tangled

this bed is too big for you not to be next to me though, if i am honest, a twin bed would be too far away as well. all i want is to be tangled with you.

searching the snow

she collected snowflakes the first snowfall of every season if she could just find two that were identical then maybe that would prove that somewhere out there in the dark night of her loneliness hopefully there was someone looking for her as well it’s been years but still she looks standing alone in a blizzard […]

colo(u)ring

i feel more(alive) coloring outside the lines find more(beauty) in the spaces between rather than the atoms(vibrating) in lonesome anguish in a world of filters we lose sight of what is real only to realize that(ugly is beautiful) in misunderstood brush strokes when watching raindrops on a glass door the enjoyment is (in the) variance […]

lost in a darkness of his own doing

there is a radiation pulsating from somewhere between my fourth and eighth chakras causing spasms in the tenebrae film coating my third eye using echolocation to find the sliver of joy hidden in the craggy misery like broken teeth of giants that burst from the desolation permeating the sacred seals the blind journey made by […]

invertebrake the system

he is no longer able to tell which side of the ice shelf he is on under while slowly drowning or above suffocating from cumulative fears so he wills himself to sink to fall farther from the rotten center in which he spends his days he wishes he were a squid boneless color shifting able […]

winter wonder(land)

she stabbed again and again with the blade made of ice so in the end there was no trace of the means to this end just another puddle of red diluted down to a sheet of black ice on the highway of lonesome travelers searching for home on a dead end lane she wanders with […]

five

the world is blanketed in white mist as rain teases from above there are too many souls roaming endlessly in pursuit of that which is freely given yet hidden behind facades and here i sit wishing for five more minutes with you

raven eyes

those moments before the sun rises when the world is stirring but has yet to open it’s eyes the chill breeze blows with a hint of rain the random car sputters sleepily towards the beyond it is a moment of peaceful reflection tinged with rejection a time for deflection before the sunrays pierce the void […]

la luna distaccata

he stood naked in the tall grass firing shots at the moon while growling about unrequited love it was not nearly the stretch it should have been between my disbelief and my total understanding the brass fell hot to the ground while the goddamned moon just hung in the sky fat and aloof part of […]

destitute

resistant to change irrelevant in the grand scheme the vestibule for the venting fool lies on the river’s edge ranting to the ravens that circle overhead the poor man’s poor man sits destitute once again

sullen sunset

a lonesome heartbeat echoes out into the heat of early evening a ping like a sonar bouncing back to show an empty ocean devoid of life a derelict vessel lost on the waves of another sullen sunset at sea the albatross rides the wind above as he writes another missive to float in a bottle […]

jettison

he jettisoned the artificial atmosphere out into the vacuum of space in a sudden flash of insanity he had grown tired of the endless nothing hidden behind thick shielding that protected from solar radiation gave in to the soft call of oblivion whispering in the loneliness of the capsule halted gasps as his eyes pooled […]

uncelebrated

it’s father’s day weekend to all the fathers out there trying their best telling lame puns cooking out for the family here is to you mother’s day is about jewelry and flowers father’s day is about the middle of june my dad is dead my kids won’t be here another celebration spent uncelebrated watching the […]

by

in the echoes of memory stand the ten time ten daggers of heartregret the ancient wounds of unreclaimed reticence in the junkyard of broken hearts lie the eight time eight monuments to monumental failure drawn in honeyed dream in the hospital of whispered odes sing the six by six bloodwound choirs that scream inchoate rage […]

park

the park is quiet for such a lovely day the sun is shining the wind is light and feels good across the freshly shaven skull her image is all i can see her smile is the sun her whisper is the wind all i could want yet here i sit watching life go by around […]

outskirts

outer edges of the great cityscape is always kind of a surprise to this city boy all the amenities of the city but space i like noise, trains and traffic, dour faces and congestion, tall buildings staring down at me in disapproving ignorance it’s the space the bothers me like being trapped in my head […]

weakend

it’s another lonely weekend another lonesome walk down the socio path gonna head to the laundromat cause the washing machine is still dead take a trip to the farmer’s market watch the families happily stroll and buy fruit hit up the thrift stores search through other people’s memories write poetry about the things that i […]

Poe.m

if i stop moving sit perfectly still the only sounds are the raven and the ceiling fan sputtering futilely there should be peace in this then tell my why the loneliness is so thick so pervasive so persuasive so my heart is fortunato this emptiness my wine cellar slowly brick by brick i erect a […]

faraday

he carefully constructed a faraday cage around his brain to prevent the intrusion of any thoughts not concurrent to his own soon he dwelled across the world in insular idiocy as the lessons of others were no more than gnats to his peripheral content with the genius of one whose only understanding of genius is […]

maybe hank was right

the goddamned neighbor’s dog is yipping and clawing at the door because i made the mistake of taking out the garbage and alerting it to the presence of life outside it’s domain the lady down the hall called me meester mike and handed me a plate of tamales ever since i fell from a tree […]

clueless

i am clueless when it comes to the opposite sex i don’t know how to play games i don’t assume so unless things are spelled out for me i don’t know what is happening this is why i will die alone

(un)titled loneliness

alone bloody knuckles from striking the wall this ache it tears at my insides like barb wire a need for more in a world that only knows how to take it is all too much to take to process to handle to make sense of alone with thoughts that no one should have this fire […]

cicada

this is not a love story not another desperate plea for acceptance not me opening my heart to another empty room the beat of the dessication in time with the ebbing silence unseen unheard uncaring this is my love turning into a cicada burying itself in the cold soil for seven years awakening to find […]

70°

seventy degrees on a tuesday at the beginning of february seems like a waste of a beautiful day early february is meant for cocoa and cuddles and a crackling fire maybe that is the midwesterner in me maybe i just crave human contact

wrong blood type

she has two small puncture wounds on her neck no reflection in the mirror we only meet at night i have never seen her eat i would be suspicious but it is just nice to be wanted to be paid attention to to feel as if i exist or it was last night i told […]

(just)dreams

sometimes i dream of other states geographical mental emotional i dream of her of wildflowers in her hair my reflection in her beautiful eyes i dream of years gone past not yet born i dream of dionysus exiguus the man who determined when anno domini began i dream of celebrating in a different state with […]

(mess)age read

sometimes when the loneliness is too strong i text myself just something simple wondering where i am how things are going i never text back i am too busy being miserable

deeply(shallow)

the river bed never sleeps yet settles for eroding the banks. that feels deeper than the shallows of my mind allows. as i sit and ponder the broken promises resting in the inky black.

old joke

there’s nothing quite as sad as seeing a grown man crying alone on his birthday except i suppose being that man it’s like that old joke something something he will probably die alone

paste

seven point six billion people on this planet then why do i feel completely alone call it depression this ragged feeling of inconsequence or maybe i woke from a dream and it is reality grinding me to paste

fear(alone)

instead of being alone perhaps out of fear of it i was willing to change aspects of myself to better suit or maybe camouflage the parts i despise but is it better to be with someone in another guise than to be alone as myself that is the quandry no one has all the answers […]

reaching

this insular feeling of sorrow radiates beneath the surface of us all suffocating the best parts of us until we hide from the light so sure we are the only ones that feel it darkness and pain as interwoven in our souls and spirit as the need for love and laughter as you sit crumbling […]

dismemories

she didn’t remember me, no, she didn’t forget me either, instead he chose to dismember me with her mind looked past the times of smiles and joy, the laughter, the love i once thought we shared but she so selfishly kept as she walked away she remembered to tear it all apart in her mind, […]

she sings to me

on nights like this i hear the sadness echo off the rooftops the lapping waves of an ocean of tears, cold as the fan hits my face i scribble on the walls and then try and decipher the meaning of them through blurry eyes the wind through the leaves like the rattling of bones and […]

“P.O.S -“Faded” and a haiku stack

walking alone outside headphones in, try not to scowl bass rattles my skull steph raps to my soul as my hand reached out for yours but you are not here he pleads he needs more i feel the words echo deep hit repeat and zone lips move silently is this reality or another bad dream […]

words

i try and make love to words because of all the lovers i have ever had the words were always the best and no matter how they cut they never actually tried to kill me i worry one day that they will leave me as well, like every other lover who has seen the real […]

wrong material

the fastest way to a woman’s heart? it isn’t words, those have always failed me no matter how flowery even if they come from the heart it isn’t gifts, not even hand crafted with attention to detail and made from the heart the fastest way to woman’s heart is a path i have yet to […]

glacier

i don’t care anymore she is a myth, a manifestation of my sorrow and loneliness she can fuck right off along with the rest of the world checking out stop the ride i want off i’m sorry but i’m not just done with it all thanks for all the nothing trapped within a glacier of […]

drunken depressive sonnet

an eagle up high, majesty in flight me, a mouse huddled in the thick tall bush the setting sun, purple accents of night at the edge of a cliff, fearing the push the rain falls, thick wet drops, hitting, splashing the sky spits it’s rage, of thunder, anger roaring and booming, lightning is flashing illuminate […]

drifting deeper

feeling erratic and circling the drain scrapped one hundred and twenty pages to start all over kaada and patton bacteria cult on repeat strings and gentle humming fill the room as words flow like blood from an open vein soothing the savagery of tearing apart a tale and building with the entrails making messes in […]

for one

tiptoeing across the graves of the not so recently deceased, masoleums of lives gone past, gone passed, gone too soon the stench of decay like expensive perfume, permeating and penetrating and passively erasing all olfactory common scents wilted roses in a vase, dessicated and distracting from the flickering reminders of what was supposed to be […]

didn’t say a word

remember when i said i love you the words spilled across the silence of the room and just hung there the stillness of it all you looked like a deer in headlights and I could see you seeking any exit any path away from those three little daggers aimed at your heart shot with the […]

fugue state

the head cold connected to the sinus the sinus connected to the inner ear the inner ear controls equillibrium and the idiot want to be poet falls and hits his head insult to augury congregation, we are gathered to witness the last dying dregs of his immortal pride as he wakes, wrapped in his blanket […]

dirty ugly me

antiseptic, antisocial, all these detrimental disinfectants and antibacterial ointments scattered across the countertop, the harsh light bringing forth every imperfection feels like we live in a world where everyone should be in a bubble, afraid of our shadows and microbial dissidence he sat in his car, staring at the red front door across the street, […]

familiarity

when our lips first met it seemed they had known each other all of their lives we were clumsy and awkward but our lips knew exactly what they were doing, our tongues knew each other intimately, yours had the taste of booze while mine was minty from the gum, together it had the effect of […]

nodding off

the thoughts of sleep and invisible stares of mouths agape and spiders spelunking all just bleached reef in the brainpan ocean, the lazy breeze of insolence and remorse, walking down the green mile with head held high solemn glares from the families of the victims watch from the viewing room the warden in a slick […]

hushed tones

the silence is palpable, thick and oily and coating everything been throwing plates against the wall, bowls, you name it and they rebound with nary a sound i place my ear to the wall, like tonto would place his to the ground, and feel for vibrations i sense life moving through the wall the lucky […]

vicariously

my tank is empty today unless a screaming banshee if a head ache counts if so i’m full to overloaded stressed and depressed roaming alone everyone i know is either ecstatic or drowning the drowning far outnumber the happy use our hands to dance across the placid surface of the lake we the forgotten doomed […]

true story time

one time, years ago at this point, i was alone at the bar, a pint of guinness and a shot of whiskey sat in front of me, the dark grain of the bar, combined with the thick lacquer reflecting the neon signs dimly back at me insert generic 70s song in the background, fading into […]

gravity is exclusionary

awoke on a desert island on a mountain top in a cave at the bottom of the ocean lying in a crater on the moon perched on a branch in the rainforest and in a box six feet deep and steady sinking lower my stomach drops as my head floats in a stupor more aloof […]

salt water

i only drink salt water the only things i need to replenish are tears and sweat save the desalinated water for those that deserve it only eat food past it’s expiration date no point in fresh i like meal worms nutritional value through the roof i scurry from the light you shine like a cockroach […]

red cars

every car in the road was red at first i didn’t notice did i wake up this morning or is this a simulation am i in bed curled up next to her sleeping peacefully sated after a night of lovemaking and writing not on site at a job i hate already coated in sweat why […]

a week of todays

i’m still in bed the fan blowing on me and the need to get up and relieve my bladder at war with the dread of starting another day considering a catheter maybe a bucket but the damned bag would need changed or bucket need emptied and if I can barely make the effort to stand […]

the dragon and the fool

she was never the one to intiate contact normally she stayed in her armored cocoon even though her beautiful wings were fully formed not to say she was ever a caterpillar become butterfly she was a gem encrusted dragon emblazoned with the scars of life and i was never a dragon slayer nor tamer nor […]

not strong enough to ignore it’s call

this incessant throbbing antibiotics and witchcraft coursing through my cheeks i curse the pollen a pox upon nature herself these microscopic indulgences that feast on torment rendering innocence into half formed photographs of insolent rage i begged for sleep and the inner cacophony chose to warble dulcet tones of stabbing across my prone form this […]

one pixel at a time

i know too much about serial killers and electricity read too much dream too much write too much i like meaningless things obscure trivia random thoughts and sitting in the dark staring at nothing hate being alone for extended periods tend to stay alone for extended periods thinking about things odd things sad things how […]

cinnamon synonym

i don’t like to think of it as hiding behind a self made wall i prefer to think of it as curling up in a candy coating of my own device not barracading the walls to keep others out but adding a perimeter to keep my thoughts in see i opened myself to another once […]

between shutter clicks

he stares at the photos in the book it isn’t about what he sees it’s what is missing the things that don’t show up in the frame what appears between shutter clicks he remembers things differently than the snap shots of suburban bliss his wife smiling at him he only sees the snarling face as […]

disharmonic wailing

everytime i close my eyes i see the words take shape i’m exhausted but as i lay here contemplating a nap to be somewhat more functional all i can think is write write write and i don’t know why it isn’t like this puts food on the table there’s no measure of satisfaction in a […]

who can say

my love for you is the epitome of simpler times I love you like saturday morning with a bowl of cereal and cartoons like the rooster crows and the farm comes to life i love you like turning sixteen and driving down country roads with the music too loud free at last i love you […]

the back of a stranger’s hand

i like riding the bus not much in the way of public transportation down here though so i guess i like to remember riding the bus and the train there is a small train here only a few stops but i enjoy taking it downtown or up to mockingbird station not much of a view […]

unfortune cookie

found a fortune cookie in the cupboard while searching for something to quell the savage rumbling i had been attempting to ignore been in bed all day reading couldn’t fathom a single reason to rise nor shine like a thick cloud layer over suburban splendor more aptly smog over an urban death zone just another […]

like plucking roses from a grave site

the kids are gone toilet is broken the rubber stopper broke free of the plastic doohickey took four allergy pills half dozen aspirin stomach filled with popcorn head filled with cotton not enough booze to silence the thoughts in my head shaved my head today after dropping off the kids figured why not at best […]

always the same

erosion corrosion fading away swaying decaying always the same the rain falls from bright blue skies not a single cloud in sight ground laid bare under solar radiation fat droplets soaked up as soon as they hit the thirsty ground he sits in his chair watching it all happen this is how he lives watching […]

easier to eradicate than medicate

i’m considering self lobotomy go full old school barbarism and drive a rod in through my tear duct eradicate the defective parts i hope that if we do it right the longing and sadness will disappear no more searching for the things i will never find erase the yearnings cause i’m at my wit’s end […]

if you squint

she looked at me and laughed as i sat on the couch in my boxers you’re not bad looking from across the room, if i take my glasses off, she said between giggles i’m an adonis if you squint, i replied as i sucked in my gut and tried to affect a look of disinterest […]

sometimes

i put on some jazz as background music and decided to ight was as good as any to write and i stared at my phone the bass plucked by righteous hands, and the brass sounding like an angels chorus and i stared at the screen of the damned phone bill evans hit the keys and […]

co-dependence day

it was independence day last year when we plastered on our fake smiles for the final time the scrambling to hold the pieces of us together had worn us past the point of our flames exhaustion we swam and did the things normal people do while denying the cracks in the facade were canyons, insurmountable […]

shelved

there are days i feel less like a person and more like a possession, owned in some way by phantom hands it was unbeknownst to me that i had ever been purchased, there have been occasional rentals, used and using in symbiotic fashion for pleasures or as a stop gap measure to beat the loneliness […]

absence

two weeks with my only tethers to this mortal coil, my progeny, my shattered soul made whole managed to make it home, the roiling mass of tentacles, the curling ball of sorrow like acid etching the back of my throat before collapsing in a heap it is quiet now no noise to muffle the frantic […]