i wish those words were meant for me

so much

have you ever heard something so sweet and thought it would be the most amazing thing if they were aimed at your heart

that happened today

like when you are sitting alone and see someone wave and smile real big and confusedly think maybe it is someone i know and as you raise your hand that person behind yells hi

love that

except you wish that person knew you

want so badly to be worth their time and attention

even when deep inside you know you aren’t

you’re a nobody

clearly they are important

so you get drunk, again

knock over a liquor store, not for the cash but the cheap thrill

the smell of fear

the adrenaline rush

you are a junkie for it

life has kicked you around enough over the years that you have had enough

and if happiness is too fucking much to ask for then maybe a crime spree

so i bought a ski mask and plastic gun

put the smiles in the bag, every last one of them

and tell her i love her

tell her i tried

let her know every single word of joy was meant for her eyes only

and that i’m sorry