right the longing and sadness will disappear no more searching for the things i will never find erase the yearnings cause i’m at my wit’s end […]

home

i can never go home again not really not ever the first memories went up in smoke along with my red metal firetruck grandma’s house burnt in a failed suicide attempt by an aunt the longest stretch spent now condemned, radioactive, a wasteland there were spots so hot that the winter snow melted away the […]

between w and y

i miss you miss your smile and your laugh, the way you smell and dance when you think no one is looking in another life maybe we will find each other again i will see you across the room and something will click, we won’t have the same baggage, the same hang ups our eyes […]