fear(alone)

instead of being alone
perhaps
out of fear of it
i was willing
to change
aspects of myself
to better suit
or maybe
camouflage the parts
i despise

but is it better
to be with someone
in another guise
than
to be alone
as myself

that is the quandry

no one
has all the answers
especially
one such as myself
who only
has more
and more
questions

but
lately
i have been
so lonely
so tired
of myself

but the person i am
has finally begun to see
his goals close
to fruition
would i give it all up
to not be alone

that is the real question

one i cannot
fathom
the answer to

the nature
of human nature
is to deny our true natures
molding
ourselves
in the false image
we wish the world could see eagerly shedding
or
hiding those pieces
we wish we could
destroy

but those hidden
truths always find a way
out
into the light

these ghosts of who i am
the spectres of all i have lost

instead
i have to live in make believe
of finding someone
willing
to tend this graveyard
of a man

i am all out of change
and
make believe
though

there is a lesson here
but i’m all out of learning
as well

2 thoughts on “fear(alone)

  1. It’s understandable we question ourselves when the light we saw or believed that kept us going, in some days or even most days we wonder is it an illusion after all? and yet, we are pushing through and chose to believe the guiding light…

    Liked by 1 person

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