i’m flotsam, she’s the ocean

she’s got a hold of me this morning

anxiety

the bottom rung of depression pouring in through cracks in the dam so hastily assembled

like the little boy with his finger in the dike

and just as imaginary

as flawlessly recreated and flawed to fail spectacularly

as the feeling of dread washes over me

uncertainty

self doubt

drowning in six inches of water

unable to turn my head

chains wrapped tightly around my throat

blowing bubbles and hoping

against hope

without hope

this is the end

maybe then the feelings i don’t want to feel will fall into the current

swept away to another day

where i’ll be enough to fight it

everything is too much

this nothing that i live in

this void of ice and fire that flash freezes as it broils

and i can see no light

the exit signs flicker as they fade

i’ve abandoned dream

abandoned life

just to sink beneath this stream

i’m a pebble

not a rock

and my strength is trickling out

i’m a splinter

not a branch

all i have is incessant doubt

but she’s the only one that loves me

cradles me closely to her bosom

depression

how i hate you

and i love you

keep me buoyant

let me float downstream

toward the waterfall

and break me against the bottom

just drown me

in sweet memory

i’m flotsam

she’s the ocean

4 thoughts on “i’m flotsam, she’s the ocean

  1. Okay, so about two weeks ago I was attempting to write a love poem about well being flotsam in his ocean. But it just kept coming out so depressed and it wasn’t beautiful as I pictured it in my mind. The words just weren’t there. Now, here, you’ve said it so well…. except you made it better. The depression and love, love and depression. You express it so well. I’m glad I gave up because when you published this I would have thought, now *this* is what I wanted to say! So good, Mike. So very good.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, I have now thrown that piece of shit unfinished poem away… it was garbage anyway and I don’t think any amount of reworking would have made it magically into any thing better. I’m just glad that you were able to express what I wanted to. That feels good. To have it out there.

        Liked by 1 person

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