lost or found, words

he grew up on these same streets he no longer recalls

they were once so familiar

he could drunkenly stumble and avoid the pitfalls in near coherency

now he doesn’t even know the side streets

he is one wrong turn from a mess of trouble

he used to navigate these twists and turns like he laid the brick himself and now he is squinting to make out the block number

cruise control to cruise missile

he is tired

i see the slight limp from his sore left knee no matter how quickly he runs from it

time catches up

eventually

no number of supplements and magic pills stopped that

he is considering readers

he hated how it takes longer to focus

and now he cannot find his way home

just set it on his phone and follow the nagging voice and look on in wonder at how everything has changed

it’s been so long since he came here

it was a happy little memory of before

and now it is a confusing mess of before and after and everything changes and sometimes you change and it takes something profound to open your eyes to it

or something

it has all been falling apart

incrementally

you would hardly notice

it comes in the words

he feels like he is slipping

i see when he can’t find the right word, the one he needs and it tears at him

it eats at him

especially if he has to use one he feels he uses too much

he hates repeating himself

but certain scenes will not leave until he paints them exactly how they need to be painted

and he doesn’t have the colors necessary at times

in other instances he has too many and spills over and again

but the colors have all become a kind of grey sludge that lacks form and doesn’t stand out

and now he is lost and everything seems

out of focus

he’ll find his way home and laugh it off as just one of those things

until it happens again

i’m watching him

i’ve got his back

but he is a prideful one

prone to roaming off on his own with no notice

wandering down the sidewalk and greeting strangers and sharing things he shouldn’t

and not knowing when he is lost or found

just existing in the moment

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