i don’t like to think of it as hiding behind a self made wall

i prefer to think of it as curling up in a candy coating of my own device

not barracading the walls to keep others out

but adding a perimeter to keep my thoughts in

see i opened myself to another

once upon a time

and was rejected

judged unworthy of reciprocal affection

so i constructed a lego prison around my heart

scattered a few like caltropsmon the floor around me

and set fire to the feelings that only lead to ache

didn’t have enough kindling to start a proper blaze

just enough to allow hazardous fumes to pollute my breathing space

turns out it is something else i’m no good at

like being a human

or taking off the mask

you know how some people or kind and generous

not me apparently

so i poured the boiling sugar and dye onto myself

made a crystalline sculpture

sprinkled with imperfectionary sugar

and huddled inside until the searing pain alleviated

seems to have just abbreviated the me that was me into a him that’s no longer fit for conjunction

roadkill beef jerky straight from the shoulder

roasted and sauteed

stewing in my own juices behind the security fence around the yard

spent all of my lucre on liquidated memories

and with pockets filled with lint and regret

hitchhiked down the same road they scraped me off of

i’m a cinnamon synonym synonymous with remorseful pockets of stale air

pressure sickness from the depths in which i’ve sunk

cloyingly sweet and laced with pesticides

like a hollow tooth filled with caramel and cyanide

i’m the epitome of rudimentary sourly suckled silence

how many licks does it take to get to the chocolate center of a poet pop

the world may never care