black and lilac

it was a dream
i know it was a dream
the kind of dream
you don’t want
to tell people about
the kind that
stays with you
the kind that fades
and fades all day
but there is a sliver
that eats at the back of your head
that grinds down on you
it was that kind
of dream

it was a bare room
hard wood floors
with sunlight coming in
from windows out of frame
it was the sound
of something creaking
that noise rope
tied to wood makes
as pressure is applied
it was that noise
it was a pair of feet
suspended
a foot off the ground
a lilac colored dress hem
it was me not looking up
not following the dress
not wanting to see
who the feet belonged to
part of me knowing
but abject refusal anyway
it was that

it was ten perfectly painted toes
black polish
my favorite polish
it was ten black toe nails
it was the lilac colored dress
it was the way the feet
dragged the air
as the black reflected
pinpoints of light
it was not following
the lilac to see the face
it was that image
the slow spin and sway
of the limply hanging dress
the clockwise spin of the feet
the reversal in lazy patterns
it was that

it was memorizing
the dusty soles as they spun
instead of
the vacant eyes above it not wanting to see the slack jaw instead teary eyed laser focus
on the lilac colored dress
the delicate ankles
anything
but looking higher
anything
but seeing that
now all i see
is me seeing
all i could see
without having to see
what i didn’t see
slowly killing me

it was a dream
the worst kind of dream
it would seem
the something stabbing
into your ventricle
kind of dream
a hitch
in your waking breath
kind of dream
a phantom ache
a missing limb
a malaise of depression
like a funeral shroud
hanging heavy
sort of dream
one of black and lilac

16 thoughts on “black and lilac

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