undiagnosed

the earth shudders beneath my feet

the building trembles and the oceans seem to pull themselves as far from shore as possible

in an instant calm falls

all falls silent

a pressure seems to be mounting

can feel my heartbeat in my ears

the reverberation sets off alarms

panic rises and the air feels thick

shaking with frenetic energy

forgive my negativity

i’m an electron baby

looking for a covalescent bond with a special nucleus

elliptical orbits

over oxygenated peroxide blonde blinders

differentially speaking

tsunamis forming off the coast

let it rain

half full half empty vacant eyes and silver linings

rank and file

rancid and defiled

egotistical idiocy

the light at the end of the tunnel an optical delusion brought on by oxygen deprivation and fading pulse

so sure there is more out there than the dirty diapers piling up along stairwell

thick clouds of fat black flies with irridescent green eyes

swarms of vermin

raging as the sun goes full supernova

spf thirty thousand applied liberally drives the conservatives mad

global warming brought on by greenhouse gas

justice

just us

as the world ends for the third time this week

all american incidentals

infidels and insecurities

double time half steps rendered pixel by pixel

a band aid on a bloody stump

i’m speaking my mind

it isn’t my fault you can’t understand polysyllabic speech patterns

let me slow it down

ladies let your light shine bright and illuminate the disaster masterpiece of incoherent regurgitation

i’ll be here

sipping a molotov cocktail as it falls apart

a quark in a world of atomic dysentary

reading russian literature as the gestapo kicks in the front door

slip and slide out the escape hatch

gott ist tott

a gleichnis

resistance and regimen

relegated to the bargain bin rendition of insanity in an attic as recited by cocaine and deep seated indifference

achtung

piso mojado

as it all comes crashing

down

the master of disaster ceremonies

all i want is to lay in bed naked next to you

holding hands as the floodwaters take everything away

hold you tightly as it all fades away

sing a lullaby for this fractured reality

pretend i believe in happily ever afters after all

tired of sleeping alone in this prison cell of cellular decay and non-existent cellular coverage

no bars

not on this phone not on this cage

dry county underwater

my head is all over the place like kennedy on commerce street

no longer certain if it is bipolar

this disorder

this screaming laughing crying fit

itchy trigger fingers grip the mercury switch and all signs point to go

i just wish one of the voices yelling orders in this empty room took a time out and saw with clear eyes

a last bastion of hope

ceremonial hari kiri

septic from failed seppuku

praying for the end

but so desperately craving one more chance at joy

mental dissidence on autoplay

is this the end

6 thoughts on “undiagnosed

  1. my silent heartbeat and negativity
    forming egotistical delusion
    drives all insecurities
    I’m here
    in and out of insanity
    all disaster
    no hope
    mental dissidence
    on autoplay
    is this the end

    Yeah. To say I love this would be an understatement.

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Sometimes i tire of vapid odes and wish to play and experiment. My handwriting is attrocious (word of the day I think, I like the roll of it.) But I would write in geometric shapes or draw a maze write a poem that could be read in any direction. This was in the before. In the now I just try to trick myself

          Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s