illusion of forever

i’m not sure what i was doing the moment i realized i loved you

but i remember the world stopped spinning for a second

the lack of centrifugal force sent everything suddenly flying

and i flew with it all

cars and cows and perfect hydrogen bonded spheres of water floated weightlessly around me

and i stared in wonder at the joy of life i don’t recall ever having noticed before

eventually the world began to spin again and everything settled back into place

no worse for wear and unaware anything magical had even occured

except for me

i kept on going

higher and higher until frost formed on my lips and the lack of air made me dizzy

i soared higher than i ever dreamt possible

above clouds and avian predators lazily circling

above the planes filled with people sitting silently staring at their phones

the exhilaration of finding you meant no more would my feet have to tread the dusty ground

kicking rocks and cans

hopping mud puddles

i don’t know where i was that moment

but i know where i went

i’ll never forget where i was when it ended

as i swan dived from the ozone layer in near terminal descent

falling at the speed of heart break which is so much faster than light

engulfed in a temporal anomaly in which everything moved as if swimming through honey

but without the sweetness of your lips it tasted like ash in my mouth

all i could do was shield my eyes as the tears froze into horns of worked remorse as they streamed endlessly

i felt every molecule of gravel and dirt pierce my hands into my soft body

the crust gave way to mantle and i was swept on convection currents as i swept into the core

and no matter how i wished for an end to the agony of a life without you

the empty prayers to silent sky fathers and mothers that never shed a tear for me before

the terrestrial version didn’t either

and i relived every second of loss in a timeless space swimming through lava that cooked the dead heart in my chest

how long did i immolate in the loss of you

how long did it take to scratch and claw my way back to the surface

i don’t recall exactly where i was when i realized i fell in love with you

but i know the hell i have been in ever since you left

and all i can do is dream of flying again

but it won’t be with you

i know that now

the illusion of forever only applies to pain not love

3 thoughts on “illusion of forever

    1. I don’t do second chances with ex’s. It never works. I may forgive but I don’t forget and what ever tore it apart enough to end once will eventually rear it’s head again. Love, the ideal, is forever. I still love each ex in my own way. But not that heady feeling of permanence

      Liked by 1 person

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