spans

an ember slowly turns to ash as it rides the thermals to land casually in the corner of an unsuspecting eye. through teary discombobulation the dissolution of reality becomes less hypothetical fully embracing the disaffected disinterest of atrocious dystrophy. but sometimes a good cry is all that spans the void of suffering.

another sip

and lo the fool sipped from a battered clay mug the most exquisite cocktail of neurochemicals with a fragrant bouquet of intoxicating sorrow layered depression he had had his fill long long ago yet damned idiot he is he lifts the mug for another sip

long thought deadened

my overwhelming curiosity battles my natural instincts to stay hidden in my cave this has always been the case my best friends knew that I would vanish for weeks at a time to try to get my head straight or ride the wave of inexplicable sorrow the constant struggle of the introverted extrovert today the […]

krakatoan scar

i get a little moribund when the air is cold and the rain won’t stop fucking falling i get a little antisocial when the words choke me yet all i do is stare at the blank screen there’s this krakatoan scar across the insides of my eyelids like an afterimage of her smile you can […]

hostile solstice

the reports listed it as just another yuletide suicide another heartbreak for the holidays a mere blip on the radar of talk of peaches and tyrants an ink smear on the corner of the day a click to bait the tapping fingers of this doomed society while the festive garland is replaced with funeral shrouds […]

pointless

there is an ache a dull throbbing dancing along the left side radiating with every second no amount of tears alleviate this deep down sense of despair trying to capture smiles with a butterfly net to watch them sigh mockingly as they dissipate into heartache

ringless

the rings of saturn are melting ring rain falling on the lonely giant uv bombardment from solar flares causing the ice to melt liquid pulled into the magnetic force of number six in the planetary chain some things seem to be forever yet the trappings of eternity are as foreign a concept as emotional discourse […]

icy hands

do you feel the hands clawing up and down your pretty little soul the cold fingers scraping against the weak frail broken heart of indiscretion past the lone cry of the gulls circling the landlocked department store parking lot lost their way far from tha seas they were born to fly over been gripped so […]

biting winds of memory

rasps files graters across soft skin layer by layer exposing nervous condition bleak sorrow as saline solutions bring aching pain do you recall the sunrise when the breeze held the scent of hope the birds sang the flowers bloomed the world was in our hands do you recall the feel of fingers entwined stolen kisses […]

paint by sorrow

she painted the ocean with salty regret, a brush made of fingerbone and eyelashes, framed with the gilded cage in which her heart always slept as she sat alone on the couch the waters poured down her cheeks, a torrent of emotional discharge sweeping across the dark wood of the floor to pull her under […]

aproprose III

Two slices of toast. Lightly buttered. A steaming cup of coffee. A small glass of juice. He keeps eyeing his phone. Fingers twitch with need. His face emotionless. He sits rigidly in the chair. The birds still trill a song of life and light. Another car starts. Another. He sits with trembling fingers. He swipes […]

aproprose

The sky was gray in ambivalence to the procession beneath. Fat drops of rain fell with abandon as the coffin was slowly lowered in the six foot hole. The world was dreary, unwelcoming to light or to color. Even the single rose, crimson petals on the dark wood, was faded in the down pour. Long […]

fifty percent chance of sorrow

the rain threatens the day with it’s acidic promise of grinding the city to a stop, precipitous falling drops of pollution the gray skies reflect the emptiness in his eyes as he wonders if they stare at him or he stares at them the polluted flecks of misery dance along his corneas, elemental reflections of […]

Poe.m

if i stop moving sit perfectly still the only sounds are the raven and the ceiling fan sputtering futilely there should be peace in this then tell my why the loneliness is so thick so pervasive so persuasive so my heart is fortunato this emptiness my wine cellar slowly brick by brick i erect a […]

strained

her tears fell like diamonds to scatter amongst the fallen leaves of autumnal misery her sorrow made the angels weep to commiserate in the sullen pain of strained perfection it was as if every monet began to drip paint onto the marble floors of the museum mona lisa covering her face while sobs fill the […]

dreary

the sky looks how my heart feels, a rainy malaise darkening the dreary day no hint of sunshine, all light hidden away, a sepulchre cloth draped over the land candle lights sways in the morbidity of mourning, casting dancing ghouls i hear the ravens over head, skulking in the trees, watching for weakness to feast […]

calendar (complete)

(january) an ex was born this month, a mistake that led to two perfectly carved diamonds frozen broken huddled in a ball ripped and torn spikes of ice ragged wounds crimson ice (february) my father was born this month, flawed and brilliant, my hero despite my own actions shortness of breath wheezing spots in my […]

(un)titled ache

sorrow etched his face much like hard work callused his hands it was a part of him a defining trait like hazel eyes or a receding hairline he owned it his smile never reached his eyes carried that tinge of bitterness sarcasm flavored his speech self doubt was his cologne of choice it wasn’t his […]

deletion protocol

now attempting system override //cmd: run will to live protocol error: system incapable of processing request contact admin if issue persists now commencing shutdown of all non-essential functions love hope dream will happiness motor control initiate final solution hard drive deletion imminent commence cessation of all systems user profile erased from mainframe compete systemic failure […]

dance

i danced with a ghost tonight she had a famliar smile sad eyes that spoke volumes she stood awkwardly with a silent question on her face i stared back confused she nodded to my phone more, i guessed to the music it was playing hesitantly i turned it up she stared expectantly i bowed to […]

melted away

she came to me again last night i felt a chill travel down my spine when i looked out the window i saw her misty beautiful yet just out of focus staring back sadly at me a smile of infinite sorrow traced across her face i felt my heart break my vision blurred when i […]

black and lilac

it was a dream i know it was a dream the kind of dream you don’t want to tell people about the kind that stays with you the kind that fades and fades all day but there is a sliver that eats at the back of your head that grinds down on you it was […]

1570

started my day with a cry more an existential sorrow than anything else isn’t that strange nothing set it off just woke up and felt like maybe just maybe i should release the tears barely restrained maybe it was an overloaded tear duct or the headache that has become my constant companion but i started […]

sludge

her eyes leak sludge down her withered parchment like cheeks like turkish coffee spilled onto a newspaper the comics sit untouched neither of us feels like laughing

m(i)ddle

this constant looping ending has disrupted the natural flow of my story it has been so long since i can recall a new beginning just spinning around at the end of the middle or the middle of the end i don’t know where i am any longer but how i wish to savor a new […]

s(how)

my parents let the television raise me. we let the phones raise this generation. soon enough it won’t matter. because the planet will be dead. i guess we showed them.

(un)titled sorrow VIII

it weighs heavily today a stone wheel slowly grinding me from man to meat from flesh to failing sitting in my skull tap tapping away the many flaws from cracks to crevices bending hope to hopeless obliterates as it alliterates casting dream to dreary i soak in the piss warm waters of wavering wistful wants […]

(un)titled ache

does it ever stop hurting does the ache ever stop or does it stay jammed in the back of the throat forever and ever like the words i never said forever lodged behind the tears that never stop falling

(un)titled sorrow VII

right at the edge of a break down feet dangling over this cliff barely keeping myself together there has to be an end to this falling in love is a form of suicide impossible without u and i as the sorrow strangles and engulfs me peering into the shadowed abyss

(un)titled sorrow VI

it is cold in here the emptiness seems to compound it wherever you are i hope it is peaceful warm happy that the sun shines down upon you the ravens of sorrow do not mar your view there is a murder of them circling overhead here untouched by the cold

(un)titled sorrow III

feel trapped on this carousel. riding the narwhal with a rainbow horn. always right behind her. never gaining. the warped mirrors make it feel like falling behind while staying in the same place. just going up and down in circular logic. too much cotton candy and popcorn. not enough substance.

(un)titled sorrow II

hope is a feather in a pile of used hypodermic needles love is an unanswered prayer littering the trash bin of purgatory the sky was the blue of sadness painted above him with uncertain hands, the sun a marble of remorse reflected off the dirty windows of the closed strip club across the street, the […]

so you can soar

come to me rest your weary head upon my shoulder let your tears soak into me infuse me i shall take all of your pain your sorrow fold it into the fabric of my being allow you to fly once more you are not meant for this it is why i am here so you […]

weight

i read an article on the weight of a human soul wonder if mine is heavier due to sin does sorrow add ten pounds like a television camera or is mine drooping from gravitational pull i cannot say

wiggle

when i was a kid i wanted to wiggle my ears like fozzy the bear eventually i figured it out as an adult i want to learn to pull the tears back in to retrieve the words spoken in haste and anger all the false statements of forever but that is just a dream so […]

dancing shoes

the words sing a different song in this pit of despair a dirge i find it painful to dance along as blue skies spin into this black hole the soles of my dancing shoes have worn too thin for guilty hearts to glide in yet still they pull the strings my jerky movements a mockery […]

in the mo(u)rning

all i have left is the empty bottle of pills and a need for sleep i’m so tired of being alone in pain suffering silently it is no pain that is unique to me we all feel the crushing sorrow of alienation we all cry but as i look at the remains of the house […]

reaching

this insular feeling of sorrow radiates beneath the surface of us all suffocating the best parts of us until we hide from the light so sure we are the only ones that feel it darkness and pain as interwoven in our souls and spirit as the need for love and laughter as you sit crumbling […]

stoic

he sits silently always watching she stays just out of reach how he longs to sit and hold her closely yet it is not meant to be twice every three or so years they embrace in passing but all he can do is give a pale reflection of her light stoically his need is hidden […]

colorless

went down to the lake to watch the waves today the stormy skies mirrored the ashen waves it became disorienting trying to separate the gray above from the gray below did the rain fall or rise it seemed impossible to say equal parts my mind and my heart, both with an indelible ache, both turmoil […]

trails in glass

is he crying, choking on the words of sorrow, lost in reverie do they run down his cheek as he stares at the storm, unseeing the loss, trapped in himself, wishing it could all be different no, it is the reflection of the rain on the glass on his face it seems nothing more than […]

pretend

even in dream in a world of pretend when my mind is free to make believe it is an empty void while awake grand visions dance and frolic but when all is quiet it is that distinct lack of anything that smothers my head shhh no need to remind that she doesn’t exist let me […]

canary

my heart is a canary in a cage, my hands those of a coal miner, sooty black and covered in callouses i carry the cage in front of me, looking for signs of poisonous gas, when the canary dies i soon will follow, it’s a game we play every single day, walking the derelict shafts […]

tu vas me manquer

allow me my honesty stepping out methodically it’s just the beast in me cut off from reality awash with insanity a past of poverty flash frozen rigidity of what is and what will never be trying to sell my soul for recreational use, the wear and tear and all the abuse, the setting sun seems […]

haiku of sadness

it is summer here yet it is winter in me the seasons at war my mind in turmoil sad for no reason at all help quiet the noise just filled with aching broken by the gears of life just fucking stop it the whispering screams seductive as it calls out leaving only tears

depression tanka

twice damn you sorrow depression holds my black heart squeezing like a hug taking all that is happy and filling it with sweet doubt curse you for this pain bottomless flows of sadness damn you bitterness leave me alone for one day find a new joy to smother i already know the depths of your […]

i’m flotsam, she’s the ocean

she’s got a hold of me this morning anxiety the bottom rung of depression pouring in through cracks in the dam so hastily assembled like the little boy with his finger in the dike and just as imaginary as flawlessly recreated and flawed to fail spectacularly as the feeling of dread washes over me uncertainty […]

farewell, i fade away

what is it that you saw when you stared into my eyes was it hope or forever or just another lie i feel like an empty package just barely making it by beaten up in transit discarded like an ode to pomp and style how i wanted it to be you just you and how […]

dirty ugly me

antiseptic, antisocial, all these detrimental disinfectants and antibacterial ointments scattered across the countertop, the harsh light bringing forth every imperfection feels like we live in a world where everyone should be in a bubble, afraid of our shadows and microbial dissidence he sat in his car, staring at the red front door across the street, […]

nodding off

the thoughts of sleep and invisible stares of mouths agape and spiders spelunking all just bleached reef in the brainpan ocean, the lazy breeze of insolence and remorse, walking down the green mile with head held high solemn glares from the families of the victims watch from the viewing room the warden in a slick […]

an episode of twilight zone

sometimes i look for a camera behind the picture frame this can’t be my life i fell asleep and woke up in the twilight zone as i slept rod serling came out and introduced my episode tonight we take all happiness and joy away from this man when he wakes up everything good will be […]

843

some days are filled with need, others with regret, the peaks and valleys of emotion shift and rage like tectonic adolescence long ago he stopped trying to regulate them, to dam the stream, to damn the chemicals, to wrangle and brand the dissonance now he floats on a paper mache raft through churning rapids and […]

smoke and mirrors

went to a psychic last night before you ask no i don’t believe in any of it all smoke and mirrors illusionary medicine to calm a weary mind she offered palm readings and tarot cards it smelled of incense and herbs in the small candle lit room she greeted me and took my hand and […]

as the world crumbles beneath her

she’s barely holding on as the world crumbles beneath her the sun didn’t rise this morning it hasn’t for so long now she’s forgotten what the warm rays feel like everyday is filled with cold winds of regret and remorse but she keeps getting up continues to check and when the darkness is all she […]

lost in mistranslation

maybe english isn’t really my native tongue i speaks bits of other languages, a mutt of linguistical gymnastics, not enough to be fluent but just the right amount to offend perhaps i haven’t found my true language in the ocean of words that lazily laps the beaches of my mind what if the doctors implanted […]

absence

two weeks with my only tethers to this mortal coil, my progeny, my shattered soul made whole managed to make it home, the roiling mass of tentacles, the curling ball of sorrow like acid etching the back of my throat before collapsing in a heap it is quiet now no noise to muffle the frantic […]

between w and y

i miss you miss your smile and your laugh, the way you smell and dance when you think no one is looking in another life maybe we will find each other again i will see you across the room and something will click, we won’t have the same baggage, the same hang ups our eyes […]

Nyx

as told to me by Orpheus after a night of wine and song all praise be to almighty Nyx, for she is the beautiful goddess of night, one of the first of the many gods to take form from the fabric of being listen to her augeries, chanted and sprung to life in her adyton […]

unzip, words

enter the darkened cave clean up the mess the kids left carefully unzip and remove the skin suit humanity leaves until they come back no one else wants to deal with this mess of a person they have no choice in the matter until they get older and by then i hope we have the […]

books, words

i had raised her fingers to my lips the smell of books and ink wafted to my nose synapses fire recollections of lazy nights on the couch her laying on my chest as i read from one of the thousands of books scattered about lands far away blossoming to life we took a trip together […]

sunday evening, words

if i had it all to do over again knowing what i know the shit stacked against me, the broken hearts, battered soul and the way life beat me to a pulp i wouldn’t change a thing up to a certain point those two perfect kids i would go through every trial and tribulation exactly […]

beast friend, words

when she left she took the dogs i’m not a dog person i got them for her because, at the time, i would have done anything for her and i grew to love them pains in the ass they were always needing to go out or needing attention like rowdy three year olds and when […]

past passes by, words

maybe i have a problem letting go of the sadness because the cause of the sadness was what had made me feel happy if i let go of the sad i let go of the happy as well and in the desperate clinging to those few precious moments of joy i have to hold even […]

manilla hell, words

was looking for a book to read since sleep decided i wasn’t worth it’s time a manilla envelope fell from the shelf into my hand instead wish it hadn’t wish it had stayed tucked away hidden itself from my sight or that i had the brains to listen to my gut when it said don’t […]

no clever title, words

i wish those words were meant for me so much have you ever heard something so sweet and thought it would be the most amazing thing if they were aimed at your heart that happened today like when you are sitting alone and see someone wave and smile real big and confusedly think maybe it […]

rictus, words

over used dopamine receptors, drained of happiness, an empty vessel where a human once sat rigor mortis and rictus grin resistance of reoccurrence, reticent, regretful, riddled with remorse head hurts from supple waves of silent misery forgotten, forbidden, fostered from frigid fate a strapping male with more scars than smile lines past his expiration date […]

Cancer, a tale

“The cancer has spread throughout her body. She waited too long to come in.” “How long?” “Weeks. Maybe less.” “Weeks? What can we do?” “Keep her comfortable. It is aggressively attacking her.” “Chemo?” “She is too weak. It would only speed up the process. Look, I’m sorry to say this but you have to be […]

last rites from Lana, words

Lana always read my garbage and corrected my misspellings she would call me and ask what i meant she editted my idiocy and made it as readable as possible always said she was my biggest fan now as i hear her voice in my head and fix my stupid slop i feel the tears on […]

crossed, words

her ghost sat next to me on the floor she always loved to watch me meditate, wait until i was in a different place and whisper terrible things into my ear that didn’t change after she died of all my ghosts, her’s is the worst she led me to buddha with her insane ramblings of […]

lana, words

my friend Lana died this morning, i just got off the phone with her room mate i don’t know what to do she was the most wonderful person and i always told her she was perfect she would laugh that deep throaty laugh of hers and call me a fool she had been down lately, […]

happy birthday, words

it has been fourteen birthdays since i saw your face, heard your voice, got your advice i never told you how important you were to me nearly enough while you were here and i didn’t after you got sick because i refused to admit you were dying remember when we promised to see each other […]

First and Last words

i remember my first words and last words with all my former loves the middle is a jumble of declarations, lies, and inane conversations hardly important, but the first and last stay burned into my mind like beacon fires on the shore of a rocky outcropping they don’t lead to safe harbor though i can […]

cold hands, words

watching the world burn and pulling up to warm my hands, roast a few friendships over the open wounds of old flames asked the ouija board for answers, the spirits said try again later, my magic eight ball says that loneliness is my penance walking along the river styx, no pennies for the ferry, i […]

winter state of mind, words

skipping across moonbeams in this shadow dappled grass, a lone fat cloud drifts into view it has been cold lately, bitterly so as i am curled up in the bed alone, emptiness a reminder the wind moans it’s sorrowful tune, rattling the windows, a ghost in the night i clutch the pillow closely, the embrace […]

boomerang, words

i can feel the half moons of blood well up on my palms as my oversharp fingernails cut into them shaking fists and throbbing temples is it frustration or simple contemplation, a restoration, an emancipation, a declaration of love that will never be love is a broken boomerang i continue to throw hoping one day […]

Dust and Ravens, a tale

He stood staring into the sun, face set into a grin tinged with madness. That unblinking stare continued for what seemed to be hours. His black suit was covered in fine red dust blown out of the dry creek to his left. His shiny head glistened with sweat. The treeline to the right was sparse […]

Hope(less), words

can you remember a time without fear a time without sorrow can you remember what life felt like before loss before the bottom fell out the time when the world made sense, when truth was a real, when heroes existed and we aspired to be like them villians were cartoonish foibles, shadowy figures behind the […]